It finally came on. After crying my heart out to him like a child on the verge of giving up telling his father that he cannot do what was asked of him, I could sit through the noise that came from the renovation going on in a neighbor's house some doors away and the cars and motors plying the road as the neighborhood woke up. It was 8 in the morning. Something came on that kept me in a state of calm and bliss for an hour I suppose. Earlier Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal had told me to bear with it as it was part of the practice that was required and that would lead one to the state of Gnanam. It was a process that I needed to go through and could not avoid. Neither could they airlift me and place me elsewhere more conducive and quiet to carry out the practice like I asked for.
As for the bodily changes going on currently, my body is a furnace. Then Agathiyar tells me that we need the heat otherwise diseases and illnesses will set in. I get chills and feel extremely cold one minute and extremely hot the next minute. Then all things return to normalcy to begin again after a period of time. The stools and urine expelled are scanty and though it makes me worried Agathiyar had mentioned that this is the result of bringing on the energies late in life.
Recently he told me that he has given me the best in life so that I can begin to look within. He has given me good health, pure thoughts, a heightened sense of smell, and tasty food (Yes my wife cooks so well he often reminds her to serve him food too). We are with you he says. "Practice is a must if one wants to become a Siddha. I have given Jothi (Jnana Jothiamma) tougher practices." Indeed she used to share how for instance she was vomiting as many as 32 times a day. Agathiyar was clearing her body of all the essence derived from consuming meat over the years. Agathiyar continued that what I am going true is comparatively featherweight to that which Tavayogi had to carry. Indeed Tavayogi had expressed his surprise openly to me asking me how I made it to Agathiyar easily while he had to search and look so many places before coming to him. Agathiyar asked me to ignore the external noise and bring out the inner music and engage with it. He added that that was my Gurus' wish too. Indeed Subramania Swami told a colleague who was visiting him that the din and noise from a motor workshop that had mushroomed overnight beside his kudil did not bother him the least. Agathiyar asks me to pay attention to my breath which I did this morning and it was so wonderful. The cold morning after the heavy rainfall throughout the night added to the conduciveness of the moment. When immersed in the breath nothing disturbs he added. Indeed for the very first time, I experienced all that was said.
கவனத்தை உன்னில் வை. நோயற்ற உடல். கழிவற்ற சிந்தனை. ருசிமிக்க சமையல். நுகர்வது அதிகமாகத் தந்தோம் யாம் உனக்கு. அருகே இருக்கிறோம். சித்தனாய் மாறப் பயிற்சியினை மேற்கொண்டு தான் தீர வேண்டும். ஜோதிக்கு இட்ட கடும் பயிற்சி விட எம்பயிற்சி இலகுவானது. தவயோகிக்கு இட்டதை விட இது இலகுவானது. புரட்சப்தத்தை பொருட்படுத்தாது உன் அக சப்தத்தை வெளி கொண்டுவா. அதுவே உன் குருவின் விருப்பம். உன் சுவாசத்தைக் கவனித்து வா. அதில் ஆழ்ந்து போகும் பொது புரட்சப்தம் தொல்லை அளிக்காது.