At times I think I have become a misfit in society. As I cannot go with the mainstream thoughts and talks, I distance myself. I guess this what Agathiyar has been telling me that I was living a Tava Vazhkai or a life of tapas. I used to wonder if I qualified that status since the tapas I knew were something else that I never did. I guess we are so much into doing things that even tapas to us must be engaging in an action or activity. Today I understand that it is inaction that is required. We tend to mend things. I guess they want it to be left alone. But how is that possible? That would have us just sit in a place. This is what the sages did. I guess Both Lord Murugan and Agathiyar want me to involve in activity only when necessary and very minimal just sufficient for my daily survival and sustenance.
If we adopt a life of inactivity refraining from all activities a new activity begins to take place within us that comes on spontaneously by the grace of the guru and divine. To a yogi the body is a portal to enter another world. The breath moves the body keeping it warm and alive. Hence the reason at one stage Tavayogi told me it was God. If earlier he pointed us to the form of Agathiyar as God just as our parents showed Lord Shiva, Vinayagar, and others as God to us in the temples as with Rupam or form, when one goes within the breath becomes a tool on which the God particle hitches a ride. It is now Aruvam that is felt but not seen and without form. When I asked him how Agathiyar comes to him he said as Light or Jothi. Later he explained that it is not the fire that appears when the wick burns but the red aura that is seen surrounding the flame. This is neither felt nor does it have a form. He cleared my doubt since if it is the open flame then God is in the campfire or bushfire, the flame in the gas stove, the burning ghats that consume dead bodies, the burning house, and the dumpyard that burns besides in the Yagam or sacrificial fire pit.
If initially, our parents showed God as residing in the temples and they were given forms and names, soon coming under the tutelage of the guru we now addressed them as mantras, specific sounds that resonated with their frequencies. We saw them as formless. This is usually aided with yantras or abstract geometrical diagrams itched on copper foils. Taking up the practice of Pranayama we become aware and feel the breath moving within and are told that this lifeforce is God. Meanwhile, we are shown God as existing in others too, in nature and all around us, and in the entire Prapanjam or creation. Then we are shown God as Light. In simple terms, anything that sustains life on earth is God. That is why our elders bowed and prayed to all things, stone, rock, metal, nature, tools, fire, water, food, etc.
Man who was wild became civilized over time. Bringing us to Sariyai where we only pray for our wellbeing at temples and homes, in bringing us to rituals as in Kriyai it became a universal prayer for the wellness of all of creation. We were told to look out for the other too, appeasing their hunger and sharing their troubles as seen in charity. Coming to Yoga, one's attention is turned to oneself, tuning the body and mind to bring focus to the purpose and goal that awaits us. In all these, the underlying factor is discipline that is stressed by Tavayogi in all his speeches. Here is where we get the feeling that we are a misfit in a society of merry-goers, and those who while their time in endless debate and arguments, etc. Where do we fit? It is hard if you have principles and live up to it. These are the greatest challenges that we face. Just as Lord Shiva came in a dream some 33 years ago and asks me to go into hibernation, it looks like there is a need to shut myself up completely and be oblivious to whatever happens around me. Is that possible or viable? When will the shutters come down?But would that not be selfish on our part? Were the saints then selfish in working on themselves? Many had come our way and though their teachings reached out to many but very few managed to achieve what the saints did. Along the way many became obsesed with fame and power or fell from glory or faded into oblivion. Shall we see another Ramalinga Adigal arise in our midst? Shall we see another Agathiyar walk among us?
I guess this is the reason the elders had us come to know God intimately only when we have settled all our responsibilities and retired in old age.