Agathiyar asked that I write about these experiences so that readers would know what to expect when walking the path of internal transformation towards the goal of attaining Jothi. As both my gurus, Supramania Swami and Tavayogi, say, whether we attain the state is immaterial for now. At least we are working towards it. We shall come back again if we fail in this life.
Calendar of Events
I carried out the Pranayama practices diligently some two hours before sunrise, learning from the books initially in the eighties. Later I was officially initiated into it by Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal in 2007. Agathiyar and the other Siddhas then came through the Nadi, giving me regular updates like Microsoft's Patch Tuesday fixes, and later through devotees giving magic potions to strengthen and heal the aftereffects of Her awakening.
Here is the calendar of events or travelogue within, until the day my efforts came to a halt on 22 and 23.8.2022, when Agathiyar took it up from there
I came to Agathiyar at the age of 43, coming to read my Nadi for the very first time.
This account of the changes within that I was not aware of initially until Agathiyar spelt it out in the Nadi, and I began to become aware after I had painful experience in later years, might serve as a guide for those who have activated their Kundalini either knowingly or unknowingly; after officially getting initiated into the practice by a guru; or picking them up from the net, or books; or after receiving them in a haste from gurus and strangers on the go.
The continued practice of Yoga Asanas and Pranayama that Tavayogi taught me on his visit to Malaysia, and which Agathiyar came in the Nadi, driving me to do, led to many changes that took place within. Though the volume of prana that came within after each inhalation was tremendous, filling my lungs to the brim of the lungs, on the verge of exploding, the feeling was of joy, not the least hurtful. Agathiyar revealed that my practice had culminated in my arriving at a blissful state, with his grace. The Siddhas monitored me and addressed the changes through regular Nadi readings during this period.
The Nadi readings are by Agathiyar unless mentioned otherwise.
17.2.2007
Agathiyar said that noticeable changes in my speech, walk, and dressing were seen.
4.3.2007
He said changes in the voice, youth, aura, and clarity shall result from continuously performing the Siddha puja.
10.3.2007
Bhrigu came to reveal that the internal heat shall build up due to my tapas and practices.
13.10.2007
Agathiyar surprised me by saying that my Kundalini had risen, "We are delighted to see your Kundalini Sakti arise." This was the very first mention of Kundalini. I was not aware of anything rising, though. Looking through my collection of books on Yoga, I could not relate to the typical signs of Kundalini awakening as written in these books. I did not pursue my search nor speak about it to another, not even my guru Tavayogi, for he was not one to entertain talk on Kundalini.
18.5.2008
Patanjali came to mention the inherent changes taking place in carrying out the yoga practices. The aura and chakras shall be enhanced further, and the Kundalini shall rise. This is the second instance Kundalini was mentioned. He said the colors of the aura and the chakras will enhance as a result of Kundalini awakening.
Patanjali guided me further. He said, "The many practices taught and shown and put into practice shall bring on excessive heat within and tire you out. Hence the need to take sattvic food that cools the body." For a start, I was to refrain from taking processed food once a week. He asked me to take natural food on Saturdays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. He asked me to refrain completly from taking salt, sugar, sour, and pungent food. Patanjali tells me that this was his Yoga Suksmam.
30.9.2008
Agathiyar surprises me by saying that the light from the third eye had emerged due to my tapas. This was news to me again. He asks that I seduce and regulate my breath. "Bigger things lie within the breath," he said. "All the Siddhas passed the test through breath control. Lord Vinayagar and Gautama Buddha, who were exponents of this art, excelled in it. By gaining control over the breath, one can extend his life span and defeat death. All the tapasi attained success in their tapas or tavam through control of the breath. I am sharing the truth of our practice and achievements with you," he concluded.
8.12.2008
Agathiyar threw more surprises at me. He said, "Through the Breath or Vaasi practice, the Suzhumunai and the top (of head) too have opened. We shall draw the seven veils and have you see the Jothi. You shall become complete in all aspects. We will create a way for you to attain the Soruba state." All this was news to me. I just did not know what was being said by Agathiyar.
27.8.2009
Agathiyar gives further practice called Tava Suksmam to carry out for two Mandalas (48 x 2). He dictated, "Taking in the breath, stay focused on the chakras above and below the nose. Do this twice a day. It would strengthen the state of Gnana. It shall bring on clarity, power to the thoughts, and access to the Prapanjam." I was surprised to know that there were chakras too in the spots Agathiyar said. He reiterates again that these are practices they did and are sharing with us.
26.12.2009
Again, Agathiyar surprised me, saying I was on the fringe of attaining Gnanam and that the top has opened. He said, "The third eye shall shine. I wanted to give you a treasure." He said that Tavayogi shall grant it. I was clueless as to what he was talking about.
In 2010, Tavayogi requested that we follow in his footsteps in conducting a Yagam too. The year 2010 was also special for another reason. A replica of Agathiyar at Agasthiyampalli was commissioned and beautifully crafted by Varadaraj of the Bronze Creative (BC) in Swamimalai, India. The statue was ordered through the internet in February of 2009. Varadaraj of BC made a visit to Agasthiyampalli, Vedaranyam, to photograph the granite statue of Agathiyar and subsequently started working on the wax mold. The statue was cast and completed in early December and was flown to Malaysia in time for the Jayanthi on 3rd January 2010.
2.1.2010
Agathiyar says that by chanting his name, one shall gain the merits and grace he had gained.
31.1.2010
He told me he would pass on his palm leaves or Nadi Nool someday to be worshipped. I shall come to read it too, he added. It was both a present and a gift from him.
3.4.2010
Agathiyar encouraged me to carry on all the practices given.
12.7.2010
He says that I saw Sadashiva. This was news to me, too. Again, I had no idea what he was speaking about. He asks that I spread his fame.
Though the Siddhas spoke about the mystical changes that were apparently taking place within me and in my chakras, sadly, I was unaware of these changes in me. Life went on as usual for me. Also, I guess since I had a job and a family, they did not want to disrupt my life in any manner. Hence, when some can describe in detail the dramatic and cinematic changes within them after the awakening of the Kundalini, I had nothing similar to say or share. My awakening was, I guess, contained and monitored by Agathiyar.
9.8.2010
He pointed out that the tapas had generated extreme heat within what he calls Gnana Kanal. He mentioned that the Gnana Kanal was pretty profound then.
17.10.2010
He said that what is generally achieved through Hathayoga is now possible through Tapas and Puja. But he pointed out that my health was declining. He asked me to see a Siddha physician who can bring it back to its former state. He assured me that I shall recover well with his grace.
16.1.2011
Agathiyar continued to monitor my situation and called me in for further readings, where he assured me that all shall be fine. Agathiyar asked me to continue taking the prescription for another half a mandalam.
19.4.2011
I received his Moola Mantra through the Nadi that was a panacea for all curses, sins, diseases, and arrogance. I began to chant it.
Then the fateful day arrived when, as I forcefully cleared my throat during my morning bath, as always, to throw out the sputum, I felt a pull and tug in my lower back, followed by an excruciating pain in my left buttock that went right down my right leg to my toes. It made me squat down in pain, where I was forced to remain for some time. Finally, I had to crawl out of the bathroom. The pain aggravated each day. Initially, I could not walk for a long distance or for a long time. I had to look for a place to rest my feet and aching back. Then I could not sit for long either. Sitting was itself painful. Then the pain woke me up in my sleep. What was to be a restful sleep turned into a nightmare as I would wake up with bodily pains. I had to crawl out of bed. Driving was painful too, as I had to engage the clutch transmission as I shuttled between work and home. Seeking the late Dr. Krishnan, a Siddha physician and friend, for advice, he checked three aspects of my health as probable causes or reasons. He struck the first two off but had me go for an X-ray to determine the third. As I did not have pain while urinating, and neither did I have blood in my urine, he diagnosed that I had no stone in me. As my feet were not swollen, my kidneys were fine. He asked me to take an X-ray to determine if I had slip disc, though. I headed for the nearest government clinic. The X-ray showed nothing wrong with my back and backbone. But they referred me to the Orthopedic Specialist at the general hospital for a second opinion. She gave me a clean slate too. I returned to the clinic for several sessions of physiotherapy that began on 12.5.2011.
Meanwhile, I called up Ramesh for a Nadi reading.
9.8.2011
Agathiyar specifically and clearly addressed my issue.
26.11. 2011
Agathiyar spelled out the reasons and the solution in the form of several Siddha herbs and prayers. He classified my agony as Paareesa Peedai, which was external and superficial, existing or occurring at or on the surface and appearing to be true or real. He said that the Muladhara chakra had attained intense heat, resulting in my condition that subsequently led to my immobility. The three doshas too have gone haywire. He asked me to consume the herbs Amalaki and Triphala. He asked that I stop all forms of tapas for the time being and pray to the Sun God and Lord Murugan to bring total relief.
On 15.2.2012, the physiotherapist surprised me by asking me to carry out the exercises she had taught me and that I had put into practice the past seven months, before her. As I knelt on the stretcher to move into position to begin to raise my right leg behind me and stretch my back, I felt something like a latch having released, a dam having burst, a knot untied or loosened, something giving way. It brought instantaneous relief and joy to the extent that I shouted out and cried in joy. The excruciating pain left instantaneously, both magically and mysteriously, at that moment, just as it had come upon me without warning back then.
21.9.2014
Agathiyar repeated again that the Suzhimunai was opened. He said that the chakras shall function perfectly.
28.8.2015
Agathiyar mentioned further changes that have taken place within me. He said that his Jothi had expanded in me, and the Suzhimunai had opened though I did not sense any changes.
I retired in 2016 with the blessings of Agathiyar. I had all the time for Agathiyar. My back pain reappeared after four years, but it was very much milder this time around. A couple who had just returned from Dhanvanthri's temple in India dropped in at my home promptly, bringing over his sacred prasad. I was surprised by the arrival of Dhanvanthri through a devotee to treat my back pain. Dhanvanthri used his sacred ash to rub it into my back and massaged me. He also told me to heat up some sesame oil, apply it, and sleep on level ground for the next few days. The pain eventually subsided, and one fine day it was gone just as it had come on.
18.11.2017
Agathiyar in the Nadi says I was instrumental in some way towards the change others went through. He wanted me to stay low and out of sight.
7.10.2018
Agathiyar in the Nadi said that my breath had "intertwined" in my sleep, unknown to me, and lay dormant. Though I could not understand what he said, this resulted in a recurrence of the dreaded back pain, coming back with the same intensity as originally felt in 2011, after a sneeze came on while crossing a street.
8.10.2018
Lord Murugan came to heal me through a devotee and, simultaneously, in the Nadi, in real-time. He brought me the bad news, too. He told me my body was crumbling. My spine and hips were currently tense. The gel at these joints had dried up. This is the reason for the acute pain I was having. With some treatment done earlier, a quarter of the issue was overcome. Lord Muruga then revealed the reason I had to go through the suffering. It was to have me sit in one place and do my Tapas. But neither he nor Agathiyar abandoned me.
5.9.2019
After Agathiyar had me spend my days in solitude and my nights sleeping in the prayer room, and having me carry out certain regimes and practices, he came to reveal the reason I fell and lay in front of my bathroom door, slithering in pain like a beaten snake. He described the slithering as a sign of Kundalini moving. Agathiyar said the Kundalini had arisen and had turned up the heat and fire within as well. The heat of the austerities, or Tava Kanal, coupled with the awakened Muladhara Chakra, which triggered the arousal of the Kundalini, began to stir and move away from its seat. But still, I was unaware and could not join the dots until Agathiyar revealed. It was both painful and blissful. He acknowledged that it was the bliss of bliss. He mentioned further that the third eye and the crown had opened, and as a result of the three Malas or impurities being eradicated, I was partaking in the ambrosia nonstop within. I was both baffled and did not understand what he was saying.
That would be my last Nadi reading, as the pandemic came on, the Nadi readers headed back home. In a timely manner, he brought the shutters down on AVM towards the end of 2019. Beyond this, Agathiyar came through devotees and continued to guide me on this journey of internal transformation. The deities Sakti and Karuppa were regulars too.
30.1.2020
Agathiyar said, I had stagnated. He said further, "All this while you saw to your needs in this world. Reduce your involvement in outside activities. Now you shall undertake an internal journey. Currently, your breath is at the Svadhishthana. It is about time it opened up. This is the right time to start this practice. Sit before me and meditate. During this moment, carry out the cleansing breath as taught by your guru. Just the important ones. You shall sense a coolness within. Remain silent in these moments. Focus on your breath. Your breath shall touch the Suzhimunai and swirl. Travel along your seven chakras. That journey shall awaken your chakras. After traversing these chakras, when it touches the seventh, you shall know your purpose here. These practices shall take you further. I shall relate what needs to be done to realize your purpose in coming here. You cannot possibly break the shackle alone. Hence, follow the practices that I am to give you."
He surprised me by asking me to restart the Vaasi, or breathing practice, which I learned from Tavayogi that he had asked me to discontinue at the peak of my back pain back then in 2011. The Siddha shall stop us and start us again on any practice at the right moment.
He told me that I shall come to know what is right and what went wrong. Both shall be lessons I learn. He reminded me that whatever is initiated immediately and promptly shall bring success.
The visitations and revelations through devotees continued, coming on 30.1. 2020, 8.2.2020, 21.2.2020, 8.3.2020, and 14.3.2020, before Malaysia saw a full lockdown on 18 March 2020.
But the messages from Goddess Ma, Lord Siva, Bhogar, Dhanvantri, Yogi Ramsuratkumar, and Tavayogi kept coming in throughout this period.
14.5.2020.
Ramalinga Adigal, coming through a devotee, asked me, "Have you understood the purpose of asking to go within? Does your experience change within your body? This is only the start. You shall lay the stepping stones and progress at your pace. Effort is needed. What you are doing currently is wonderful. Continue with it. Watching your breath is right. You are changing the flow correctly. Continue with it. You are on the first step. Prana moving in you is itself Pranava Degam. When you sense the Pranavam, you shall question yourself whether the Pranam is traveling in you or vice versa, or if you are hitching on it and traveling in it. When you reach that state, you shall have the answer. That moment shall be one of extreme bliss. Go deep within this bliss. There is more. There is much to learn. You have my blessings. I shall travel with you till you reach the destination. I accompany those who go deep within. Follow your breath. Place the effort, and you shall reach the destination."
29.6.2020
Ramalinga Adigal surprised me by saying, "The lock to the hidden door between your eyebrows is open now." I had no idea what it was all about.
They came on 4.7.2020, 5.7.2020, 9.7.2020, 10.7.2020, 20.7.2020, 1.8.2020, 13.8.2020, 19.8.2020,
22.8.2020
Ramalinga Adigal tells me, "Use your breath to fan the Jothi. It shall travel through Sushumna and touch Ajna. Then the Jothi is seen. Carry out Nadi Sudhi to raise the Prana. Now it does not move in both nostrils. When it travels in both nostrils, you shall then rest in perfection or Sudha Paripuranam. Dhyana will be yours then. You are one with the Prana. Pay attention to it. The changes in you are but discharges. It shall leave your body. Do not worry. What you are doing is tavam."
Then Agathiyar came bringing me the joyful news that "Supramania Swami was the guru who led you to the path of worship of the guru. He taught you guru bhakti, or devotion to the guru. You received the merits from his tapas. Tavayogi, too, in his light form, is trying to bring salvation to you. He is traveling with you. You traveled in his way and followed his teachings. You spread his fame and helped him attain the state of Jothi. He who is currently with you shall continue to travel with you."
He then consoles me. "The noise around your neighborhood, although an obstacle, is Gnanam. Be patient. Through your effort, you shall conquer your senses. Till then, these shall trouble you."
He cautions me. "Let go of your anger; otherwise, you shall not attain Gnanam because your anger in touching the chakras will weaken them. When in anger, the blood shall intercept and change the motion of these chakras. When its motion changes, the strength of your breath will diminish. Whatever your troubles, leave them to me. Just carry out the breathing practices. Nothing else is necessary. When you reach the said state, an energy or Sakti shall enter you. That is Suzhimunai."
They came again on 1.9.2020 and 29.10.2020.
19.11.2020
Agathiyar told those gathered around that "He (I) shall share his (my) experiences."
They came on 30.11.2020 and 10.12.2020,
12.12.2020
Agathiyar tells those gathered, "Read his (my) writings. These are my (Agathiyar) thoughts. In the coming days, I shall speak a lot about the Atma."
He gave me the courage to pursue the journey over rough terrain, telling me that "If going within is difficult, think of it as a practice for you. Going within will bring you to merge with the Prapanjam. There is no easy way. What you go through is very much easier and milder than what I went through."
And they came and conquered us again on 14.12.2020.
The visitations continued into 2021 too.
8.1.2021, 9.1.2021, 26.2.2021, 8.3.2021, 11.3.2021, 16.3.2021, 28.3.2021, 3.4.2021, 17.4.2021, 26.4.2021, 6.5.2021, 15.5.2021, and 22.5.2021. I soon lost count of the moments they came and delivered their messages. These visitations were interspersed with Nadi readings as the Nadi readings returned after the pandemic. This was the period when Agathiyar filled us with Spiritual knowledge or Gnanam, too.
23.12.2021
It was Agathiyar's Jayanthi; we lit the homam and did abhisegam to Agathiyar's statue. While Mahin was dressing him up, I picked up Ramalinga Adigal's "Agaval" and began to recite it, knowing pretty well that the 1596 verses would take some 2 hours to recite, as I have been reading the Agaval solo and with my family numerous times. Though we never could comprehend it, we enjoyed the melody. That day, I could only recite until verse 305, when strong emotions came over me, and I began to sob. I struggled to continue further, but could not go beyond verse 336. I could feel the words reverberate in me, having me recall similar experiences. I stopped singing. But to our amazement, Ramalinga Adigal came through a devotee and picked up from where I stopped. His words were not from the original "Arutpa" but were coined in real time. As he took us by surprise, we could only record the later path of his song.
27.6.2022
Agathiyar revealed that the herbal preparation Agathiyar Kuzhambu, which I took, did help in expelling the excesses in the three doshas. But there was more that shall be expelled in due time.
In July of 2022, Agathiyar told me, "Currently, your Muladhara and Svadhisthana are open. At present, your breath is at the pond (lake). The time of its opening is near. Now is the right time to start your practice. This would open up the chakra completely."
22 and 23.8.2022
The day that Agathiyar mentioned that my breath shall touch the Suzhimunai and swirl, travel along my chakras and awaken them before finally touching the seventh, came over two consecutive days on Monday, the 22nd, and Tuesday, the 23rd August 2022.
The energy that had pooled and stagnated in the Svadhishthana as a result of the pull of the external world was released on Monday, 22.8.2022, shortly after I woke up at 6.40am. As I stretched myself in bed, I felt an "explosion of energy" in my belly. It was akin to a pull and a tug of a fine nerve or thread right below the navel. It brought on a swirling sensation followed by a chill all over. My whole body became numb right to the tips of my fingers and toes. Soon I felt nauseous and had the urge to urinate. Rising from bed, I collapsed twice on the way to the toilet, picking myself up each time. Back from the toilet, all was fine. A blissful feeling came over me. I was alone then, while my daughter was in her room asleep, unaware of what was taking place. Narrating this to my daughter later that day, she called up her mother, who returned home shortly from our grandchildren's home.
The tug I came to see as a divine act that came about through divine grace, for Ramalinga Adigal had mentioned it earlier on 14.5.2020. He had said, "When you reach my state, energy will come within you without your knowledge. That is Suzhimunai."
The next day, Tuesday 23 August 2022, I woke up at 7.20am to go to the loo, but I could not pee. I collapsed again. I picked myself up and climbed onto the bed as my wife watched silently. She had been told by Agathiyar to only watch many years ago. My body became numb from the shoulders down. I lay like a dead log on my bed. Although I could not move even an inch of my torso, right from my neck down, I was able to see, hear, and talk, and was fully conscious and aware of what was happening to me. I described what I felt to my wife, who was sitting at the bed's edge. I had no fear or anxiety. I asked myself if this was what a dead body would feel like. Was I given an insight into what death would be? I asked her to bring the peacock feather and brush my body, as did Lord Muruga, coming through a devotee, at the height of another round of back pain in 2018. Soon, the experience went away.
Agathiyar, speaking about the transformation taking place in old age, consoled and assured me that "The water that ponded over time has been discharged. Having the chakras activated in this age has its consequences for the body. As the heat of the Tapas increases, the quantity of blood is affected, which shall lead to cramps, which shall then result in problems in the discharge of urine and faeces. Take the necessary medicines. Do not worry. Do not be afraid of death. It is but another door to another journey. One who invites death is a Siddha."
Just as Agathiyar had said earlier on 30.1.2020 that my breath having stagnated was at the Svadhisthana, and it was about time it opened up, and asked to travel along the seven Chakras earlier, where the journey shall awaken these Chakras, the energies were released. The awakened energy was practically pulled from its lower regions by a magnetic force to its summit in the crown over the next few days. I guess this is what Agathiyar meant when he said I shall feel a magnetic wave arise. The swirling sensation felt for several weeks in the abdomen just below my navel was regularly felt in the crown of my head, but with a lesser intensity. It seemed more like a flowering of petals now and was blissful. The chillness and swirling that was akin to a flowering went on irrespective of my daily activities these days. It was more intense each time I brought my attention to it. He said that after traversing the Chakras and the Kundalini touches the seventh, I shall know my purpose here. Following the flowering in the crown that went on without my effort, participation, or action, I asked Agathiyar what I should do further. He told me that they shall do their work and that there was nothing that I needed to do further. Just as Tavayogi told me, our efforts are only until we reach Svadhisthana, and the guru shall lead us on from there; all my efforts ended that day.
Agathiyar continued on the changes to be expected, "You shall witness many changes taking place within you. Do not fear. Due to the activation of the chakras, your body shall emit a foul smell. You shall have constipation. You shall urinate often. The Agathiyar Kuzhambu you took did help in expelling the three Dosas. But there still is. It shall be expelled in due time." He went on to ask me to prepare a concoction and reminded me that it was not to be shared with others. "Carry out the said practice. Take lots of warm water. "
When I asked him for an easier approach, Agathiyar told me that there is no easier way to attain or merge with the breath, the sensation, the vibration, the magnetism, the Prapanjam, and the Jothi. With a little effort from us, the Siddhas shall aid us further. Then the energies will do the rest. Agathiyar surprises me by saying that my gurus should have come to my assistance. But as they are engaged in his work, they had asked Agathiyar to come to our need.
As it worried my wife and me, Agathiyar asked me to go for a Medical checkup. He treated me too by dipping my hands into a bowl of lukewarm water to the accompaniment of my family chanting the Arutperunjothi mantra. He ran his hands along my back and spine, placed his hands on my head, and applied the sacred ash over my body.
The doctor gave us both a clean sheet. Agathiyar removed the fear in us, though both he and Ramalinga Adigal had told us not to fear on numerous occasions. Though I knew a cleansing process was going on within, I needed assurance that it was not a medical problem or problems that crop up with old age. The Siddhas never abandon us in times of need.
He revealed that "There is much I need to carry out through you. Enough of my praise. Write about your bodily experiences. Let your writings be about the changes taking place in your body. Let your readers know the changes that take place in the body if they come to worship the light and seek to merge with it. My wisdom shall be your experience. Experience first, and I shall clarify the experiences later. Experience is knowledge to you. Nothing is beyond experience."
And so I came to share what took place within me.
True to what he had said, for several weeks I had the wind travel in my abdomen, causing pain in my groin and testicles. The urine and motion were smelly. I asked myself if my body was decaying within. Even before this, there were traces of blood in the sputum. I had piles. I had boils appear. I understood it to be the result of excessive heat in me due to my practices. And I understood it to be a cleansing process going on within.
To the handful of his devotees who came back after the pandemic, he asked, "Get those who keep coming over to AVM to sit in meditation, too. When their external thoughts leave them, Gnanam shall dawn on them too, and they shall take up the path of Gnanam." He answered my yearning to pull the shutters down on AVM a second time and go into oblivion. "You need not go into solitude now. You need to share many things with others. I shall tell you when the right time is to do so."
16.12.2024
Agathiyar questioned me on my fears, telling me that death was but another door to another journey. He asked me why I was afraid of death and consoled me, saying that it was yet another door to another journey. "How can a Siddha harbor this fear?" he asked. He asked me to recall Bhogar's answers to him as to what Bhogar knew. I repeated Bhogar's answers to Agathiyar in the way that he only knew Agathiyar and nothing else. As I recounted the humility of Bhogar, a full-fledged Siddha who mastered many arts and sciences, Agathiyar revealed that I, too, needed to drop the Ego that I had become identified with. He asked me how long I wanted to remain as Shanmugam Avadaiyappa. I needed to drop this identity that was holding me back, causing a separateness between me and others and everything else. He revealed that he was in this Oneness.
He has brought us to Bhagawan Ramana's teachings. Ramana never initiated anyone, as he saw everyone as himself. I guess this is the reason that Agathiyar reversed his initial offer of making me a guru and instead offered to make me a Siddha. To enter this Oneness, I needed to observe Maunam, or Silence. Finally, hugging me, Agathiyar whispered in my ear that he was this Silence. He reminded me of Lord Dhakshanamurthy's last act to uplift his four students to become on par with him. When the Lord chose to remain silent, not taking on and answering any further questions henceforth, all his students became enlightened the very next moment.
Hence, he revealed why he kept silent and never came to us since 22 September. Though he did not appear before us, he was with us, he said. In saying thus, he told me to carry out whatever needs to be done, and he shall endorse it, bringing me away from my habit of waiting to be told what to do or securing his approval on all matters.
31.12.2024
I was practically living alone. In those hours of loneliness, I had only my thoughts to accompany me. Memories of the past dropped in, visiting me at times. Then, a sudden, unfounded fear gripped me, and I would begin to pace the floor of my home. This sudden, unknown fear came on so intensely that I could not sleep. I was awake in these hours, facing my own fears. There was no one I could call up and hold a conversation in these wee hours of the night and early mornings. Facing the fear of the unknown is facing death. Just as losing a limb, an eye, or hearing, etc scares the wits out of me, in these moments of silence, I was left only with my Self, breath, thoughts, and memory. I came face-to-face with existence without the superficialities of life and living. Agathiyar took ownership of all the doings, creating events that sparked the perfect scenario and space for me to be alone. I wonder how he chose me to go through this transformation towards losing the body and engaging with the soul, knowing pretty much that I was a scaredy-cat?
He came earlier Monday, 16 December 2024, and questioned me on these fears, telling me that death was but another door to another journey. He asked me why I was afraid of death and consoled me, saying that it was yet another door to another journey. "How can a Siddha harbor this fear?" he asked. He asked me to recall Bhogar's answers to him as to what Bhogar knew. I repeated Bhogar's answers to Agathiyar in the way that he only knew Agathiyar and nothing else. As I recounted the humbleness of Bhogar, a full-fledged Siddha who mastered many arts and sciences, Agathiyar revealed that I, too, needed to drop the Ego that I had become identified with. He asked me how long I want to remain as Shanmugam Avadaiyappa? I needed to drop this identity that was holding me back, causing a separateness between me and others and everything else. He revealed that he was in this Oneness. He has brought us to Bhagawan Ramana's teachings. Ramana never initiated anyone, as he saw everyone as himself. I guess this is the reason that Agathiyar reversed his initial offer of making me a guru and instead offered to make me a Siddha. To enter this Oneness, I needed to observe Maunam or Silence. Finally, hugging me, Agathiyar whispered in my ears that he was this Silence. He reminded me of Lord Dhakshanamurthy's last act to uplift his four students to become on par with him. When the Lord chose to remain silent, not taking on and answering any further questions henceforth, all his students became enlightened the very next moment. Hence, he revealed why he kept silent and never came to us since 22 September. Though he did not appear before us, he was with us, he said. In saying thus, he tells us to carry out whatever needs to be done, and he shall endorse them, bringing us away from our habit of waiting to be told what to do or securing his approval on all matters.
Agathiyar enlightens me further. "When one starts the journey of going within, the result is Gnanam. But it shall vary among people. Hence, I cannot say exactly what shall take place. All this while, you have gained external knowledge or Ulaga Gnana. Now you shall gain Gnana that is going to serve you. When you realize yourself completely and realize that everything around you is impermanent, you shall stand apart from it all. That is to be motionless in all manner, or Summa Eruppathu. To arrive at that state, increase your Soul Power or gain Atma Balam. This apparently was spoken about in an earlier post at https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2026/09/what-next.html
"The soul which has realized God through divine knowledge, Pati Jnanam, after it had renounced the worlds as changing or Asat, is called Jivan Mukta." (Source: "Metaphysics of Saiva Siddhantam - Sivagnana Boodham by Thiruvilankar Canagarayar, 1961)