PRAPANJAM

When Agathiyar used to say so many things at one go, I would find it difficult to remember them. We are lucky if we are prepared ahead and have our handphones with us to record the conversations. But at times, we are caught off guard. At other times, he asks us not to record and put away the handphones. Once, when I told him that I had difficulty remembering all that he said, he asked me to connect with Prapanjam. Then I shall know it all, he added. Now I understand how Supramania Swami, my first guru, must have connected to her and delivered the messages that flowed as does Mother Ganga from Lord Siva's tresses, as I sat with him for five solid hours at his village home upon arriving to know my daughter's future. My chauffeur, Deventhiran, brought me to him when I relayed my wife's wish to have our daughters' horoscope charted and written in India. Swami was Deventhiran's uncle. Deventhiran replaced Raji, who was supposed to drive me around. Raji had come down with a fever on the 11th hour. See the divine's play? Swami did not chart my daughter's horoscope. Instead, he spoke about my coming there and things that Agathiyar told me in my Nadi reading. None of this was made known to him. How could he have known if he had not connected with the Prapanjam and tapped into her? He knew when he would leave this world too. When I was there the second time in 2005 he told me he would live until 76. His son found his diary after his passing. He had written the exact date of his departure.

Of late, Agathiyar spoke only about Prapanjam, telling us that he was her. Ramalinga Adigal, coming each time, helped us connect with her by asking us to extend our arms and reach out to her, like an antenna. He himself would go into a state of bliss, laughter, and ecstasy, weeping and crying his heart out. We would have to hold on to the devotee through whom he comes, restraining him for fear of his lifting off the ground. Could the many instances that I went into a similar state be that of connecting with her at the temples I visited and during puja at my home? Finally, in asking me to send him to the homes of his devotees after the lockdown was lifted, and as I did not in any way object but instead had all his belongings packed and ready for him to say the word as to whose home he had chosen to go, he told me that after his murthy or bronze statue left my home, Prapanjam shall take its place. Today, Prapanjam, who created, sustains, and provides for us, has come down to shower us in all manner. We are indeed blessed. 

A SERIES OF FORTUNATE & UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

As a bachelor, I prayed at dawn and dusk and visited the temples in my vicinity daily. With much time on my hands, I read much about our customs and traditions back then in the 80s. If the Gods and Goddesses were portrayed as being loving and compassionate, it did not tally with the sufferings of relatives and friends I saw and knew. Watching my friend's pregnant wife suffer right under the eyes of the Goddess whom they adored and helped out at the temple, and learning about my relative dying on the spot after a car hit her right before the eyes of the Goddess whom she had visited just moments ago, made me question God. In the midst of much confusion, Lord Siva came in a dream, asking me to keep all my questions to a later date. I turned my attention to my marriage, family, and career for the next 13 years. There was no home puja. No temple visits. No readings and discussions. 

I am glad Lord Siva came and stopped me from turning cuckoo over all the questions I had that led to anger, and my possible and likely exit for good, becoming an atheist. I had to see and hear about all these unfortunate events to bring me to question God. As I was an empty vessel then, the calling came. Following his call to come to the worship of the Siddhas, in the Nadi reading in 2002, Agathiyar filled me in. I am glad Agathiyar came to reveal the reasons for each individual's sufferings and dilemmas by explaining my Karma. I came to a state of acceptance. I could accept why others suffered too. Since then, I have not questioned God and his divine laws. If I am in a state of bliss and contentment these days, it is because I followed all the dictates of the divine without question after that. 

I am glad that Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar of Ongarakudil refused to bless me as I sat before him after being coaxed by his followers back in Malaysia to pay him a visit when I left for India to carry out my Parigaram or remedies for my past Karma in 2003. I met my very first guru, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai, the very next day, as foretold by Agathiyar in the Nadi that I would meet my guru. But for that event to take place, I had to recite the Vasudeva mantra, which came to me in a mysterious way some two years earlier in 2001. My nephew, who was a disciple of Annamalai Swami during his university days, was directed to pass a message to me by his Paramaguru, Gopal Pillai, who had passed on. When my nephew came over to my home to deliver it, during that brief moment, a transmission of this mantra took place through him. I was told that it would pave the way for me to meet my guru. Many years later, he tells me that it was from Agathiyar. I understood later that Rengarajah Desigar had to reject me, for me to come under the wings of Supramania Swami. Agathiyar told me later that I went looking for Supramania Swami while he sent me Tavayogi. 

Just as I stepped into the cab taking me to the airport, my wife told me to look up my second daughter's horoscope while in India. I found myself standing before Supramania Swami for a reading. But for that event to take place, Raji, who was supposed to pick me up at Chennai airport, had to fall ill. Deventhiran replaced him. Mentioning my wife's wish to him, he brought me to his uncle, Supramania Swami, who was an astrologer too. With so many coming to him for a reading, I wonder why he brought up his desire to build a temple for Lord Muruga to me when my nephew visited him later. I gathered enough funds for him to purchase a piece of land and put up a dwelling or kudil some distance from his guru Yogi Ramsuratkumar's ashram. But strangely, the temple construction was stopped even before it could take off by a stranger who questioned him why he was taking a step back from Gnanam to Bakti. 

When Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram was invited by Appana Nagappan in 2005 to officiate his new Peedham in Batu Caves, a small advert appeared in the local Tamil daily, daily. His name seemed familiar. I called up the contact number in the advert and fixed an appointment to meet him. I looked through my belongings for a leaflet that I had stashed away, which I received from the Nadi reader after my first Nadi reading. It carried a notice of one Thaiveedu Thangarasan's desire to build a temple for Agathiyar in Kallar. True enough, Tavayogi confirmed that it was his leaflet. I met my second guru, one on the Siddha path, that day. For this meeting to take place, the Nadi reader had to pass me the leaflet soliciting funds to build the ashram. I had to keep the leaflet with me for some three years instead of throwing it away. As I never subscribed to any newspapers back then, my neighbor Augustine, who delivered papers, would pass me an unsold copy each day during this period. And so I came to read the advert.

So too did I meet my wife after either the 15 girls rejected me or the charts were not compatible. In my second daughter's reading, Agathiyar reveals that we were all together at Papanasam in an earlier birth and that she had requested that we be her parents again this time around, too. 

So many things have to happen for something else to take place. So many people have to come into our lives for these things to take place. This reminds us of Neale Donald Walsch's conversations with God. God says that since the souls had a wish to experience emotions, they took birth. Neale, who wrote a children's parable titled "The Little Soul and the Sun", adapted from his book 1 in the series "Conversations with God" (CWG), brings the essence and the message of life before birth to the kids, in simple terms, which serves us equally well too. A story is narrated of a young soul who knew he was light but wanted to experience it. So he is given a choice to pick the desired action that he would like to do, from a list of many, once he is on earth. He chooses the act of forgiving. Another soul immediately steps up to join the soul in fulfilling its wish by being the perpetrator so that the young soul can then forgive him. They both come down to earth to live out their desire. 

As Neale wrote, knowing who we are was not enough; we needed to become "it". This desire triggers a chain of events, a learning process takes place, and several experiences are recorded, whereby the soul becomes enriched through these experiences. We, being light in essence, for want of experiencing it, had darkness and all opposites created for us. As all the souls are perfect, many wanted and volunteered to come down to help us gain the experience. Thus, we had all known each other earlier. We had planned to be together here. Those who needed a particular experience chose to come early, while others remained behind to join later. So it looks like we have to thank our enemies too and hug them for being there for us.

So do you truly think that everything is your doing? For those who despise the word Karma, do the butterfly effect, domino, and ripple effects then come to mind? It seems at times that we are all players in his lila or divine play, each taking on a role. Just as my daughter, who completed playing the game "Clair Obscur: Expedition 33," tells me that there were several alternative endings to the game, our lives could similarly end up in multiple ways according to our moves and actions. Could inaction then keep us safe and not cause the boat to rock and cause further ripples in the sea? 

When the Nadi reader and I jointly went through sieving each Nadi leaf carefully for any hint to me, my family, career, or anything else that would qualify to say that it was mine, and read further, after three stacks of leaves, there was one that carried everything about me but the name of my wife was mentioned as Manohari which it wasn't. This made me wonder if there could be another Shanmugam Avadaiyappa walking the earth, but married to another lady? Exhausted, we both called it a day, and I went back after two weeks. There it was in the very first stack after several leaves, waiting to be read. 

Agathiyar made my day. Agathiyar made plans for me. He executed them, too. I was just a pawn in his hands. I was just a tool. And I still am. I was a sponge that was quick to soak up all the learning, lessons, and experiences I gained from them. I went with the flow. I never for a moment let my thoughts and mind question, doubt, analyze, or dictate to me. Instead, I listened attentively and practiced diligently whatever was given to me. He tells me that we have known each other for several crores of years. He remembers. I have forgotten. He says that he has plans for me, but now wants me to do absolutely nothing except write this blog.

SEEING HER HAND AT WORK

The ambitious and the contented, the adventurous and the homely, the one who takes risks and the other who feels safe where he or she is. These are the categories of people we often come across. Where do I fit in? Well, for a start, I wasn't ambitious. But the divine provided for me and my siblings, giving us parents who cared for us, well, and gave us schooling; to the government that gave me scholarships at primary, secondary, and college, and gave me a job. If the divine made my home, showing me my wife and gave me two wonderful daughters and three grandchildren, he gave me and my family a home that practically fell into my lap. Today, at 66 years of age, I am pretty content living on my pension. If my material needs were well taken care of, when I ventured to come to the Siddha path, I had to learn many lessons, from the experiences that came my way, from his well-executed play or lila, at times the hard way. For one who had no ambition in life, the divine gave me a purpose and tasks, or rather, numerous. I realized that I was soon doing his will rather than mine. And it came easily to me, for I was an empty vessel for him to work on. Today, he has taken over my home, telling me that it was his temple. Today, he has taken over my body, breath, and soul, telling me that we are one. 

I am neither adventurous. Except for an occasional walk in the woods and my regular walks in the park, I prefer to take in the sights and sounds from well-made documentaries and listening to good music and songs on my 5.1 sound system. For one who was not the least adventurous, the divine had me make my maiden pilgrimage to India in 2003, after 47 years of roaming only the known and familiar streets. He had Tavayogi personally take me to the caves, jungles, temples, and other holy spots when I left for India again in 2005, after Agathiyar asked me to spend several days with him. 

As for taking risks, I would definitely stay away and instead walk the known path. For such a one as me, I guess the divine decided otherwise. I have several bombshells dropped on me on this journey of learning about endurance, patience, discipline, and surrender. When Agathiyar asked me to build a temple for him in my very first Nadi reading in 2002, which I came to read at 43 years of age, I was elated, thinking I was special to be given such a noble task. However, the 24-year-old Sivabalan, who had brought the Nadi readers and housed them following the tradition of his father and uncle before him, dealt me my first blow when he told me not to get excited, as Agathiyar had mentioned this to fifty others before me. Although my excitement died off that instant, I did try as Sivabalan had asked me to, since none of the fifty undertook it, he said. However, since I received no clearance from several existing temple committees, I dropped my efforts. 

Encouraged to meet Thavathiru Rengarajah Desigar of Ongarakudil by his followers in Dengkil, Malaysia, as I made preparations to go on my maiden pilgrimage to India, less than a year after my first Nadi reading, as I sat before him one-to-one with only the manager Mr Nadarajah and my chauffeur Deva with me, the second blow came when he refused to bless me, telling me that stepping onto the grounds itself was a blessing. I left the premises saddened, confused, and angry. But only after many years did it dawn on me that in the wake of me, destined to meet my very first guru, Supramania Swami, the very next day at Tiruvannamalai, the former did not lay a hand on me. 

When Tavayogi stepped onto our soil in 2005, seeing him take up invitations from others, I invited him over to my home. I never had a holy man come over to my home. So you can imagine my excitement, right? Now came the third blow. As I accompanied him in sending him off, I thanked him from my heart for gracing my home. He turned to me and said that I was living in Maya and that he was a nobody and that there was nothing hidden within the holy garb he adorned. He told me to take hold of Agathiyar's feet instead. I was stunned, or rather stung. It was painful, and I remained silent the rest of the journey. But I am grateful that he said those words, for it is because he came down on me strongly that I have come to hold on to Agathiyar till this day.

When Supramania Swami told me he wanted to build a temple for Lord Murugan in his village, Nachanandhal, some 8 kilometers out of Tiruvanamalai town, I jumped on the wagon, telling myself it did not matter who did it; I saw an opportunity to fulfill Agathiyar's wish in my Nadi. But a stranger came along as Swami sat in the new kudil built in 2005, ahead and in advance of the planned temple on a piece of land, not in his village but now much closer to his guru Yogi Ramsuratkumar's Samadhi temple and the Holy Hill. He asked Swami why he was taking a step behind going from Gnanam to Bakthi? Swami dropped his 40-year-old desire there and then and informed me shortly through an STD call that we should leave things as it is. 

When Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal wanted to build a new ashram and temple some 2 kilometers away from the old spot in 2016, I chipped in, thinking that the task was settled for good now. But it was not to be, for in 2018, Lord Murugan, in a Nadi reading, asked for one too, telling me that he would provide for the land, finance, and people too. I just had to show him differently? How was that to be? But as the excitement and fire had died down in me over the years, and since I never moved, he sent Agathiyar to coax me. As I remained silent before him, he told me that he would see it through in 18 months. When the time was up and nothing materialized, he told me that they had tested me. Instead, they acknowledged that my home had become a temple instead. For one who stayed away from taking risks, he had me do things that he willed that were seen as a revolt and reform to many. Indeed, in breaking away from the norm and doing things differently, taking a huge risk, we have shown him differently, just as he told us. 

For one who shied away from the public, the divine pushed me to face the crowd. Agathiyar came to grace my home shortly after in 2010 through a bronze statue made in the image of his granite statue at Agasthiyampalli. A following started as he sent several youths over to my home, which took on the name Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM). In the wake of the pandemic in 2019, he had me dissolve the group that grew out of the coming together of these youths to participate in my home puja and later branching out into their homes and temples, carrying out charity at orphanages, old folks homes, homes of the unfortunate and poor, and those in the streets too. He brought an end to all rituals and gatherings, too, asking me to go within henceforth. He had me part with his bronze statue after the lockdown was lifted on the pretext of wanting to visit his devotees' homes, only to return to AVM later, again testing if I was going to hold on to him in this image and form, or willing to let go and begin to see him as the Prapanjam, for he said that in the absence of the statue, Prapanjam shall fill my home. Soon Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal began to speak about the Prapanjam, with the former telling us that he was the Prapanjam and the latter assisting us to get connected with her. Soon, I could connect to her. She showered her blessings, grace, and material gains, too, as I began to heed Agathiyar's directive and let go. Finally, hugging me, he whispered in my ear that I had to even let him go, asking, "For how else could we be one"? That was the final blow, but it made sense. He was bringing me from Dvaita to Advaita, from duality to singleness or Yegan, from being a separate JeevAtma to becoming one with the ParamAtma. Soon, we began to see the workings of Prapanjam in our daily lives. We saw her hand in everything. She was governing every moment. She was planning and executing everything. 

For instance, when a friend and parent who was doing much for the school, the temple, and society, whom I met at my granddaughter's school, over the weekend, told me he had approached the temple adjacent to the school for permission to use their grounds for activities that he was planning to carry out for the children. He asked me to help out. I agreed. I told him that I shall rope in all the ex-AVM family members residing nearby. At that moment, as we stood under the shade of a tree away from the blaze of the midmorning sun, Lord Muruga came and gave us his blessings, directing him to go ahead, and he shall see to it that it all falls into place. That evening, dropping in on my fellow colleague and retiree now, he told me that he wanted to do something for these children. I told him that I was told the same by another person that same morning. He, too, agreed to come into the picture. It was amazing when I heard this and thanked Prapanjam for bringing like-minded minds together. 

When Jnana Jothiamma used to communicate with me over Skype from the USA, beginning in 2011, Agathiyar was known to cut into our conversation, putting me on hold while he spoke to her. It amazed both of us back then. So when Agathiyar, a couple of years back, asked all those gathered what they desired and came around to me, I was stunned. He knew I had no desires, right? But yet, he waited on me. Though I drove my tiny mind to its maximum, trying to think of something as time was running out, nothing came up. Finally, I told him that I wanted to take birth upon births and serve him as I did now. As usual, he answered me with another question, asking if that was what I wanted. Later, speaking to Mahindren over the phone, I told him maybe I should have asked for Gnanam, that Tavayogi always harps on. Agathiyar comes later and tells me that I had wished for Gnanam! Was he eavesdropping on our conversation too, just as he did back in the past when I was on Skype with Jnana Jothiamma? 

After journeying with the divine, taking up the call to come to the worship of the Siddhas in a Nadi reading in 2002, the divine came to me in the commonly known form as depicted in paintings, and the name Agathiyar. Soon, in 2010, he came as a replica of his granite statue at Agasthiyampalli. Then he tells me to even forego his statue, form, and name, telling me that he is the Prapanjam. Finally, he drops the bombshell, asking me to even forget him, for how else could we become one, he asks.

TAKE A MOMENT OFF

During my morning and evening walks, I have come across a couple of people who were chased out of their own homes after passing on the property to their children. One man aged 69 works as a sweeper for the council's contractor, while another lady, also in her sixties, travels from another town now to continue operating her small stall in her original place of residence. The 70-year-old man who knocked on my door a couple of days ago, like the others, gave away his savings and property to his children. Though he has not been chased out, he tells me he has to continue to work to feed himself, just like the others. My regular foreman too has winded up his business and sold the shoplot where he ran his workshop and divided it among his children.  I pray that he has kept a share for himself. We are not monks to give up everything. But even then, the American head of the Ranchi mission of Paramahansa Yogananda gave some sound advice to my colleague at our former office when he decided to leave his government job to become a monk. He told him that the ashram could only provide food and shelter, but not cover his medical bills and expenses in the event there was a need for surgery, etc. Hence, he told him not to give away all his savings but to keep some for himself. 

Turning now to the media and channel reports, there seems to be more Siddhas than common folks these days, well, at least that is what and how the networks and channels portray every Tom, Dick, and Harry as one. I, who personally knew a couple of them, was surprised by the hype created by the media about and around them. The visuals and narration scared the hell out of me. In reality, they are very much down to earth and humble, and approachable. Similarly, every dying person is said to have gone into Samadhi. They are portrayed as godly figures, making them seem mystic and unapproachable, creating and building up stories about them while living, and building structures, said to be Samadhis, around them upon their demise. Samadhi is a state attained while alive and not in raising structures after death. Everybody seems to discuss and highlight the mystical side of the Siddhas and their achievements, such as the Siddhis they performed. These are but only the byproducts in the journey towards transformation. It is not advisable to entertain them and use to entertain others. Of what use are these Siddhis namely "the power to become as small as an atom, the ability to expand to an infinitely large size, the power to become infinitely heavy, the ability to become almost weightless or lighter than the lightest thing, the ability to obtain anything desired, including telepathy and understanding animal languages, the ability to realize any desire or create any situation one wishes, the power to create, protect, or destroy, and having complete control over the forces of nature, the ability to control other beings and elements, including the power to subjugate and influence others" (Source: AI overview). With great power comes great responsibilty. Imagine what would happen if we were to misuse them. What are we proofing by carrying out these feats? Of what use are they to common folks like us? 

Suddenly, everybody is an exponent of Yoga and speaks about Kundalini, etc. Again, it scares me to watch all these. If speaking and deliberating aren't frightening enough, there are those self taught and self-made gurus who put into place a syllabus for others to practice or initiate others in numerous ways. Have we ever wondered what the implications would be if wrongly understood, handled and practiced as in the former, or when these sleeping giants are awakened as in the latter? Where would they go? To whom can they go? Have we ever given the thought, wondered and asked if those who cover and talk about the Siddhas, extolling their greatness, actually, took up the path and practices? I can safely say "No" and that they keep scouting around for more topics to cover to keep their ratings and viewership numbers high. Agathiyar, in passing on certain techniques, told me that he was only sharing what the Siddhas practiced, did, and realized. Tavayogi, who put into practice Asanas and Pranayama techniques, showed them to us, only after realizing for himself the immense benefits and acknowledging it to be a tool to transform oneself. So, too, only those who practice should preach. So too, did I advise the man who knocked on my door some days ago to carry out the Homam himself when he told me his desire to go to a temple he knew to participate in the ritual. 

Agathiyar has cautioned us many times to sieve through everything, for Maya has had its hold and grip on them and tempts us into falling victim to circumstances. We are no less than the other, he says, equating each of us to him. We are all only robots until the soul within begins to speak. When does it speak? If Asanas connects us with our body, Pranayama connects us with our breath, making us aware of our breath, Dyana brings awareness to the soul. It is only when we settle down and pay attention to its silent whisper that it later becomes louder and louder, bringing us to know our true purpose and driving us to newer terrains and greener pastures, away from the maddening world that man has created for himself and the generations to come. Take a moment off. Switch off that switch. Be your true "self" for once.