LOOKING BACK

Looking back over the years, I begin to realize how blessed I am. Going back as far as my memory has retained the happenings, I begin this journey of recounting it.

There was a home. It used to be a garage, but became our home after we moved in into it. 

There was a Chinese neighbour who used to go into a trance. I was given a second chance as a toddler when my parents brought me to him. I had been purging badly. Since my parents lost two children for the same reasons, they went to the Chinese gods to beg that I should be spared. I survived.

I remember the home that my family and I stayed in Kamunting. How could I forget it since each time it rained the river running right beside our home would swell up, burst its banks and flood over home.

Then there was the last home of ours in Taiping before my family moved in with me in Sitiawan. There was the Buddhist temple where I listened to parables and the tales of Buddha; there was an elderly man from Ceylon from whom I learnt Thevaram; and of course the correspondence course I took from Singapore, learning the Bible and the Gospel.

Even before I could remember, my family had moved home several times. From Rifle Range in Ipoh, where my mother got married to my father and moved in; then my parents moved to Taiping, where they stayed above a shophouse; and to Taiping Greenhouse where I was born.

My college days were spent in Ipoh. I heard great stories from the life of the Prophet from the gardener of Pakistani origin who worked at the college and traveled with me by bus.

I did not have great ambitions. I landed a job in the public sector that brought me to Lumut. I spent my time reading; discussing religion and spiritualism with my peers at the office; visiting temples; and conducting prayers at home at dawn and dusk. I did not have a yearning, neither was I determined (vairagyam)  to seek the lord's kingdom. I was comfortable with what I did. But many questions and doubts that crept during this period were left unanswered. One fine day, in 1988, Lord Shiva in a dream told me to keep all my questions to a later date. I dropped all questions and all forms of worship too. 

Fast forward to 2001, my nephew passes me a mantra of Lord Vishnu, and hands me a painting of Lord Dakshinamurthy, and asks me to observe the Navratri prayers that was to start then.

In 2002, I go seeking the Nadi.

In 2003 I am in India doing my remedies or parikaram. I go seeking Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai, to chart a horoscope, but take him as my guru instead. He introduced me to the myriad gods and goddesses in the Hindu pantheon officially.

In 2005 I go seeking Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal who was in Malaysia. He invites me to his ashram in Kallar. A bond grows between us. He introduced me to Agathiyar and the worship of the Siddhas officially.

The reason I can today sit in the comfort of my home, AVM and write posts after posts on the workings of the Siddhas is because of the grace of Erai, Agathiyar, the Siddhas, both my gurus and all the great souls who have come together at AVM.

All the mails, messages and comments from avid readers of Siddha Heartbeat keeps me going. But most of all the Nadi readings where Agathiyar encourages me to write drives me to accomplish this noble task given to me.

A mail from a young reader some years back brought tears of joy to me.

I went for another nadi reading. He advised me to read your blog regularly and pray regularly.

I did not do anything great or marvelous that deserved their grace. I have done my fair share of wrongs in life but yet the most compassionate father has shown his grace and continues to guide and protect me and my family and the rests in AVM. If my soul were to leave this body this very moment, it would leave contented.