I was a spoilt brat and still am. I was pampered all my life. It is not that I saw wealth throughout my young days. When my father was wealthy, I wasn't born as yet. When I was born our lives had taken a dip by that time. Having purchased properties and assets, life was promising until the war came. When a string of machine gunshots from a Japanese fighter plane missed my father by inches, he realized that moment that all the wealth and money he had could not possibly bring him alive if he had been hit by a stray bullet. My father began to give away his riches and properties. He left for India shortly and had a stint in an ashram where he served the guru. Later the guru sent him away back to his home and family to fulfill his responsibilities towards the family. My biggest setback is that I did not take note of the name of his guru and his ashram. My father turned into a philanthropist. Besides entertaining guests and strangers (virunth upasarippu) he helped all those who came for help financially. In later years although my family was no more wealthy we never went hungry. We had one decent meal a day and ate the leftovers for dinner. My mother would have all of us siblings sit around and pass rice balls placing them onto our palms. If still hungry I would dive my teeth into the coconut meat or kernel. That satisfied my hunger.
He seemed to know of his impending death. It was a pretty normal day when he woke up and towards the late morning took his bath and prayed as usual. Surprisingly he wanted his clothes to be ironed that morning. Towards the evening after he had watched a Tamil movie he asked for coffee. Again this was surprising as he usually makes his own. Just as my mother brought him the coffee, he had already sat in a corner of the living hall, legs folded in Padmasana pose, the pupils looking up, and sweating profusely. When my mother tried to move his legs, he toppled over, his head landing on my mother's lap. He had passed away.
I was always proud of my father for his courage to travel far in times when the only means of travel were by foot, horsecart, bullock cart, and ship. I wonder at times if I could have performed the same feat. My late father, like the others who were money lenders both by clan and profession, was courageous. They took the leap seizing the opportunity, as new frontiers opened up. He left his homeland in search of greener pastures. He traveled on foot and cart overland to do business in Rangoon in Burma; sailed to Ceylon and Singapore and finally settled in Malaya. He began his business with his peers in Ipoh and later at Market Street in Taiping. Whilst he had traveled far and wide, from his village Kilsevalpatti in Karaikudi to Rangoon in Burma, and sailed to Sri Lanka and later came to Singapore before making Malaya his second home, I never ventured out of my house nor traveled away from home. My maiden travel to India too came by and materialized only because Agathiyar gave me a nudge through my Nadi reading.
My father passed away in 1991 when he was 76. I guess the reason all of us are hale and healthy is because of the charity my late father did. I believe blessings and merits he collected, have come down to us too, safeguarding us from harm and danger. He never harmed anyone. He did not manipulate nor use anyone. He was honest in all his business dealings. He never made enemies. I realize that it is difficult to fit into his shoes. Meanwhile, my mother is 95 this year. God has granted her a long age. We are grateful to him.
I am 62. I believe I got a bonus of two years. So I was rather upset when I sat and pondered what I had achieved in this past two years. Nothing. With the numerous lockdowns due to the pandemic, I had not ventured out. Neither could others come by to AVM. Agathiyar too had in a timely manner shut us indoors, dissolving the group and putting a stop to Sariyai and Kriyai. All he asked us to do was to carry on with our yoga practice and meditation which I had failed miserably for I could not bring myself to meditate even with all the guidance and practice given by Agathiyar. I could not pursue the yoga practice due to the recurring backache and of course, I could not sit to meditate either.
Sharing this with Mahin, he saw this from another perspective. Only then did I realize how foolish I was to think of adding on more gains to our spiritual practices as we do in adding on wealth and power in the material world. Only after he told me that I had dropped much during the past two years, did I realize that it is not about gaining but losing oneself. That is the transformation we are to seek. I was forced to shed my hold on many a thing. Before the advent of the pandemic, he made me close the WhatsApp group that brought together the AVM family in puja and charity. We were sent indoors to carry out yoga and meditation. With the pandemic raising its hood we had to drop many things that we loved to do before. Our time was spent in isolation and with only our thoughts to keep us company. It was indeed a reset for us, having to lose many in order to gain some.
What have I gained? More hair on my head. Seriously. My hair is growing. The bald patch on my head is now covered with hair. My skin seems young. The epidermis seems to have thinned out. My senses are enhanced. I can connect with the prana in the five elements. The body heals on its own. It is amazing. What can I say but a BIG THANK YOU to Agathiyar?
Today I have a family of my own and 3 grandchildren too. God has been good to all of us. He chose to come to us as Agathiyar. He now takes care of all our needs. He dines with us. He sleeps with us. He listens to our talk. He travels ahead of us and waits for us to turn up. He paves the way for us, removing obstacles and delays. He rewards us. He weeps with us. He laughs with us. We are truly fortunate to have him look over our shoulders, 24/7.
My late father used to tell us his story of how God came in the form of a bee and drove away some wild dogs that had circled him as he made his way on foot from his village Kilsevalpatti to Palani. This miracle happened when he called out Lord Muruga's name. A bee came from nowhere and entered the ear of one of the dogs and sent the pack scattering away when the dog howled in pain.
The magpie that used to accompany my second daughter on her university grounds here in Malaysia is seen to be with her in South Korea where she is doing an exchange program. How do we explain this? Lord Murugan told us he came in this form to accompany her while Goddess Ma tells us that she is in good hands. What else do we want?
Agathiyar had addressed my wife's question as to the relationship between her and Agathiyar some time back. We had all been living as a family in the past in Kuttralam. My wife and I sold fruits in the vicinity of the Kuttraleshwarar temple. We used to offer Agathiyar the fruits before we started to sell our wares for the day. Our little daughter then two years of age would feed Agathiyar (statue) with these fruits. We lived in poverty then. Since we served him back then, although much in a very simple piety way, through offering these fruits that were picked from the surrounding hills - the most compassionate father decided to provide us a better life in this birth. Hence we all took birth in Malaysia where we enjoy a comfortable life. Agathiyar coins or terms this country as "Boga Naadu." Now I understand why my father made the move to Malaya.
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| My late father's childhood home and street when I visited his village in 2003 |
I guess my gurus in physical form, both Supramania Swami and Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal's grace has much to do with what I am seeing now. They never taught me to worship them but instead, Supramania Swami showed me to Lord Shiva and Tavayogi showed me to Agathiyar. When I reached out to my gurus, they passed me to Lord Shiva and Agathiyar instead and stood back. This is a true guru who links us with the source rather than takes precedence and credit. Rarely do we come across such gurus. Today even after they had shed their mortal frame I am not lost for I have a place to hold on. I have access to Lord Shiva and Agathiyar.
