Looking back now to the few and rare travels, journeys, pilgrimages, and visits to holy places and temples that I undertook and that were spaced out, where for no reason I cried my heart out, only now have I come to associate these not with an individual named Shanmugam Avadaiyappa but that of his Soul or JivAtma crying out at being separated from his Father, the ParamAtma and its yearning to return to his arms and fold.
Agathiyar reveals that the Atma keeps both the Udal and Uyir under its control in a secretive, subtle manner. This subtlety stays from 1 to 5 Varagai with the child before it's veiled. He says that he cannot tell us the reason for it to be veiled now. Nevertheless, he adds that the Atma will return unto him depending on his actions. He says that the Atma, if we realize it, appears as a vibration (an Athirvu) and disappears. And if we learn to practice extending this vibration in us, the Atma, in us, pulls us to a path, and we shall merge in this vibration and arrive at the state of God/Erai/ Agathiyan."
ஆன்மா உடலையும் உயிரையும் தனது கட்டுப்பாட்டுக்குள் வைத்துக் கொள்ளும் ஒரு சூச்சமம். இந்தச் சூச்சமத்தை பிறந்த குழந்தைகள் 1 முதல் 5 வராகை வரையிலும் உடன் இருந்து மறையும். மறைத்தலின் காரணம் இன்னதென்று இப்போது உனக்குச் சொல்ல இயலாது. ஆனபோதிலும் ஆன்ம ஒருவரின் செயலைப் பொறுத்தே மீண்டும் அவனை வந்து சேரும்.
ஆன்மாவே உனது கர்ம வினையைச் சரிசெய்வதற்கு உதவி புரியும். கர்மவை சரி செய்த பின், ஆன்மாவின் தேடல் அதிகமாகி மனிதனின் அன்றாட தேடல் தீர்ந்து போகும். அவன் தேடல் முழுதாய் என்னையே தேடி வர முயற்சி செய்யும்.
ஆன்மா உன்னோடு இருந்து உன்னை ஒரு பாதைக்கு இழுத்து செல்லும் அப்போது நீ அதனை உணர்ந்தாள், உன்னில் அதிர்வாய் தோன்றி மறையும். அந்த அதிர்வினை நீ உனக்குள் நீடிக்கப் பழகினால் உன்னால் ஆன்மா என்னும் உனது அதிர்வுகளில் ஊடுருவி என்னுள் (இறை / அகத்தியன்) வந்து சேர ஒரு வழி.
The calling came to see the Nadi in 2002. As the time was ripe and right, the JivAtma that was responding to his call brought me to take a journey of another kind, moving away from Sariyai, which was previously put on hold for some 13 years, to take the leap into Kriyai and later Yogam that would bring on Gnanam in the years to come. But first, I had to see the world outside before plunging within.
As I stepped out of my house to board the waiting taxi to the airport to take my maiden flight to India, in 2003, as instructed by Agathiyar in the Nadi reading, my wife was moved to ask me if it was possible to chart the horoscope for our second daughter in India. I did not plan anything more than the temples that Agathiyar listed out that I should visit.
While at the Utamar temple, in Trichy, a resident priest from whom Deva enquired about my said Parikaram both here and at Tiruvanaikaval temple, volunteered to accompany me there first. He brought me before Lord Dhakshanamurthy's sannadhi. I broke down and cried and cried and cried uncontrollably. I did not know why I broke down. No one from the entourage, be it the priest who brought me there, the elderly priests from the temple whom he asked to come along, or the caretaker who unlocked the doors to all the shrines that were closed then, or Deva stopped me or consoled me. Instead, I could hear the priests say, "Let him cry."
When I was at the Ekambareswarar Temple in Kanchipuram, I was led by a young priest at its doorway into Lord Nadarajah's chamber, where he performed the Arati. I shed tears of joy that came on automatically, seeing the majesty and beauty of my Lord. I had him to myself.
When I took my very first step to climb the stairs of Palani Andavar temple, I could not move my legs. They were as heavy as stone. I could not understand. I was fit, having tested my fitness level by climbing the 273 stairs at Batu Caves and several more at the Gua Tempurong (Tempurong Caves) before going to India. Eventually, with the aid of both my hands, slowly lifting my feet and placing them on each rung of the stairs, I managed to climb Palani. Exhausted and drained of my energy, I dropped myself onto the floor at the summit and rested. After some time, I picked myself up and made my way to the entrance of the temple, joining the existing queue. As I stepped into the inner chambers, I was confronted by a priest who asked if I wanted to do Archana and practically snatched the bag of goodies I had bought for Lord Muruga from my hands. He came back after some time and handed over my purchases plus a packet of sandalwood paste that he mentioned had adorned Lord Muruga's Murthi. I began to leave the chambers, not remembering having seen Lord Muruga. As I stepped into a dimly lit corridor, I realized that I was alone; the crowd before me and after me was nowhere to be seen. Taking just a few steps, I noticed an open doorway on my right and took a peek. A senior priest with another three young ones was in the rather small chamber. I asked the senior if it was Bhogar's Samadhi. He nodded and lit the camphor tablets. He did a small prayer, explaining to me the objects of adoration that Bhogar had left behind. He pointed out an opening that supposedly houses the sage. It was exactly behind Lord Muruga's Sannadhi! Taking a few minutes to sit in the divine room and presence of Bhogar, I picked myself up only to be confronted now by one of the young priests who held out a tumbler of milk, mentioning that it was Abhisega milk or milk collected after the libation of the Lord. I drank it and walked out of the chamber. Nothing was spoken between us, only gestures made. The moment I stepped out into another corridor and into the open, I was elevated to another mode, that of bliss. I was literally walking on air. I came around the temple grounds several times until the effect wore off. I believe I had stepped into a portal to another space that day, since two years on, in 2005, when my brother and I were accompanied by Tavayogi, it was entirely a different space and environment from what I witnessed in 2003. Where did I land myself if not the Twilight Zone? Since then, Palani has been a twilight zone, one of mysticism and mystery. I sought answers from Agathiyar on what had transpired there at Palani that day. He only gave me the answers some two years later. This was further reinforced when I visited Palani in 2016 with the AVM family.
My wife's request brought me before Supramania Swami and my guru. The Individual Soul, working in tandem with the larger Soul, had Raji, the assigned driver, fall ill moments before my arrival, and sent Deva to fetch me at Chennai airport instead. The Soul had me finish all my remedies at the temples earlier than scheduled and had me meet my guru. Coming into the presence of my guru, Supramania Swami, in his village home in Tiruvannamalai, I had him to myself. I wept silently for the whole duration of our sitting, some 5 solid hours till dusk, as he, an astrologer, revealed about me without the need to chart my horoscope. This time, it was tears of joy and gratefulness to the divine for all the blessings he showered on me till that moment. As Agathiyar mentioned in his memo to us, the Atma rectified my karma as I took heed of Agathiyar's instructions in the Nadi and made the pilgrimage to India to carry out my remedies. Once that part was settled, I was freed from the shackles. I could now meet my guru. Deva, who was Supramania Swami's brother-in-law, brought me to him after I asked him if he knew any astrologers. Call it a coincidence, the unexpected, anything. I knew then that our lives are ruled by divine forces, however much we deny it. Just as the Atma decides the family circle where it can flourish and grow, and see its desires and purpose fulfilled, for a man who chooses to believe, as Agathiyar said, the Atma brings him to places conducive to his upbringing and to people who shall tutor him further.
These magical moments continued back on our shores, too. These moments culminated in spontaneous and unintentional cries that became quite a regular affair in the places of worship that I visited. After making my maiden pilgrimage to India, having done my Parikaram or remedies for past faults and Karma, and after I met my first guru, Supramania Swami, quite unexpectedly, just as Agathiyar had hinted in the Nadi, following a series of unprecedented events and a play of moving the dice by the mysterious hand of the divine the ParamAtma, after a couple of years later, in 2005, I was driven to meet Tavayogi in Malaysia at the office of their local affiliate Peedham in Batu Caves. I had him to myself, too. I came to verify that a leaflet given to me in 2002 by the Nadi Guru Senthilkumar after my Nadi reading was his and that he had intended to build a temple cum ashram for Agathiyar in Kallar. As I bid farewell to him, I fell at his feet. Tavayogi moved back and told me to never to do that. Instead, he pointed me to a pair of wooden sandals or Padhugai, a representation of the feet of the guru worshiped and adored in Indian tradition. Although he had brought me into that room so that we could have a private moment together, I did not see it until that moment. Neither did I notice what was around the room in which we sat and spoke. Only when Tavayogi pointed out that I saw the sandals and the painting of Agathiyar in the meditation room. It was just as in all the temples I visited in India, where I had no awareness of my surroundings once I came before and in the presence of the Divine. The moment I touched the wooden sandal as Tavayogi told me to do so, I broke into tears and began crying aloud for reasons I could not comprehend. It was not that I wanted to cry, but it happened spontaneously. The cry came from within without my control or me initiating it. I heard Tavayogi say to Appana and Perumal, who had just joined us after attending to their administrative work, that they too had cried before.
Later in 2010, when I was with Tavayogi at another affiliate Peedham of his in Seri Gombak, and as I stood in line with the other devotees to get his blessings, and just as I got on my knees in front of him, this time around, there was a sudden burst of laughter and joy that overcame me. Simultaneously, he went into a state of laughter and cried too. I did not understand either his action or mine. Surprising though, nobody took notice of what was taking place. Later, as I drove him to Bukit Rotan to visit a new temple that was under construction, I asked him what had taken place that day. He immediately hushed me, looking back to the guide who was dozing away in the back seat. I never got the answer. If I figured that these are moments where we connect with God and the guru, Agathiyar confirmed my guess through his memo.
As I stood with my family at the Sri Jeganathar Sivalayam in Tapah, I was overcome by emotion and cried for reasons I do not know. Again, surprisingly, the disciples of a Swamiji who made a pitstop at the temple with his entourage also did not notice what was taking place. It is as if these moments are veiled from the sight of others. My family was always the sole witness. I felt the grace of my Paramaguru. I guess I touched the ParamAtma and vice versa. Tavayogi was a student of Chitramuthu Adigal. Chitramuthu Adigal, in turn, was a disciple of Jeganathar. Jeganathar was a disciple of Ramalinga Adigal. Ramalinga Adigal's guru was Agathiyar. The Atma brought me to get the blessings and grace of my lineage of gurus.
When I was with my family at the Siva Subramaniam Alayam, Kampung Kepayang, which is inside a cave, I was again overcome by emotion that shook the very core of my Atma again.
When my family and I had prayed at the Nattukkottai Chettiar Temple, Penang, and as we stepped out, as we asked for directions to go over to the hill temple next, to a man making flower garlands at his flower shop, he pointed us to the Arulmigu Balathandayuthapani Temple tower, which was visible from where we stood. Suddenly, I went into a state of joy and laughter on looking in the direction he pointed. I heard him say, "He is in bliss." I guess I connected with the ParamAtma again.
Then the highlight and pinnacle or grand finale of all these shows of energy and its corresponding vibrations happened in the silent inner caves of the Sri Siva Shanmugar Temple in Sungai Siput. When the priest or Gurukul who had taken us on a tour of the cave stopped at a spot and revealed to me and my family that that was the spot where our Paramaguru Chitramuthu Adigal had meditated for years, I went into a spin and a dance and fell on my back into a depression in the ground, missing the boulders by inches. I must have connected with the Atma/Agathiyan/Erai again.
Revisiting Tiruvanaikaval again, this time with my family now and Jnana Jhotiamma in 2013, again I was overcome by a similar emotional outbreak of crying and joy. Jnana Jhotiamma pacified me this time around, stroking my body as I lay on the cold floor before Lord Dhakshanamurthy as before.
In 2016, as the AVM family was on its way to join the festivities for Agathiyar's Guru Puja at Kallar Ashram, we stopped over at the Mayuranathar temple in Mayiladuturai. As we sat in the presence of Lord Dhakshanamurthy, Lord Ganesha, and Kuthambai Siddhar, I was overcome by a profuse energy that went through me and left me crying in joy. It refused to settle for a long time.
At the Arulmigu Meenakshi Sundareshwarar Temple, Madurai, I was overcome by emotion sitting at the Sundarananthar Vallabha Siddhar sannadhi while the rest of the AVM family recited the names of the Siddhas.
My wife had jokingly told me, "Make sure you see him this time!", before I left for India, the reason being that I never could remember seeing Dhandayuthapani Swamy on my earlier visits. On arriving at the Arulmigu Dhandayuthapani Swamy Temple, Palani, to our surprise, we were greeted by a priest who led us into the temple. That is when a priest comes up to me in a hurry, crying out, “Kaanikai! Kaanikai! Kaanikai”. I stopped in my steps and placed whatever rupees I had with me into his hands, and he moved away as hurriedly as he had come, without another word. And that was when I realized that I was standing before Dhandayuthapani Swamy, having a wonderful darshan this time around! I saw him and his full form literally this time.
Though there was hardly a moment I cried, except when my father passed away in 1991, taking the path of the Siddhas saw me cry and weep for no reason, or that I comprehended back then. But I never prodded or investigated these happenings. I took it in my stride and moved on. Only my family stood witness to all these strange happenings until others began to notice them at our puja at AVM. But none questioned me. I finally decided to compile and upload some of these moments in a video. Today I can share them as I have understood that it is all part of the process. Let those who can connect and understand these phenomena watch and read with awe and gratitude. As for the others, they shall arrive there soon to accept and believe.
Writer Balakumaran Aiya, in revealing the video of what had taken place when Yogi Ramsuratkumar touched his head and back after he asked if there was God and if the Yogi could show him, gives us an idea of the often spoken about energies hidden deep within us waiting to be awakened by the touch of a guru. I was glad that he decided to release the video after 22 years. But the TV channel, as with all channels, made it dramatic with their narration and music, as usual. Otherwise, it is an eye-opener of the power of energies within us rarely caught on video. Similarly, someone someday shall be glad that I shared my video, too.