JOINING THEIR FOLD

However much I try to write briefly, I end up giving lengthy posts. Please bear with me, for everything has to be said, for it is all connected. Otherwise, there would be missing pieces of the puzzle, and readers would not get a complete picture. 

The calling came late in life for me, only in 2001, a year before I came to read the Nadi, as I was then already 43 years old. Agathiyar had Gopal Pillai, who had gone into Samadhi, come through a devotee of his and pass on a message for me through my nephew, who was a devotee of him too. He had my nephew come over to my home to deliver it at 4 pm on a Saturday afternoon on the 6th of October 2001. He had me chant the Vasudeva mantra, hence breaking my self-imposed exile, or rather, the 14 years that I had stepped away from all forms of worship, reading, and discussion, taking heed of the advice from Lord Siva coming in a dream, to shelve all the questions and doubts I had for another day. I was asked to pray to Lord Dhakshanamurthy too, to show me a guru in physical form. Although there was no explanation given for the whole mysterious happening that afternoon, I learned only later from my nephew that the message and mantra were from Agathiyar. 

I soon received further answers when I happened to come across this Vasudeva Mantra being mentioned in books and on the net. I came to know about the Granthis, or knots, too. I learned that the Vasudeva Mantra is said to pierce and balance the Vishnu Granthi. I learned later that there are two other knots: Brahma Granthi and Rudra Granthi. We are told that further practice of Pranayama would pierce these too and the six Chakras too. 

R. Venu Gopalan, in his book, "The Hidden Mysteries of Kundalini", enlightened me further on the Granthis, stating that the Vishnu Granthi adds obstructions for the Sadhaka, keeping one under the wraps of attachment and bondage. I guess this is what Tavayogi wanted me to avoid, hence telling me on the very onset of our meeting in 2005 that I was caught in Maya, thinking that he was holy. Instead, he showed me to Agathiyar. If he did not kill my excitement that day, I would have worshipped him instead of Agathiyar, hence becoming attached and bonded to him. Many years later, in 2022, Agathiyar, wanting to help me when I stagnated in worldly affairs, admitted that it was very difficult indeed to free oneself from the clutches of these worldly bonds. He said that we need the assistance of the Siddhas. 

Then it dawned on me as I penned this post, the meaning of the Mantra that Agathiyar gave me in my Nadi later in 2009 and asked me to share.

Contrary to my thinking that the word Giranta that appears in the mantra was an ancient form of writing and speech that was attributed to Agathiyar as its guardian, I realize now that it refers to these knots, or Granthis. And so it was that Agathiyar was the guardian of these Granthis, or knots, and also their gatekeeper. The key was with him. True enough, only now do I understand why Agathiyar told me in my very first Nadi reading that I had to come to the worship of Lord Ganapathy and chant his Mantra. He was to remove the obstacles and pierce these knots before I started on the journey. In later years, Agathiyar tells me that he is Lord Ganapathy too. If one visits Agathiyar's shrine at Adhi Kumbeshwar temple in Kumbakonam, he will come across Lord Ganapathy at this shrine instead of Agathiyar's statue. 

Agathiyar, through his apostles, had me located and had the mantra delivered in preparation to read his Nadi and have me receive him as my Moola Guru too. He came to show me the way to clear these obstacles and move on. I was blessed to have been gifted with the Vasudeva Mantra that brings balance to the Vishnu Granthi. After receiving the Vasudeva Mantra and diligently chanting it, the call to read the Nadi, something that Dr. Krishnan told me in the nineties to look up, to know if I was cursed in a past life, came. Besides carrying out the numerous remedies given by Agathiyar in the Nadi reading, the Vasudeva Mantra helped to dissolve my remaining past Karmic deeds.

1. In calling me to the worship of the Siddhas in 2002 and revealing himself as my Moola Guru, 
2. and then in sending me to meet my gurus in physical form, in 2003 and 2005, 
3. and in having his statue commissioned and made and brought home in 2010, 
4. and in having strangers knock on my door on the pretext of seeing him, 
5. and in having sent youths to my home after their Nadi readings beginning in 2013,
6. in having us go full force into rituals at AVM, and homes of these devotees and in the temples and doing charity in children's homes and old folks' homes, the streets and the homes of the poor and unfortunate, 
7. and finally winding up the show and bringing down the shutters in 2019, 

Agathiyar showed me a colorful stream of men and women who came and left. In the small span of time sitting with Supramania Swami in Tiruvannamalai in 2003 and 2005, and with Tavayogi at his Kallar Ashram in 2005, 2013 and 2016, and whenever he came to Malaysia, I saw a myriad of people with all kinds of situations stream in and come before him, and I got to see how they handled them. Then, in bringing people over to my home, Agathiyar had me observe and learn how he handled each one of them who stepped into AVM. I saw that people tend to be in many phases of their spiritual growth. They each had different needs and wants, mostly for themselves, most of the time. So many came to Supramania Swami, a family man, to chart their horoscopes, get talismans and amulets, and leave. None asked him what he wanted. Many came to Tavayogi, a mendicant, imagine, asking to sort out the mess they were in, bringing up their financial issues, health issues, and grievances. Tavayogi had to tell them to come to the worship of the Siddhas. 

But it was different with Agathiyar, who told me that the strangers who knocked on my door were sent by him and asked that I let them in.  

1. To a disbeliever, Agathiyar might opt to send him back, for he has to live out his Karma and fate first.
2. Similarly, if one has been to many places, and seen many gurus, learned and seen much, and comes to him to vomit all that was seen, heard and remembered before him, he might send them back, telling them to come again when they are empty and ready to receive. 
3. If one then comes empty, he either gives him or her a method or practice to follow or begins working on him or her subtly. 
4. When one comes butchered and in pain, Agathiyar might ask him or her to look for his Nadi.
5. As a general rule, if one is asked to surrender, he fears the very thought. Agathiyar pushes him to the point that he has no other choice but to surrender, as and when he has lost everything and has nothing more to lose.
6. When one genuinely comes up asking for guidance, he might have him come to the worship of Siddhas.

Following the phase of Sariyai that includes pilgrimages to holy spots where, in making the effort and travelling to arrive at these places, we shed a part of our past Karma, and in worship we shed the rest. Then, with the coming of the Guru in physical form, we take up the rituals that bridge both the worlds - the Siddhas and ours. The Siddhas come down and lead us on until we qualify to make it into their fold. In taking up Yoga, it bridges the Soul within (JeevAtma) with the larger Soul (ParamAtma). 

The body has to be cleansed (Dega Sutthi) first. There is a need to carry out breathing practices (Vaasi) (Pranayama), starting with cleansing the nerves (Nadi Sutthi). The guru should initiate us into it. I was blessed to have Agathiyar as my Moola guru, initiate me into it through the Nadi and telling me that I would see further advancement through my gurus who would come by for this purpose. I remember vividly this very first yogic practice he gave me, the Nadi Sutthi, which clears the nasal channel and prepares the body to receive further practices. I learned that the Siddhas recommend this practice of alternate nostril breathing to purify the nerves. Once the nerves are purified, then Pranayama can be performed efficiently. 

Swami Vivekananda, in his book, "Raja Yoga - Conquering the Internal Nature", Advaita Ashrama, Calcutta, 1998, guides us on Nadi Sutthi or Alternate Breathing.

1. Stopping the right nostril with the thumb, 
2. through the left nostril, fill in air, according to capacity; 
3. then, without any interval, throw the air out through the right nostril, closing the left one. 
4. Again inhaling through the right nostril, eject through the left; 
5. Practicing this three or five times at four hours of the day, before dawn, during midday, in the evening, and at midnight, in fifteen days or a month, purity of the nerves is attained; then begins pranayama.

He stresses the importance of continuously working on these practices.

Simply listening to explanations and theories will not do. With practice, within a few days a little glimpse will come, enough to give one encouragement and hope. We shall gradually see the reasons for each exercise and what forces in the body are set in motion. All things will come to us, but it requires constant practice. No amount of reasoning which I can give you will be proof to you, until you have demonstrated it for yourselves. As soon as you begin to feel these currents in motion all over you, doubts will vanish, but it requires hard practice every day.

B. K. S. Iyengar, in his "Light on Pranamaya", HarperCollins Publishers, India, 2004, says the same,

The practice of pranayama helps to cleanse the nadis, which are tubular organs of the subtle body through which energy flows. The respiratory system is the gateway to purifying the body, mind, and intellect. The key to this is pranayama.

Swami Rajarshi Muni says that when Prana is regulated and properly directed, it can charge the various parts of the body, purifying and rejuvenating them. 

In a footnote in his book "Autobiography of a Yogi", Self Realization Fellowship, 1990, Paramahansa Yogananda mentions that a yogi's body loses its grossness after use of certain pranayama. 

With Agathiyar starting me off by initiating the practice of Nadi Sutthi in the Nadi reading, he sent Tavayogi later in 2007 to officially initiate me into various Asanas and Pranayama techniques. 

I was blessed to have Supramania Swami, who passed on the merits of his 40 years of Tavam, or austerities, that rocketed my efforts manifold. 

After Agathiyar had me spend my days in solitude and my nights sleeping in the prayer room, and had me observe certain regimes and practices, on 5.9.2019, I fell right before him as I got up in the middle of the night to go and ease myself. Picking myself up, I fell again in the living room. I fell and lay in front of my bathroom door again, slithering in pain like a beaten snake. He described the slithering as a sign of Kundalini moving. Agathiyar said the Kundalini had arisen and had turned up the heat and fire within as well. The heat of the austerities, or Tava Kanal, coupled with the awakened Muladhara Chakra, which triggered the arousal of the Kundalini, began to stir and move away from its seat. But still, I was unaware and could not join the dots until Agathiyar revealed. It was both painful and blissful. He acknowledged that it was the bliss of bliss. He mentioned further that the third eye and the crown had opened, and as a result of the three Malas or impurities being eradicated, I was partaking in the ambrosia nonstop within. I was both baffled and had no idea what he was saying. 

R. Venu Gopalan, writing about the Kundalini in his book, "The Hidden Mysteries of Kundalini", speaks about Kanda.

The origin of the nadis is called Kanda. All the important nadis emerge from this astral centre and do the major activity of carrying the prana.

Swami Rajarshi Muni, who recommends alternate nostril breathing, as did Swami Vivekananda, speaks about the Kanda too.

Prana travels through the subtle body by means of subtle channels known as Ida and Pingala. These subtle channels, like the gross air passage, have their upper ends at the openings of the left and right nostrils. However, they do not end up in the lungs like the respiratory system of the gross body. Instead, they run down to a bulbous, subtle structure (Kanda) situated about three inches below the navel of the gross body. This is considered a powerful exercise in creating Pranaprabalya, or the strengthening of Prana, as well as the purification of the Nadis. The more Pranayama is done, the more Prana is stored in the Kanda.

I guess my Kanda must have been packed with Prana after all those years of practice, for the latch was opened and it was released over two consecutive days back then in 2022. Agathiyar told me that the reason for the pain and discomfort I went through in my lower back for some 2 1/2 years was that the energies had stagnated at Svadhisthana after the Muladhara had opened and the Kundalini aroused. In July of 2022, Agathiyar told me, "Currently, your Muladhara and Svadhisthana are open. At present, your breath is at the pond (lake). The time of its opening is near. Now is the right time to start your practice. This would open up the Chakra completely." Agathiyar mentioned that my breath shall touch the Suzhimunai and swirl, travel along my Chakras, and awaken them before finally touching the seventh. That day came over two consecutive days on Monday, the 22nd, and Tuesday, the 23rd August 2022. 

The energy that had pooled and stagnated in the Svadhishthana as a result of the pull of the external world was released on Monday, 22.8.2022, shortly after I woke up at 6.40am. As I stretched myself in bed, I felt an "explosion of energy" in my belly. It was akin to a pull and a tug of a fine nerve or thread right below the navel. It brought on a swirling sensation followed by a chill all over. My whole body became numb right to the tips of my fingers and toes. Soon I felt nauseous and had the urge to urinate. Rising from bed, I collapsed twice on the way to the toilet, picking myself up each time. Back from the toilet, all was fine. A blissful feeling came over me. I was alone then, while my daughter was in her room asleep, unaware of what was taking place. Narrating this to my daughter later that day, she called up her mother, who returned home shortly from our grandchildren's home. 

The next day, Tuesday 23 August 2022, I woke up at 7.20am to go to the loo, but I could not pee. I collapsed again. I picked myself up and climbed onto the bed as my wife watched silently. She had been told by Agathiyar to only watch many years ago. My body became numb from the shoulders down. I lay like a dead log on my bed. Although I could not move even an inch of my torso, from my neck down, I was able to see, hear, and talk, and was fully conscious and aware of what was happening to me. I described what I felt to my wife, who was sitting at the bed's edge. I had no fear or anxiety. I asked myself if this was what a dead body would feel like. Was I given an insight into what death would be? I asked her to bring the peacock feather and brush my body, as did Lord Muruga, coming through a devotee, at the height of another round of back pain in 2018. Soon, the experience went away.

Just as Agathiyar had said earlier on 30.1.2020 that my breath had stagnated at the Svadhisthana, and it was about time it opened up and travelled along the seven Chakras, where the journey shall awaken these Chakras, the awakened energy was practically pulled from its lower regions by a magnetic force to its summit in the crown over the next few days. I guess this is what Agathiyar meant when he said I shall feel a magnetic wave arise. The swirling sensation felt for several weeks in the abdomen just below my navel was regularly felt in the crown of my head, but with a lesser intensity. It seemed more like a flowering of petals now and was blissful. The chillness and swirling that was akin to a flowering went on irrespective of my daily activities these days. It was more intense each time I brought my attention to it. Following the flowering in the crown that went on without my effort, participation, or action, I asked Agathiyar what I should do further. He told me that they shall do their work and that there was nothing that I needed to do further. Just as Tavayogi told me, our efforts are only until we reach Svadhisthana, and the guru led me away from there. All my efforts ended that day. 

Agathiyar, speaking about the transformation taking place in old age, consoled and assured me that 

"The 'water' that ponded over time has been discharged. Having the chakras activated in this age has its consequences for the body. As the heat of the Tapas increases, the quantity of blood is affected, which shall lead to cramps, which shall then result in problems in the discharge of urine and faeces. Take the necessary medicines. Do not worry. Do not be afraid of death. It is but another door to another journey. One who invites death is a Siddha."

Agathiyar continued on the changes to be expected: "You shall witness many changes taking place within you. Do not fear. Due to the activation of the chakras, your body shall emit a foul smell. You shall have constipation. You shall urinate often. The Agathiyar Kuzhambu you took did help in expelling the three Dosas. But there still is. It shall be expelled in due time." He went on to ask me to prepare a concoction and reminded me that it was not to be shared with others. "Carry out the said practice. Take lots of warm water. " 

True to what he had said, for several weeks I had the wind travel in my abdomen, causing pain in my groin and testicles. The urine and motion were smelly. I asked myself if my body was decaying within. Even before this, there were traces of blood in the sputum. I had piles. I had boils appear. I understood it to be the result of excessive heat in me due to my practices. And I understood it to be a cleansing process going on within.

When I asked him for an easier approach, Agathiyar told me that there is no easier way to attain or merge with the breath, the sensation, the vibration, the magnetism, the Prapanjam, and the Jothi. With a little effort from us, the Siddhas shall aid us further. Then the energies will do the rest. Agathiyar surprises me by saying that my gurus should have come to my assistance. But as they are engaged in his work, they had asked Agathiyar to come to our need. 

As it worried my wife and me, Agathiyar asked me to go for a Medical checkup. He treated me too by dipping my hands into a bowl of lukewarm water to the accompaniment of my family chanting the Arutperunjothi mantra. He ran his hands along my back and spine, placed his hands on my head, and applied the sacred ash over my body. 

The doctor gave me a clean sheet. Agathiyar removed the fear in us, though both he and Ramalinga Adigal had told us not to fear on numerous occasions. Though I knew a cleansing process was going on within, I needed assurance that it was not a medical problem or problems that crop up with old age. The Siddhas never abandon us in times of need.

Agathiyar answered my yearning to pull the shutters down on AVM a second time and go into oblivion. 

"You need not go into solitude now. You need to share many things with others. I shall tell you when the right time is to do so." 

He revealed that 

"There is much I need to carry out through you. Enough of my praise. Write about your bodily experiences. Let your writings be about the changes taking place in your body. Let your readers know the changes that take place in the body if they come to worship the light and seek to merge with it. My wisdom shall be your experience. Experience first, and I shall clarify the experiences later. Experience is knowledge to you. Nothing is beyond experience."

To the handful of his devotees who came back after the pandemic, he asked, 

"Get those who keep coming over to AVM to sit in meditation, too. When their external thoughts leave them, Gnanam shall dawn on them too, and they shall take up the path of Gnanam." 

On 16.12.2024, Agathiyar questioned me on my fears, telling me that death was but another door to another journey. He asked me why I was afraid of death and consoled me, saying that it was yet another door to another journey. "How can a Siddha harbor this fear?" he asked. 

He asked me to recall Bhogar's answers to him as to what Bhogar knew. I repeated Bhogar's answers to Agathiyar in the way that he only knew Agathiyar and nothing else. As I recounted the humility of Bhogar, a full-fledged Siddha who mastered many arts and sciences, Agathiyar revealed that I, too, needed to drop the Ego that I had become identified with. He asked me how long I wanted to remain as Shanmugam Avadaiyappa. I needed to drop this identity that was holding me back, causing a separateness between me and others and everything else. He revealed that he was in this Oneness. 

He has brought us to Bhagawan Ramana's teachings. Ramana never initiated anyone, as he saw everyone as himself. I guess this is the reason that Agathiyar reversed his initial offer of making me a guru and instead offered to make me a Siddha. To enter this Oneness, I needed to observe Maunam, or Silence. Finally, hugging me, Agathiyar whispered in my ear that he was this Silence. He reminded me of Lord Dhakshanamurthy's last act to uplift his four students to become on par with him. When the Lord chose to remain silent, not taking on and answering any further questions henceforth, all his students became enlightened the very next moment. This brought me to the day in 2001, when I received the Vasudeva Mantra and the call to worship Lord Dhakshanamurthy. Hence, he revealed why he kept silent and never came to us since 22 September. Though he did not appear before us, he was with us, he said. In saying this, he told me to carry out whatever needs to be done, and he shall endorse it, bringing me away from my habit of waiting to be told what to do or securing his approval on all matters.

31.12.2024, I was practically living alone. In those hours of loneliness, I had only my thoughts to accompany me. Memories of the past dropped in, visiting me at times. Then, a sudden, unfounded fear gripped me, and I would begin to pace the floor of my home. This sudden, unknown fear came on so intensely that I could not sleep. I was awake in these hours, facing my own fears. There was no one I could call up and hold a conversation in these wee hours of the night and early mornings. Facing the fear of the unknown is facing death. Just as losing a limb, an eye, or hearing, etc scares the wits out of me, in these moments of silence, I was left only with my Self, breath, thoughts, and memory. I came face-to-face with existence without the superficialities of life and living. Agathiyar took ownership of all the doings, creating events that sparked the perfect scenario and space for me to be alone. I wonder how he chose me to go through this transformation towards losing the body and engaging with the soul, knowing pretty much that I was a scaredy-cat? 

Agathiyar came bringing me the joyful news that "Supramania Swami was the guru who led you to the path of worship of the guru. He taught you guru bhakti, or devotion to the guru. You received the merits from his tapas. Tavayogi, too, in his light form, is trying to bring salvation to you. He is traveling with you. You traveled in his way and followed his teachings. You spread his fame and helped him attain the state of Jothi. He who is currently with you shall continue to travel with you."

Telling me that each practice given was something that the Siddhas had done and seen results, Agathiyar set out to give me these experiences too. Agathiyar and the other Siddhas then came through the Nadi, giving me regular updates like Microsoft's Patch Tuesday fixes. They gave me herbal preparations to cleanse my internals first. Then they had me take magic potions (Kaya Kalpam) to strengthen the body and to prepare it for the awakening of the energies. They gave me further herbal preparations to heal the discomforts that arose as a result of these awakenings. If initially the Pranayama techniques made me experience the Prana coming into the nostrils and into the lungs, soon it engulfed and enveloped my whole body. These days every pore in my body breathes. Every mouthful of food is savoured not only by the taste buds but by the internals and every cell. Every drop of water bathes me in joy and bliss. Every sight brings thrills within. Every song brings tears to the eyes. The Siddhas connected me with the world around me. 

Agathiyar said that after traversing the Chakras and the Kundalini touches the seventh, I shall know my purpose here. Agathiyar enlightens me further. 

"When one starts the journey of going within, the result is Gnanam. But it shall vary among people. Hence, I cannot say exactly what shall take place. All this while, you have gained external knowledge or Ulaga Gnana. Now you shall gain Gnana that is going to serve you.  When you realize yourself completely and realize that everything around you is impermanent, you shall stand apart from it all. That is to be motionless in all manner, or Summa Eruppathu. To arrive at that state, increase your Soul Power or gain Atma Balam."

"The soul which has realized God through divine knowledge, Pati Jnanam, after it had renounced the worlds as changing or Asat, is called Jivan Mukta." (Source: "Metaphysics of Saiva Siddhantam - Sivagnana Boodham by Thiruvilankar Canagarayar, 1961)

If we began our journey looking out to the gross that is in the external, he then brought us to look at the fine and subtle within. Agathiyar told us each shall realize his center or Suzhimunai (சுழிமுனை), the place where energy and vibration arise, through feeling or Unarvu (உணர்வு) of its presence. As their grace deepens, a slight throb is felt at this spot on the head, at exactly the anterior fontanel or the soft spot located in newborns. This throb nudges us to take notice of it and become aware. "Know that spot or space or place to be your Suzhimunai," he says. One who arrives at his center becomes total, says Agathiyar. He calls this the state of completeness or Paripuranam (பரிபூரணம்). Ramalinga Adigal had mentioned it earlier on 14.5.2020, "When you reach my state, energy will come within you without your knowledge. That is Suzhimunai." 

This is how the Siddhas work to bring us into their fold, or Tiru Kootam. In bringing us into their fold, they have us carry out worship, rituals, and Yoga, then awaken the Kundalini very subtly and have her travel to higher reaches, bringing the unfoldment and flowering of the Chakras that bring bliss, contentment, and peace.