What if Agathiyar were to speak in those private moments of intimate silence? What would he have to say? What would he share?
It was one of the quietest moments, a rare moment itself in the outskirts of the city. The hustle and bustle of traffic that flowed through the main road that cuts across the small housing scheme had died down. The dogs that barked the whole day long and that were supposed to keep watch in the night too had retired for the day together with their masters. The continuous chirping of the birds in the day was momentarily substituted by the occasional outburst of the cricket, known as the night singer. The moon shone brightly in the sky, a scene missed by most of the city dwellers who had to turn in early to wake up early for another day of stressful work. The fireflies flew from one street lamp to the other and finally disappeared out of view. I too entered my prayer room to spend some precious time with my Guru Agathiyar. As the silence became more intense blocking out entirely all the remaining noise of the neighbors' air conditioners, only the sound of my breath was obvious. Soon even that was no more obvious to my hearing. In that moment of deep silence, I felt Agathiyar's presence. I opened my eyes. His bronze statue shone in the dark of the room, lighted only by the oil lamp that kept burning 24/7.
I closed my eyes again. I heard him sigh. I opened my eyes again. There was no visible movement whatsoever. I asked him in silence what was the matter. He remained quiet. Then he spoke.
"I am disappointed with my children." I was taken aback. I listened on without interrupting. He continued. "They think of me only as an astrologer. They think of me only as a shaman. They think of me only as a mediator. They think about me only when in trouble. They come to me asking to settle their debts. They come running to me for a solution or cure most times. At other times they do not care to remember me."
At this juncture, my mind raced back to 2005 when I had heard a similar lament from both my previous gurus. Supramania Swami lamented that they never asked what he wanted but instead desired their needs to be fulfilled. Tavayogi lamented that they came for material gains and not Gnana.
Agathiyar continued. "I am their conscience. Why did not they listen to me speak through their conscience then? It is sad that they buried me long ago. They act without conscience today."
"As they came to see all things external, so too have I had the need to build temples externally to bring them to face their conscience externally. They come before me and stand in prayer asking for guidance there. They leave their problems at my feet and return home relieved. They do tiny bits of charity while at these places of worship. But the practice or worship soon evolved into fear for me, instilled by those who took advantage of these poor souls. Instead of love and devotion in worship towards me they did things out of fear, lest they should earn the wrath of the Gods, they were told. The element of fear was instilled in them instead of love for their creator."
"Then there came a time they lost even that remaining fear. They stopped believing that I was the stone and the rock in the temple. They stopped patronizing my abodes. Soon there was no means of sustaining these temples just as there was no means to end their troubles. The priests who had a full-time job of taking care of me and my abode had no income. They had to seek other means of survival. The temples were deserted. Charity lost its grounds. True devotees were hard to come by. I had to move too as they say to greener pastures, into the homes and the hearts of my devotees who were yearning for me. I had been traveling a lot since, seeking the homes and hearts of my devotees."
"Soon man began seeking self-made godman for remedies. As a result, they found themselves loose hefty sums in finding remedies and solutions to their problems. I have sung about these in my Gnana Nool."
"Today I can only watch in sadness as man moves on with his life indifferent to my existence. I would sit in a corner and watch the world go by. Lobamitra would observe me from a distance not wanting to disturb my thoughts. Occasionally she would walk up to me and enquire about my silence and what was in my thoughts. I would share with her my observation. She would listen intently not saying a word. Finally, she would distract my thoughts pulling me away from falling deeper and further into the world of the mortals. I would then return to my tapas."
"I am in tapas in your home too. If the need arises to be in Kallar or Pothigai or Kailash I leave immediately. Otherwise, I prefer to be here in your humble dwelling." And so saying the Mahamuni went back within into a state of silence.
I thanked him from the bottom of my heart with tears of joy running down both my cheeks. No audible words came out from my lips, except for the tears that kept flowing endlessly like the Ganges. A sense of coolness crept into me. It was as if I was drenched in bliss. Some energy traversed throughout me. It would have lifted me from the floor if I did not forcibly force myself to be grounded. A broad smile broke out on my face involuntarily which soon turned to a loud burst of laughter from within, that was beyond my control. Was this bliss I wondered, later? We both remained silent for some time. He broke the silence again.
"I have told my children about the importance of several practices through your writings. But it seems it does not register well with them. Except for a few who have started heeding your words, that are my words, the rest think it is of no immediate urgency. They think it can wait. Let me tell them that there is no moment more precious than the present; there is no life more precious than the present. It is now or never. If you do not do it at this moment, the much-awaited moment never comes. You will never find another appropriate moment other than now. You have to create that moment. You are partnered in creation with me. Besides us, you too are given the gift of creation, sustenance, and that of wrecking and destroying. Sadly man is prone to postponing or delaying his own plans. But the divine plan takes place as scheduled. Death comes as scheduled. Do not postpone the rare appointment given to you to meet Me. You might never get another moment with Me."
"You understand very well and have made it known in your writings numerous times. I am available to my devotees through the good gestures you and your wife have done and the facilities built and made available around you. You have provided them with access to me in your home through the many years of your worship. I come because of you. I make myself present to all because of your worship. I want them to worship me just as you worshipped me all these years. I too want to move into their homes. I too want to move into their hearts. I want to be constantly with them 24/7. But they have to invite me in first. Only if they invite me with an open heart can I visit and settle in their homes and hearts."
Then he moved on to mention the infighting his devotees had amongst them which again caught me by surprise. I guess he was opening up to me just as I had all these years. Our moments of engagement in the talk have stopped being a monologue as in the past; instead, it has evolved into a dialogue. He had literally spoken to me and we had a conversation in 2018. He spoke to the rest of his devotees too at his temple at Carey Island. That was amazing having the Mahamuni address us through a person, to our knowledge, for the very first time. He was apparently not happy with his children fighting among themselves. He wanted it all to end. He said he had summoned some of them. But only two of his dearest children turned up not because of fear but out of love for him. I felt sad too. I listened quietly. He went into a state of silence again something he does often only to come out of it to say what needed to be said, often returning to his domain. I knew he had moved on to attend to his numerous duties and other matters. The silence was prolonged. I moved away from the room - his room, to let him be with his thoughts.
Sitting with Agathiyar reminded me of the few but valuable days I sat at the feet of Supramania Swami and Tavayogi. Both my gurus taught me by example that both Guru and God are accessible to us without the need for mediators. The problem with us is we want to follow every guru on the face of the earth and follow every teaching available out there. Hence the confusion arises. I have sat with Tavayogi watching many devotees of Agathiyar who go on questioning him for hours, comparing what another guru had said, and asking his opinion about it. They come to him so full of religious and spiritual knowledge and vomit them to him, in most possibly a show of their greatness at having read and heard so much. I used to think if they knew so much why are they there in the first place? What can they possibly gain that other gurus haven't given them?
The above conversation was originally posted on Wednesday, 17 August 2022.
Sriinaath Raghavan wrote on Fb,
"The Ego is just as small as a Shrew, but the process of taming it is herculean to its core. There are many who come wanting to know but are enslaved by what they already know. So when you share with them what they don't know, they immediately compare it with what they know. When you tell them that they already know so much, so what's the need of knowing more, they reply, "I know that I know, but I don't know, what to do with what I know; so I keep wanting to know more?"
Ah! The first step of knowing is, "I don't know?" and so is the last step of knowing, "I don't know!"