Just moments ago sitting at Agathiyar's feet in prayer and in quiet contemplation I asked myself if I was wasting time just as I thought I had during the pandemic as all our activities were brought to a stall, he tells me that we make a mistake thinking or equating activities with progress. As in the material world, we set Key performance indicators or KPIs, "quantifiable measures that gauge a company's performance against a set of targets, objectives, or industry peers" and work towards meeting the target we bring all these methods to the spiritual search too. On the contrary, it is the opposite that is true. We are to learn to let go in the spiritual path as Mahindren comforted me back then as I told him of my dispointment in myself at having wasted precious time.
Sadly we have come to gauge our progress through activities. If the world around us is a hive of activities the true path leads us to drop everything. We shall shed the post and the religious and spiritual assemblies too, the authority and power that comes with the spiritual posts, and shall remain a humble servant to god and his servants like the Nayanmars did. I guess that is what I saw in Tavayogi then but back then I did not understand it. Though he had started a peedham ordained by Agathiyar he stood apart even from it. That peedham could not be equated with him, neither he be equated with the peedham. We only saw Agathiyar and his workings there. All the worship, honor bestowed etc was for Agathiyar solely. Tavayogi stood among us in prayer to Agathiyar. He never became the worshipped. He showed us worship to Agathiyar instead.
It is in these moments of sitting that the subject to write each post arises and I too arise to break the moment less I forget what is given as it flows by. One of our favorite books that we read to our children and now our grandchildren is "A Fly Went By".
Just as the fly went by followed by the frog, cat, dog, pig, the cow, and its calf, the fox, and the hunter, a train of thoughts comes and goes by, less I catch that it disappears. At other times they appear as I am engaged in work and other thoughts. I put aside the work to immediately capture it. Later I update and format the post and upload it. I am not the author of these writings but he writes through me I soon learned. He gives me the subject or creates a scenario from which I get a clear message and also gives relevant references from books, movies, and others' experiences for Tavayogi always said that what we write or say should be substantiated by references, proof, studies or Siddha songs.
Just like he has taken hold of the pen, he has taken hold of my soul too for how can I explain the sudden burst of laughter that arises from within me as I stand in his abodes and also in my home? This then turns to cries and which are interspersed with shouts of joy. If somebody needs to crack a joke to make us laugh, here we laugh for no reason in the midst of god. I guess if we deal with the world using the faculties of the physical body with its 96 tattwas, in god's presence our souls connect that trigger a reaction that is sensed by the physical and related bodies. Many are the stories told of saints crying in their abodes and the reasons for it happening. But we shy away from associating with these reasons for we know where we stand before him or rather he knows every inch of us. Who are we cheating?