KNOWING THYSELF

If in the last post I wrote, "I always wanted to know where and when it all began for me. What was the first wrong move that I made that started the cycle of death and birth or is it birth first and death later? I guess I created my own problems, and it blew out of proportion as we all began integrating and socializing taking on more baggage that is still being circulated around and has never settled down" and loads of information only to be vomited to others, 

The Mountain is back being the Mountain. The Search has Stopped. The Questions have Dropped. The Understanding has Appeared. But most importantly the Acceptance has Come. One is at Peace with one. Stillness Prevails. This is the gist of the entire Journey and Travel that has to come to the point of Standstill where Space and Time Stands. Now I understand what Agathiyar meant when he replied "Do Nothing" to my question if I had to do anything further after the volcano erupted in me in 2022. The Calling that came by Way of a Nadi reading in 2002 was a Reminder from the Past. The Journey seeking the Siddhas brought me to Know Myself as One. What more is there to Say or Write. I shall Drop this too. It has been a fine Journey that I have shared with Fellow Travellers of this blog. Thank you for traveling with me. I pray that you see the Light too.

• In Search of the Path at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EzzCZFKoicCmpC2iUnRFpFcD38OzhJO9/view

• Coming to the Path at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1O4rnaRcMKPbPfLdMxjssuoMQan-gD6fj/view?pli=1

• In the Path at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIK2Lz2NIZ6Augc4QqpL9gHH70lWdMOp/view

• Fire of Devotion at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jCMasLnaBpZi4QsLsbBVADZziqDOU6He/view

• Feeding the Flame at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bduv5PhFtuqncAherXq8WMPJ80yXFd7n/view

• The End of the Path at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LROMeh45Ry-KGwTx7N3G7F1NuzIyiZPt/view

• First Encounters with the Masters at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zrx_4OZnF7ss8754vh6W6r5afD6P_Sew/view

• Guru Disciple Relationship at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BNLP9fdJ2OFQzVgSBsvp0x3RAMYeyDFJ/view
• Milestones on the Path at https://drive.google.com/file/d/17UoMCNHxotIiDPnDTgc078LfGziEmeUJ/view

• Being Grateful at  https://drive.google.com/file/d/16UcTsba4TJ0bROExJ1xBuNMf-up7Tklb/view

WAITING FOR THE DUST TO SETTLE

In the movie "My Hindu Friend" director Hector Babenco introduces a character whom I would associate with Yaman who comes to take away lives. He comes as a stranger before Diego Fairman who is diagnosed with cancer and hospitalized. The conversation between them is interesting.

Diego Fairman: Who are you?

I came to take you.

Diego Fairman: Take me where? What if I told you I didn't want to go?

That's what they all say. What am I supposed to do?

Diego Fairman: What I would like to know is why me?

There is no logic. Maybe someone denounced you. I just obey orders.

Diego Fairman: I would like to speak to your supervisor.

Sounds like you want to complicate things. But I should tell you, if you don't come with me now, old age is pretty ridiculous and undignified.

Diego Fairman: Who do you work for?

A multinational enterprise. We are market leaders. 

Diego Fairman: Market? What market is that?

Market. The market is the market.

Diego Fairman: And who invented that market?

The market was created by the market itself. Back to the caveman days, when man exchanged something with another man, they created the market. And profit drives the market. You cannot argue with that because profit is sacred. Gods behind everything. I don't get extra money for philosophy classes. Shall we (leave)?

I always wanted to know where and when it all began for me. What was the first wrong move that I made that started the cycle of death and birth or birth first and death later? I guess I created my own problems and it blew out of proportion as we all began integrating and socializing taking on more baggage that is still being circulated around and has never settled down. 

BURNING MY FINGERS

When Anita Moorjani speaks about her unfinished purpose coming here that was linked to her husband and that she was required to come back after being in a coma, I recall Agathiyar in a Nadi reading telling my wife and me that we came together again in this birth because our daughter who was also with us in a past birth in Papanasam, South India, had wished for us to be with her again. Just like the division in cells, from a single cell, we came to be a fully grown individual, we are all indeed connected as souls, arising from the one or Yegan or ParamAtma. 

In "The Little Soul and the Sun" by Neale Donald Walsch, published by Hampton Roads Publishing Company, 1998, a Little Soul told God, "I want to feel what it is like to be the Light." 

God tells him, "There is no easy way for you to experience yourself as who you are since there is nothing that you are not. In order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear" and he went on to explain the opposites of things. "Since you cannot see yourself as the Light when you are in the Light, we'll surround you with darkness" he continued. Giving him a list of ways he could be special and having the Little Soul add to it, the Little Soul chooses the part where he gets to forgive, saying it wants to experience it for itself. God grants the Little Soul's wish. A Friendly Soul then steps in to help the Little Soul realize the experience. When asked why it volunteered the Friendly Soul tells the Little Soul "Don't you remember? Oh, we have danced together, you and me many times. Through the eons and across all the ages have danced. Across all the time and in many places have we played together. You just don't remember. We have both been through all of it. We have been the male and female, the good and the bad, we have both been the victim and the villain of it. Thus we have come together, you and me many times before, each bringing to the other the exact and perfect opportunity to express and to experience who we really are." But the Friendly Soul tells the Little Soul that in having to do that unkind thing it would have to slow down its vibration and become very heavy. "I will come into your next lifetime and be the bad one this time. I will do something really terrible and then you can experience yourself as the one who forgives." We are here to help each other fulfill their wishes and that of others. We are here to learn from each other experiences besides gaining direct experiences. 

Agathiyar who told me that we had known each other for crores of years came into my life and charted my path again in this birth. When he came around asking each of us what we wanted, while some asked for their troubles and illnesses and of their dear ones to go away, and others asked for Siddhi and Mukti without having any notion of what it was except having heard and read about these states, he then turned to me and waited for my reply. Though I had nothing to ask of him, I was forced to a corner to ask something. Finally, thinking continued service to him would be a proper thing to ask, I told him that I would want to take many more births and serve him as I did now. He asked me if that was what I wanted which echoed Tavayogi's answers to my asking to see Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal in the past. I knew then that it was not the ultimate wish and definitely not what he wanted to hear from me. I kept quiet. He moved on. Later having a conversation with Mahindren about this over the phone and remembering Tavayogi remind us not to stagnate in devotion or Bakthi and seek Gnanam, I told him maybe I should have asked for Gnanam. Agathiyar eavesdrops on our conversation and tells me that I had wished for Gnanam when he came later. He replied that Gnanam was not gifted but that we have to now make the internal journey traversing the various chakras and gaining all the experiences that come with the transformations and changes. Just as Tavayogi took me literally and physically walking the path of the Siddhas taking me to their abodes in the jungles and caves, giving me mantras to chant, rituals to carry out, and Yoga practices, rather than have me sit and gain bookish knowledge, Agathiyar too wanted me to have these experiences first before he came to clarify Gnanam. 

When I went for my Nadi reading in the beginning years Agathiyar told me to drop my guilt and forgive myself for the wrongs I had done as it was his play too. He said that he wanted me to have these experiences too. 

When he and Lord Muruga kept bugging me to build a temple for them and I refused to budge, finally Agathiyar tells me that it was all their play. 

When Agathiyar brought strangers into my home and asked me to loan my home and my body for him to carry out his play, we saw him do healing and bring solace and peace to these lost souls.

When Lord Murugan asked me to give way and stand aside so that he could carry out his play, all heaven broke loose. When Agathiyar lost his cool, Lord Murugan had him calm down and took over from there.

When the time was right for me to know about Maya and the extent of its arms in all matters of creation, Agathiyar staged his divine play or Lila. Lord Muruga told me to be aware of Lord Siva's and Agathiyar's play who had Indran play the game of chess using me as bait, and in the midst of this chaos, have Ramalinga Adigal come and calm and hush me, telling me to just watch their divine play, it was pretty obvious that it was to give us the experiences and bring us to see the role of Maya in all of God's creation. Agathiyar later came to shed some light on it. As usual, he gave me the experiences first and the clarity later. The Divine has shown his 5 fold acts namely that of creation, sustenance, eradication, veiling, and finally showering his grace. It is not only us who are schooled here. If we came to school here it is said that Ramalinga Adigal built the Satya Gnana Sabai to school the Devas too. 

As Agathiyar said, "The sacred book that shall show you the way, can only be written by you and only you, your experiences penned in ink. "உனக்கு வழி காட்டும் புனிதநூல் உன்னால் மட்டுமே எழுதப்பட முடியும். அது உன்னுடைய அனுபவங்களைக் கொண்டுதான் எழுதப்பட வேண்டும்", Agathiyar like God who told the Little Soul wants us to experience life and return back to him. The poet Kannadhasan says it beautifully too. To understand every factor of life one has to live it out.

What comes out of life, I asked. Live it he (God) said.

What does reading teach, I asked. Read and you shall know he said.

What is knowledge I asked. Experience it and you shall know he said.

What is love I asked. Give it and you shall know he said.

What is love I asked. Share it and you shall know he said.

What are the pleasures in a relationship, I asked. Wed her and you shall know he said.

What is a child I asked. Give birth and you shall know he said.

What is old age I asked. Live it and you shall know he said.

What is poverty I asked. Live it and you shall know he said.

What comes after death I asked. Die and you shall know he said.

Then I asked him if it was all to be experienced, why do I need you? 

God took a step forward and whispered, "I am these experiences."

Phew! What a journey it has been. If many learn the hard way, I am grateful to him for I only burnt my fingers to come to a state of realization. 

THE LURE OF MAYA

It has taken me 19 years to understand and comprehend what Tavayogi told me the very first day he stepped into my home in 2005. After inviting him over as I and my nephews sent him back to his temporary residence while visiting Malaysia, I voiced my joy and gratitude telling him that no Swami (or Holy man) had stepped into my home and that I was overjoyed having him come over. His reply stunned me as a bee's sting does. He said, "You are living in Maya. I am not a Swami as you think. I do not have anything (hidden) within my orange robe. Do not worship me. Worship Agathiyar." I was taken aback and remained silent all the way back to his residence. Though I felt confused and sad and could not figure out what he implied then, recently Agathiyar dwelt on this subject, clearing the air. He exposes the extent of Maya in covering the truth or rather creating an illusion of time and space and keeping us in the dark in all matters of creation and activity. In short, Agathiyar defines Maya as anything that goes through changes. Agathiyar challenges us to seek that which never changes. He asked that we seek that out. The only thing that does not change with time, and is not tied up with space, is the soul or Atma or to be specific the JeevAtma in all of us and all of creation. Live is but a series of fleeting moments. The soul watches it in silence.

If the planets are supposed to wreck our lives in this material world or deliver boons as the case might be, stepping onto the spiritual path and happily progressing in it to our surprise we are told that we encounter sabotage by the Devas. At least that is what I understand now from Agathiyar coming through a recent Nadi reading. We have heard of many instances of these in the mythical stories or Puranas. The one who comes out clear and clean from all this delusion and the divine play and game is the one who has attained Gnanam. This Gnanam brings him to distinguish the truth from the false. He beats Maya at its own game. But sadly we are lured by it just as we are lured by the pleasures of the material world. We can never beat it on our own. It is a losing battle. There is no escape from its clutches or hold without the grace of the Param or ParamAtma. 

AT PEACE WITH THE SELF

Call it God, the Almighty, the Divine, or Guardian Angels. Give it names such as Lord Shiva, Muruga, and Agathiyar. It does not matter. The truth is that this force and energy that is behind every creation and sustenance and that eventually brings an end to all life, and that veils the truth from our eyes, and showers its grace finally is forever shadowing us and sheltering us from harm's way. 

As I look back to the past and also the past lives that Agathiyar had revealed in my twilight years I come to see how the divine had taken care that I did not fall from grace into disgrace and did not harm myself or others through my actions. I now wonder how I had the courage to do those things that I did. I am ashamed of it. The consequences of my actions if had come to others' attention would have ruined me. My life would have easily taken another path or to say the truth gone down the drain if it was not for the divine monitoring it. This was besides the baggage of Karma I had brought along from my past births that set the tone for this life. Agathiyar in revealing my pasts gave me the remedies too. He later told me in my Nadi reading that I needed the former experiences too and that it was he who created the conducive environment and drove me to act. He asked that I pardon myself. How can I repay him? 

The divine was with me throughout my life. What was once an unseen hidden hand now has come before us to hear us out and give solutions, heal us at times, give us practices, and most importantly reveal the soul in us. The divine has come to reclaim its Self and bring it back with it or rather have it merge once more into its existence and the very existence. I am now his property or rather we were all his property from the very beginning but the individual Ego took claim of it. The Ego ventured to possess more and more, land, wealth, and women to add on to its treasures. It is only when the divine comes as a guru in the physical form or as the Self inherent in all of us for a handful, that the Ego is exposed and driven away or rather dropped. In dropping the Ego everything else drops on its own accord. There is now no effort needed to drop or let go. It comes naturally to us. The search ends. The seeking ends. We stand aloof from worldly affairs only giving minimal attention to things when called for. We are at peace with the Self. We are at peace with others. 

THE SIGNS

At times I used to wonder why we stand before holy men, mendicants, and monks troubling them with our petty troubles. So too do we stand before the Siddhas in prayer seeking solutions. They have already left behind their material likings, issues, and troubles to search for inner peace and quietitude. They must have forgotten the means and the ways having lost touch with current times and the needs of ours. What they can offer is their experiences, the means and the ways, the methods, and the practices that they observed and carried out to arrive where they stand now. But we are not prepared to take on that role as yet for we are caught in the trap and lure of the world. To leave would be to discharge our duties and responsibilities, incur the wrath of others, and add to our existing karma. 

How do we face pain and suffering? We pray that the pain and suffering ends. While looking for means to end the pain as in seeking medical attention, meanwhile we live the pain and suffering, exhausting a portion of our karma. Listening to our prayers, the divine comes to our aid as medical practitioners, treatments, procedures, and drugs that help bring relief. 

How do we face death then? Fear and anxiety step in as there is no surety that we will last another day. We pray that our lives are extended. We want to live longer. But for what? Agathiyar says when the shelter or home that this soul built from scratch was on the verge of collapsing it is only logical for the soul to move house. Death is in actuality shifting to another home and another neighborhood, starting life anew with other souls as in living with new neighbors. Death doesn't end it all. What ends is the present life and the things that we have come to grasp. The soul keeps traveling moving in and out of numerous homes, exploring the world. 

We should not think that the Siddhas or God would do our liking. They do not interfere with fate and what has been written unless called for. What is done cannot be undone but it can surely be repaired to a certain extent. Hence we see the Siddhas dishing out remedies when asked for. The soul or JeevAtma seeing us suffer due to our karma and our ways sends out an SOS that is picked up by the Param or ParamAtma. The Param lights up the path. A path is shown for us to travel henceforth. A new destiny is charted provided we heed the signs and live by it. 

BE FREE TO EXPLORE

If someone were to ask me if I knew the others running the establishments in the name of Agathiyar in Malaysia, I would reply "Yes" and that I had been there but I chose to walk alone. In the days of my initial thirst and search to know about the worship of the Siddhas they let me down. I decided to pick up from whatever little I already had in my hands and whatever I read and moved on with my solo journey. But 11 years on in 2013 Agathiyar decided to bring seekers of his Nadi to my home to participate in my family puja. Then followed years of active hosting and participation of rituals both in homes and temples, and carrying out charity programs in old folks' homes and orphanages, for the homeless in the streets, and those who had a roof over them but found it a struggle to stay alive. Agathiyar then brought everything including the Puja, charity, and Satsang to a standstill in 2019 when it was at its peak, telling us that it was enough. My wife said we were high on it just as one is in the case of acute alcohol intoxication. Affirming that the journey was solo henceforth, Agathiyar said that the path was narrow and only one could travel at a time. We all went our separate ways. Since then, except for the daily upkeep of my health, I have been idling around doing practically nothing. Not sure if it was to be this way, as we are always used to doing something either for ourselves, others, or in the name of our gurus and God, I asked Agathiyar if there was anything else that I needed to do. "None" he answered. 

When Tavayogi invited me to his ashram after we met for the very first time in Malaysia in 2005, and when Agathiyar in the Nadi reading I had, practically at the same time, requested that I visit Tavayogi's ashram and spent a couple of days, I left a month after his departure back to India. Upon arrival and staying with him, I was surprised that he too was whiling his time in silence, occasionally saying something to me that I did not comprehend until I walked the path too and came to experience them. Someone might drop by and bring him out or invite him to a function. Although that was about that, he volunteered to bring me to the places Agathiyar stipulated in my Nadi. He walked the extra mile for me showing proof of the existence of Siddhas though I never did comprehend them until I walked the path too and came to experience them. 

Supramania Swami too having had an exciting time in his life carrying out 40 years of austerities or tavam, and doing Siddhis during this time, took to solitude in later years, visited only by those who wanted to know their horoscope or for some amulet or advice. That is when I was brought to him arriving at his village home after completing the last leg of my pilgrimage in 2003 as dictated by Agathiyar in the Nadi. He was to be my first guru. Spending some 5 magical hours with him on my first visit I later visited him in 2005 and stayed with him, now in his kudil that we helped build adjacent to his guru Ramsuratkumar's samadhi temple in Tiruvannamalai. I saw the simplicity in their lives. I saw the humbleness in them. I saw their faith in the divine. I saw their surrender to the Almighty. They never preached about God nor spoke about their achievements or experiences. I watched and learned. Just as Agathiyar is still a mystery, both my gurus too are a mystery. Except for the little information I gathered from Supramania Swami's family, and the little that Tavayogi shared as we traveled together, I hardly knew both my gurus. 

When Agathiyar told me to come to the worship of the Siddhas in my first Nadi reading, I began to knock on doors seeking more guidance. But somehow the path and the worship were kept a secret by our pioneers then. Even the numerous books on Siddhas that I purchased from every bookshop that I came across and carried were repetitive. They were not personal accounts and experiences as in autobiographies or biographies but material put together from reading and research. They were too academic and mostly based on myths and legends, and Puranas. After I started my home puja I began to compile the songs in praise of the Siddhas for my own use. After my maiden pilgrimage to India in 2003 I began to write about my experiences. All these were in response to the existing gap and void and lack of personal accounts walking the path of the Siddhas. Then comes along Tavayogi who had actually walked the path. He gave us not theories and stories but had us put into practice the rituals and yoga asanas, taking us on a journey of exploration away from the favorite pilgrimage spots into the jungles and to the caves where the Siddhas are said to have roamed. My writings then revolved around him.

Soon with the coming of devotees to my home to participate in the puja, the rituals and songs that accompanied them were carried by them back into their homes too. These songs echoed in the halls of the temples where we conducted rituals too. Soon Agathiyar in 2022, giving me internal experiences that came about through the activation of the chakras and its energies traversing the body, asked me to share them with readers of this blog. Since then there was no stopping me. I happily shared them with co-seekers wanting to know. I asked them to share their experiences too and some did. This blog is a compilation of stories of mine and other devotees and their experiences. It is not academic. You will not find methods, teachings, practices, history, myth and legend. Neither am I a guru. We are all traveling together each experimenting with a thing or another and reporting back its results. We do not have codes of practices, codes to adhere to, rigid do's and don'ts, rules to upkeep, diet and menu to follow, etc. This path is one of discovery and learning from individual experiences. It is broad and expansive. As Tavayogi says one cannot possibly cage the soul, the soul should be free to explore the good, the bad, and the ugly. The soul should be allowed to explore and live out its desires and wants. For want of fulfillment of his desires, he had engaged with the world at large. 

After walking numerous paths and arriving on the Siddha path and walking it too, one finally comes to a point where he sees the foolishness in pursuing further thinking there is more beyond the hills and the dales. He stops his search, and retires in solitude, resting his aching limbs and heart. It then dawns on him that true joy and happiness, bliss and fulfillment, was in him all this while. He settles within, making peace with himself, forgiving himself, and abiding in his Self. As Agathiyar told me that there was nothing more to do, he settles down keeping himself company. He is his own world. The external world and its affairs do not affect him henceforth. He is complete.

Our lives is a book that we write in. Do not stop at Chapter 1. Do not let your life end with just a Chapter. Begin to take a step forward and write the next chapter. Let each Chapter be another story. Let each Chapter be another phase of our lives. Keep on writing and it might turn out to be a Novel or an Autobiography.

"You asked who I am. I am magic. You are magic. Because we are a part of magic that may not be definable but is unmistakably there. What is magic to me? It is the feeling that my own heartbeat, my own breathing, is as a response to and in parallel with a heartbeat and a breath that is already there." - Harry Owen

"You are the sum total of the experiences you have worked out. I thought to become a hermit was the ideal spiritual situation to be in. But I realized that that is not the answer. Time has taught me that you can't live as an island. You need your fellowmen. You see yourself as a reflection of your fellowmen. And you learn from your fellowmen good things and bad things. And then you realize that all the material things you have gathered, there is no fulfillment of spirit and life. It is what you have acquired. The soul is the true wealth. I do not have an answer to why I am here. I think maybe to work at this." - Johann Moolman

"We feel lost, we feel alone as a species. And we are feeling that because we have systematically set ourselves out on a journey of separating ourselves. But we are absolutely a part and parcel of this. I just wish that everybody could feel what is there for us because you would not experience one moment of loneliness ever again. There is extraordinary wisdom around us. It's an evolved wisdom, a wisdom that has evolved over time. We just need to listen to those who are older and wiser and who have worked out how to live well and wisely. And those are the species that have been around longer than us. They are the trees. They are the animals. They are the microbes. If we could just take the intelligence we have and tamper it with wisdom..." - Sue Swain.

SIEVING THROUGH MAYA

Watching the DW documentary "More Life - Decoding the Secret of Aging", I was surprised to learn that science now confirms that man's biological age limit is 122 years something I remembered reading back then in some Siddha text that stated that man could live some 120 years and that if he did he would begin to grow a new set of teeth. Saint Jeganatha Swami is said to have lived 145 years.  

 

We also learn and are now told that the fountain of youth is inside us, something that the Siddhas knew and got working on it in the past. We learn that as we grow old the repair cells intended to heal too grow old and they do not go to the spot that needs to be repaired justifying what Agathiyar told me last Thursday that what was supposed to be a fact that the body heals on its own now has to be assisted as I was getting old too. Just as we are told that inflammatory sicknesses are elevated in old people, I understood the recurrence of the pain in my lower back that is a result of these inflammations. We are told that a man's hair was darkening all over the place, as vouchsafed by his wife, and that made the scientist pretty excited. Agathiyar in holding my hair tells me that it too is darkening and shows his sadness that people, even after seeing this do not believe in the possibility of reversing aging.

Just as New York has Peter Parker for a Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man who comes immediately to the aid of those in distress and danger, mine is Agathiyar. As promised my back is better now. I am able to do my routine and daily chores as usual after the tug in my lower back last Thursday crippled me the past two days. But is Agathiyar only here to heal our sore be it physical or mental? Is that what the Siddhas do? Are they here only to heal us as and when we call out to them? Any Siddha physician or a medical practitioner can do the same, right? Are they only here to perform miracles though it does help capture our attention and seek to want to do the same, which is also not the ultimate reason they are here with us. Are they only here to look into our past and dish out remedies for our past karmas? 

Velayutham Karthikeyan Aiya who started the blog Siththan Arul, writing on the origin of the Jeeva Nadi, posted the following way back then. Here is a translation of the piece. 

The Siddhas had wished that whoever seeks out the Siddhas for solutions to their problems and surrenders to the Siddhas, shall be pardoned for their past deeds, however bad and evil they may be, and shall not be put through trial and tribulations and made to face the consequences but instead be saved. Erai granted the Siddhas their wish. The next instant the Siddhas wrote down; the reasons for each individual’s sufferings; listed out solutions and remedies; and showed ways and means to overcome or end the seeker's problems, sins, diseases, illnesses, and sufferings. They wrote them in Tamil prose on dried palm leaves. These writings came to be known as the Nadi. 

What then is unique about these Siddhas that places them above man as a whole? Above and beyond this desire of theirs to bring us to right the wrong we did and that we knowing or unknowingly do still carry on doing, they wanted us to get in touch with our soul or JeevAtma and find our purpose here. The soul would then lead us on the path that we are to pursue after we surrender to the divine will, letting go of our desires and wants, aspirations and addictions. The soul brings us to the guru who is yet another personification of the ParamAtma. If the soul unknown to us brings us to the guru, vice-versa the guru draws the veil aside and shows us the soul or JeevAtma or the Self in us.

But sadly we fall short of seeking favors from the Siddhas and never want to venture to know the soul. And so we come again and again and again and again, just as I had taken crores of births says Agathiyar. Even now I am nowhere close to knowing the Param that IS. All the reading and listening to the stories of the attainments of the Siddhas does not make us a Siddha. All the pilgrimages, the reviews, and the Satsangs neither serve to bring us to this state. As my wife says all the puja and charity we did brought on a high in us, we keep cheating ourselves thinking that this is it and that we are on the path of the Siddhas or even worse self-proclaiming ourselves as Siddhas. It is only when we get to see through the veil that everything that keeps changing is Maya or an illusion, that we settle eventually in that which is changeless. We come to know our soul. We know that our soul and the Param are one. We are the One or Yegan. We arrive at the state of Samadhi. We then abide in the Self. 

HISTORY REPEATS

Lately, my 3 dosas have been playing havoc again. Yesterday morning while wearing my pants to go for my routine walk, I felt a tug in the middle of my lower back that crippled me again. Lord Murugan came in a devotee later in the evening and brushed my causal body with the peacock feathers again while Agathiyar came and asked that I heat up 2 types of oil and apply them on my back again. He asked me to go for physiotherapy again. History is repeating. If clearing my throat during my morning shower brought on a similar pain in 2010 that crippled my movements for some 2 1/2 years, in 2018 a sneeze that came on while crossing the road did the same. I was blessed to have Agathiyar come through the Nadi in the former and Lord Murugan come simultaneously in the Nadi and a devotee in the latter to heal and dish out remedies. It is 4 am now and as Agathiyar said that I should be better in the morning, I am able to sit and write this post. When one begins to age there is only this much that the Siddhas can do too for they keep reminding us to achieve the state of Jothi before 60 after which it is unattainable as the body would not cooperate and withstand the total transformation that goes into the making of a golden body. I have missed the golden opportunity. I would be 65 this year. 

YEGAN

We are told in the movie "Kalank" that a dying person must fix their karma and not their health. That seems to be some sound advice. 

Just as there are many priorities in each phase of our lives, there are many meanings to things at different moments in our lives too. For instance, what is perceived earlier as a song of prayer from Avvai to a kid, changes to become a song potent with a recipe for health to a student of Siddha medicine, and becomes a song of Gnanam for one treading the path under the surveillance of a guru to know himself.

Similarly, pain and suffering start in the causal body or Karana Degam which moves into the gross and physical body bringing it on. What determines the cause is the past actions in the present or earlier lives, be it the good, the bad, or ugly of us, that rewards us with goodies as in the former or is brought into this life as Vasanas either seeking justice or to square it off as in the latter two. 

Since we are so used to seeing and perceiving directly through our senses and having the mind interpret them based on our past visions, hearing, smell, touch, and taste or the teachings and learnings from books and others, our mind is clouded. We do not go beyond the physical world and its play or illusions. We dress ourselves for this great play and the role we have taken. The guru comes to bring in the light, clearing the air, and having us see our true Self or Atman or JeevAtma. One who knows the Self or Atman or JeevAtma indeed knows himself to be one with the ParamAtma. There is no disparity or distinction between the two. He is then the One or Yegan.