Monday 10 May 2021

SURVIVOR'S GUILT

I had watched a documentary some time back. When a Japanese child who was away briefly from school hears that the school she studied in was engulfed in fire and all her teachers and schoolmates were killed, she shed tears and surprisingly uttered these words, "I wish I was with them. Why was I spared?" When most of us would give thanks to the divine to have spared our lives, she wept for her friends. When I mentioned this to my daughter, she told me that this was a "Survivor's Guilt."

I guess I too carry a Survivor's Guilt. When Agathiyar and the divine has been kind to me and my family after coming to his path and prior to the calling respectively, I am left guilty when many come to me telling me nothing changed for them even after coming to the worship of the Siddhas and doing charity. 

When devotees came to Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal with their problems, he would listen patiently and intently to their outpourings and finally tell them that their sufferings were an outcome of their vinai or past karma. If they were interested to know a way out he would then ask them to worship the Siddhas. No compulsion and no promises were made. He would just provide an alternative solution to these ailing hearts and souls. When people come by and tell me that they are suffering, I would point them to his Kallar Ashram. In his absence these days, I would direct them to Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar who has since his demise taken over the running of the Ashram. When locals drop by at AVM I followed in Tavayogi's footsteps and pointed them to the Siddhas just as he did.  So I would dish out the same formula to those who came by my home. I thought the formula worked for all. Since the formula worked for me and many others I assumed that it should work for them too. Some took up the suggestion while some went into oblivion never to be heard off again. In all the many years of worship, I have seen Agathiyar fulfill the wishes of many who had stood before him to grant their asking, or to remove obstacles and hurdles and even danger. He had provided for me and my family too although we hardly ask of him favors. 

But it was not to be. When once a young girl came by with her younger sister and parents with her problems I as usual gave them the formula. What she told me surprised me. She had done all to fulfill the equation, but life had yet to favor her. I was stunned and confused. I had no answer to their dilemma. Yesterday a single mother called me up and told me the same that she had been worshipping the Siddhas since 2010 and had done all that was told but has yet to see a change in her life. There are a couple who have yet to get together in matrimony after six years of waiting. Her mother was an obstacle to the wedding. When three women stood before Agathiyar and were blessed that they would conceive, two of them subsequently had a child but the third is still waiting patiently for many years. Another couple who was given hope finally opted to adopt after waiting for years. How do we explain these? Only Agathiyar can and should shed some light.

My prayer to him is always asking that he grant all their wishes just as he has been showering us with kindness and compassion. I tend to feel guilty most of the time. I have done my equal share of wrongs in life but yet he embraces us into his arms. Why does not he do the same for them, forgiving their wrongdoings in the past? In the medical circle, the term non-union is used to indicate cases where the fractured bone does not mend at all as it should usually do. This happens to about 5 percent of the patients. They need external assistance as in the many forms of bone fracture fixations or an Autologous Conditioned Plasma (ACP) injection consisting of a concentration of platelets and growth factors created from a small amount of our own blood that aids and expedites the natural healing of wounds as they contain various natural growth factors. Maybe these devotees too fall under a certain category where they shall have to live with it undergoing their untold miseries. My prayer has always been to ask and show mercy on these poor souls.

Then there are souls who have asked that they suffer till ultimate so that they need not come back to continue paying their debts. They ask of the Lord that the score be settled for good and the chain of birth and rebirth is broken. I believe Jnana Jothiamma was one such soul. Her extreme love for Agathiyar moved her to ask that he take her life and place her beside him forever. When she sought Ayurveda treatment for her tummy pain, sadly no one diagnosed her as having cancer. When she completed her treatment and went home, she collapsed in her apartment. Only when she was rushed to a private hospital in Chennai by the house owner did she discover the cause of the pain but it was too late. She died later. I do not know what had transpired between her and Agathiyar in all her consultations with Agathiyar towards the end of her life for she had shut herself from all access to social media, the public, and us too, but I believe that her soul had asked to leave the body and serve Agathiyar in a different context. Agathiyar had to shelve all the plans he had for her and grant her wish.

In the movie "Let Me Go" a granny says to her granddaughter that "The luxury in being young is that you don't see the past in everything." The granddaughter counters her with food for thought for all. "That's your choice." Indeed the choice is ours to let go of the past and live fully in the present. This then changes the future that otherwise will continue to be drabbed in darkness entirely. In the final scene before the three generations of the family depart with their great-grandmother placed in a nursing home we are reminded that "Only the child is ours; not the home; not even the material possessions deemed priceless in our eyes." The reason children are happy is that they don't have a past. Adults brood over the past and lose their happiness. 

A friend from Slovenia, Mr Andraz after talking to me over WhatsApp call last night, shared a beautiful poem that is much needed in these times of struggle and pandemic. Let us take shelter in these words of Theodore Tilton at https://www.litscape.com/author/Theodore_Tilton/The_Kings_Ring.html
 
The King's Ring
by Theodore Tilton

I.
Once in Persia reigned a King,
Who upon his signet ring
Graved a maxim true and wise,
Which, if held before his eyes,
Gave him counsel, at a glance,
Fit for every change or chance:
Solemn words, and these are they:
'Even this shall pass away!'

II.
Trains of camels through the sand
Brought him gems from Samarcand;
Fleets of galleys through the seas
Brought him pearls to rival these.
But he counted little gain
Treasures of the mine or main.
What is wealth? the King would say;
'Even this shall pass away.'

III.
In the revels of his court,
At the zenith of the sport,
When the palms of all his guests
Burned with clapping at his jests,
He, amid his figs and wine,
Cried, O loving friends of mine!
Pleasure comes, but not to stay:
'Even this shall pass away.'

IV.
Lady fairest ever seen
Was the bride he crowned his queen.
Pillowed on the marriage-bed,
Whispering to his soul, he said,
Though a bridegroom never pressed
Dearer bosom to his breast,
Mortal flesh must come to clay:
'Even this shall pass away.'

V.
Fighting on a furious field,
Once a javelin pierced his shield.
Soldiers with a loud lament
Bore him bleeding to his tent.
Groaning from his tortured side,
Pain is hard to bear, he cried,
But with patience day by day,
'Even this shall pass away.'

VI.
Towering in the public square
Twenty cubits in the air,
Rose his statue carved in stone.
Then the King, disguised, unknown,
Gazing at his sculptured name,
Asked himself,And what is fame?
Fame is but a slow decay:
'Even this shall pass away.'

VII.
Struck with palsy, sere and old,
Waiting at the Gates of Gold,
Spake he with his dying breath,
Life is done, but what is Death?
Then, in answer to the King,
Fell a sunbeam on his ring,
Showing by a heavenly ray --
Even this shall pass away.

Source:
The Sexton's Tale, And Other Poems.
Copyright 1867
Sheldon And Company, New York.

Another friend in a timely manner shared a forwarded message this morning.


PICTURE OF HAPPINESS : 

NAZIM HIKMAT -- The great Turkish poet - once asked his friend ABIDIN DINO (Turkish artist and well-known painter), to draw a picture of HAPPINESS. He drew a picture of a whole family  -- cramped up on a broken bed -- under a leaky roof in a shabby room -- but still with a smile on each member's face! Goes without saying that the painting became very famous.

Yes, Happiness is not the absence of sufferings but acceptance of sufferings. See good around you even in trying situations ..stop worrying about things that are beyond your control... stay happy...