I stood naked before Agathiyar as he revealed my Nadi. I was ashamed of my past actions. He gave me remedies that supposedly softens the impact of karma. Three years later in my second reading, he tells me he had forgiven me and asked that I forgive myself too. He said that he had orchestrated those happenings so that I could have those experiences too. He never saw it as a sin.
All my puja and yoga did not bring fruition until my karma was cleared. Sariyai and Kriyai made way for us to receive the blessings of the divine. Nothing moves without his will. With his blessings, we began to see results in our new endeavors as we began to clear our baggage of karma carrying out the remedies given.
He gifted me Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) turning my home into his garden. Rituals further accentuated the heat or tava kanal in us, besides helping burn the karma further. The heat within us grew accordingly to that in the Yaga Kundam. Naturally when a small group of followers begin to gather the desire to start a movement arises. Some came with ideas to expand and extent whatever activities that was going on then. But we only chose to carry out his dictates not giving in to our individual likes and desires. We only carried out his will. At times an idea would crop up and later be endorsed by him.
Initially having us take up Kriyai, very soon he made us realize that one needs to drop everything to enter God's kingdom. We have to stand bare naked before him again. He had us drop the activities, both the rituals and the charity. We dropped all rituals, charity activities, Satsang and gatherings, pilgrimages, etc as told, abiding by his words. He asked us to go into Yogam. Yogam shall lead to Gnanam, said Agathiyar.
The Annamaya kosam had to be rid and purged of toxins and impurities. The imbalance in the three dosas that bring about illness and disease was corrected by the intake of proper satvic food. If we have to undergo pain and suffering in clearing the karma of our past actions, we had to undergo similar pain and suffering in cleansing the internals in our body. The body was then made a fortress fortified through the intake of Kaya Kalpam. Just as he had brought us to stay focused within in the confines of our homes the past two years the focus was on the body now bringing it within the confines of a Suddha Deham. We had more time to cleanse the "house", both our home and the body. With a clean home and a clean body, their visitations increased both at home and within. They began to move things both in the home and within. They took charge.
The Pranamaya kosam expanded in its capacity to hold Prana with yogic practices, resulting in immense vibrations, bringing us accustomed to the higher rates of vibration. A force field surrounded the body. In later years we realized a similar intensity in vibrations happening both within and around us as the Siddhas came down to be with us. His Vanam became Agathiyar Tapovanam.
Next, they began to work on the Manomaya kosam. It too had to be rid and cleansed of toxic thoughts and impurities. The dirt had to settle. This is only possible by going within. The starting point is prayers. With prayers and our efforts comes divine blessings. Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar says blessed are those who can afford a room for the divine in their homes, a private room, to sit in private with God. Bless are those who have the privilege to be alone in that private space and time with their beloved deity and guru. Poet saint Nakkirar sings in his "Vinayagar Agaval" pleading Lord Vinayagar to sanction his dream of having such a place accorded to him. Nakkirar seeks the grace of Lord Ganapathy asking him to remove all obstacles and create the avenue and a special moment, the space and time, to be with the Guru. He asks further for this moment of sitting in silence with the Guru, be a merger in thought with him. He asks that even the thought of the guru as being separate be dropped, and to become identified with the Guru, to be one with the Guru.
மோனா ஞான முழுதும் அளித்து
சிற்பரிப் பூரண சிவத்தைக் காண
நற்சிவ நிட்கள நாட்டமுந் தந்து
குருவுஞ் சீடனுங் கூடிக் கலந்து
இருவரும் ஒரு தனியிடந் தனிற் சேர்ந்து
தானந்தமாகித் தற்பர வெளியில்
ஆனந்த போத அறிவைக் கலந்து
ஈசனிைணயடியிருத்தி
மனத்தே நீயே நானாய்
நானே நீயாய்க்
காயா புரியைக் கனவெனவுணா்ந்து
எல்லாமுன் செயலென்ேற உணர
நல்லா உன்னருள் நாட்டந் தருவாய்
காரண குருவே கற்பகத் களிேற
வாரணமுகத்து வள்ளலே போற்றி
Conferring the Silent Jnana,
Coming face to face with the final revelation of the source,
Giving birth to divine desires,
Hence the Guru and Student merge,
in a lone space, the Para Veli,
locked in blissful knowledge,
placed at the Holy Feet of Siva,
"Oh Maname, understand that you are ME, I am you,
the body is but just a fortress in a dream,"
Bring me to the realization that all is your doing,
Bring forth the yearning for your Grace in me,
Oh my Guru, Lord Vinayaga.
Sitting alone in silence, with only silence and Agathiyar accompanying us, we learn to appreciate the silence. We become aware of the chillness in the air around us and in the air that we breathe in. Lord Dhakshanamurthi is often portrayed as sitting with his disciples in silence. But it is said that before he went into silent mode he used to answer the questions and doubts of his disciples. But there seemed to be no end to these question and answer sessions. The moment he became silent his disciples became enlightened. As Agathiyar says, the Atma attains the state of Puranam or completeness in the presence of the Highest, so does Frank Alexander describes this state beautifully in his book "In the Hours of Meditation", Advaita Ashrama, Calcutta, 1993.
There are hours when one forgets the world. There are hours when one approaches that region of blessedness in which the soul is self-contained and in the presence of the Highest. Then is silenced all clamoring of desire; all sound of sense is stilled. Only God is. There is no more sacred place than the region of peace into which the mind enters when it becomes fixed in the Lord. The spiritual consciousness dawns in these silent, sacred hours. The soul is close to its source. For this to take place, prayers are needed. Prayers lead one to this exalted state of silence.
Now we have touched the Vignanamaya kosam. Arivu or Gnanam arises. It is the dawn of wisdom and direct knowledge where nothing is heard or read but everything dawns on us as in when a new morning breaks. We become the experience. What is read and heard is pointless unless we experience what is read and said. Otherwise, it is just a mural on the wall, a mirage on the road. Only when we experience it do we become the experience. If earlier we were spectators to others riding the rapids, sailing through rapids we now become the experience.
But we are not prepared to slog or sweat. We want to throw money in favor of spiritual gifts. While some gurus might dance accordingly to our tunes, others throw us out. They break us. The godman seems to disappoint us at one point. This is the true test of our yearning. Many tend to move out and shift to another and yet another. He is never satisfied. No holy man can please you? Why should he? Your guru would break you into pieces and then reassemble you back. That is why he is there. One in search of the truth should be prepared to be hurt, that is how he is toughened, molded, and shaped. That is how his Atma gains Balam or strength.
In 1947 with a burning desire to realize his innate divinity, Ramsuratkumar set off in search of a master. The search for his spiritual father brought him first to Sri Aurobindo and later to Ramana. After spending three days with Ramana, he moved on to Swami Ramdas. Truman Caylor Wadlington writes, “However, unlike his meetings with Ramana and Aurobindo, he felt no attraction to Ramdas.” Ramsuratkumar could not bring himself to accept Ramdas’s life of luxury. He returned to his home in Kashi. Ramsuratkumar visited Ramdas repeatedly but he felt the same way towards Ramdas each time he was with Ramdas. Even after several earlier visits to Ramdas, Ramdas did not inspire the Yogi. When Ramana followed by Aurobindo, passed away, Ramsuratkumar thought that he should open himself to the remaining sole savior Ramdas. When finally the Yogi accepted and surrendered to Ramdas, surprisingly Ramdas was not willing and did not receive him well. The Yogi has this to say about his guru.
"Papa (Ramdas) did not allow this beggar to understand Him. The time was not ripe. This beggar had to wait till Papa Himself revealed His Divinity to this beggar, to make this beggar understand that Papa was his Father." – Yogi (Source: Truman Caylor Wadlington in his book YOGI RAMSURATKUMAR - THE GODCHILD OF TIRUVANNAMALAI)
In 1952, the Yogi arrived again at Ramdas’s ashrams; only this time Ramdas turned out to be an entirely different person. Truman writes,
It is interesting to note that when he arrived the third time the holy man was actually awaiting his arrival in expectation and greeted him just as a father would have received his own son.
Ma Devaki writes in YOGI RAMSURATKUMAR -THE DIVINE BEGGAR, published by Yogi Ramsuratkumar Ashram, Tiruvannamalai, July 2008,
According to Sri Yogiji, the four years of tutelage under Sri Aurobindo and Maharishi Ramana were a period of ceaseless transformation of the human into the divine - a period of construction of all that was conducive, destruction of all that was dross and sublimation of all into greater and greater awakening. His days see-sawed between heights of ecstasy and depths of gloom. He was already a ripe fruit needing but a gentle tap from the Siddha of Kerala (Ramdas) for final consummation with God. For many years Ramdas had secretly worked on the disciple to accustom his body gradually to higher rates of vibration. Then Ramdas initiated him into the repetition of the Ram Mantra. What was to transpire immediately was a vivification of the centers or Chakras of the inner man, a radical elimination of all impurities and a sudden influx of energy directed through the master and accompanied by a release of latent spiritual fire within the disciple.
Without adopting any rituals and not leaning on any traditional conditioned customs of the religion, Ram Surat Kunwar (the Yogi’s original name) braved his path with pure faith upon his Guru and reached the other shore safely.
Here is a lesson for us to learn too - do not judge the guru. Many turn up at a guru's ashram or abode and begin to study the man rather than his teachings and messages. Eventually, they leave seeing the lifestyle led by the guru, that does not conform to their image of a guru. Some delve into the running of the ashram and administrative and financial matters and seeing flaws leave with disgust, talking ill of the establishment and the guru. But the truth of the matter is either we are not destined to learn from a particular guru or we have gathered too much trash and filth in us that needs to be sorted out and thrown before the initiation begins. Here we now understand why Tavayogi insisted that a student needed to wait some 12 years before he can receive the guru's teaching.
It is said that Ramalinga Adigal shut the doors to his Satya Nyana Sabai at Vadalur and locked up the place for good at one time when he saw that his followers were not listening. He left the majestic place that he had envisioned and painfully and meticulously designed and built and shut himself up in a small house in a village some 3km away called Mettukupam. The Siddhas and gurus have expectations of us. Often we tend to disappoint them. But when we comply and do as told and earn their respect the skies open up and shower on us the blessings of the divine. Just as Ramalinga Adigal had the key to Satya Nyana Sabai, only the guru has the keys to the abode of the Lord. Only he can let us in to have an audience with the Lord. After having an audience we return with a changed perspective. After you complete the cycle, when you come back to the starting point, everything seems renewed to your eyes. The songs that you once cherished and heard played in loops have a new flavor now; the food that you took for ages now seems extremely delicious; the sights that you saw previously are extremely clear, bright, and colorful. It is like you get clarity after replacing your eye lens. It is like you get clarity after your guru gives you a knock on your head.
Then when all the five primary elements and the five kosas are purified, by the very same elements, just as a thorn is used to remove another thorn, we become conscious and aware of every act knowing that it was God's move. The divine reveals itself or comes within or comes down if you prefer. Then all efforts are brought to a halt. The divine energies start playing within us. We lose control of our bodies and mind. The Paramatma kicks aside our ego and the "I" and tangoes with the Jeevatma. This dance of life sets into motion a whole new world of bliss and ecstasy. In these moments even pain is bliss. If prior to this we have had brief moments of joy, bliss, and ecstasy that were sensed and experienced, we now become the experience itself. No fair, no show, no act, no action, just genuine love for him where the two souls meet, where the two merge. The Atma that came to be identified as the Jeevatma the moment it comes to accompany the body and breath, disassociates from that union that came forth from one's parents shifts towards the divine Paramatma, back to its permanent abode, leaving its rented premises. When it leaves for good that is samadhi or merger with the source or one with the source. It is not an external journey or travel in time but that which takes place in the present with the body and breath intact. Ramalinga Adigal went a step ahead and had it dispersed back to its source literally leaving no trace.