Where do we draw the line and end our dependence on others to show us God? Tavayogi in bringing me to visit three variations of gurus showed me the first who had a desire to take charge and head a movement after his guru's demise and another who could not let go of his hold on the temple that he had put up. Finally, he showed me the last guru who kept to himself waiting for the day to take his place as a star in the night sky. He was indeed a star in the eyes of Tavayogi.
Where do we draw the line and end our dependence on Sariyai and Kriyai and move on to other frontiers? Agathiyar who initiated us to carry out Puja, initially with the family and later had us open our doors to others after bringing together several youths to my home that took on the name Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) ended it after we had bridged both worlds. Agathiyar tells us that if the need arises we could pick up these tools again to bring relief to all of creation and save the day.
Where do we draw the line and determine whether to walk away or stop to help or interfere in the affairs of the world? As I did not know, Agathiyar who initiated us to do charity, stopped it later after we learned to distinguish the genuinely poor and hungry and the pretentious and lazy.
Where do we draw the line and determine whether to walk away from establishments, bodies, movements, and societies? Agathiyar who gathered many and initiated all these activities, under the umbrella of Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia, taught me to let go of my association with these too. If you are to engage with work or activity there is never going to be an end to it. I have seen many hold on to Puja, charity, temples, and centers till their last days, unable to come out of it or leave it or let go.
Maya gives rise to activities and has us believe that we need to keep up with self-made targets and achieve them. Equally challenging was and is the temptations that Maya brings on. It is indeed truly a battle between the Devas and Asuras within one's Self. In a world of achievers, it is in doing nothing that you win the world. It is in letting go that the Prapanjam begins to shower its gifts on us. Activities result in a resurgence of and continued existence of Maya. We need the grace of Arutperunjothi or the Divine Light to step out of Maya that we are a part of too. To subdue Maya one needs to still his body and mind and eventually his breath. Maya is powerless in silence.
We come across a quote that goes as follows, "Life Is Not Measured By the Number of Breaths We Take, But By the Moments That Take Our Breath Away." All our activities thrive on and live at the expense of our breath. It is the breath that feeds all these activities. In having come with a certain count and number of breaths at birth, doing Pranayama, besides taking in more air, adds to the count. This adds on many more additional years. Then we are asked to wind down and take a moment to sit in silence. This is Samadhi. In doing so we begin to conserve the breath, leading to some further additional years to our lifespan. The very first breath that comes within to crank up this machine, with Pranayama, just as the blacksmith's bellow fans the fire, fans the fire within, the Tava Kanal, that melts down the door to the Muladhara Chakra, and its heat awakens the coiled creative energy that went into hibernation after creating this body and its Tattvas. With further efforts and continued Pranayama practices, this energy moves up to the Svadhistana and reaches Manipuraka where our efforts end. Henceforth one has to await the grace of Lord Siva to permit his counterpart Sakti to journey further, returning from her father Daksha's abode to her husband's side. At Siva's invitation, the Sakti that has now been waiting for the sacred reunion to take place breaks the bunds and makes her way to the abode of Siva at the Sahasrara where the dance of mystic union of Siva Sakti takes place and gives rise to the opening of the 1000 petals that emit the nectar, honey and ambrosia that fill each pore and cell with bliss and joy.
To help me go within Agathiyar had me close the AVM WhatsApp group that was instrumental in conveying the times of Puja and the schedule of charity programs. He had me go within. He had me go into solitary confinement only dealing with family and a select number of devotees. He had me sleep in his prayer room. He had me take certain herbs that cleansed the internals and prepared me further to take on the surges of energy that were to come my way. He gave me certain techniques to go within. If earlier the Pranayama techniques that Tavayogi taught me did their work in activating the Muladhara and ferrying the awakened energy till the Manipuraka, Agathiyar came to give a hand, breaking the bund to allow the energy to flow on to higher reaches. The creative energy that lay coiled in the Muladhara for some 48 years, upon being activated moved up and ponded and stagnated before the divine hand of Agathiyar in breaking the bund, caused it to swirl as in a whirlpool at the Manipuraka before heading north within days, it reached the summit and upon reaching the sea merged in the larger ocean. Now was the greatest test before me. Lord Siva and Agathiyar churned the ocean and played yet another game, having Indran play host to Maya. Indran became Loki at that moment, the God of Mischief. But Lord Muruga came to warn and caution me of both Lord Siva and Agathiyar's game. After much chaos and confusion as the play ended, they came to clarify, for it is always that true knowledge arises in the chaos and dawns after the mud has settled down. They made me realize that Maya is in all of creation, something that Tavayogi had driven into me the day he stepped into my home in 2005, which I could not make much sense then. I guess I have passed this test too.
Then when the dust had settled, Agathiyar as Lord Dhakshanamurthy began to impart his knowledge. It is a homecoming, reaching the homing beacon. Though still in the body, the mind churns all kinds of thoughts. We have to encounter them and go past these thoughts to help us settle down. It is truly a battle of wits. First, we are asked to dismiss our body by focusing on the breath. The Siddhas ask us to hitch a ride on the breath, leaving the coach and the engine that is the body and the train of thoughts behind. Then we are asked to focus on the silence in the breath, that eventually brings us to the place of no return, Samadhi. We then have arrived there, at the feet of Lord Dhakshanamurthy.
I am glad that I had my very first lesson on Maya on Tavayogi's very first visit to my home though I did not understand it then. I came to hear the word Maya mentioned that day. He disrobed me and my faith in holy men including him that very instant. I am glad Agathiyar in asking me to let go taught me to escape the clutches and hold of Maya. I came to know Maya and its hold on us that day. After shutting me up in his room since 2019, early this year Agathiyar released me from captivity and had me go out to see the world. Sadly nothing much has changed. Just when I thought I had gained some clarity, Maya threw in another surprise. I am glad in churning the sea, creating chaos, and exposing Maya, Agathiyar taught me to look through the veil of Maya that clouds all our actions. I came to know the extent of Maya in this divine play that day. If I was confused about why God who the sacred text describes as loving and compassionate was otherwise in the days of bachelorhood, now when I hear, read, and watch certain revelations by the Siddhas and their sacred texts, it makes me wonder if the Siddhas themselves were caught in Maya and she had used them to create chaos. I wonder for instance if Bhogar too like Indran is Loki from the Marvel universe? I wonder if Vyasa too is Loki from the Marvel universe? I guess we shall never get to fathom these mysteries and get to the bottom of the story of Maya and escape from her clutches or find our way out of this dark pit or win over her or win her over.
I guess I am back to staying away from family, friends, and other's company after having experienced the joy within. In wanting to share this joy I only came across barricades and walls and a blank expression. I understand one has to travel the path to see the light. Only then shall he understand. No amount of speaking or writing will do justice. The hold on Maya is so great that many either do not listen, are not receptive, do not follow the askings of Agathiyar, or are not moved to do his asking. Maya uses every trick in the book to have us hooked on worldly pleasures, fame and glamour, authority and position, or otherwise stuck to the problems and sufferings of daily life that consume us. As we are a part of Maya, it is deeply rooted in us and has gone beyond our reach and recognition. It disguises itself cleverly just as we saw Artificial Intelligence AI cook up a story in the movie "CTRL" that convinces the authorities to investigate an influencer for the murder of her ex-lover and partner.
It is now difficult to separate the milk from the water. The irony is that we are trying to discern Maya through the faculties of the body and mind that are a result of creation and tainted in Maya. Can we possibly win this war? It is only when we stand apart that we can see the deceiving Maya at play. Only Ramalinga Adigal managed to cross over, turned to look over his shoulders from beyond, and seeing the flaws and the hold of Maya shared this in his Arutpa singing that even the Siddhas had not attained this state. As is said that God helps those who help themselves and that the Siddhas wait outside patiently for us to let them in, and if Lord Siva came in a dream in 1988 and brought instant relief to the pain and sadness I carried since 1980 in not understanding how God who was to be all loving and compassionate could bring harm to his children, now I desperately need Arutperunjothi to pull me out of this whirlpool of Maya before I turn cuckoo. They are all having a field day at our expense. Or is it so? Where do we exist without them?