WE SHALL NEVER KNOW

The journey that started after taking up Agathiyar's call through the reading of the general canto of my Nadi on 14 December 2002 has been very fulfilling and satisfying. As I reflect on the journey some 18 years later, I begin to understand all that has taken place, and those that did not take place, the obstacles placed, the reasons for the delays or shelving of events in its entirety, etc. Heeding his call in the Nadi to come to his path and worship of the Siddhas besides continuing the worship of the other deities, I followed and went with the flow although all this was new to me then or so I thought. I had no idea who they were in the very first place. All I knew then was that the Siddhas had written about each living individual and that we could know about ourselves by reading our Nadi. What I did not know then is that my worship of Agathiyar had begun in a previous birth when my wife and daughter who presently are with me too and I used to offer the fruits we sold to the idol of his on the grounds of the Kutraleshwar temple, before starting the day's sale. 

I had no idea about their worship then. But as he had asked that I pick it up, providence provided for me to have the Nadi Guru personally introduce and show me to Siddha worship. I was given a small booklet of the names of the Siddhas to chant and a painting of Agathiyar after the reading and was introduced to the worship of the 131 Siddhas on 19 December 2002. Nadi guru Senthilkumar in a simple ritual known as Naadikku Dhanam or paying homage to the Nadi and its authors, the Siddhas, for revealing about me, recited their names while I submitted flowers to Agathiyar’s portrait. I picked up from there and continued the puja at my home, placing the painting of Agathiyar with my existing pictures of Gods and Goddesses at my altar and the gurus who adorned the wall. 

For one who was fully into Sariyai, I was excited and feeling elevated when Agathiyar commissioned me to build a temple for him. My joy was short-lived though for Sivabalan who accompanied us in the reading, revealed that I wasn't special and that Agathiyar had told this to fifty others before. Nevertheless, he encouraged me to do it if I had the financial resources as none took up the tasks. I went into full gear seeking out existing temples where I could have his shrine placed as I thought building one just for him was not permissible and possible at that period in time in 2002. But my request was rejected by the temple chairmen and committees. I soon gave up the idea. Today as I reflect on these rejections I see them as a blessing in disguise. I understood the reason I did not get the space in the existing temples to install Agathiyar through a message from Tavayogi in 2016 when a temple was being relocated to a bigger venue. Talk about adding on the idols of the 18 Siddhas to the existing statue of Agathiyar was going on. When Tavayogi was invited to give his view, he pulled us aside and told us that we should have sole ownership of Agathiyar and not wait upon the temple management and those tasks to open the doors to let us in and perform rituals and puja. Tavayogi told us that the key to the door to Agathiyar's shrine has to be with us and not with others. True to his words we saw obstacles placed between Agathiyar and his devotees later. I am glad that the temple committees rejected my request then. If we had not seen all the rejections and failures in life earlier, we would not be here today, a lot wiser. So any disappointment, rejection, or failures are a blessing for we shall never know what was the reason till later in life. 

Besides my parikaaram or remedies for atonement for my past karma that I did on 29 December 2002, that included prayers and lighting the ghee oil at the Murugan temple in Batu Caves, followed by prayers and distribution of food to the devotees to Lord Shiva at the Jalan Gasing Siva temple in Petaling Jaya on 1 Jan 2003, I was asked to perform a pilgrimage to India by Agathiyar. I was to conduct prayers and obligations at Utamar temple, Palur Sani temple, and Thiruanaika temple, all in Trichi according to Karma Parikaara Kaandam. I had to pray at the five elemental temples of Lord Siva, namely Kalahasti temple in Andhra Pradesh, Egambareswarar temple in Kanchipuram, Nadarajah temple in Chidambaram, Thiruanaika temple in Trichi, and Arunachaleswarer temple in Thiruvanamalai as stated in the Gnana Kaandam. I was instructed to go around the sacred hill of Thiruvanamalai during a full moon. I was also instructed to go to Palani Murugan temple. What I did not know then is that I was unknowingly brought to perform my very first annadhanam or an act of feeding by the Siddhas through carrying out and fulfilling these remedies. What I did not know then is that all these pilgrimages to holy spots do remove our karma to a certain extent although it serves its primary purpose in collecting credit and merits and enhancing and enriching our store of good karma. 

A group of devotees who were volunteers at the Agathiyar Sanmarga Sangam in Dengkil, an affiliate branch of the parent body run by Thavatiru Rengaraja Desigar in Turaiyur, South India, were at the Siva temple collecting donations for their charity programs. They stopped me at the entrance to this temple as I stepped out to pass me a VCD on the swami’s spiritual discourse. I picked the title "Tavam" as it captivated me and passed them a small token in return. What I did not know then is that I soon saw myself at their premises wanting to know further about the Siddhas. They were very helpful with their resources.  I made more purchases of books and talks by Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar on VCD's. But what was lacking at that time was rituals and worship of the Siddhas that I was keen to take up. I looked elsewhere for it. But it was only in vain for I did not get what I was searching for.

Wanting to know more about the Siddhas I searched for books on them in practically all bookstores frequenting them often to check if the proprietors had brought in new titles on the Siddhas. Each town I visited I would scout for a bookshop that sold them. I read much but then I could not understand nor comprehend much either. That is when I took the two tools given to me, Agathiyar's painting and the names of the Siddhas and began a solo journey.  What I did not know then is that there is the need to venture and perform worship of the Siddhas personally that brings enlightenment on the subject. We understand better with having the experience. The Siddhas drive us to do things that bring such experiences. They orchestrate the show so that we shall learn something from these experiences. Their divine play is for the purpose of putting on a show on a stage where we as actors would work out our role reacting according to the situation ad hoc. Few follow the script given that is the scriptures and sacred texts and act and live accordingly. Those who submit to them and surrender in all ways turn to adhere to this divine script.

After the first Nadi reading in 2002, Senthilkumar handed me a leaflet informing that his father and he were in the midst of building a temple for Agathiyar in Kallar near Ooty, South India in association with a saint named Taiveedu Thangarasan. I gave him a small token and kept the leaflet with me. What I did not know then was that that piece of paper would initiate me to seek out Tavayogi when he would visit Malaysia in 2005. Drawn to an advertisement in the local Tamil daily that carried a name that was similar to the one in the leaflet, I knocked on the door of the local peedham that was host to him during the visit. He was to be my Guru. I too would have fallen for and got trapped in the ideology, doctrines, and codes of conduct, if Agathiyar did not save the day. Agathiyar who showed me to this peedham to seek advancement in the path, rewrote my Nadi overnight, erasing the previous when I stood before Tavayogi for initiation as directed by him immediately after my second Nadi reading in 2005.

After inviting him to my home for the very first time in 2005, I was elated in having him at my home. I began to thank him graciously for coming over narrating to him that I had never had gurus at my home. But he blasted me instead telling me that I was wound up in Maya and think that he had something to offer hidden within his kavi or clothing. I zipped up after that, as we sent him back to the Peedham that hosted his visit to Malaysia, my heart broken into pieces, not understanding why he hurt me then. I too would have fallen for it, idolizing masters, if Tavayogi did not nip the arising thoughts in the bud. He stopped me from idolizing him but rather showed me to Agathiyar. But the bond was even thicker than blood after that. I began to withstand all the thrashing he gave me not through anger but in very subtle ways, through his choice of words at the appropriate time. He was to lead me on the path and I followed obediently. A wonderful relationship developed between the guru and his student.

When I visited Tavayogi at his Kallar Ashram motivated by his acts of doing charity I volunteered to sponsor food for the natives residing around the ashram. This was the start of my involvement with others in doing charity back in Malaysia. Tavayogi initiated me to start the ritual of lighting the sacred fire or Homam in my home on my own before coming over on his visit to Malaysia later in 2007 and fine-tune the process. Tavayogi taught us numerous Yogasanasa and Pranayama techniques during his visit. I put to practice immediately, working on it diligently. Prior to this, I had spent years learning them from books. He came to perfect it. Agathiyar came in the form of a bronze statue to my home in 2010 and I began performing the ritual of abhishegam or libation. I had stepped into the world of Kriyai or rituals that were the purview of the temple priests. Many years later this practice subsided on its own as I was geared internally to just sit in silence. Words refused to arise from my lips. Songs of praises stopped midway. I just wanted to sit still and quietly. What I did not know then was that unknowingly I was induced to move from external worship to that of internal. I was soon to learn about the other stages on this path, Yogam, and Gnanam.

After 18 years of worship to Agathiyar, Tavayogi, Supramania Swami, Agathiyar, Ramalinga Adigal, and the deities threw aside all protocols and have made themselves accessible to us. What had come to be complicated, confusing, and even made to look unreachable or unattainable over time, the Siddhas came back to guide us out of compassion, making it pretty simple. Both Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal keep telling us that it is possible to reach our destination in this very birth. They sent me to Supramania Swami first to learn about the guru-disciple relationship. Then they sent Tavayogi to lay the groundwork for us. Soon they came to monitor and supervise too, bringing the deities, rishis, munis, and others along with them. They all came to simplify and make it accessible reversing all the rot that has set in into this Marga. The rituals and teachings were kept minimum and simple. They seldom spoke about the results but only gave the techniques and asked that we put in the time and effort. They then came to question us and hear our experiences and only then did they either endorse them or otherwise. While others continue to seek knowledge, boons, gifts, solutions, and answers elsewhere, they moved us to refuse the offers and made us stop the search and look within for the answers. They have brought us to understand that all the answers are within and all we need to do is search within. These answers will be authentic and genuine for it comes from the self that has realized. The Siddhas have brought us from Vedantam to Siddhantam, from theoretical and academic knowledge to practice and live, walk and breathe the path.

The Siddha path is not a doctrine; it is a way of living, having no rules and regulations. Tavayogi broke it all. We shall follow in his path. Today I am happy that Tavayogi broke me of all attachments, not even to the guru so that I shall stand on my own. Both Supramania Swami, my first guru, and Tavayogi my second and last guru, did not have a following. I can proudly say that I was the sole student of the former and besides Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar, one of a few remaining students of Tavayogi, faithful to the latter after many came only to leave and desert him.

Whatever written in this blog is not common law. These are not teachings but a sharing of experiences encountered on one's journey. The intention in sharing is because the author in his initial search had such an appetite and hunger for knowledge and to know about the Siddhas but no information was made available then. It was rather frustrating in the days when I came to worship the Siddhas. Not much was revealed by those who have had an early start on the journey and had come to establish centers for Agathiyar. I sensed that either they were not willing to share or kept what they knew close to their chest and as deeply guarded secrets or were ignorant. There was an air of suspicion in them I sensed as to my motive and intent in coming. Neither did subsequent visits to these places draw me closer to them. People on the path were not willing to part with their experiences and knowledge. They idolized their gurus and masters and never ventured to know more or to become like them. They were comfortable in serving the master and gaining his blessings. Just as in politics, students took ownership of the master and placed protocols and red tape that became barriers or force fields that kept out new seekers. Masters too stayed aloft and never came down to the level of the students to explain in it simple terms.

My intent is not to claim to be a self-made guru. These are not teachings but one's experience garnished with Agathiyar's words and essence. As I sit in prayer a thought or subject comes to mind and I immediately note it for if I leave it for another moment it leaves me for good. Later I sit at my laptop to gather the references in support of the matter. I am always amazed when all the references are laid before me, even the choice of words come dictated. I rush to him and thank him for a wonderful post. Upon publishing the post, I go back to read and reread it. It is information for me too. It is knowledge to me too. Never was there a day where I had to think hard about what to write next. When Suren comes over or calls to have a conversation over the phone he ignites an interesting subject that I would love to write about. Similarly when Mahin calls over and we talk he starts the ball rolling giving me the ammunition to write on something. This is how Agathiyar has been sustaining me and this blog with all these writings. He has told me numerous times to keep writing. I take it as my duty to share the experiences and the learning we go through as we walk with Agathiyar that might ignite others to feed the flame that is ever burning in all of us. It is of no use to see the candle burn completely in giving light to others. It would rather be useful to light numerous candles before it sheds its form.  

KNOWING THY PURPOSE IN COMING HERE 2

I was introduced to Ramalinga Adigal's songs first by Sethu, a colleague of mine when he passed me a couple of audio cassettes containing some songs of the saint. I immediately fell in love with Adigal and his songs. As Sethu had only passed a couple of cassettes from a collection, I looked for the rest of the collection at numerous music outlets. I finally found the collection at a music outlet in Leboh Ampang, Kuala Lumpur. I purchased all that they carried on their shelves. It was sheer bliss listening to Adigal's songs set to music. Ramalinga Adigal's songs were pleasant to the ear and I used to listen to them for hours but they did not make much sense then. These was in the early nineties. 

Today as we walk his path and gain numerous experiences, we can gather what he went through. Even as we had listened and read his Thiruarutpa several times before, it suddenly dawns on us now that we are seeing similar experiences as narrated by him too. For instance, in his plea to the Lord to open "The Door" and draw aside the curtains or veil and show himself, and take Adigal into his arms and grant the merger, Adigal shows us the same route too.

திருக்கதவம் திறவாயோ திரைகளெலாம் தவிர்த்தே

திருவருளாம் பெருஞ்சோதித் திருஉருக்காட் டாயோ

உருக்கிஅமு தூற்றெடுத்தே உடம்புயிரோ டுளமும்

ஒளிமயமே ஆக்குறமெய் உணர்ச்சிஅரு ளாயோ

கருக்கருதாத் தனிவடிவோய் நின்னைஎன்னுட் கலந்தே

கங்குல்பகல் இன்றிஎன்றும் களித்திடச்செய் யாயோ

செருக்கருதா தவர்க்கருளும் சித்திபுரத் தரசே

சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

Ramalinga Adigal comes some 147 years later reiterating that "The Door" shall open and the merger is possible to all, though he added that we needed to place concerted efforts towards it too.  Then he surprises us by composing a song regarding it and singing it on the spot, and later explaining its meaning to us. 

"என் பெருமானே என்னுள் வந்து அருளிய ஜோதி அது....

என் பெருமான் அருளிய ஜோதி அது....

திரை எனும் திரை எனும் என் பெருமான் காட்டிய திரை அது....

என் அருள் அப்பன் அருள் ஜோதி அது...

சீர்ஜோதி அது பெருஞ் ஜோதி அது... ஏறும் பெரும் ஜோதி அது

என்னுள் அது ஏறும் போது திரை அது விலகியது...

என்னுள் அது ஏறும் நிலையில் ஜோதி அது ஜோதி அது...

திரை எனும் திரை அது அருட்பெருஞ்ஜோதி அது..."

திரை விலக உங்களில் இருக்கும் ஜோதி அதனை சுடர்விட செய்யுங்கள். என் அப்பன் அகத்தியன் உங்களுக்குள் வந்து அத்திரையை விலக்கிவிடுவார். அதுவே இப்பாடலின் பொருள். என் அப்பன் அகத்தியன் உங்களுக்குள் இருந்து வழி நடத்தி வருகிறார். அவன் வழியிலே நடந்து வாருங்கள். அத்திரை விலக்குவதற்க்கு அவன் அருள் புரிவான். அருட்ஜோதி உங்களை ஆசீர்வதித்தது. அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி ஆண்டவர் உங்களை ஆசீர்வதித்தார். செல்லும் வழி சரி. அகத்தியன் அருட்ஜோதியை நோக்கி அழைத்து செல்வான்.

Agathiyar has countless times told us that all our experiences, be it good or bad, is his divine play, and eventually shall bring us to attain Gnanam. In his "Agathiyar Gnanam" he reveals that it was Lord Siva's play in veiling the truth and it is also Siva who shall bring us out of this illusion or maya, bringing us from darkness to light as one won't know the light if there was no darkness.

தயங்காமற் பிழைப்பதற்கே இந்த ஞானம்
          சார்வாகப் பாராட்டும் ஞானம் வேறே;
மயங்குதற்கு ஞானம்பார் முன்னோர் கூடி
          மாட்டினார் கதைகாவ்ய புராண மென்றும்
இயலான ரசந்தனிலீப் புகுந்தாற் போலும்
          இசைத்திட்டார் சாத்திரங்க ளாறென் றேதான்;
வயலான பயன்பெறவே வியாசர் தாமும்
          மாட்டினார் சிவனாருத் தரவினாலே.

Hence we understand now the task of veiling that is stipulated as one of five undertaken by Siva, namely creation, sustenance, destruction, veiling, and showering grace.

Francis X. Clooney writes at https://projects.iq.harvard.edu/, quoting a verse from the Brhadaranyaka Upanisad I.3.28,

asato ma sad gamaya | tamaso ma jyotir gamaya | mrtyor ma amrtam gamaya  ||

From what is not, lead me to what is; from darkness, lead me to light; from death, lead me to what is undying. The chant is termed an “ascent” (abhyaroha) that leads the person chanting from this world—what is not, what is dark, what is mortal—to the divine world, what is, what is light, what is immortal. Sankara, the great commentator, explains at some length the process of assimilation to the gods that occurs here, as the person chanting comes, for a moment at least, to share their higher way of being. It is a prayer for passing over, to a new way of life. 

Ramalinga Adigal too says the same that it is all Siva's plot and that he saw through it and arrived at Siva's feet eventually.

வேதநெறி ஆகமத்தின் நெறிபவுரா ணங்கள்

விளம்புநெறி இதிகாசம் விதித்தநெறி முழுதும்

ஓதுகின்ற சூதனைத்தும் உளவனைத்தும் காட்டி

உள்ளதனை உள்ளபடி உணரஉரைத் தனையே

ஏதமற உணர்ந்தனன்வீண் போதுகழிப் பதற்கோர்

எள்ளளவும் எண்ணம்இலேன் என்னொடுநீ புணர்ந்தே

தீதறவே அனைத்தும்வல்ல சித்தாடல் புரிவாய்

சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

So we are in the right place and time where our soul sees its desires fulfilled, having the experiences that it had sought to live out. Slowly it realizes that all this is false and impermanent. It begins its search to know that which is one and remains forever. At that moment Siva comes has the guru to draw the curtain and show us our true self. Siva who veiled all that he created, expects us to know and experience the false before coming to know and experience the truth. When the veil is then drawn aside, he shows himself, and the truth dawns. Agathiyar has asked us to "Know thy self first, then you shall come to know me."

When Agathiyar came, I was surprised to know that he knew that Mahin and I had spoken about asking for Gnanam the next time he came around, over the phone earlier! Agathiyar was pleased with our asking I suppose for he went on to explain about Gnanam, telling us that, "Gnanam is not gifted but has to be earned and experienced." "When one goes within, as the journey brings upon these subtle experiences, these shall translate into and become Gnanam. As it defers from person to person, as such I cannot possibly define it" he says. 

நீ என்னிடம் கேட்டது ஞானம். ஞானம் என்பது நான் தருவதல்ல. நீ கற்பது. ஒருவன் தனக்குள் உள்வாங்கி அவனுள் பயணம் துவங்கும் நேரம் அப்பயணம் தரும் பாதிப்பே ஞானம். அவை ஒவ்வொருவருக்கும் மாற்றம் பெரும். ஆகையால் அவை நான் இதுதான் என்று சொல்ல இயலாது.

Ramalinga Adigal too only sought after the divine play or lila, that which results in Gnanam, he reveals. 

பொய்யுடையார் விழைகின்ற புணர்ச்சிவிழைந் தேனோ

பூணவிழைந் தேனோவான் காணவிழைந் தேனோ

மெய்யுடையாய் என்னொடுநீ விளையாட விழைந்தேன்

விளையாட்டென் பதுஞானம் விளையும்விளை யாட்டே

பையுடைப்பாம் பனையரொடும் ஆடுகின்றோய் எனது

பண்பறிந்தே நண்புவைத்த பண்புடையோய் இன்னே

செய்யுடைஎன் னொடுகூடி ஆடஎழுந் தருள்வாய்

சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

His only longing was that the Lord take him into his arms. This was his goal. He says he cannot contain his love and this desire of his any longer and pleads that the Lord take him. 

மணிக்கதவம் திறவாயோ மறைப்பையெலாம் தவிர்த்தே

மாற்றறியாப் பொன்னேநின் வடிவதுகாட் டாயோ

கணிக்கறியாப் பெருநிலையில் என்னொடுநீ கலந்தே

கரைகடந்த பெரும்போகம் கண்டிடச்செய் யாயோ

தணிக்கறியாக் காதல்மிகப் பெருகுகின்ற தரசே

தாங்கமுடி யாதினிஎன் தனித்தலைமைப் பதியே

திணிக்கலையா தியஎல்லாம் பணிக்கவல்ல சிவமே

சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

In Siva's administration, the Siddhas are tasked to help us come out of this illusion. Being compassionate by nature, and having seen through the illusion and having found their way back, the Siddhas had asked of Siva to grant them to show us the way back to him too and Siva granted them their wishes. Taking the hand of these Siddhas we are shown the way or path to come to the state of self- realization. Just as the world's governments conduct themselves, the rules of the day stand as nature's law, and numerous other mechanisms are in place to see to it that justice is served in Siva's land too. As the Siddhas had been there and seen through it, they show us short cuts, bring us to secret doors and chambers to enter and secret exits to make our escape, hasten the journey and evade the dangers. When in distress the rules are bent a bit and exceptions are made, they point out trapdoors, show loopholes, based on our pleas and prayers and case to case basis. Convictions and sentences are rewritten making it lighter and bearable. 

These posts are not teachings but its one's experience. You will find instructions given to me that I opted to share because in the days gone by when I came in search of knowledge and information I was let down, disappointed, and frustrated, as I did not get the answers to my queries and curiosity. Then Agathiyar sent me two wonderful gurus, and he himself stood as a guru too. Lately, he sent Ramalinga Adigal to help us too. These instructions given by my gurus were addressed to me and the few other faithful ones. These may coincidentally relate to one or two of you out there. These are not messages to the masses, as Agathiyar says each one shall have his own experience based on his desires and past karma. How he interprets and understands these experiences will vary, based again, on his past accumulation of knowledge and experiences and the lessons learned and gathered, thus far.

We are indeed blessed to come this far on the journey. Ramalinga Adigal tells us that it was only possible through the grace of Agathiyar, Supramania Swami, and Tavayogi. He says my gurus who have since left their mortal frame are trying very hard even as they are in the light form now to bring us ashore. My parents introduced me to Sariyai some 60 years ago, taking from their parents, my grandparents, and ancestors. Calling me to the path some 18 years ago, Agathiyar asks me to come to Kallar ashram and his abodes so that I could get to know him closer and better. With the coming of the gurus, he introduced and showed us to Kriyai where, from being a passive witness to many religious rituals in Sariyai, we began to participate and conduct rituals ourselves in Kriyai. Today he has asked us to drop all and move on to observing the breath, a pertinent and important aspect or anga of the 8 fold path of Yoga. We need not revisit Sariyai and Kriyai for we had conducted them well and to his satisfaction. We can now move on to the task on hand. Yoga shall lead one to Gnanam we are told. We are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are almost there.

KNOWING THY PURPOSE IN COMING HERE 1

We seek many things in this world as our very nature is that of inquisitiveness and curiosity. These can be the knowledge that brings us confidence that we know. Ignorance of a subject brings fear in us and we hesitate to venture. Experience teaches us to drop our fears. 

Then there is the basic seeking to sustain us in this world, beginning with appeasing our hunger, clothing us, and having a roof above us. Next comes the thought that if we had a vehicle it would hasten our journey having us save time that could be spent doing something else that needs equal attention too. And so we add on the comforts in life, moving away from our basic needs. Soon greed sets in and we go all way out to amass riches sometimes at the expense of taking other's share too. Then we find that we are caught in the very web of desires that we have spun around us.

Similarly in the spiritual circle, we go in with a genuine search to know God. Soon we are caught in Maya that spins a web around us diverting our attention from doing what we came for and rather attending to things that do not concern us. When we should learn and practice to let go of all attachments to both material and spiritual gifts that come along our way, we end up accumulating more here too, consoling ourselves that it is all right to receive them for it eventually belongs to the people. We fail to realize that these are traps set up to stall our journey, divert us to another path, and pull us further away from our initial and original desire in coming to spiritualism that is to know God and the Self and see a merger take place here.

Walking the spiritual path is often said to be akin to walking on a double edge sword. If we are not careful it shall cut us deep. Do not lose sight of your objective. Agathiyar told someone in our circle sternly to just focus and carry on what he has come to do and never concern with what was going on around him, even if the world was to be wiped out. 

Ramalinga Adigal was set on his objective, the reason he could achieve what he desired. His desire became that of God's too. It materialized into fruition. What did he ask for then? His song "Tirukkatavan Tirattal" charts out beautifully what we should all ask of God.

He pleads for the Lord to open The Door drawing aside the curtains or veil. This is what is beautifully depicted and is signified in the drawing of the curtain or veils of illusion or Maya that grounds us forever to matter, before the puja at the temple, and we take sight of the Lord in the form of Light, who resides within the inner chamber, again signifying our body and our heart respectively, and asks that the merger take place. He asks if he had desired to dress up like others, eat heartily, or seek other belongings. His only longing was that the Lord take him into his arms. He says he cannot contain this desire of his any longer and pleads that the Lord take him. "Did I seek pleasures of the world, I only sought your play, that which results in Gnanam' he asked further. Agathiyar has countless times told us that all our experiences be it good or bad that results from his divine play, eventually bring us to attain Gnanam. "I do not desire to drop my body as even those who adhere to all religious paths and faith do pass away. I desired to arise spiritually and you have lifted me granting me my desire. Please open the door and let me taste the ambrosia, and gain Siddhi or fulfillment and contentment in my venture" he pleads.

திருக்கதவந் திறத்தல்
tirukkatavan tiṟattal

திருக்கதவம் திறவாயோ திரைகளெலாம் தவிர்த்தே
திருவருளாம் பெருஞ்சோதித் திருஉருக்காட் டாயோ
உருக்கிஅமு தூற்றெடுத்தே உடம்புயிரோ டுளமும்
ஒளிமயமே ஆக்குறமெய் உணர்ச்சிஅரு ளாயோ
கருக்கருதாத் தனிவடிவோய் நின்னைஎன்னுட் கலந்தே
கங்குல்பகல் இன்றிஎன்றும் களித்திடச்செய் யாயோ
செருக்கருதா தவர்க்கருளும் சித்திபுரத் தரசே
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

மணிக்கதவம் திறவாயோ மறைப்பையெலாம் தவிர்த்தே
மாற்றறியாப் பொன்னேநின் வடிவதுகாட் டாயோ
கணிக்கறியாப் பெருநிலையில் என்னொடுநீ கலந்தே
கரைகடந்த பெரும்போகம் கண்டிடச்செய் யாயோ
தணிக்கறியாக் காதல்மிகப் பெருகுகின்ற தரசே
தாங்கமுடி யாதினிஎன் தனித்தலைமைப் பதியே
திணிக்கலையா தியஎல்லாம் பணிக்கவல்ல சிவமே
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

உரைகடந்த திருவருட்பே ரொளிவடிவைக் கலந்தே
உவட்டாத பெரும்போகம் ஓங்கியுறும் பொருட்டே
இரைகடந்தென் உள்ளகத்தே எழுந்துபொங்கித் ததும்பி
என்காதல் பெருவெள்ளம் என்னைமுற்றும் விழுங்கிக்
கரைகடந்து போனதினித் தாங்கமுடி யாது
கண்டுகொள்வாய் நீயேஎன் கருத்தின்வண்ணம் அரசே
திரைகடந்த குருமணியே சிவஞான மணியே
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

உன்புடைநான் பிறர்போலே உடுக்கவிழைந் தேனோ
உண்ணவிழைந் தேனோவே றுடைமைவிழைந் தேனோ
அன்புடையாய் என்றனைநீ அணைந்திடவே விழைந்தேன்
அந்தோஎன் ஆசைவெள்ளம் அணைகடந்த தரசே
என்புடைவந் தணைகஎன இயம்புகின்றேன் உலகோர்
என்சொலினும் சொல்லுகஎன் இலச்சைஎலாம் ஒழித்தேன்
தென்புடையோர் முகநோக்கித் திருப்பொதுநிற் கின்றோய்
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

இறந்திறந்தே இளைத்ததெலாம் போதும்இந்த உடம்பே
இயற்கைஉடம் பாகஅருள் இன்னமுதம் அளித்தென்
புறந்தழுவி அகம்புணர்ந்தே கலந்துகொண்டெந் நாளும்
பூரணமாம் சிவபோகம் பொங்கியிட விழைந்தேன்
பிறந்திறந்து போய்க்கதியைப் பெறநினைந்தே மாந்த
பேதையர்போல் எனைநினையேல் பெரியதிருக் கதவம்
திறந்தருளி அணைந்திடுவாய் சிற்சபைவாழ் அரசே
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

பொய்யுடையார் விழைகின்ற புணர்ச்சிவிழைந் தேனோ
பூணவிழைந் தேனோவான் காணவிழைந் தேனோ
மெய்யுடையாய் என்னொடுநீ விளையாட விழைந்தேன்
விளையாட்டென் பதுஞானம் விளையும்விளை யாட்டே
பையுடைப்பாம் பனையரொடும் ஆடுகின்றோய் எனது
பண்பறிந்தே நண்புவைத்த பண்புடையோய் இன்னே
செய்யுடைஎன் னொடுகூடி ஆடஎழுந் தருள்வாய்
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

கூறுகின்ற சமயம்எலாம் மதங்கள்எலாம் பிடித்துக்
கூவுகின்றார் பலன்ஒன்றும் கொண்டறியார் வீணே
நீறுகின்றார் மண்ணாகி நாறுகின்றார் அவர்போல்
நீடுலகில் அழிந்துவிட நினைத்தேனோ நிலைமேல்
ஏறுகின்ற திறம்விழைந்தேன் ஏற்றுவித்தாய் அங்கே
இலங்குதிருக் கதவுதிறந் தின்னமுதம் அளித்தே
தேறுகின்ற மெய்ஞ்ஞான சித்திஉறப் புரிவாய்
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

வேதநெறி ஆகமத்தின் நெறிபவுரா ணங்கள்
விளம்புநெறி இதிகாசம் விதித்தநெறி முழுதும்
ஓதுகின்ற சூதனைத்தும் உளவனைத்தும் காட்டி
உள்ளதனை உள்ளபடி உணரஉரைத் தனையே
ஏதமற உணர்ந்தனன்வீண் போதுகழிப் பதற்கோர்
எள்ளளவும் எண்ணம்இலேன் என்னொடுநீ புணர்ந்தே
தீதறவே அனைத்தும்வல்ல சித்தாடல் புரிவாய்
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

கலையுரைத்த கற்பனையே நிலைஎனக்கொண் டாடும்
கண்மூடி வழக்கம்எலாம் மண்மூடிப் போக
மலைவறுசன் மார்க்கம்ஒன்றே நிலைபெறமெய் உலகம்
வாழ்ந்தோங்கக் கருதியருள் வழங்கினைஎன் தனக்கே
உலைவறும்இப் பொழுதேநல் தருணம்என நீயே
உணர்த்தினைவந் தணைந்தருள்வாய் உண்மைஉரைத் தவனே
சிலைநிகர்வன் மனங்கரைத்துத் திருவமுதம் அளித்தோய்
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

திருத்தகும்ஓர் தருணம்இதில் திருக்கதவம் திறந்தே
திருவருட்பே ரொளிகாட்டித் திருவமுதம் ஊட்டிக்
கருத்துமகிழ்ந் தென்உடம்பில் கலந்துளத்தில் கலந்து
கனிந்துயிரில் கலந்தறிவிற் கலந்துலகம் அனைத்தும்
உருத்தகவே அடங்குகின்ற ஊழிதொறும் பிரியா
தொன்றாகிக் காலவரை உரைப்பஎலாம் கடந்தே
திருத்தியொடு விளங்கிஅருள் ஆடல்செய வேண்டும்
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.

REST NOT TILL WE ACHIEVE

After heeding the call and following the path of the Siddhas, what have I learned I ask myself? Taking up the call by Agathiyar through a Nadi reading, he arranged for me to witness a Siddha puja on the pretext of paying homage to the Nadi and its authors that was read to me. I realize now that that was my introductory lesson in worship to the Siddhas. Nadi Nool Aasan Sentilkumar of Avinashi who read the Nadi in Malaysia, in 2002, lead me on a simple recitation of the Siddha names and praise to them. Receiving a picture of Agathiyar and armed with a small booklet containing these names and songs I began worship to the Siddhas.

The following year I saw myself in India to clear my backlog of debts or karma accumulated throughout the numerous births I took. I was mysteriously aided by the divine forces in seeing through these remedies at selected temples shown by Agathiyar in the Nadi. These remedies included making donations to priests and the poor besides feeding them and the animals. I realize now that that was my introductory lesson in doing charity to others. Returning home it continued in many small ways.

Before I returned home Agathiyar showed me, my first guru, Supramania Swami too. A bond was tied and cemented between the guru and his disciple. The next two years saw me learn under his tutelage over the phone and through snail mail, though the vast Indian Ocean separated us. He showed me discipleship to a guru by example. I realize now that that was my introductory lesson in learning to pay respect to the Guru. He was the right person to show me by example on the guru-disciple relationship for he has had 5 gurus over various periods of time.

In 2005 Agathiyar shows me to a guru on the Siddha path. I met Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal in Malaysia. A bond was cemented and I followed him to his Kallar Ashram a month after he returned. He took me to the abodes, caves, and jungles where the Siddha moved and stayed in, including the caves and places he stayed in while traveling as a mendicant. I was given the rare experience and shown numerous miracles that saw my belief in them strengthen. Tavayogi taught me the rituals in the worship to the Siddhas, something he did at his ashram grounds too. I realize now that that was my introductory lesson in undertaking rituals. Armed with worship and acts of charity, also shown by him, I took them back into the confines of my home and my streets respectively.

The year 2006 saw the demise of my first guru. Agathiyar passed me on fully in the care of Tavayogi. The years 2007, 2008, 2010 saw Tavayogi making further visits to Malaysia where I spent much of my time in his company. Tavayogi introduced Yoga officially to me and several others in 2008 by gifting us, in the words of Agathiyar, "a treasure." Agathiyar then sent many youngsters to my home beginning in 2013 to witness the rituals I undertook. They began participating in the ritual puja and charity too. We progressed under the guidance of the gurus, their teachings, and through practices given by them. We saw many transformations that came by walking the path. These were both in the body and in the idealogy behind the Marga or path. Soon belief turned into undisputed faith in the Siddhas. With that came numerous offers of gifts, positions, and powers. But we chose not to accept them.

Having taken their word as gospel and traveled the path, traveling some 18 years now, following all their dictates and directives that came through their Nadi and through the gurus and through others, we then came to a crossroad upon the demise of Tavayogi. With the gurus going into samadhi, where do we head from here? With the Nadi reading becoming more spaced out and far apart, who do we turn to for guidance? We can either stop where we stood and stagnate, carrying out what was shown and taught to us, doing it till the end or further the journey into unchartered terrain, blindly. While many might opt to remain with these gifts, that were in the nature of possession of the Nadi, running movements or Peedhams, the gift and ability to heal, performing Siddhis, and other practices and rituals, we chose to move on and to travel further. As we continued to walk the path alone, the Siddhas then began to guide us personally, by drawing the bridge down that linked our world with theirs. We saw tremendous information and transformations channeled directly through their devotees and other mediums. Finally, we arrived at the question - What have the Siddhas envisioned for us?

Having participated actively in Sariyai, Kriyai and Yogam, where are we to head next? Agathiyar confirmed a wild guess we had. We were headed for Gnana. But it is not something gifted as in all the previous offers and prizes that they were willing to shower on us. We had to work for it said Agathiyar. We had to place effort in it said Ramalinga Adigal. They went on to guide us on the means to attain it. Since we do not carry any desire nor had we opted to receive their gifts, the Siddhas drew the curtain of Maya aside and showed us the true objective and purpose in taking birth. I am pretty sure that both my gurus Supramania Swami and Tavayogi are delighted in seeing us ask for Gnanam for they had always been talking to us of the need to attain that state.

With our gurus with us, even as they are in the subtle form now, we shall march towards attaining the goal set by the Siddhas for us. They have very clearly told us that they do not want us to remain forever as devotees worshipping them. That would be akin to replacing the worship of all the Gods and Goddesses in temples with the images and idols of the Siddhas in our homes or temples. They want us to move on and take up Yogam that shall bring us to the threshold of Gnanam. Attaining Gnanam they want to see us as Siddhas too. They shall never rest till their job is done, says Ramalinga Adigal. So too should not we strive to fulfill their desires and wishes in seeing us at par or excel them. This shall then be the greatest gift we can possibly give them, joining their brotherhood.

THE GREATEST TREASURE

The greatest treasure is having good health throughout your lifespan. Blessed are those who are given this treasure. As I returned from a medical checkup recently the doctor briefed me on the results. He was extremely pleased with what he saw and asked me to continue my lifestyle as it is. Upon returning home with the results I laid it before Agathiyar and thanked him for keeping me well.

From https://www.kidney.org/ and https://gonzaba.com/ I gather more information on reading the results of such similar tests.

• Creatinine is a waste product that comes from the normal wear and tear on muscles of the body. When the kidneys are damaged, they have trouble removing creatinine from your blood.

• Everyone has protein in their blood. But it should only be in your blood, not your urine. Albumin is a type of protein that your body needs. But it should be in the blood, not the urine. Having protein in your urine may mean that your kidneys are not filtering your blood well enough. This can be a sign of early kidney disease.

• A GFR below 60 is a sign that the kidneys are not working properly. Once the GFR decreases below 15, one is at high risk for needing treatment for kidney failure, such as dialysis or a kidney transplant.

• Acidity (pH) is a measure of the amount of acid in the urine. A pH that is above normal may be a sign of kidney stones, urinary infections, kidney problems, or other disorders.

• Glucose (sugar) is usually a sign of diabetes.

• Bilirubin is a waste product from the breakdown of old red blood cells. It is normally removed from the blood by the liver. Its presence in the urine may be a sign of liver disease.

• Blood in the urine can be a sign of an infection, a kidney problem, certain medicines, or even heavy exercise.

• Hematology tests include tests on the blood, blood proteins and blood-producing organs. Increased white blood cells are common in people fighting infection or suffering from anemia. Decreased blood cells can be the result of receiving chemotherapy treatments, chronic inflammatory diseases, blood loss and some types of cancer.

• Dehydration, congestive heart failure and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease can all cause an increase in hemoglobin levels, while blood loss, anemia, liver disease and lymphoma can result in a decrease.

• Increased platelet levels can be the result of inflammatory conditions such as trauma, acute infection and a number of malignant cancers. Decreases in platelet levels can occur from anemia, coagulation disorders such as sickle cell anemia, alcohol toxicity and infection.

I am blessed to have come by many angels in human form who came in a timely manner to save or heal me and my family. These included deities in a trance, shamans or medicine men, priests or religious heads or figures, Siddha and Ayurvedic practitioners, and medical doctors and now the Siddhas and the divine too. I was saved by the Chinese gods to whom my parents gave me in adoption the moment they found me to be purging due to diarrhea. As they had lost two of my brothers earlier, they did not want to go through the ordeal again and sought help from a neighbor who used to go into a trance and heal others. I was saved. I then frequented him for all my ailments until I was bitten by a dog when I turned 13. I remember vividly how the Chinese man would hit his bare back with the blunt edge of a sword as he recited and chanted mantras. He then would burn a strip of yellow rice paper onto which he writes in red ink some writings. The ash is collected in a glass of water and given to me to drink. It was indeed a magical portion for I was always cured. 

Then as we grew up we witnessed deities come onto others and deliver panacea and solutions for all ills and sufferings. The Muslim men of faith too used to tie strings around the wrist and give water into which Holy verses are recited. The Buddhist monks too aided by tying strings around the wrist to ward off dangers or to heal and blessing the water. Being from a missionary school we sought the blessings of the visiting father and brothers of Christian faith at school too. These days the Siddhas and the divine too come through others to heal and deliver medicines and cures. As a child, I attended Thevaram classes, listened to stories of Buddha told to us at the Buddhist Vihara next door, learned the Gospel through correspondence via the snail mail, and had a lively brother of Pakistan origin share stories of his Messenger of God while accompanying me on our daily morning bus trip to college. My early exposure to all these faiths helped me not to distinguish them as different but instead made me see one God serving his children through many faiths. Then when I dropped by at a Chinese temple to pay my respects to my Godfather, I was aroused to check out my horoscope by way of shaking a container of sticks till one stick drops out of it. These sticks are numbered. The number on the stick drawn is referred to a big journal where predictions are delivered. I was told that I had guardian angels looking our my shoulder. Moving forward to 2002 Agathiyar reveals himself as guardian and guru. I am blessed. What more can a man ask for? I am forever indebted to God and his missionaries, archangels and guardians. The rest of my days shall be spent in doing their work. This is the least I can do in return for a good life.

PRAISES TO THE GURU

Ram Dass in his book "Miracle of Love - Stories about Neem Karoli Baba", a Dutton Paperback, 1979, says that the guru is an alliance of human and the divine. This is one man who is very clear of his vision of a guru and knew how to draw the line. He says of his guru, "He did what was necessary to quiet the mind and open the heart so that the thirst that had drawn us all to him could be slaked."

Ram Dass speaks about his guru in his "physical absence". 

On September 11, 1973, he died, or, as the Indians would say, he left his body. In the succeeding years, I have found that the absence of his body has not diminished his influence upon my life. This suggested the possibility that others who had never “met” him in the body could similarly be touched by him. This suspicion has been confirmed by a surprisingly large number of people who have re-ported that through books, lectures, tapes, and personal contact with devotees, they have experienced him in a way that has graced their lives.

Those of us who were with Maharajji meet again frequently in India or in the West. The conversation invariably turns to recollections of him. Story after story pours forth, and each story is punctuated with silence, laughter, or expostulations as we savor its depth and elegance. In those moments the space becomes rich with the living spirit and we know that he is among us.

My relationship with Tavayogi that began in 2005 too was very professional all the years we knew each other, he being the guru and me a student, I think, for he never claimed any of us as his disciples. It was only in 2016 when he was addressing a small group of us in the confines of the home of a wonderful elderly couple, Balachander Aiya and Shanti Amma's home that he spoke of me as a disciple who knew how to respect and praise the guru. I was blessed to hear those words come out from his lips, an accreditation from a guru that a student has qualified himself to become a disciple. I remember he had said that the guru shall test the student for 12 long years before parting with him any of his knowledge. I had earned his recognition in my 11th year.

I learned how a student should relate to his master from my first guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai who himself had 5 gurus over time. I learned by observing him speak about his gurus especially Yogi Ramsuratkumar and the many moments with him. I saw the love and respect he had for his guru. I saw how he took the advice of his guru in all matters. He lost himself to his guru. His guru moved in him, hence he and the Yogi became one in those instances. 

Although both my gurus have shed their mortal frame they live in our homes, our thoughts, and our hearts. There is never a day where we do not speak about them or mention them in reference and reverence. Many came to Tavayogi's ashram in Kallar after reading his story or rather our story online. One of them was Jnana Jhotiamma. She came, she saw and was conquered by the compassion shown by both Tavayogi and Agathiyar. She changed her whole life around 360 degrees and began to visit all the abodes of Agathiyar and only spoke about him and his Lila and miracles. A journey that began in 2011 upon her first visit to Kallar ended abruptly in 2016. But it was packed with so many stories of the divine and his intervention in her life. I had written a biography of hers based on the many emails she sent, the hours we spoke on Skype, and the video and audios she shared. But as her life took a sudden turn and Agathiyar took her back, I hesitate to release it. She shall stay in our memories for years to come.

We too share many recollections of our masters who have begun to take center stage in our lives. They have become the idol of our lives. The environment is charged in these moments where we run through their stories. If Tavayogi was well known as a guru in the Siddha circle, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai was only known as an astrologer to those who sought him out. I too came to him on the pretext of having my daughter's horoscope charted. He tuned out to be the guru Agathiyar had indicated. There is not much I knew of him except for the much treasured moments I spent with him some 5 hours in 2003 where he spoke briefly about his gurus. Later in 2005, his family filled me up with the missing pieces of his live before I came to him.

Supramania Swami, Tavayogi and Agathiyar are akin to the Trimurthis in my life. The cosmic functions of creation, maintenance, and destruction are personified in a lesser form as this triad of gurus, Supramania Swami, the creator, Tavayogi, the destroyer, and Agathiyar the preserver. If prior to meeting him, I had dwelled in Sariyai carried on from our ancestors and taught and shown by my parents, Supramania Swami led me into a new and alien concept that of paying homage and respect to another man, a man who has transformed himself into his divine self, as Ram Dass said, "an alliance of human and the divine". Tavayogi came to break all the norms and believes that I carried with me. Agathiyar brought me to have faith in him that sustains us to this day. Agathiyar walked alongside me for some distance and then decided to step onto my path in 2002 in the form of a Nadi reading. As he stood before me in the Nadi I had nowhere to go except grab him. I never let him go after that. He too never left me out of his sight. Just as Ram Dass quotes, "A moment with the Beloved And the river changes its course", my gurus were instrumental in bringing numerous changes in me. The moment the guru waded the waters the river changed its course. I could change my ways too because I listened. If I had resisted it would not have happened. 

Ram Dass describes the fist visit to Neem Karoli Baba and how the saint exposed him.

“You were out under the stars last night. You were thinking about your mother. She got very big in the stomach before she died. Spleen, she died of spleen.”

My mind began to race faster and faster to try to get leverage - to get a hold on what he had just done. I went through every super - CIA paranoia I'd ever had: “Who is he? Who does he represent? Where’s the button he pushes to make the file appear? Why have they brought me here?" None of it would jell. It was just too impossible that this could have happened this way. My traveling companion didn't know about any of the things Maharajji was saying, and I was a tourist in a car. The whole thing was just inexplicable. My mind went faster and faster, My mind just gave up. It burned out its circuitry, its zeal to have an explanation. At the same moment I felt this extremely violent pain in my chest and a tremendous wrenching feeling, and I started to cry. I cried and cried and cried, but I was neither happy nor sad. It was a kind of crying I had not experienced before. The only thing I could say about it was it felt as if I had finished something. The journey was over. I had come home. 

This was my state too when I first sat before the Nadi and had by life exposed in those pages. Agathiyar called me to his path. I had come home to one who knew me. The next time it was at Supramania Swami's village home where he exposed me again. Borrowing Ram Dass's words, "My traveling companion didn't know about any of the things Maharajji was saying, and I was a tourist in a car", I too was a traveling tourist chauffeured by the Swami's relative Deva. He could not possibly know for I had never shared anything personal with Deva. He only knew that I was there on a pilgrimage of several specific temples listed by Agathiyar in the Nadi where I had to do certain prayers to appease the stars and relieve my past karma. I sat with him, oblivious of the passing hours,  till the day was stole by night and we saw the light diminish into darkness. I spent 5 hours with him, crying throughout the time, for the blessings the divine bestowed on me. Over the years when we begin to realize that nothing escapes them we tend to feel very naked. He knows all. He sees all. So why are we pushing ourselves so hard trying to put on a show? 

If initially, we all went seeking him, these days he seeks us out. As Ram Dass wrote, "In the words of Dada, “We all think we are chasing the guru, but really, you see, he is chasing us", we see him literally chasing us to perform now telling us that the honeymoon days are over and that we have had enough of talk and listening to talks and speeches. He is asking us to put into action and put into practice his directives, given as updates on a regular basis. Believe brings you to seek. Miracles are show openers and only happen till you begin to have faith either on the guru or his path. Agathiyar has moved us from showing miracles to giving us experiences. We are always taught to seek the results, never told to concentrate on the process. Here Agathiyar never reveals the target nor the results but gives us assignments to carry out diligently. In the event, we fail or flop he tells us that there are no failures - only experiences to be gained. When Tavayogi repeated the same speeches that of asking all to come to the path, at all events I asked him the reason for not moving on. He replied with another question, "Are you following what I said this far?", referring to the people whom he addressed. We followed his directives and those of Agathiyar. Agathiyar then took us speedily through all the parts of the journey, Sariyai, Kriyai, and has brought us to the fifth anga of Yogam now. We await eagerly his next assignment. 

WE SHALL NEVER KNOW

"Our lives are richer when we share, and that great inner joy comes from helping others to better their lives. Achieving meaning, fulfillment, and happiness in life comes from making others happy, and not from being self-centered." (https://www.themindfulword.org/2014/joy-of-giving)

“To find yourself, lose yourself in the service of others.” - "Mahatma Gandhi.

"In any profession when you lose yourself you become the art." - AR Rahman (The Creative Indians)

Last Sunday, as I was at my computer blogging as usual and my younger daughter was cleaning up the mess my 3-year-old granddaughter had made after playing with the Play Sand, a lady stood at the gate to my daughter's home. My daughter inquired what she wanted. She wanted a donation. I stepped out. She began by telling me that her husband was undergoing dialysis and that she needed money for the fare. I told her that what I give will only take care of that day and that she needed a long term solution. I asked for her name and contact number and told her that we had a charity group Persatuan Teman Setia (PTS) that could help with her groceries and food too. But she replied that God had taken care of them well and just needed some fast cash. She added that she was laid off due to the Covid-19 pandemic and would join another job in a week's time. I gave her a small amount. She needed. I had. I gave. It was a hot afternoon as she walked away with the money. I prayed that the amount was sufficient and that she would head back straight home rather than sourcing more funds on that hot afternoon. 

I never expected her to turn up again. But she did come by today to say "Thank You". I was not at home then. She had asked for me from my wife. When my wife informed me about her visit, I called her up. She told me that when she returned home that Sunday, her husband was in pretty bad shape and was rushed to the hospital. He died soon after that and was cremated the following day. Again she did not ask for anything else. She came by to pass on the news of her husband's death and to thank me and let me know that the money served its purpose in bringing him to the hospital, although they could not save him. He was relieved of his five-year ordeal.

When she stood before me that day I thought that one has to be really desperate to knock on another's door for aid. Every man and woman has some dignity. They would rather go hungry then to beg. But when there is no other option or choice available and especially when they have to save a life or feed a child they drop their dignity and bring themselves to ask. I am happy that I chose to help her instead of ignoring her.

In helping others over the years through various platforms, we realized that we had created a bond between the giver and the receiver for when PTS stopped delivering food and groceries during the Covid-19 pandemic lockdown, and after it was lifted, and Pothihai Tharma Chakram (PTC) offered to continue the families had asked about our absence. It brings us joy in realizing that we did indeed make an impact on their lives for they do remember us. 

Joy is in giving. God has kept me well, hale, and healthy. As it had been 3 years since I had a medical checkup, and as the doctor told me I was eligible for a free medical checkup, I signed on last Thursday. The results were made known on Monday. I was given a clean slate. The doctor was quite surprised at seeing the results and could not help but compliment and asked that I continue to take care of my health as it was rare for one who was turning 61 to have kept the all too common chronic diseases at bay. I am well because of my Lord. How do I repay his kindness? In BBC World's Joanna Lumley in Japan, a monk tells her "In the east, we say that you are reborn at 61 years which means going back to zero, so we celebrate this year." I celebrate too that he has kept me well all these years. I am back being an infant now beginning the next phase of my journey.

Each parent should learn to worship and pray. It might not be necessary for you right now but when you have a family to raise and your child screams in the middle of the night and you have done all that needs to be done, done what the grannies and nannies have told you, what the blogs and web sites tell you, what you gather from YouTube and yet you are lost, you either head for the nearest emergency ward, temple or healer for help. If you are miles away from them you need immediate assurance that all shall be fine. God gives you that assurance. You can rely on him to give you strength in these moments. A simple dash of the sacred ash on the baby's forehead with faith will calm the child and you down. But what we do is to rush and knock the door of another devotee who puts in hours of worship hoping that he can do miracles. Bring that miracle to happen through you. Harness the energy that God is willing to pass on and heal yourself and your family without seeking outside help in these critical moments. A Siva devotee after taking poison stood at the door of the famed late Jeeva Nadi reader of Chennai Hanumathdasan, was saved from death when Agathiyar told him to pass on the sandalwood paste in his altar to the man to consume. A woman and her daughter were relieved of her stomach ache and failing eyesight respectively when Bhogar came to treat them with herbs in Kollimalai. Many are such stories that we have come across where devotees have been saved by God just because they worshiped him. So pick up whatever you can and start worship at the altar of your home. 

MAKING OTHERS HAPPY

As I browsed through YouTube looking for stories that my 3-year-old granddaughter and I could watch, I came across this video that brought on a powerful message about the act of giving. A caterpillar decided to give away its shoes once he sensed that he had to stop walking around and end that ferocious appetite and go into hibernation. He was to turn into a pupa and a butterfly later, and take on a new mode of travel. How considerate of the caterpillar to pass on to others what had come useful to it earlier, as it evolved further.

It reminded me of Supramania Swami telling me, apart from what we have heard the wise say that we shall not take anything with us when our time is up,  that we cannot even take along our live long achievements and merits from our years of austerities or Tapas. We have to leave that behind too.

Although it is just a story we could learn a thing or two from this wonderful story. We are reminded in this story to stop going around in circles, having an appetite to read and a yearning to seek knowledge about the divine after some time, and to instead empty ourselves of all the previously acquired knowledge and to go within into a state of hibernation, where the divine then comes subtly to fill us with his teachings. When we are ready, we emerge from hibernation to become a beautiful butterfly too. 

We should learn to let go. We should learn to give. The more we give the more the universe provides for us. Ramalinga Adigal says it beautifully "போதும் என்ற மனமே பொன் செய்யும் மருந்து" and goes on to explain its meaning. "நீ போதும் என்று சொல்லும் நிலை உன்னை அறியாமல் நீ பெற்றுக்கொண்டுதான் இருக்கிறாய்."

Cherish what we have. The greatest gift is the gift of life. The next would be the gift of contentment and satisfaction. The greatest treasure is good health. With these three coming together one shall find peace and calm that we all are yearning for. But what we see is a neverending need to accumulate more for the self and kins. Watching the Tv series "Merlin", even the troll wants power and riches that come with the throne to Camelot. The Asuras plundered the people in the mythical stories told to us. Ravana, a devout Shiva devotee wanted to overrule Lord Shiva after gaining boons from him, gifted by Shiva as rewards for his austerities or tapas. What is then to be said of men who run after these too? Troops and armies plundered villages and rode off with women, grains, and treasures; kings of the empires of past conquered their neighbors for their riches; pirates took over merchant ships that carried gems and riches; even the cartoon and comic characters want power and control over the world. We think that these riches shall bring contentment and happiness to us. Yes, they do but only momentarily. Then we strive to gain more and more. We shall never be satisfied. True bliss is when you are not in pain, having no misery, not on any medication, and do not have any debts. This is the state of bliss, peace, and calm. Treasure these moments for even good things shall come to an end. All good things come when we stop asking. When we stop asking the prapanjam gives us what it thinks is necessary for us. Fear not for it is said that on each grain is written our name. If something is destined for us no one can stop it from reaching us or take it away. Instead of asking everything and regretting them later, let the universe provide for us as and when it deems necessary. 

In the above song we cannot but laugh at man for seeking riches from Lord Muruga when the very Lord has left everything behind and stands in a loincloth. 

கைலாய மலையில் சுகமாய் இடம் இருந்தது
ஞான கனியாலே ஐயா உனக்கும் இடர் எழுந்தது ...
பழனி மலையில் கோவணம் தவிர எது இருந்ததது
தெய்வமே ஆசையைத் துறந்து மண்ணில் எழுந்தது
வேண்டுதல் காணிக்கை சுமையோ வந்து குவிந்தது ....

In the following song penned by Thiruvasagapithar Divakar Ayya, again we are shamed for the greed that we harbor within rather than harboring his thoughts. While we are seeking riches from him he walks the earth clothed as a mendicant.

இகலோக வாழ்வில் உடன் இருப்பான்
ஆயினும் பரலோக வாழ்வதற்கு வழி அமைப்பான் ...
சுகவாசியாய் இருப்பான் அம்பலத்து பொதுவினிலே
அவனே பரதேசியாய் திரிவான் அடியார்கள் நடுவினிலே

Let these wonderful songs sink in us and stir the depths of our hearts to begin to give and not harbor greed and seek more riches. Let us make others happy by giving a portion of what we have. 

A REMINDER TO THE SELF TO WAKE UP

Songs penned by Sadhu Om, from his "Sri Ramana Gitam" published by Arunachala Ramana Nilaiyam, and Sri Ramanasramam. Sriram Parthasarathy who has brought out Sadhu Om's songs on his channel has penned and composed a song on the mind too.

And he pays a tribute to Sadhu Om by singing more songs of his.

WE ARE BEING WATCHED 2

I began to realize that we are being watched when Agathiyar spelled out the present and my past and threw a bonus by predicting my future. I was amazed and felt guilty too at the same time for the faults I did. But he immediately relieved me of my guilt telling me that it was his doing too so that I could have the experience and learn from it. But as the damage was done I needed to do damage control by going on a pilgrimage to carry out several remedies to appease the souls whom I had harmed and appease both the planets and the Gods. He saw and recorded my pilgrimage and the remedies I did, for he came back to tell me that I had done them well and to their satisfaction. 

The next instant I knew he was watching was when he lectured me on anger management for close to an hour in my Nadi reading and put me to test immediately. He had someone double-park his car alongside mine on a Sunday where the streets were empty and there were ample parking lots where he could have slotted his car in. I had just finished my reading to step into my car when I was tested on my patience. I blew my top with the scorching heat of the afternoon burning my skin and hunger pangs starting an inferno burning in my internal furnace too. My family though were having a field day at my expense looking towards the skies to see it Agathiyar had fitted CCTV's. This was followed by a confrontation with a Radio DJ who went overboard to advise my children on the need to uphold culture in the middle of our search for food to appease our hunger. Never advise a hungry man. I blasted him as he made his escape. Agathiyar was watching the events and smiling away. I had failed the test terribly that day.

Agathiyar asks me to build a temple besides aiding in helping others construct them in my first Nadi reading in 2002. As it was not feasible to build a new one in Malaysia then, I opted to ask the existing temple committees a place to house Agathiyar but none came to my aid. I dropped the thought. Instead, I agreed to help my first guru Supramania Swami with his desire to build one when he approached me.  But that desire was short-lived as a stranger appeared at his door and stopped him from pursuing his 40-year desire. Next, I went along with Tavayogi to see his mission materialize in building a temple/ ashram at Kallar, something he told me was done for the people and that Agathiyar came to endorse later that he moved Tavayogi to build it. Lord Murugan comes to ask me to build a temple for him in a Nadi reading in 2018 assuring me that it would be different, hence justifying the need to build another among the many already existing temples. I never moved to comply. He sends Agathiyar to talk me into it. I remain silent. Agathiyar says he would do it giving a grace period of 18 months. As time drew up he tells me it was not necessary to move in another Nadi reading. Later he tells me that it was all a test to see if I complied with their wishes. I guess I passed the test. Recently Lord Shiva comes along to say that although they had asked to stay put it was now necessary to move and added that he shall see to it. I have left it to the divine will. I am amazed at their network and how they are all aware of what is taking place.

Sensing the moment was right for me to come out of my 14-year hibernation staying away from forms of worship and reading of spiritual books, that was asked of by Lord Shiva in 1988, the divine sends a message through a saint Gopal Pillai who came through his disciple. This message and initiation were passed on by my nephew who was following this Paramaguru. I started worship to Lord Dhakshanamurthy and Lord Narayanan and observed the Navarathri puja. I am amazed at their network and how they are all aware of what is taking place.

When Agathiyar sets me to read Tavayogi's book to understand better the tattvas that rule over us, before I embark on going within, Ramalinga Adigal comes along to ask me if I did what Agathiyar had instructed. I am amazed at their network and how they are all aware of what is taking place.

I suppose in the absence of a guru another takes over. I suppose when a guru is not available another stands in. We are never left alone. we are constantly watched over. Indeed I am amazed at their network and how they are all aware of what is taking place. 

WE ARE BEING WATCHED 1

If only now the local authorities in major towns are beginning to place CCTV's to monitor crime in its streets, but the divine has always had an eye on us. Laws are introduced to curb crime now but in those days we were told to listen to our Mana Satchi or the witness in us.  He came as Mana Satchi or the witness in us. The saints often spoke to their Manam reminding it continually of the impermanence of life and all that is associated with it. These days no one talks about this Manam and Mana Satchi. It has been hidden away from the public, sent into oblivion. Hence the need to have laws to restrain and discipline man as his conscience, in short, has been buried deep in the reaches of the heart never to arise again. 

Sadhu Om has written numerous songs that have addressed the Manam reminding it of the presence of God that supersedes all other love and desires. It would serve to know the man first before we go into his works. We learn about the Sadhu from http://sadhuom.net/, http://www.arunachalasamudra.org and https://realization.org/

Sadhu Om in search for a genuine Guru, first read about Ramana in Suddhananda Bharati’s book "Sri Ramana Vijayam". When he went to the Ramakrishna Mutt, in Chennai and told the President that he was in search of Truth and asked for guidance, the President seeing his yearning asked him to visit Sri Ramana Maharshi. At that time he was living and working at Thanjavur, Tamil Nadu. He wanted to know if there was anyone who visited Tiruvannamalai so that he can join them and make a visit. Enquiring from friends about Sri Ramana, he was directed to Janaki Mata who used to regularly visit Sri Ramanashram with her friends. Hearing this Sadhu Om along with the friend went to her place. He entered the house and asked her when she was planning to go next and if he could join her? She replied that they would be leaving for Tiruvannamalai next week. When he was about to return, she said that they are going to recitate the Sri Arunachala Akshara Mana Malai. He sat and joined them in singing. He was so attracted by the depth of the prayer, that he was thrilled and his yearning to visit Tiruvannamalai increased. 

On 6th July, 1946, Sadhu Om went with Janaki Mata to meet Sri Bhagavan. Everyone went into the hall where Sri Bhagavan was sitting and prostrated before him. When Sadhu Om went up to prostrate before Sri Bhagavan, he saw only Sri Bhagavan's empty seat. Thinking that Sri Bhagavan had gone out without his noticing, he prostrated before the seat. When Sadhu Om got up, he saw a dense mass of light appear which gradually took the form of Sri Bhagavan's physical body. In this way, Sri Bhagavan revealed His Nirguna Sath Swaroopa for Sri Swamigal on his very first visit.

Sadhu Om describes the very first moment he lay his sight on Bhagavan Sri Ramana in an interview in "Arunachala Ramana".

"When I entered the hall I wanted to see Bhagavan [Ramana] but I only saw a sofa and no one sitting on it. I was surprised to see, however, that everyone else was doing namaskarams towards that sofa. When I was hesitating whether to do namaskarams, I began to notice the vague outline of a human figure sitting on the sofa. At once I prostrated. When I got up, I saw that vague figure slowly solidifying and becoming clear. Then only was I able to recognise it as Sri Bhagavan."

A couple of weeks later, Sadhu Om went back to Sri Ramanasramam to have the darshan of Sri Bhagavan. He sat on a rock on Arunachala composing poems on Sri Bhagavan under the title, Vetkai [Divine longing]. After composing the 7th poem, he realised it was breakfast time, and he quickly went to the Ashram dining hall. He entered the dining hall and seeing that Sri Bhagavan was eating there, he sat in front of Sri Bhagavan, and started eating. When Sri Bhagavan finished his breakfast, he got up from the seat. Seeing this, Sadhu Om also got up, although he had not finished eating. Sri Bhagavan looked at Sadhu Om and said, Vandha Velaiyaip Paar (Look after the business for which you have come). Sadhu Om then sat down, but since he had gotten up while eating, he was reluctant to continue eating. Sri Bhagavan, after washing his hands, was walking alongside the dining hall. Seeing that Sadhu Om was reluctant to eat, he repeated the words, Vandha Velaiyaip Paar. Hearing these words, Sadhu Om started eating again. As Sri Bhagavan went near the entrance and was about to pass over the threshold, Sadhu Om turned back and looked at Sri Bhagavan. Sri Bhagavan also looked at Sadhu Om and uttered the same words, Vandha Velaiyaip Paar, for the third time in succession.

At this point, Sadhu Om realized that the words were Sri Bhagavan's upadesa for him, to look after the business for which he was born in this world.

I can never forget the upadesa I got from my 3-year-old granddaughter recently. As she was seated on the settee, rooted in the kid's series "Masha and the Bear" watching the episodes over and over again, I used to tease her telling her that "I have seen this earlier." She would turn to me and point her finger to a corner telling me, "I am the one watching (that she doesn't mind seeing repeats), you go to your corner" I would then go stand in a corner. She would say "Not there" and direct me to my desk where I have my laptop working on this blog. So one day as she stood in front of the television, I came by and told her the same dialogue as all grandpa's too have been given a script. She was so stressed up that she turned to look up at me and said, "You take care of your life and I shall take care of mine. "நீ உன் வாழ்க்கையை பார்; நான் என் வாழ்க்கையை பார்க்கிறேன்" I was taken aback by this choice of words that came out from a 3-year-old, especially the correct usage of the word "Life" or வாழ்க்கை. I realized then that Agathiyar was telling me to do what I came for and not mess in others life just as Ramana told Sadhu Om "Vandha Velaiyaip Paar" or "வந்த வேலையை பார்"

After Sri Bhagavan left the body, Sadhu Om wanted to come and settle at Tiruvannamalai. He began to write "Sri Ramana Varuhai" meaning "please come Ramana" inviting Bhagavan Ramana. As he wrote verse No 172 Sri Bhagavan appeared before him. Swami thought that it is a dream. Thrice he appeared before him. Bhagavan said “Why you are calling me. You come to my place, Tiruvannamalai.” Sadhu Om had a thought, "What will I do for my food?" A vision of a dining hall where each one serving for themselves was seen. When Sadhu Om arrived at the Ashram, the then Ashram President invited him in, asking him to stay at the Ashram and look after the bookstall. Sadhu Om came to reside at Tiruvannamalai as he had wished for. He stayed there for about thirty years until he passed away in March 1985. He died of a cerebral haemorrhage. He dedicated his entire life to Bhagavan, spreading the teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi.

Sadhu Om never sought for himself any recognition or appreciation from the world. In fact, his life was a perfect example of strict adherence to the principal precept of Self-enquiry taught by Sage Ramana. 

He shares Ramana's words, driving the nail right into our hearts, a reminder to us too.

"Moreover, according to the great truth discovered and revealed by Sri Ramana Bhagavan, a good person leading a simple yet highly spiritual life and passing away unknown to the world does far more good to the world than all the political and social reformers and all the platform-heroes of philosophy . . .”

LETTING GO

The lyrics to the song "Let It Go" from Disney's "Frozen" is so meaningful and powerful. We too should learn to let it go. 

The snow glows white
On the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation
And it looks like I’m the Queen
The wind is howling
Like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in
Heaven knows I tried…

Don’t let them in
Don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal
Don’t feel
Don’t let them know…
Well, now they know!

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door!
I don’t care what they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all!

It’s time to see
What I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong
No rules for me
I’m free!

Let it go! Let it go!
I am one with the wind and sky!
Let it go! Let it go!
You’ll never see me cry!
Here I stand and here I’ll stay
Let the storm rage on…

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back
The past is in the past!

Let it go! Let it go!
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn!
Let it go! Let it go!
That perfect girl is gone!

Here I stand in the light of day…
Let the storm rage on!!!
The cold never bothered me anyway

Watching the life story of the world-renown mathematician Sakunthala Devi now made into a movie, reminds us of the need to let go in many instances. Here are some instances where we can Let It Go.

• We tend to hold on to the past that then influences the present which then presents the future in an altogether different form. If we learn to let it go, we shall see the present in a different way, unadulterated by things from the past. The future then shall be seen anew too. 
• Let go of the pain and anger. If we can't bring ourselves to forgive another it is all right, but don't carry the bitterness in you. Let go and move on. 
• If you have received an amulet or charm or anything given for a specific purpose, let it go once it has served its purpose. 
• Siddha practitioner Arivan tells me the medicine he gives is meant to be taken for a particular period or number of days. Let it go when the specified period comes to an end. 

Many more are the instances where we are required to let it go if we want to progress ahead.

• Bringing us on pilgrimages, and bringing us to do rituals and charity on the pretext of wiping out karma, Agathiyar brought us to gain merits instead for a better life ahead either in this birth or if time has run out for the next. The karma has to be realized and lived although its full weight, load, and burden shall be lightened to a certain extent. Agathiyar then let us go of our hold on Sariyai and Kriyai too. When your work is done through Sariyai move on to Kriyai with the guidance of a Guru. When the Guru leads you to Yogam use it as a tool to step into Gnanam. Agathiyar tells us that the charity we did, the worship and ritual we did, and conducted, the asanas and pranayama we are doing are all tools and means meant to bring us to the path of Gnanam. When it brings us to our destination it is safe for us to let it go.  Do not carry the temple and the ritual with you. Bringing us to stop rituals and charity Agathiyar tells us that we have sufficient credit hours to take us to the next course or semester. He brings us to Yogam that brings us to the experience of Gnanam. The remaining karma shall burn in the fire of meditation. 

• Tavayogi let us go too. He did not hold us back bringing us to the path, after teaching the path, after showing us the path. Spirit has to be free and cannot be caged by rigid doctrines, its codes, laws and do's and dont's he would always say. 

• Guhai Namasivayar let go of his student Guru Namasivayar the moment the latter saw the curtain catch fire and burn at Tillai Chidambaram temple while with his guru at Tiruvannamalai. The guru knew his student through his tapas had fed the inner fire or Arutjhoti that it burned the veils that hides the Arutperunjhoti. 

If there is one thing that we need to ask to be prolonged it is life, for at least till we attain the state of a Siddha. One on his deathbed would pray asking to be kept alive and save them from death at least till the son or daughter is married for instance or for other reasons. Have they ever prayed to ask to keep them alive to carry on with service to fellow mankind, performing puja for the benefit of all of prapanjam, and to be able to carry on the practice of yogam and eventually attain Gnanam, the state of the Siddha? Our asking to keep our dear ones alive always stops short at to be kept alive to carry on with the worldly affairs, hardly praying for an extended life intended to do God's work here. When we are given an extension in life it is not to carry out our old ways but to see it as a rebirth given to serve him and to go deeper into his teachings and finally attain his state. Tavayogi was stopped from taking his life. He came back to serve Agathiyar. Yogi Ramaiah was stopped from taking his own life. He came back to serve Babaji.

As old age catches up it teaches us to slow down and rewind and enjoy every moment. A child teaches us to slow down too but do we do it. We drag the poor toddler along as we rush with quickened pace from one chore to another. We rush him to swallow the food as we rush off to do another chore or task. We push the smartphone into his face while we spend hours on the phone with another. The time spent in idle talk could be used and well spent playing with the child who is in the prime age of exploring and observing. Learning should come to them through active participation and means and not passive as in sitting before a TV.  

As Agathiyar said much has already been said. Now we shall enter the experience. Hence he hastened us to do charity and puja as if anticipating the lockdown in view of the pandemic and locking down the AVM group sending everyone to plan, execute and experience for themselves now. Life is never the same. We move on to meet new friends. We have new additions to the family circle. Many fade away from sight and mind. It is all about letting go.

The Siddha path is not solely about making magic portions, performing miracles, carrying out Siddhis, healing, or predicting the past or future, although we shall come across all these traveling the path. Nor is it about building Siddha temples, ashrams, and starting peedhams or institutions for the devotees or starting a following like in bhakti or the path of devotion. This is not a place for sightseers, window shoppers, nor spectators, only active participants. Each one on the path has to put into practice what is taught and make it a part of their life and live it out. The ideal of every seeker, aspirant, sadhaka, or devotee of the Siddha path should be to attain the Siddhas state of consciousness.

To believe something is to see from the outside or to look in from the outside. Faith on the other hand comes with experience in stepping onto the path. As one walks the path deeper and deeper into unchartered territories, he develops faith in the divine. As one begins doing acts of dharma, compassion begins to build from within. His heart mellows. He sheds tears for others. Since experience maketh a man we are here to gain that.