We are so used to being told what to do since we were children. This is carried on into our adulthood, too, looking up to friends and colleagues for advice. Stepping into the fray of multitude paths in spirituality, too, we expect to be told what to do. We expect to be given practices and methods. We expect to be taught and filled in. We expect daily routines to be laid out and classes held at these retreats and centers, ashrams, and peedhams.
Taking up his invitation to visit his ashram and following the directive of Agathiyar coming through the Nadi, I saw myself board the plane for India from Kuala Lumpur International Airport at 9.05 am on 16th September 2005 on a pilgrimage, a day after my 46th birthday. After paying my respects to Supramania Swami of Tiruvananamalai, I headed for Kallar Ashram on 18th Sept 2005, reaching Turipalam at 3.30 pm. Expecting the same as in other ashrams and centers, I was in for a surprise. If I had expected a flow of daily devotees and the ashram to be a hub of activities, I only came to meet some of his devotees who had stayed back after the full moon prayers held a couple of days earlier. Tavayogi was waiting for my arrival at his ashram steps. He greeted me just as a father would have received his son. He hugged me. After the usual formalities and introductions, Tavayogi pulled up a chair and offered me some fruits. He asked me if I would like to take a dip in the river or take a bath in the shed that was constructed at the Ashram grounds. I opted for the river. We had to come down a flight of steps onto a railway line serving Mettupalam and Ooty. After some distance, we stepped into a path that took us down to a river where we took our bath. After prayers and meditation, we set off to the wholesale market at Methupalayam. I was told Methupalayam was where greens produced from the Ooty and Nilagiri hills were sold to retailers and dispensed throughout India. When we returned, Nadaraja, Tavayogi’s faithful cook, had already prepared dinner – idlis and sambar. My nephew Thayalan called while we were having dinner. As the Ashram did not have an electricity supply, Tavayogi and I chatted under the luminosity of a gas light for a while before retiring to bed at 8.15 pm. Tavayogi gave me the option of whether I wanted to spend the night in the prayer room with him or with the others in the cabin. I chose to rough it out in the shed rather than intrude on Tavayogi’s privacy.
20th Sept 2005, saw me accompany him on his daily morning walk. Tavayogi suggested we go to Ooti to drop in on some of the local living saints. With Suresh from Tiruvanamalai, who was at the Ashram for the Pornami festivities, we went looking for a local, Mani, to take us to see these saints. We picked up Mani and his son-in-law, too, and headed for the first stop - Sargurunathar’s cave and ashram on the face of a cliff just along the Ooty - Methupalayam trunk road. The next stop was an ashram on the slopes of Nilagiri Hills in Ooty, in a place called Kasolai. We were served simple food – rice and a soup cooked with lots of grains and nuts thrown in, by his disciples.
Then Mani took us to a Mariamman temple in the middle of a field. The priest conducted prayers, questioned us a lot, talked about his temple and festivities, and blessed me and our entourage, even Tavayogi, by applying Kungumam on our foreheads. We had some bites here offered by his helpers.
The last stop was to Dayananda Swami, who lived alone in his ashram in some woods in Ooty. A volunteer cum caretaker informed the swami of our arrival. Saint Adi Sankara’s Portrait in the hall of this house greeted us as we were led into a room where the swami was cuddled on a bed in a corner of the room. He adorned a woolen cap on his head, a woolen shawl around his neck, and a blanket wrapped around his body, exposing only his feet to us. He asked lots of questions and also talked about Ooty - past and present. He told us he was going to leave the world, and we shall see him as a star in the sky. If initially, this saint did not allow me to photograph him, but as we were having this conversation with him, he eventually told me I could snap a picture or two. We were served hot tea, which brought relief in this cold weather.
Tavayogi had planned to return a visit by a swami who had dropped by at Tavayogi’s Peedham sometime back. But as it was a cold and wet night out in the hills of Ooti, and as it was already late, we decided to head back to Kallar Ashram. Strong winds and drizzle prevailed throughout our journey. On the way back, Tavayogi explained to me the spiritual state of each of these Swamis. The first swami was in a tussle to regain the reins and control of his ashram after the guru's demise. On Ramasamy Swami’s demise, a month earlier, there was a tussle as to who should lead his organization. Next, the priest was attached to the temple and was under its control. Only the third swami was a Gnani, in control of himself, Tavayogi declared. Until then, I thought all those who were clad in robes were the same. He showed me the distinction too amongst them.
I understand now that Tavayogi opted to teach me by experiencing rather than holding classes as others do. So did he show me rather than teach me spirituality in the days to come.
During the time I was in Kallar Ashram, I used to wake up each morning at 4 am and try to meditate until sun break, which occurs early in India, around 5 am. I then picked the flowers for the morning prayer.
21st Sept 2005, I spent the day at the ashram with Tavayogi, Vimalan, Suresh, and Nadaraja, chatting with these folks. Tavayogi related to me stories where elephants used to walk right up to the Ashram and stand in the bushes, watching. A leopard had come into the Ashram grounds and killed a dog that was tied up to a post, and on numerous occasions, snakes were spotted on the Ashram grounds. He shared the anxiety he had to go through trying to put up the ‘Aaru Aataare Peedham’ or a six-tier granite structure, in the meditation room, which was fashioned based on exact measurements and guidance given by Agathiyar to Tavayogi. They encountered a test of wits and strength in moving the single massive piece of granite, cut into seven receding steps, weighing 1,250 kg, made elsewhere, and then transported by lorry. They had to clear the first hurdle, the railway track, and then move it to the small hillock where the Ashram was perched. When he was lost for ideas, Agathiyar sent someone with an elephant to pull the massive structure up the hill slopes.
Tavayogi spoke about Arutprakasa Swami, Jaganathar Swami, and Chitramuthu Adigal, all of whom followed Ramalinga Adigal’s teaching. Chitramuthu Adigal was both Arutprakasa Swami’s and Tavayogi’s guru. Jaganathar Swami was Chitramuthu Adigal’s guru.
As I was sitting at the Ashram, I had a thought that since the following day, being a Thursday, an auspicious day for Guru worship, I wanted Tavayogi to carry out a special prayer for Agathiyar, followed by serving food for the locals. I mentioned this wish to Tavayogi. He and Nadaraja were overjoyed, and we went downtown to purchase groceries and vegetables for the feast.
Later that evening, Tavayogi brought out bundles of Nadi that were in his possession. They were of various sizes and lengths; some with very fine writing and others with big letters. He read to me some transcriptions of the Nadi written in notebooks. He passed me the one on his daughter. In it, Agathiyar consoles Tavayogi’s daughter, who was saddened since Tavayogi had left the family to become a monk. Agathiyar asks her if she wanted Tavayogi to be a father only to her or to all the rest. He says Tavayogi was a Siddha and on his demise, his soul would be led away by Lord Siva and Goddess Parvathi themselves in a craft called ‘Puspavimaanam’. Many years later, in 2018, after his demise, a devotee had a dream where she saw Tavayogi being ferried across waters towards a hill where Siddhas were going about their work by Lord Siva himself.
Vimalan came over to me and whispered close to my ear that Suresh and Mani’s son-in-law were waiting at the village below, and wondered if I would like to follow them into town. I excused myself from Tavayogi, who did not stop me nor question me. I dressed up, and we headed for Methupalayam in my car. Only in the car did they mention they wanted to go to the famed Kil Tirupathy temple out of town. This temple was a miniature of the Tirumalai Tirupathy temple of Andhra. It was on a privately owned property in the middle of a mill. It was beautiful and well-maintained. Vimalan had to leave his cell phone with the security. Once inside the temple, they wanted to wait it out until closing time when the God and Goddess are put to sleep. When we came back to the Ashram, Tavayogi was waiting up for us. Upon seeing the car, he sent Nadaraja down with a torch. Nadaraja passed the torch without saying a word and went down to the village, apparently angry at us for turning up late. Tavayogi asked me why we were late. I told him we went to the temple. He asked why we did not call him. Vimalan replied that he had surrendered the phone to the security. Tavayogi told us Nadaraja had prepared dinner and had waited on us. “The food has now gone cold. Help yourself,” he said. He watched us as we ate in silence, feeling guilty for staying out late and not informing him. I could envision him as a father who was worried sick and nervously pacing the room, waiting for news of his children and looking out for signs of a car approaching with his children returning home.
22nd Sept 2005 Suresh and Vimalan cooked the food with some assistance and supervision from Nadaraja. Word was passed on to the villagers that prayers would be conducted and free food would be served. Tavayogi conducted prayers at exactly 11 am, followed by serving food at noon. Nadaraja, out of the blues commented that the day’s event was even greater than the usual feeding done on full moon days. He added that the day was also auspicious because it was Kritigai, a special day for Lord Murugan. Later, Tavayogi tells me it was not Nadaraja who had made the statement. He indicated that the Siddhas were communicating through Nadaraja, and they were happy. I did ask Tavayogi if the Siddhas were present at the altar in the Ashram to receive our prayers. Tavayogi questioned me back, “What! Do you think they are not around?”, since he must have thought I doubted their presence by asking each time if they were around, at the Ashram, in the caves, and at the samadhi that we visited later.
I had my first taste of doing charity at Kallar Ashram. In later years, Agathiyar would have me carry in out on our shores too with the aid of youths whom he was to send over.
That night, Tavayogi and I sat down to plan our journey according to Agathiyar’s Aasi Kaandam reading for me. My brother Kathirasen, who was a journalist with a local English daily in Malaysia, was also in India, having just arrived on September 17th for a convention cum visit to farms. He was with a few other journalists and some farmers from Malaysia, reporting on methods of farming adopted in India. We made arrangements to meet him in Trichy the next day.
Fast forward to Day 13, returning to Kallar Ashram, from the travels, I went for a bath at the river with Tavayogi, Kathi, and the local children while Mrs. Sarojini (now Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar and head of the Ashram) and a local woman prepared food to feed the locals, this time around sponsored by Kathi. Back from the river, I cleaned and decorated the prayer room, which I took upon myself to do since the day I arrived at the ashram. Kathi took the opportunity to show the transcription of his Nadi that was read in Trichy some days back. I had very much wanted Kathi to read the Nadi because I feel he is someone special. Each time before the gods and saints appeared in my dream, Kathi was always there. I did mention this to Supramania Swami. He interpreted Kathi appearing in the dreams as Lord Vinayagar himself, the elder one. I had also mentioned to Tavayogi and requested Tavayogi to advise Kathi to see his Nadi when he was in Kallar. In fact, when I was in Kallar, Tavayogi did ask me if I wanted to read the Nadi. He could make arrangements for people to come over from Avinasi to the Ashram. I declined because I had yet to go on the tour with Tavayogi as instructed by Agathiyar. Once I had fulfilled his instructions, I would consider seeing it again for further directions from the Nadi. It was only in later years that Tavayogi too began to read the Jeeva Nadi for the public.
Mrs. Sarojini told us much has been said in her Nadi about Tavayogi, to which Tavayogi stopped her from revealing more. Later, when she came into the cabin that was our lodge, I asked her to continue on Tavayogi and the Nadi readings about him. She brought more transcriptions of the Nadi on Tavayogi, on her, and some others kept in notebooks. She read to me the greatness of Tavayogi that was mentioned by the Siddhas. She told me it was stated in her Nadi that she could achieve enlightenment by serving Tavayogi.
That afternoon, we had a prayer for Agathiyar and the Siddhas followed by free food for the locals. Then Kathi, on seeing the pitiful sight of the native Indians, suggested to me that we should buy them clothing too. I told Kathi we could try mentioning it to Tavayogi. I was surprised when Tavayogi happily agreed. Only a couple of days ago, when I had arrived in Kallar, I put forward my wish of whether I should get these children some shoes, as I noticed they went to school barefoot. Tavayogi told me it was not necessary. His priority was getting them textbooks and stationery. Anyway, they would lose those shoes eventually, he added. Tavayogi, who was pondering how he was going to manage these children who would come around asking for new clothing since Deepavali was around the corner, took up my brother's request instead.
When Tavayogi told me it was not necessary to spend on clothing for the poor at Kallar, but when Kathi proposed, he readily agreed and appreciated the move to buy new clothing, I realized that every word said by a saint or guru is meant only for that individual, only for him alone. This I realized again when I mentioned to Tavayogi that I was offered the post of secretary at the Sri Agathiyar Gnana Peedham in Batu Caves, which he came to officiate, and that I had refused the offer. Tavayogi agreed I did the right thing in refusing to accept the offer. “It was not necessary for us." So too Agathiyar decided otherwise and had me visit Tavayogi's Ashram instead of taking up the directive of Tavayogi to keep visiting the local Peedham, where he said I shall learn much. Agathiyar, in coming through a surprise Nadi reading, had me come directly under the tutelage of Tavayogi instead, after asking Tavayogi to initiate me again.
When Suresh showed Tavayogi a Rudraksha seed and asked if he could wear it on him, Tavayogi gave him the green light. Turning to me, he said, “It was not necessary for us", even before any desire crept in me to wear one too. Turning his gaze to the nine gem-studded gold ring I wore on my finger, I had to explain to him that Supramania Swami had suggested I wear one. I told him that I had a Rasamani or mercury bead on me, too. The ring got lodged in the angle iron frame of the cabinet, where I had kept it for safekeeping before going to the river to bathe, and we had to frantically search for it. Later, I realized in the presence of Supramania Swami that the Yellow Sapphire was missing. I removed both the ring and the Rasamani. As Tavayogi says, “It was not necessary for us."
And so did Tavayogi and Agathiyar had me drop many a thing along the way, leaving me naked and empty these days.
And so we took along Mrs. Sarojini to shop for clothing at Methupalayam. We purchased 39 pairs of clothing for Rs 4,200.00. The shop owner of Kumaran Textiles was kind enough to give us a discount. Kathi paid Rs 3,500.00 for the lot. Earlier, we did enter a shop two doors away but picked up only two pairs as the shop owner, after learning that the clothing was for the poor, started to dump stained, old clothes on us, saying he was giving us a discounted price. Tavayogi walked out of the shop, angry at the very mindset of the owner. On our return to the Ashram, word went out that Tavayogi was giving away Deepavali clothing. The villagers’ children crowded around Tavayogi, and each received a pair of shirts and pants for the boys and dresses for the girls.
That night, we started packing to leave Kallar first thing in the morning. Tavayogi handed some things to be delivered to the disciples back in Malaysia. He then called me into the prayer room at the Ashram, saying he owes me something. He asked that Mrs. Sarojini bring fruits on a tray and asked me to place some coins on it. He then gave me my third teecha, or initiation, which was in the form of a breathing exercise.
Later, Mrs. Sarojini and Tavayogi reminisce on their days together in the Patti Mantra team, having spoken throughout Tamil Nadu and on various interesting topics. We listened attentively.
We woke up early the next day, 29th Sept 2005. Mrs. Sarojini heated up the water for our bath, as it was too early and dark to have a bath in the river. She prepared breakfast too. We bid farewell to Tavayogi and Mrs. Sarojini. We left Kallar for Tiruvanamalai at 6.00 am.
Tavayogi, instead of running classes and holding talks, had us travel the path of Sariyai, Kriyai, and in later years Yogam and Gnanam too. He connected us to nature, Prapanjam, and the Siddhas rather than have us hold on to words, letters, writings, and speech. He emptied us during our stay at his Ashram and let Prapanjam fill us up with her wonders. He set us free. Similarly, Agathiyar too set me free. Today, I have come to realize that is what a true guru does. He sets us free. Initially, it seemed like there were rituals to be performed, practices to be engaged in, and things to do. Then, when it seemed we were accumulating things and merits, I was asked to drop them all. Today I am told to know my soul, or Atma, and know Sivam. I am told to come to know and experience Agathiyar, my Atma, and Sivam as one. Hence drops all boundaries and limitations. The path traveled before has been erased. Neither is there a path ahead. I get to lay the slabs and walk the path to my heart's desire, or rather, the divine's desire. The divine works in me and through me and in my favor. So does the divine work in others and through others. This is the truth.
Though Agathiyar has kept me to myself, with only the immediate family around and some friends who drop in, he has connected me to the world at large. He has made me whole and complete. I feel others' pain and suffering. I feel others' joy and bliss too. Although I am not an active participant, I sense both joy and pain in others. Though I am part and parcel of all beings, I am only a watcher.
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