Does writing this blog and sharing my experiences boost my ego, or was it a sure means to bring fame to me, I asked Mahindren last evening when he dropped in on me. Formerly I used to ask Surendran who was an ardent reader of this blog back then if I was revealing too much. He told me that I was only sharing my journeys and experiences gained from these external journeys. Mahindren too relayed the same answer, though this time around it was the sharing of experiences taking place internally and nothing more. Now since Agathiyar asked that I share the experiences taking place internally, I was worried that it would be tantamount to blowing one's horns. But Ramalinga Adigal in professing what he had attained and his many conversations with God in his songs, did beat the drum. Recently in coming to us, he asked that we beat the drum and announce his arrival and that he will begin to speak publicly henceforth. But for reasons I am not at liberty to reveal it has been put on hold, though he shall address a small group in a small and much unknown place that is Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM). Agathiyar too had told me that he never wished for me to be in the limelight. He said that he would not expose me. It shall all be done without publicity. I guess the reason Agathiyar broke up AVM was to prevent a following in later years, though I never intended to hold on to the devotees and never expected them to turn up for every puja at AVM but instead to begin these pujas in their own homes with their family, relatives, neighbors, and friends so that the path shall grow and flourish. Tavayogi too had relayed his wish through Lord Murugan who told us that Tavayogi had desired to see each home turn into Agathiyar Vanam. But I guess as it was not moving at the pace and regularity that they had expected they had me restart my Pornami Puja at AVM and invite others. He said that he too shall bring others over.
When I uploaded videos of these blog posts on YouTube recently a devotee told me that she preferred to read the text rather than listen to an audiobook in this case audio posts. She added that everyone else was talking and giving speeches and uploading them and didn't want me to follow suit. I shall respect the concern of these true devotees.
One has to keep in check his ego at all times. The ego taints the soul and derails our true objectives, purpose, and mission. In doing charity too there is a possibility of empowering the ego thinking that we are the doer and it is our money.
In "The Soul of Man", published by Sri Ramakrishna Math, Madras, Swami Ramakrishnananda, writes of the ego, which resides in the three lower centers or chakras as man, when brought to be seated in its true seat in one's heart chamber, realizes itself as the soul and makes room for God to come within and share the seat. Coming into the heart chakra he opens up to the needs of others and the call of the divine that takes an equal seat with him in his heart's chambers. Overcoming the senses, the ego that maketh the man now realizes itself to be the soul."
When the "I" is lost, the Atma or soul is revealed. The website, http://www.ramalinga.com, sheds more light on this.
"He (Ramalinga Adigal) described a “Principle of Light” that is the unique one capable of producing this first transformation. This Principle has two important aspects: Compassion toward all the beings (paropakaram) and devotional Meditation (satvicharam). According to Ramalinga, the first of these aspects was the most important; if is acquired, the Grace will come easily. Hence the reason we are asked to be compassionate. By showing compassion to another, the grace of Erai is acquired easily, bringing us to the illuminative way instantly.
My wife told me that we were getting "high" doing charity and feeding. I guess that was the reason Agathiyar brought even that to a halt. Instead, he had us go within.
Swami Ramakrishnananda writes,
"Thus the man of charity gives up all his philanthropists works as he detects his blind ego behind all his actions, he dives deeper and deeper within himself in search of the lord of infinite love, and never stops till he realizes him in the region of his heart."