There is a reason why things happen. I only came to know that everything we face is a result of our past karma after reading the Nadi. Prior to this revelation, I became angry with God for what I saw as torturing his own children. I witnessed devotees going through sufferings and misery and sudden death too. I was asking if God is all-compassionate why did he sit and watch without intervening? Although I was spared from suffering I could not stand to see those close to me battle it out. I took it out on him during my puja both at dawn and dusk. Finally, Lord Shiva came in a dream and asked me to put aside all my questions for the time being. He had me transferred back to my HQ where I slowly could let go of all the frustrations I had in wanting to know the answers. I chose to drop all forms of worship and reading. Time went by. After 14 years he knocks on my door. It was a Saturday in 2001. My nephew brings me news and a mantra. I was asked not to question the source. I was given a painting of Lord Dhakshanamurthi to worship. The reason I was told was to prepare to meet my guru. The following year a colleague brings up the topic of the Nadi and his experience in seeing it. I became excited and asked to see it too. He made the arrangements. Agathiyar came in the Nadi calling me back to worship of the deities. He asked that I worship the Siddhas too. As this was new to me he started initiating me having me perform Nadikku dhanam or a simple thanksgiving puja to the Nadi and their authors or rather the caretakers for documenting, retrieving, and revealing my life story. I followed the puja at home too.
The story that was written by me in the past was rewritten by Agathiyar the moment I came to follow his dictates. After I fulfilled all the remedies or parikaram my fate that was written was wiped and a new destiny was rewritten. The Nadi that was supposedly written back in the past became irrelevant. Instead, it was written in real-time as the Aasi Nadi when I was called to it three years after the first Kaanda Nadi reading. The script that I as a playwriter wrote was overwritten by the divine hand and the play took a different turn. Of course, it was for the better.
Our lives take hold just as roots branch out into the soil. Just as the roots seek water and nutrients, seeking the source of continued sustenance in our lives we sought the way back to the source. But each time we stand at a crossroad with no road signs we look up towards the skies for a sign. These are the only moments we look up to God for guidance in a world where the "I" dictates our lives.
Srinath Raghavan shared the numerous stages of a teacher/disciple on Fb.
1. The Teacher who gives you information is called - Adhyapak2. The One who imparts Knowledge combined with Information is called - Upadhayaya3. The One who imparts skill is - Acharya4. The One who is able to give deep insight into a Subject is called - Pandit5. The One who has a Visionary view on a subject and teaches you to think in that manner is called - Dhrishta6. The One who is able to awaken wisdom in you, leading you from Darkness to Light is a Guru.
He makes an observation from the above.
In my opinion, a Student's progression from being under the tutelage of an Adhyapaka to the luminous proximity of the Guru is many lifetimes of singular journey.
If the temples produce devotees or bhaktas, present-day gurus produce followers. The Siddha produces another Siddha. Time and again Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal tell us that our gurus in the Siddha lineage are trying their best to raise the understanding and stature of the aspirants and devotees to followers and sadhakas and eventually to become like them, another Siddha. Like the above list, the aspirant is given information. Gaining this information he turns a devotee. Knowledge and the skills given turn him into a sadhaka. He becomes well versed in the subject gaining deep insights. He then has a visionary view and a purpose in life. Finally, his wisdom is awakened and he too becomes a Gnani following the footsteps of his predecessors.
Sri wrote further,
In the same way, on the other hand, it's an equal arduous journey from being a Teacher of Information to an Awakener of Souls.
The Siddhas too must have journeyed through the rank and file given above slowly evolving into the status of a Siddha Guru.
The Atma that dictates and cares for the child as does an eagle protect its chick, goes behind the veil once the "I" in us raises its hood. It is time the individual lived out his karma. The Atma becomes a silent watcher or Manasatchi. It is of utmost importance to let go of the "I" so that the Atma can reveal itself. The Atma then helps us reach out to the Paramatma. When the Atma comes to the forefront and takes charge, sitting on the throne that it once occupied and reigned, the divine steps in. When the divine steps in all karma drop. Just as there cannot be two captains to a ship, it is either the "I" or the Atma. They both cannot travel together. As it shall be disastrous the Atma that truly cares for us chooses to veil itself leaving the "I" to manage.
It is tough to drop the "I". The guru can help us drop the "I". The blows I received from Tavayogi had me drop mine. Agathiyar came in the very next moment. He is now the charioteer too. I am just a passenger. This is surrender. When we can surrender our lives to the driver, pilot, and captain of vehicles, we hesitate to surrender this vehicle to the divine or guru. We understand now why Lord Muruga made surrender a prerequisite to receiving initiation from him. When he asked all those gathered to come before him he asked each if he or she had surrendered.
Looking around we are saddened that these days people tend to "collect" initiations from any teacher, master, or guru who comes by just like collecting trophies to show. Only when a bond is cemented shall a true master initiate the student into the mysteries of the path. Tavayogi used to say that one has to wait some 12 years to receive an initiation into the path. The aspirant turned seeker and devotee and later a sadhaka will be fully tested before it is given. Once the guru sees that the sadhaka has qualified only then is he taken in as his disciple. Tavayogi never claimed that I was his disciple though I claimed that he was my guru. It was only after 11 years that he openly mentioned to the small group of Agathiyar's followers in Malaysia that I was a student of his. All those years although he stood by me he never intervened or influenced me. Like the aspirant listed above, I came to Tavayogi. I was given information about the Siddhas. Gaining this information I turned a devotee of Agathiyar. The knowledge of rituals like conducting the homam and the skills and practice of Yoga made me a sadhaka or practitioner. Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal asked me to gain deep insights and become well versed with the subjects like the 96 tattvas and the Atma asking me to read Tavayogi's books. Agathiyar gave me a visionary view of things to come. The final step would be to gain wisdom and become an awakened one or a Gnani following the footsteps of our predecessors. That needs his grace and blessings and his touch. But even if it doesn't happen traveling this far itself was a god-sent opportunity.
Nadi Nool Aasan Thamaraiselvan Ramaiya wrote in his WhatsApp group,
குரு மலை கழுகை ஒத்த குணமாக இருக்கவேண்டும். எல்லா வித்தைகளையும் கற்கும்வரை பாதுகாத்து கற்றதுபின் உலகஞானத்திர்க்காக தன்சீடனை குருநிலையை எட்ட தனித்து நிற்க செய்யவேண்டும்.
Just like an eagle protects its chick only to let it fly when ready, soaring in the skies akin to him, the guru should be like an eagle protecting his student while under his tutelage only to let him go so that he too can take on the role of a guru for the good of other seekers.
கடைசிவரை ஒருவனை சீடனாகவே வைத்திருப்பது குருவிர்க்கு தோல்வி.
தெள்ளற வித்தைகற்றான் சீடனும் குருவை தேடான்......மூதுரை.
A guru should make another guru out of his disciple. It is seen as a failure on the part of the guru if he keeps his disciples remaining a disciple till the end.
Guru Namasivayamurthi was serving his guru Guhai Namashivayar in Tiruvannamalai when Guru Namasivayamurthi had strangely begun to brush his attire with his hands as if dozing a flame. Guhai Namashivayar asked him what was he doing? The disciple answered that a rat had run away with a burning wick from a lamp that in turn had ignited a fire, burning a curtain. He had smothered the fire, dozing it off. The guru was happy to see his disciple gain Siddhis. But as gaining Siddhis was not an indication of one having attained Gnana, Guhai Namasivayar tested the devotion of Guru Namasivayamurthi by asking him to dispose of his vomit in a secluded place where no one would step or trample on it. The student drank his guru's vomit instead. My guru Supramania Swami in having mentioned this incident to me, made me understand the inseparable bond between a disciple and his guru.
David Godman writes in his blog at http://davidgodman.org/asaints/gurunam1.shtml,
Seeing the powers his disciple was developing, and noting the extent of his devotion, Guhai Namasivaya thought to himself, "Day by day my disciple's knowledge is increasing. He should not be kept here any more. Let me test him one more time, and then I can send him to a place that will be appropriate for him."
Giving him the first two verses of a poem or venba, Guhai Namasivayar asked his disciple to complete it.
Guhai Namasivaya was delighted with the way that his disciple handled the test. Guhai Namasivaya, feeling that delay would serve no useful purpose, responded to the song by saying, 'You can start right now'.
It is said that Guhai Namasivayar sent away his disciple Guru Namasivayamurthi to Chidambaram once he exhibited the ability to see the curtain at Chidambaram Temple burn in a vision in realtime. Guru Namashivayar, wanting to stay forever with his master, protested aloud. But Guhai Namashivayar insisted that he go. Failing to convince his master, the junior Namashivayar finally gave in but not without stipulating a condition. He told his master that on his arrival at Chidambaram his master should be there to meet him; otherwise, he would return. And so the student took leave of his master rather reluctantly. On arrival at the abode of Lord Shiva at Chidambaram and heading straight for the inner sanctum, Guru Namashivayar had the darshan of his master and guru Guhai Namashivayar! The disciple never returned to Thiruvannamalai henceforth. Guhai Namasivayar sent him away to Chidambaram where he could dissipate his Gnana to others.
This is the true guru. A true guru would never want his followers to remain a follower forever. His achievement is in seeing his students rise to the level of a guru at par or even better than them. They rejoice in seeing their students rise up the ladder of spiritual advancement. They rejoice in seeing their students beat Maya at its game and come out a victor. Agathiyar tells us to walk tall so that he too could walk tall with pride at having produced a Siddha of equal caliber.
Tavayogi worked on Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar and today she heads his ashram in Kallar. This petite and humble being was there as Mrs. Sarojini when I set my foot at Kallar Ashram in 2005. Tavayogi called her over to help with the feast that I wanted to give to the tribal native people who were staying in the huts that they had pitched around the ashram. She accompanied us on a buying spree where we bought clothing for these children. The few days I stayed at the ashram Tavayogi and I would head for the river passing by after our morning walk for a dip, our bath and to wash our clothing. The day I was to leave the ashram as it was still dark at that hour, Mrs. Sarojini was seen groping in the dark preparing hot water for our bath. The next time I met her in Malaysia she had already taken on turavaram or adorned the saffron robe and took on the name Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar. She was there to receive us when my family and I traveled to Kallar in 2013. She accompanied us and took good care of us. Both Tavayogi and Mataji came for my daughter's wedding in 2016. The following year when Tavayogi passed on he handed the running of the ashram to her. I always told Tavayogi that she was capable of carrying on the tradition. Indeed she stood alone in trying times to see through that Tavayogi received the best medical care. But when we lost Tavayogi she stood strong battling the weather and to see through his work. She had completed Tavayogi's samadhi structure and conducted the agamas relating to it stretching some 48 days. When I suggested that she shorten the two-day festival in conjunction with the annual Agathiyar's Jayanthi and Guru Puja she hesitated, telling me that she would not want to change the precedence set by our guru. She shall carry on this tradition again on 23rd December 2021. Mataji is in the midst of seeing through her attempt at writing Tavayogi's biography. It is scheduled to be released during the Guru Puja. Those who want a copy can call her up at +91 98425 50987.
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| Tavayogi and Mataji at AVM in 2010 |
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| Tavayogi and Mataji with us in 2008 |
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| Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar |
If man had thought that he was the dominating species and was in control, the pandemic has brought him to his knees and made him plea for mercy. The new strain of the virus is worrying us making us wonder if the borders would be closed again. In the midst of the pandemic that seems to have no end, disrupting our travel plans, stalling them, or creating anxiety and uncertainty, Agathiyar had invited me to visit Kallar ashram. Mataji too extended an invitation as India had opened its borders to foreigners. Friends in India too have extended invitations. If only Agathiyar would wave his magic wand or rather his Vaasikol and clear the air so that we could travel without fear?