With puja to the Siddhas and practice of Yoga over the years, my heart began to mellow, and I began to weep and sob and go into sudden outbursts of laughter and cries numerous times for no reason. It was not that I wanted to cry, but it happened spontaneously. The cry came from within without my control or me initiating it, especially during temple visits and while conducting prayers and Bhajans. I used to automatically perform certain gestures too. Surprisingly, these involuntary movements never attracted the attention of the public, as it was as if a veil was drawn to shut me out from others. There were numerous instances like at the Tiruvanaikaval temple in Trichy; at the Ekambareswarar Temple in Kanchipuram; when I was with my family at the Sivasubramaniam Alayam, Kampung Kepayang; when my family and I had prayed at the Nattukkottai Chettiar Temple, Penang, and stepped out, and a man pointed us to the Arulmigu Balathandayuthapani Temple, atop the hill where its temple tower was visible from where we stood; when Tavayogi pointed me to a pair of wooden sandals or Padhugai, a representation of the feet of the guru Agathiyar at a local Peedham in Batu Caves; as I got down on my knees in front of him, and he simultaneously went into a state of laughter and cry too at another Peedham in Gombak; as I stood with my family at the Sri Jeganathar Sivalayam in Tapah; when I was in the presence of Supramania Swami in his village home and as he revealed about me without charting my horoscope; when my family and I sang the songs of praise to the Siddhas before Tavayogi during our visit to his Ashram in 2013; and during each Nadi reading I had. I would shed tears of gratitude to Agathiyar and the Siddhas.
These moments of joy and bliss continued when the AVM family went on a tour of spiritual places in Malaysia. I found myself crying in joy at Lord Murugan's Sannadhi at the Sivasubramaniam Alayam, Kampung Kepayang again. Revisiting Tiruvanaikaval again, this time with my family and Jnana Jhotiamma in 2013, I was again overcome by an emotional outbreak of crying and joy. I lay on the floor of the temple, the body twitching involuntarily, not in pain but in joy. It was as if all the nerves were tugged, pulled, and stretched, from top to toe, quite like the tensioning of steel bars in the beams. But it was never hurtful, but rather pleasant. In 2016, as the AVM family made its way to join the festivities for Agathiyar's Guru Puja at Kallar, we stopped over at the Mayuranathar temple in Mayiladuturai. As we sat in the presence of Lord Dhakshanamurthy, Lord Ganesha, and Kuthambai Siddhar, I was overcome by a profuse energy that went through me and left me crying in joy. It refused to settle for a long time. Later, I was overcome by emotion sitting at the Sundarananthar Vallabha Siddhar Sannadhi at the Arulmigu Meenakshi Sundareshwarar Temple, Madurai, while the rest of the AVM family recited the names of the Siddhas. The pinnacle of this show of energies was when my family and I were led by the temple priest of the Sri Siva Shanmugar Temple in Sungai Siput, into the deeper recesses of the cave, and shown the spot my Paramaguru and Tavayogi's guru, Chitramuthu Adigal, had meditated. I was physically thrown off my feet as I went into a spin and lost my balance, and landed on my back in a depression amidst the boulders. But I came out unscathed and laughing.
At home, I had collapsed a couple of times, upon waking up to go to the toilet. I picked myself up each time. Then when I dropped onto the floor, outside the toilet, it scared the wits of my family members who were awakened by the sound of my fall. They stood watching in terror as my body twisted, writhing like a snake in pain. But it was joyful and pleasurable the same. Later, Agathiyar came and told me that when the Kundalini arises, it would exhibit the movements of a snake. He acknowledged that it was indeed blissful. I soon learned that when certain energies begin to traverse through our body as a result of the Yoga practices, various behaviors and feelings could arise: negativity and anger; laughter or crying; etc., all happening spontaneously. The pent-up anger and emotions are expelled from the system, too.
My stools changed in appearance and texture each time I excreted, at times rubbery, and sometimes oily; at other times as pebbles; or forming thin strips like DNA; sometimes light and floating, and at other times dark and sinking. Sorry to mention this here, but since our excretion shows the state of our health, and the stool was a way to identify illness and the state of our being and insides in the days of the past, both by medical and Siddha practitioners. The senses were enhanced, sharpened, and refined. We breathe through our skin, through each and every pore. The ear picks up even the finest sounds. The eyes regain their clarity. The nose picks up the smell, aroma, and stench too. The taste buds become refined.
After 18 years, Agathiyar spoke about Gnana to us in 2020. In sharing a story of a Yogi, he explained that a single flame that is lit and burning by itself is not an extraordinary feat, but to light up the next lamp beside it is something to be looked upon with high regard. Similarly, a true Gnani will want to ignite the spark of devotion and Gnanam in his disciple so that he too could glow with all the luminosity. Just as a miner shifts through the earth in the hope of seeing a tiny sparkle in the soil that would be of value, the Gnani seeks the face of the earth vetting through the millions of people looking for a potential candidate who will listen to them and uphold their teachings, eventually becoming one of them. The Siddhas mention this lineage as "வாழையடி வாழை என வந்த திருக்கூட்டம்", "Valaiyadi Valaiyaaga Vantha Thiru Kuttam".