Today is Sivarathri, a night very special to Lord Siva. If Ma has 9 days to herself, Siva has only one night. If the siddhas are known to worship Siva with 16 items as libation to him on the monthly Pornami or full moon nights, imagine what would take place today. All the siddhas will be gathered at all the places of worship to Siva to pay homage and participate in worship of him.
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| From "Sittar Kalangiyam - Sithargalin Arputhangal", University of Malaya |
Siva is very special to me. Siva saved me at the nick of time from going cuckoo by intervening and stopping me in my search and worship. I had been reading a lot back then. I was having daily discussions of religion and spiritualism with some senior consultants at my place of work. I used to frequent the big temples daily. I used to frequent smaller temples of the smaller deities as we are told. I used to do daily puja both at dawn and dusk. All these led me only in circles and more confused. What was written and professed was reality very contradicting with the happenings that took place before me, in the circle of family and friends. I began to doubt if Erai existed? Why are people suffering so much? Why should he punish his children? Isn't he supposed to protect his children from harm? I did not get answers then. One day Siva came in a dream. It was a huge majestic and beautiful marble figure of him. What appeared to be a statue soon became alive. I saw his chest heave up and down. He was breathing. He broke into a slight smile, a punmuruval, something I cannot describe. It was so lovely. The moment he broke into a smile, a brightness came on. There was no more his image but the light that shone bright. I heard him speak in Tamil. He said, "Keep your questions to a later date." I woke up. Nobody could explain to me what he had conveyed in that dream. The beautiful thing was he did not ask me not to ask questions or stop asking, but to keep them for a future date. I left it at that and moved on with my life. Almost immediately I lost interest in all reading and discussion. I stopped all forms of worship. I went into hibernation 14 years.
After 14 years the doors opened up again through my nephew who was instructed to pass on a mantra to me. I was to chant the Vasudeva Mantra. I was told not to ask its source. Soon I received a painting of Lord Dhakshanamurthy too, given ahead and in preparation of receiving my guru. The following year in 2002, I am fortunate to read my nadi. Agathiyar came as my Moola guru, my Siva. He asked me to worship Lord Vinayaga, Lord Siva, the siddhas and himself. Agathiyar explains clearly why all the confusion took place. My past karma stood in between me and Erai, hence hindering all my effort, practices and worship from becoming fruitful. A year later I "accidentally" meet my first guru in physical form, my Siva, Supramania Swami in his home at Thiruvannamalai. He initiated me into chanting the Siva mantra. He took me to the Arunachaleswarar temple, his Guru Yogi Ramsuratkumar's samadhi temple and a Vishnu temple some distance from his village home.
Today I am slowly beginning to get answers to all those questions that had bugged me in the past and many more that come to me even as I pen these words now. I realized that Erai wanted me to walk the way and learn for myself from the experiences that came my way. Ma tells me that he brought those experiences to me so that I could learn from them and share them with others. One man's experience becomes wisdom to another.