Over the weekend I met someone who had stepped on the wrong side of the law, had multiple encounters with the authorities, and had stepped before the magistrates to the extent she remarked "Not you again! What have you done now?" Does a situation drive us to do something that we regret later? Are we a victim of circumstances and consequences? Though it seems so, eventually it is apparent that we have a choice in each moment to decide to take action or defer, to speak our mind or refrain from speaking and hold back our tongue. I guess it's a matter of making choices and taking responsibility for our choices and not blaming another, fate, or destiny. Listening to him share the incidents that shaped this young man's life from an early age, I saw a movie unfold. If previously I would have judged this youth according to his act, I could accept these, these days for that soul had asked to experience these and he had the other souls come to oblige and fulfill his wishes. So must I, have carried wishes, that have come to fruition in my life too. Just as darkness is required to know light, wrongdoing, and injustice have to happen to establish right and justice. So too people of various colors and tones, habits and characters shall teach us the opposites.
Walking over to a Chinese society that I presumed catered for worship too I asked if I could enter to look around and maybe worship the deities, the caretaker or volunteer I presume told me it wasn't time yet. We have contained God in a space and made him available to man during certain hours of the day. When our charity arm, Amudha Surabhi volunteers instead of delivering food door to door in several apartments as in the past, for a change, prepared and distributed cooked food to devotees at an adjacent temple, the priest waited until the Nitya puja or daily puja was over to voice out to me telling me that we should wait for the curtains to the inner sanctum be drawn aside and the puja conducted first for only then shall the Goddess know and see what we are doing. This shocked me. I asked myself if a simple curtain could block the all perversive energy from seeing us. I asked if God works 9 to 5 like us? Or is God only in attendance during set times? Should not God be available to us at all hours? It looks like we have passed on our traits in the worship of God too. We have ended up visiting God on certain days and times of the day. When are we going to be fully immersed in his thoughts and let go of all these external rules that forbid this merger? I began to drop my faith in middlemen, those assigned as guardians of God and those who use God to manipulate man for their convenience. We missed the mark and seem to be shooting elsewhere. We have lost sight of our target and are deviating further and further away from our destination.
Why am I shown the weaknesses of others? Is it to bring me to do things better or differently. This is what Lord Murugan in asking me to build a temple for him said I shall show him in a different light. This is the reason the Siddhas came to set things right and bring us back on track but sadly no one listens as Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal lament. Eventually they, like the ravaging fire shall raze down the forest, setting fire to all the wrong practices, burning them to ashes.
While many sit and watch time pass by, some watch the buses come and go, and some others tend to wait longer intending to catch another bus later, they do not realize that age is catching up with them. The total sum of breath that they brought with them at the time of birth would eventually be used up in all their daily activities. They shall run short of breath trying to catch the last bus.
On another note, I have come to realize that existence is all about creating spaces and containing the life forces that are inherent all around and defining the undefinable with languages and words. Beginning with civilized man building a home for himself and later places of worship and learning etc, it is all about protecting himself from nature's force in the first case, creating spaces to pull in and contain nature's forces in the second, and dispersing his knowledge to the masses in the last case. The human body too serves a similar purpose. The Siddha path that is pointed out by a guru brings us to explore these forces in nature, which otherwise would be a mere existence, living in the world of Siva and keeping to Sariyai. Soon we explore the rituals in Kriyai that bring down these energies into our homes and we stand witness to explosive moments and encounters with them. In exploring Yogam, these energies are now experienced within our bodies. Finally, in bringing oneself to sit quiet, these energies are transformed even further from the gross to the astral and finally the subtle. Gnanam or divine revelations dawn from within. We come to understand and realize that we are one and that we are the one. Everything settles down as we rest in peace. We can exist amid the turmoil. Unperturbed we stand watch as the guardian and witness. We become Jeevan Muktas until the final calling comes to leave the gross behind and merge in the subtle.
But in holding on to these principles I end up getting alienated. For instance, I am accepted only if I drink with them or talk politics. But I can only talk about Agathiyar. When I scout for others who think and act like and are on the same frequency as me there is hardly anyone. I end up being the lone traveler. I guess that is the reason Agathiyar told me that henceforth I have to travel alone as the path narrows and permits only one at a time. I have come to realize that however much I try, I cannot sync with society, which as Annie Besant wrote is on a coarser plane. Once we have left this plane for the finer planes it is impossible to make a U-turn to please those who choose to stay behind. Neither can individuals and society understand nor stomach our ways. I guess this had led many to stay away and apart minding their work and what they came for.
Finally, Agathiyar came yesterday through a telephone conversation with a devotee and asked me to start puja or worship again at my home till he comes again on Guru Purnima. The statues of Agathiyar and Lobama too have returned to AVM. We eagerly await the day that is dedicated to giving obeisance, paying our respects, and showing our gratitude and thanksgiving to the Guru.