Though these posts seem to be recycled numerous times, each time new evidence surfaces or a new experience is gained I need to go back to the past posts to verify its standing. So please bear with me. I have to put into perspective what is learned anew or gained in the course of this journey and if the need arises drop my previous understanding of it.
In trying to create a timeline of things that evolved around me and made me irresistible to the callings that came my way, that had me take the plunge, it has turned out to be a truly wonderful journey, fruitful and mindblowing at times. I am still wondering why I was one of many chosen to walk the path along with the Siddhas. Was it a desire of mine embedded in the deep recesses of time and space that I did not know of? Was it because someone had a wish for me to tag along? Was it that my ancestry had yearned for someone to come along and walk the path? Or was it to build a temple for Agathiyar as did my guru Tavayogi? Or to fulfill a similar desire of my guru Supramania Swami that was abandoned when the Divine put a halt to it? For as Tavayogi says I did not do anything to earn it, all my life all things were waiting for me. My career, my marriage, my children, my home, and the calling to the path - it all fell into place at the right time and moment. There was no one I met who objected or sabotaged all my efforts. Rather many cleared the path for me to progress speedily be it materialistically, religiously, or spiritually. I am deeply grateful to all these souls. Introducing me to new ventures along the way, I sort of picked up all the good things in life and made something out of it for myself and others. Bringing me to know many other souls, we made a breakthrough in our ventures that gained praise and laurels from the Siddhas. Bringing me to know and learn the finer points of Yoga, I guess I made a breakthrough in this venture too for I am told by Agathiyar that I am seeing the results now. But there was hardly any effort on my part. The enormous grace, compassion, and love that they had shown and showered on me did the magic. Considering all the blunders I had made in my life, it could have ruined my life in many ways. But somehow I was saved and am still saved by a hidden hand and a hidden power that has revealed itself as Agathiyar.
I had not cried as much as I did the first time I was in India while at the Tiruvanaikaval temple in Trichy, when the priest from Utamar temple who volunteered to accompany me there, brought me to Lord Dhakshanamurthy's sannadhi. I broke down and cried and cried and cried uncontrollably. It was akin to the pain of separation. I did not know why I broke down. I came to know only many years later that Lord Dhakshanamurthy was Agathiyar too. I did not understand why I cried aloud then but today I can safely say that it was not me, the person Shanmugam Avadaiyappa, but my soul, the Jeevatma, a part of him that was in me too, that cried initially in pain and later in joy having reunited with a long-lost father, mother, sibling, friend, guru, and God - Agathiyar. Surprisingly nobody from the public took notice of what took place as I laid sprawl on the temple floor crying, except for the priests from Utamar temple who told the senior priest at the temple who did the puja, the caretaker and watchman who opened up all the closed doors for us, and Deva who chauffeured me around, to let me be and cry my heart out.
From thenceforth it was tears and cries of joy wherever I went. When I was at the Ekambareswarar Temple in Kanchipuram, I was ushered by a young priest sitting at the entrance to Lord Nadarajah's chamber where I shed tears of joy that came on automatically seeing the majesty and beauty of my Lord. Surprisingly nobody from the public walked in during this private moment that I had with my Lord.
Then when I was in the presence of Supramania Swami in his village home Nachaannthal some 8 kilometers away from the town of Tiruvannamalai, I cried silently in thanksgiving to the Lord for the duration of our sitting, some 5 solid hours, till dusk, as he spoke about his gurus and my destiny without charting my horoscope though he was an astrologer. This time it was tears of joy and gratefulness to the divine for seeing me and all the blessings he had showered on me till that moment. Surprisingly nobody from the public walked in for an astrological reading during this private moment that I had with Supramania Swami who was to become my first guru that day.
Two years later in 2005, the very first day I met Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal in Malaysia in private at a local Peedham, when he asked me not to fall at his feet but instead showed me the feet of Agathiyar - a pair of wooden sandals worshipped by devotees, I could not hold back my tears of joy and relief as I grasped his feet again after a long separation. Surprisingly nobody from the public walked in asking to see Tavayogi during this private moment that I had with Tavayogi who was to become my second guru that day.
As I stood in line with the other devotees to get Tavayogi blessings at an affiliate Peedham of his in Seri Gombak on another visit of his in 2010, just as I got on my knees in front of him, there was a sudden burst of laughter and joy that overcame me. Simultaneously he went into a state of laughter and cry too. I did not understand either of our reactions. Surprisingly nobody took notice of what had just happened. Later as I drove him to Bukit Rotan to visit a new temple that was under construction, I asked him what had taken place that day. Looking back to the guide who was drowsing away in the back seat, he immediately hushed me. I never got to know the answer.
Then these spontaneous cries interspersed with brief moments of joy became a regular thing as it happened in the places of worship that I visited like the Sri Jeganathar Sivalayam in Tapah, the Sivasubramaniam Alayam at Kampung Kepayang and the Sri Siva Shanmugar Temple in Sungai Siput both housed in a cave.
As I stood with my family at the Sri Jeganathar Sivalayam in Tapah, I cried for reasons I could not comprehend. Again surprisingly none of the disciples from the entourage of a vagabond Swamiji who were taking shelter in the temple took notice of what was taking place. It was as if a screen was drawn to separate us and block their view.
When my family and I stepped out of the Nattukkottai Chettiar Temple, Penang, enquiring about the direction to the hill temple, the Arulmigu Balathandayuthapani Temple, a man pointed us to its temple tower that was visible from where we stood. I went into a state of frenzy and cried in joy upon seeing the tower. The man quipped at my family, "He has seen God."
When my family and I were led by the temple Gurukal of the Sri Siva Shanmugar Temple in Sungai Siput into the cave, I went into a spin and was thrown off balance and landed on my back in a ditch missing a boulder by inches. It happened the very moment the priest showed me and my family the spot where our Paramaguru Chitramuthu Adigal had meditated. This was the pinnacle of this show of energy.
When the AVM family went on a tour of spiritual places in Malaysia, I found myself crying in joy at Lord Murugan's Sannadhi at the Sivasubramaniam Alayam, Kampung Kepayang again. Revisiting Tiruvanaikaval again in 2013, this time with my family and Jnana Jhotiamma, I was overcome by an emotional outbreak of crying and joy that saw me sprawled again on the floor and crying.
In 2016 as the AVM family that was making its way to join the festivities for Agathiyar's Guru Puja in Kallar, sat in the presence of Lord Dhakshanamurthy, Lord Ganesha, and Kuthambai Siddhar at the Mayuranathar temple in Mayiladuturai, I was overcome by a profuse energy that went through me and left me crying in joy. It refused to settle for a long time.
A similar occurrence took place while sitting at the Sundarananthar Vallabha Siddhar Sannadhi at the Arulmigu Meenakshi Sundareshwarar Temple, in Madurai, while the rest of the AVM family recited the names of the Siddhas.
After these unexplained occurrences happened in the external world, things took a turn and began happening within, at times without my knowledge till it was revealed and explained by Agathiyar. I have been updating readers on these changes in several of my earlier posts as Agathiyar had requested I do so. My stools and urine still stink to this day. Sorry if I have to bring this up but it's a process that we have to talk about and mention. I believe the day there is a pleasant aroma when I leave these deposits behind is the day the total transformation of the gross has taken place. A colleague in my former workplace had a Sufi master from Indonesia as a guru. He tells me each time his guru comes out of the washroom there is a pleasant odor. The running tap water this morning looked different for no apparent reason. It had consistency and seemed solid like a Quartz Crystal or Spadigam but fluid at the same time, running off the tap as my wife washed the dishes.
In writing about his first encounter with his master Swami Sivananda, in ‘MY YEARS WITH THE MASTER’ at http://www.sivanandaonline.org, Swami Vishnudevananda, who found a small pamphlet in the trash basket called ‘SADHANA TATTVA’ that moved him to meet Swami Sivananda of Rishikesh, wrote:
"Before leaving, I went down the Ganga where it was the custom of the Ashram to do Aarati (waving of lights) every evening. All the devotees and inmates of the Ashram assembled by the banks of the Ganga to watch Master perform this evening worship. I was skeptical. I was of a scientific temperament and knew that a river is only water, H2O-imagine worshipping H20!! But as I stood there and watched Master waving the lights, I saw the river become a mass of flowing lights. At that instant, the river assumed a divine flow, a manifestation of the Grace of the Lord. Master turned and looked at me and in my mind, I heard his message, “God pervades everything; this too is His Special Form.” This entirely changed my outlook on life."
If someone walks up to me asking to perform a miracle, I cannot do it for I am not a Miracleman. Neither have I gained Siddhis. But I can definitely show him the way and the method and the practice that shall bring about these miracles. There is no instant formula or instant noodles to brew or cook here either. One has to take a step at a time. Taking baby steps beginning with belief in the Siddhas and worshipping them, taking their hand one has to put into practice all the practices and tasks given. With close monitoring by the Siddhas, we shall see some advancement in our efforts. Once the blocks are removed by our efforts, they will tap the energies to arise within. Then the energies shall do their work.
Each Sadhaka should keep an account of his journey to reflect on later and that might be of use to other aspiring Sadhakas who come by. I have always encouraged devotees to share their experiences by writing too, though some chose to do so through Satsang. There is joy in sharing and giving. It is by no means an inflation of one's ego.