We are told that we are here to learn, experience life, gain from what life has to offer and leave. As a little child we watch others and begin to imitate them, learning little things along the way. As a teen we associate with those in our age group and begin to experiment with new findings and explore new frontiers. As an adult when responsibility sets in, in the form of a job and a family, we are more careful with our association and begin to consider the pros and cons of things before engaging in any action. When old age sets in we reminiscent on the past and vet through our actions, considering if we could have acted differently.
Each thought and its corresponding action leads us to a different possibility in life. Life then is made up of so many possibilities. We chose a thought and its cause of action to end up where we are now. If we had considered and taken up another option, life would have been different. But we should realize that whatever path we chose to follow was the best option at that moment of time, having pondered our it and considering all the possibilities and outcome of our action carefully. We need not regret for any of our actions for it was meant to be. Forgive yourself first, then forgive the other.
Life has taught me too in simple ways, minute things that took me by surprise at times, and made me step back and watch in awe.
Tracing my childhood, although I do not have much of a recollection of it, I do remember places that I grew up in. These places trigger a thing or two about the incidents that took place and the people at that time.
As a young lad I was accommodating to others requests and wants that made me popular among the elders, not that I wanted their attention and glamour. It was only in college that I began to say no to requests from others if I thought it was not to my liking. This reversal of my attitude was sparked by a book that I read in which its author told his readers that it was alright to say no at times. This stand that I adopted made me unpopular.
In my career, I began to accommodate others and their wishes not to gain popularity, although it did follow me, again, but it enabled me to learn new things and technologies.
Just as before operating any machinery, I would go through its manual first, whatever venture I undertook, I would read about it thoroughly and get myself acquainted with it and prepared.
As a bachelor and feeling bored most of the time, I took up prayers to keep myself occupied. Soon I was enjoying every moment of it. I performed puja at dawn and dusk and threw in daily visits to the neighborhood temples. My thirst for answers to questions relating to the numerous dreams that I had, and the doubts that arised about God who was supposedly said to be compassionate, but turned out otherwise, did not receive favorable answers from senior citizens. I saw that they all lacked the knowledge, and were mere sheep of the flock. I was more determined now and searched the books for answers. But all the reading made me more confused because it all seem too good to be true in these books authored by pandits and the learned. These books painted ideal pictures of life, but in reality it was entirely different. There was so much suffering and hatred on the ground. I would have blown up to pieces at that critical period in time of descent and anger if it was not for Lord Shiva who came in a dream and told me to keep all my questions to a later date, hence saving the day. I stopped questioning. I stopped all the reading, and all forms of worship too.
Meantime I got married and began to take on new responsibilities. Soon I had a child and another. When my wife was carrying our second child, I began to frequent the temples again with my family. Moving three years forward, I had a surprise visit from my nephew who cautioned me not to ask anything about what was to be delivered to me that day. As we sat at my altar, his body shook before he began to pass a mantra to me asking me to chant. He told me I shall meet my guru soon. On subsequent visits, he passed me a painting of Lord Dhakshanamurthy to pray to. A year later I saw the Nadi. My life changed.
As told I met my guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai at his home the following year. I met Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal in Malaysia three years later.
Supramania Swami brought me to temple worship, chanting and meditation. Tavayogi brought me to do service and charity. Agathiyar through the Nadi revealed the mysteries of life. He showed me his path and holding on to my hand, led me on it step by step, explaining things, cautioning me at times, and showing me the bliss that is in store for all who track on this path of the Siddhas. Occasionally he shocked me back to my senses with revelations, giving blows to my ego, and running the lives of others in front of me so that I learnt not to make the same mistakes they did. Slowly but surely he guided me, staying close to me, giving me the courage to stand my ground, reminding me not to enter into a debate and to stay out of controversies, and pushing me to continue with my prayers.
There was a time when I was angry at others for not coming into this path even after having talked for hours at length about the Siddhas and their miracles, to the extend people stayed away from me for fear that they had to sit it out with me and listen unwillingly. I was so overwhelmed and taken by the many episodes and miracles Agathiyar performed and in my excitement to pass my joy to them, I rattled away for hours not realizing that it was all in vain. Soon Tavayogi told me, "Paathiram paarthu alanthu podu", that meant only share if you know he is receptive to what you are about to say. In other words don't waste your time with unconcerned and disinterested audience. I zipped up.
That was the case of the after effects of Nadi reading too, where I took every opportunity available to promote the Nadi to people, for I had seen it bring change in me and wanted that to happen in their lifes too. But all they saw was another medium of astrology, keen only to know what good was awaiting them materially and preferred to investigate the authenticity of the reader and the Nadi rather then its contents and message. Soon I zipped up. I made sure that they are already in the worship of the Siddha and in event they had not seen the Nadi yet, only then would I recommend that they seek guidance through it.
I became wary of Godmen too after I was shown the many blunders that they commit. When Agathiyar asked me to go places and see numerous gurus and receive their blessings and teachings, I thanked him for showing me Supramania Swami and Tavayogi but told him that I do not want to meet any other master for I had him - if at all there was anything I needed to know let it come from him in the confines of my home. I did not want another guru in the flesh no more. He stopped asking me to go places since that day.
He came in the Nadi, then as a statue and today resides in the hearts of many at AVM. He brought great souls to AVM together to do his job, giving each a task yet bringing us together to carry it out in unison. I realize that this marga or path is not for the masses but only those who come empty and are willing to listen to him. To those he reveals their past, recommends corrective measures to be taken and guides them on what they are supposed to do to pull aside the veil that prevents them from attaining the state of jhoti or light. If that state is not achieved within this lifetime, no harm done for we can always come back to continue from where we left, as Supramania Swami says, "Nothing (our efforts) goes to waste".