Agathiyar had asked me to go meet several holy men and go places in my earlier Nadi readings. I did not go. I believe my insistence that the search had ended after I came to Supramania Swami and Tavayogi and Agathiyar paved the way for many things to take shape in my life without my knowledge. My life was rerouted and my Nadi reading was erased after I took refuge at the feet of Tavayogi as directed by Agathiyar just days after I met him. A new destiny emerged wiping clean the earlier slate.
When Swami Rajarshi Muni wrote, "An expert guru awakens the dormant life force of the aspirant", I could relate to what Supramani Swami did. He ignited and kindled the flame in me and showed me Guru Bakti or devotion towards the guru by example. He had 5 gurus namely his father Jayaram Pillai, Santhananda Swamigal, Pundi Mahaan, Kollimalai Swami, and Yogi Ramsuratkumar. Tavayogi came later to fan the flame in me bringing me closer to the Siddhas and their practice. After hearing Tavayogi harp on the need to attain the state of Gnanam, I guess my wish to attain Gnanam is being considered by Agathiyar. When he came around asking each of us what we wanted, I least expected that he would ask me too. I could not figure out what to ask then. I had everything one could want. But he waited for my reply. Getting my brain into gear, I ran through my mind what to ask. Finally, it dawned on me that to be of service to him would be the greatest act of gratitude one could show for all that he has given. But he shot me down asking if that was what I wanted. He asked me to look around me (at the numerous happenings of power-grabs, seeking recognition, wanting authority, etc going around us, in society and even the religious and spiritual arena). Tavayogi showed me three people on the religious and spiritual path when I was with him in 2005. The first lamented to him that he had a competitor to the post of head of that establishment after his guru's demise. Tavayogi told me that he was "hooked" to the establishment. The next was a typical priest who was tied to rituals and the temple. Now the third person he showed me he said was a Gnani indeed he said, who stayed alone in a large deserted mansion attended by a volunteer who comes by after work to serve him hot tea in the cold weather of the monsoon in Ooty. He was waiting to become a star in the night sky. I read that Yogi Ramsuratkumar of Tiruvannamalai was approached by the trustees of an ashram in a neighboring town to take up residence and head the establishment after the demise of their guru. He turned them down saying that "This beggar has no possessions." Here is indeed a Yogi both in name and nature. I am proud to be associated with him through my guru Supramania Swami. The Yogi was Swami's guru.
I believe the Siddhas saved me from falling into a trap since I had refused the many gifts they had mentioned that shall be mine on this journey. Agathiyar told me that I had to look for an alternative place as my present home would not accommodate the large crowds that he would start bringing over for his puja. I did not move. The directive was dropped and Agathiyar revealed that he had tested me if I would fall for it. When he told me he would gift the Nadi for me to refer to and use when others come in search, I was not keen to have strangers stand in line wanting to know if their worldly desires would be fulfilled. When he told us to stand aside and that he would heal others using our bodies, we begged that he stop it. We did not want to be stamped as a healer or shamans or medicine men. When they began to speak through us, we kept it under wraps for we did not want the public to come by asking for directions. Call me selfish but something tells me that this is not my purpose here. I do not want to stagnate at any one stage or level and attend to that task till my last days. I looked up to my guru Tavayogi. He never healed nor took on the karma of others. Following in his footsteps I was saved. If I had agreed to accept these gifts I would have been trapped and caught in a cycle and in that circle of society. I would have stagnated in that state though I could become a world-famed Nadi reader, or Head of a Peedham or a Healer/Shaman, or The Voice of God (Arul Vaakku).
So when Agathiyar asked me to reconsider my wish to serve him taking birth upon birth, I told him that I do not know what to ask of him. Meanwhile speaking to Mahindren about this I told him maybe we should ask for Gnanam which Tavayogi often spoke about. But what was Gnanam? We cannot possibly ask for something that we do not know. Later Agathiyar came again and told me that I had asked for Gnanam. Imagine he had eavesdropped on my conversation with Mahindren! Agathiyar told me that Gnanam was not gifted but we had to travel an internal journey through the chakras and work towards it. He said the final culmination of our internal travel through the various chakras is Gnanam.
The Siddhas had laid the groundwork for us that they ensured we carried out giving us numerous tools. Swami Vivekananda stresses the importance of continuously working on these practices.
"Simply listening to explanations and theories will not do. With practice, within a few days, a little glimpse will come, enough to give one encouragement and hope. We shall gradually see the reasons for each exercise and what forces in the body are set in motion. All things will come to us, but it requires constant practice. No amount of reasoning which I can give you will be proof to you until you have demonstrated it for yourselves. As soon as you begin to feel these currents in motion all over you, doubts will vanish, but it requires hard practice every day."
This practice and our efforts are till the second chakra the Svadhistana, says Tavayogi. After that, the Siddha has to come to lead us by the hand. Indeed all our effort came to an abrupt stop in late 2019. The next two and a half years that coincided with the pandemic saw us stagnate. Agathiyar some time back told me that the energy had stagnated at the chakra associated with the water element that is the Svadhistana. But the most compassionate has broken the banks of the pond and we see the waters redirected within as opposed to our external travels previously. It was pierced days ago he says. This led to several fainting spells and the body becoming numb and stiffening like a log. But fear not he says it is all a part of the process. In asking me to see the doctor and have treatment for a possible blood disorder that arises when the chakras are activated late in life, he also told me to close the windows at night. The cold air is not got for me he says as I now need to retain the heat of the chakra activation in the body. Vashisht Vaid in his blog https://holysageagathiyar.com/ writes the same,
"The ‘’radiant heat’’ [tejas tapah] of these ‘’spiritual experiences’’, also ‘greatly expand’ the holding sack of ‘’causal body’’ [karanam sharira], making it possible for a quick ‘release’ [mukti] of the ‘bound soul’ [bandhit atama]."
Indeed when I carried out the breathing exercises as shown by Tavayogi in 2007, the prana began to build up within my body to the extent that I feared it would explode. This was the Arambha avastha. It was only after 18 years of practice that Agathiyar permitted me to withhold my breath in retention or kumbhaka bringing me into the second stage of pranayama called Ghata avastha. Next, we shall arrive at Parichaya Avastha where the piercing of the Rudra granthi happens. Nishpati avastha would follow subsequently where Kevala kumbhaka or sahaja kumbhaka that is "the holding of the breath with no particular state of respiration in consideration" happens. From asking us to forcefully take control of our breath and later just noticing it, Agathiyar asked us not to place any effort in breathing and told us that it shall go one on its own. We shall arrive at the fourth and final stage called Nishpati avastha, after which there is no longer a need for any yogic practice. This is said to be the state of Samadhi while still alive.
Swami Rajarshi Muni says the real beginning of the practice of Yoga is when it becomes spontaneous in us. Once it becomes spontaneous there is nothing the aspirant does but surrender to the inherent energy that takes the lead. I guess this is what Lord Muruga meant when he asked all those who were ready to surrender to step up to him as he had something to give them. When I stood before him he drove me away saying that Agathiyar shall give me knowing pretty well my hold on Agathiyar.
"One needs to surrender completely and unconditionally to the awakened life force within", Swami Rajarshi Muni continues. We need to "relinquish all our willful efforts. Surrender to the prana to lead us to the deeper strata of our being", he adds. I guess this is what happened when I was suddenly driven to spin and dance on my toes and was lifted and thrown into a dark pit while in the inner caves of the Sri Siva Shanmugar Temple in Sungai Siput. These spontaneous and unintentional cries that accompanied my temple visits in India become quite a regular affair in the places of worship that I visited.
So I believe he has started me on this internal journey to a sacred place that Ramalinga Adigal calls Aani Pon Ambalam. Join me in the coming days as we explore together this journey that Agathiyar has asked me to share with you. As Ruzbeh N Bharucha writes of a co-traveler at https://www.speakingtree.in/blog/the-master-s-grace, "A co-traveler who has the ability to guide fellow travelers on the path and He/She may have His/Her own demons to deal with, flaws and limitations to work through, but is filled with selfless love and has the Divine Spark burning bright but eventually is not beyond karma and still grappling with duality", I too have hidden skeletons inside my closet but Agathiyar opted to give me a chance at the race. I pray that I do not misguide you and that we all end up elsewhere. Voicing this fear in me to Agathiyar, he asked that I have the experience first and that he shall come later to explain (or correct me). That sort of gives me inner strength.
Supramania Swami's hand in introducing me to gurus in physical form, made it easy for me to accept and worship the Siddhas, men who worked their way up the spiritual ladder transforming their Asuddha Deham, to Suddha Deham by means of performing worship and rituals, taking purgatives that cleansed the insides of their body, doing pranayama and asanas, later transforming the Suddha Deham into the Pranava Deham, rich in prana Sakti, arriving at attaining Siddhis that were used wisely. Finally, these men due to the intense tapas carried out, fed the fire within or Tava Kanal that consumed all impurities and joined the ranks of those who merged with Erai, themselves becoming Jhoti or Light or attaining the Oli Deham. Agathiyar wants me to share the experiences with Siddha Heartbeat readers. Please bear with me.