My sister-in-law shared a beautiful piece.
I noticed the silence next door. My neighbor is 84. His wife passed away last year. He has no children. His lights stopped coming on in the evening. His blinds stayed closed. He was fading away right in front of me. I could not just watch. So I started making an extra portion at dinner. Just a little more pasta. One more pork chop. I walked it over. He opened the door. He looked surprised. He looked thin. "I made too much," I lied. "I hate wasting food. Can you help me out?" We sat on his porch. We ate. We watched the cars go by. We have done this every night for a month. Yesterday, he put his fork down. " I was ready to go," he whispered. "I was just waiting to sleep and not wake up. But then you knocked. Now I have to stay up to see what you cooked." I held back the tears. It cost me nothing. A little flour. A little time. But it gave him a tomorrow.
I remember as my mother breathed her last, she told me the same, that she wanted to sleep. I knew that it was not the usual thing, as in going to bed daily, but this time it was eternal rest that she meant. She passed away peacefully shortly after.
My father, who always made his coffee, the day he passed away, out of the blue, asked my mother to make him coffee, which was, of course, very unusual and surprising. As a kid, I would take a walk to the coffee shop in our neighborhood in Assam Kumbang, carrying a large stainless steel mug to have Pak Lai, the Chinese proprietor, fill it up to the brim. I had to be careful not to spill it while walking back home. My father would take a small sip each time, saving the rest to last for the rest of the day. But no one saw the sign when he asked earlier that she iron out his shirt and vesti too. When my mother came back with the coffee that he had asked for that day, he was already seated in the Padmasana pose on the floor and not in his usual chair. She noticed his pupils were gazing up. As she touched his shoulder, he collapsed onto her lap. My sister-in-law called the ambulance. The medic pronounced him dead. He passed away peacefully.
As we age, what is left are mere memories, that is, if our memory does not fail us. Knowing this, I am glad that I began documenting my life after I came to the Siddha path. I am glad that I keep writing, otherwise I might go senile.
Life as a kid, teen, and a young adult, and a householder later was the usual stuff as with others. It was only after I took up the call to worship the Siddhas that I began to apparently take my life into my own hands and live a true existence. Coming to the worship of the Siddhas, I began living a life apart from what others were doing. My family and I vigorously engaged in the rituals after Agathiyar came in the form of a bronze statue. We began to learn new things and carried them out. It was all very exciting. Then Agathiyar sent youths in their prime to my home to watch and participate in the Puja. Soon, he had us embark on carrying out charity, too. Our hands were pretty full. Looking back at the good times we had at Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) in the past, prompted me to put together the following video of the youngsters who turned up at AVM and carried out Agathiyar's dictates. Young and energetic, they took up the numerous tasks that came their way without shying away.
Using the pandemic as a cover, Agathiyar brought the shutters down on AVM and had me go within while he had them carry out Puja in their own homes, since now they were well-equipped with the tools too. But Agathiyar did not want them to be in the way of Sariyai and Kriyai forever. Post pandemic, he called them together to have them take up another phase of the journey, that of Yoga. But they shied away. I do not blame them, for I came to know later that although Tavayogi had given seven of us the Yoga techniques, only I kept doing it, for he sent one of them after his Nadi reading to re-learn it from me. The only other time Agathiyar told me to teach it was to Mahindren, while my wife taught Sakthee. Mahindren was asked to teach these youths. I guess they were not ready for the discipline and commitment needed to see the Kundalini energy or Shakti, which brought about our very existence, right from our conception, and which, after doing its work, became dormant, resting at the Muladhara, take flight in Agathiyan Airlines that we all talked about, to the higher Chakras resulting in the flowering at the Sahasrara Chakra. Even as I pen these words, I sense this sensation in the crown of my head.
Coming to the Siddhas, I came to know that I could make an effort in changing my fate. My fate was in my hands, and the tools were with the Siddhas. Using these tools and placing some effort towards changing my fate, the Siddhas come to do the rest. They then shaped a new destiny for me, for Lord Muruga, in a Nadi reading in 2018, told me he had changed my fate. Or rather, they drew away the veils of Karma and ignorance and have me see within my heart's chamber into the inner sanctum where lies the JeevAtma or soul as the divinity and divine being in us. All the tools, though seemingly assisting us in our external worship, unknowingly to us, have helped feed the flame in us. We come to know that we, the JeevAtma, are Light or Jothi too, a spark from the larger ParamAtma. All it needed was to fan it with the breath. I came to know that I could see God through the Siddhas. If Tavayogi showed me Agathiyar, Agathiyar showed me my Atma. Then he declares that we are One.
Agathiyar says that the Atma that keeps both the Body or Udal and Breath or Uyir under its grip, soon loses its grip and hold on us between 1 and 5 Varahai, a time period used in the ancient days that I have yet to find an equivalent terminology or reference to present times. Although Agathiyar said he could not reveal the reason for the Atma to be veiled, after several readings, we figured it out.
ஆன்மா உடலையும் உயிரையும் தனது கட்டுப்பாட்டுக்குள் வைத்துக் கொள்ளும் ஒரு சூச்சமம். இந்தச் சூச்சமத்தை பிறந்த குழந்தைகள் 1 முதல் 5 வராகை வரையிலும் உடன் இருந்து மறையும். மறைத்தலின் காரணம் இன்னதென்று இப்போது உனக்குச் சொல்ல இயலாது.
Like Agathiyar says, Tavayogi too, in his "Atma Thattuvam," writes that the Atma is a tool that binds both the Uyir and Udal.
உயிர் உடல் இரண்டையும் இணைத்து வைக்கின்ற ஒப்பற்ற கருவியே ஆத்மா எனப்படும்.
It takes charge and control of the Udal and Uyir. But the reason we cannot identify it is that it is subtle in nature as opposed to the gross nature of the Udal that is known through the senses and the Uyir that is known when awareness is brought to the breath. As the Uyir is known through the Udal and vice versa, we realize the importance of the Udal then and begin to treasure it. When we are caught in the grips of Maya or illusion in this world, something that Tavayogi made known to me the very first time he stepped into my house in 2005, that shattered me, we never realize the existence of the Atma until a guru comes by to remove the veil.
Agathiyar adds that the Atma comes to the forefront later in his or her life, making its presence known depending on his or her actions. Just like Tavayogi stepped aside after he showed me Agathiyar, Agathiyar, who, after explaining the nature of the Atma, bringing us to see the Atma in us as in Atma Darisanam, steps aside for the Atma in us to do its work in us.
Agathiyar reveals a misconception that many, including I, had and that I had carried in many of my earlier posts, that the Atma carries the imprints of Karma. It is not so. I remain corrected. Agathiyar reveals that, contrary to this understanding, the Atma helps clear our Karma by showing us the way. Once Karma has cleared, the search to know the Atma intensifies. His search for his selfish gains loses its intensity. His seeking would be solely on knowing the Atma (Agathiyar) and reaching him. The Atma is in charge henceforth.
ஆன்மா உனது கர்ம வினை தாங்கி வருவது அல்ல, ஆனால் ஆன்மாவே உனது கர்ம வினையைச் சரிசெய்வதற்கு உதவி புரியும். ஆனபோதிலும் ஆன்ம ஒருவரின் செயலைப் பொறுத்தே மீண்டும் அவனை வந்து சேரும். கர்மவை சரி செய்த பின், ஆன்மாவின் தேடல் அதிகமாகி மனிதனின் அன்றாட தேடல் தீர்ந்து போகும். அவன் தேடல் முழுதாய் என்னையே தேடி வர முயற்சி செய்யும். ஆன்மா உன்னோடு இருந்து உன்னை ஒரு பாதைக்கு இழுத்து செல்லும் அப்போது நீ அதனை உணர்ந்தாள், உன்னில் அதிர்வாய் தோன்றி மறையும். அந்த அதிர்வினை நீ உனக்குள் நீடிக்கப் பழகினால் உன்னால் ஆன்மா என்னும் உனது அதிர்வுகளில் ஊடுருவி என்னுள் (இறை / அகத்தியன்) வந்து சேர ஒரு வழி.
Annie Besant, in her talks on "The Laws of the Higher Life, " The Theosophical Publishing House, 1903, says, "The self gathers around it Upadhi upon Upadhi, vehicle after vehicle, gradually shaping its own instruments."
Initially, we all need a guide and a guru, as in all matters, be it material, academic, or in learning the skills, and religious or spiritual matters. Coming to the Siddhas, following what is said or given or taught and working tirelessly on it, when we cross the thin line that separates the gross and the subtle, making contact with the Prapanjam, all knowledge shall dawn from within, bringing us to know that we need not wait upon others to deliver us or beg of others to fill us, as the Prapanjam shall provide for me.
If the initial phase of searching that we undertook, following our hearts, brought us to numerous places, coming to the Siddhas, the search ends. We are given the tools and the operating manual to begin the transformation and transmutation of our body to turn it from impure or Asudha Degam to pure or Sudha Degam, from the gross vibrations into the subtle vibrations.
Annie Besant draws two distinct divisions of people and their brains. The coarser vibrations of the lower world and those adapted to it are one. The others are those who are at the forefront of evolution and of a subtler nature.
Then the normal brain under undue stress and emotion becoming sensitive and tense, is the brain of the religious mystic and seer. While the former is careless of ordinary affairs, the latter with its "intense desire to reach a higher life overstrains the nerves hence rendering it sensitive to answer vibrations from the subtler planes of being. Then visions and abnormal happenings will occur. The superphysical consciousness finds at least for the brief moment a vehicle sufficiently sensitive to receive and answer to its impulses. The neuropathic brain affords the conditions necessary for the vision that belongs to the superphysical world, to impress itself on the physical consciousness."
Then, as we read and re-read her book, we understand that the religious mystic and seer are in a limbo. They have transcended the gross and coarser vibes but struggle to move on to the finer and subtler vibes. Here she says that, "We are dealing with vehicles in the ordinary stage of evolution, unfit for subtle vibrations."
The medium could place himself in danger. The unfit brain, in straining itself to answer to the higher, could go cuckoo. But Annie asks us to look towards the East for answers to "how this danger has been understood and guarded against and avoided."
True enough, Agathiyar told me that I had stagnated in the affairs of the world. I had stagnated far too long, some 15 years, at the Manipuraka after starting the internal journey in 2007 and traversing the Chakras as Agathiyar revealed. He came to break the bund and release the waters, or rather energies, in 2022. I have only a few years to catch up on lost time, if time permits, and if Agathiyar permits me to re-enter the race to achieve a body of Light or Jothi.
As our goal was to attain Jothi, in looking towards the Siddhas for answers, Lord Muruga told us to be extremely aware of what he considers the play of Maya, executed by the hidden hands of Lord Siva, Agathiyar, and Indran, and not fall into it. In giving us a taste of this intermediary state, Agathiyar reminded us that our journey was to return home and not prolong our stay here, although Maya, under the veil and mask of showering these gifts, known as Siddhi or Siddhu, would have us stay. So they put me to the test too, as usual, again. Agathiyar's wish for us was not to engage in it, for we shall be caught in its web and miss the opportunity to further our journey.
This intermediary state was needed and is relevant for some, if their purpose was to aid the lost souls by giving them temporary measures and solutions to bring temporary relief, heal, and repair the body, that is, the soul's dwelling and its affairs. But for one destined to know his soul and reach the feet of the divine, he has to move on, breaking away from the lure of this intermediary state too. One has to settle into the calm of the silence and lose oneself.
Nakirar says it beautifully in his plea to Lord Vinayagar in his song, the "Vinayagar Thiru Agaval"; its translation, a product of the limited capacity of my understanding, is as follows.
Conferring the Silent Jnana,
Coming face to face with the final revelation of the source,
Giving birth to divine desires,
Hence, the Guru and Student merge,
in a lone space, the Para Veli,
locked in blissful knowledge,
placed at the Holy Feet of Siva,
"Oh Maname, understand that you are ME, I am you,
The body is but just a fortress in a dream,"
Bring me to the realization that all is your doing,
Bring forth the yearning for your Grace in me,
Oh my Guru, Lord Vinayaga.
மோனா ஞான முழுதும் அளித்து
சிற்பரிப் பூரண சிவத்தைக் காண
நற்சிவ நிட்கள நாட்டமுந் தந்து
குருவுஞ் சீடனுங் கூடிக் கலந்து
இருவரும் ஒரு தனியிடந் தனிற் சேர்ந்து
தானந்தமாகித் தற்பர வெளியில்
ஆனந்த போத அறிவைக் கலந்து
ஈசனிைணயடியிருத்தி
மனத்தே நீயே நானாய்
நானே நீயாய்க்
காயா புரியைக் கனவெனவுணா்ந்து
எல்லாமுன் செயலென்ேற உணர
நல்லா உன்னருள் நாட்டந் தருவாய்
காரண குருவே கற்பகத் களிேற
வாரணமுகத்து வள்ளலே போற்றி
The Pindam or zygote made of the elements derived from the Pancha Maha Bhutam in a specific proportion takes a form that begins to reside in the womb. The five elements are taken from each parent's body to shape the body of the embryo. Since this proportion is regulated by Lord Brahma, we know him as the creator of life. Vashisht Vaid, in his blog https://holysageagathiyar.com/, mentions this event as "the divine creator or energy bringing forth his birth through consultation with the lunar forefathers and their angelic hierarchies that co-exist with us down here," just as a chairman calls upon his subordinates and consults them before making a decision.
If fate decides the outcome, the proportions are compromised, and complications appear in the fetus. Thus, fate takes shape. In fact, fate steps in even before the parents come together. The Soul decides where it is to be born and to whom, so that it can see through the fulfilment of its Karma and desires or Vasanas too, and at the same time fulfill those of its parents too.
The Tatvas that we took on to bring forth the conception and the zygote, build upon the one that became two and later more, till 96 in number, as we turn into an embryo, fetus, and a child, and later as a kid, teen, and an adult. Upon returning to the source, they have to be broken down again. Agathiyar reveals that when the Udal takes a form, a composite of the 5 Tatvas, and again returns to these Tatvas, the Uyir merges with the Atma and reaches Agathiyar as Light or Jothi. When he says we shall reach him, it has to be taken that we come to a realization that he and we are one.
உடல் என்பது பஞ்ச பூதங்களில் உரு பெற்று மீண்டும் பஞ்ச பூதங்களிடம் சென்று விட்டால் உயிராகியது ஆன்மா வோடு கலந்து ஜோதிநிலையில் எம்மை வந்து அடையும். உடல் கூறு தத்துவமும் இதையே உமக்கு உணர்த்தும்.
Agathiyar, although he gives prominence to the Body and the Breath, giving us hints, tips, and food and medicine to consume, and Asanas and Pranayama techniques to practice, sees only the soul in the man or woman that stands before him. Hence, the need for him to ask about our health or diagnose it. He states that there are two types of souls. Those that come to live a life of Bhogam or pleasure, as with eating, living, enjoying, and dying, and those that come with a purpose.
When a couple who had worshipped him for years and did extensive charity, asked to know his true self, Agathiyar asked them back what they had felt in all the years of doing prayers, Puja, worship, and in doing charity. She replied that she felt a vibration. "I am that," he replied. Agathiyar told us that he was the inherent vibration that is felt in all our noble endeavors.
Lord Shiva, in coming to us at the peak of the pandemic, gave us the task of lighting the Homam. Getting us to chant his Mrityunjaya mantra, he asked us to send these vibrations into the Prapanjam. "The vibration that takes place in you shall become atoms that cleanse the Prapanjam. Use it as a force field or shield and engage in cleansing the Prapanjam. When it's cleansed, the world will be completely rid of the virus."
Agathiyar, who came into my house as a bronze statue in 2010, asked that we chant his name 100,000 times. He told us that we had to give the metal Udal and Uyir. Later in 2024, when he asked to leave for the couple's house, asking me to move his statue into their home, which I consented to immediately, he told me that my home would not be empty with his departure. He told us that he would bring down the Prapanjam and fill our home in his absence. Ramalinga Adigal, too, had come countless times to help us connect with the Prapanjam.
Annie Besant continues.
"Here, in the jungle, they meditated making the brain tense and refined by the concentration of the mind, and restraint of lower faculties, fixed in rapt attention on the higher, with the consciousness working from above playing on the physical brain and tuning it to respond safely to the higher vibrations."
"Then it strove to draw the lower upwards until it answered no longer to the stimuli of the outer world. This is a state of yoga - complete withdrawal of the consciousness from the Indriyas."
"Now making the mind steady, holding quiet the powers of the mind, the mind ceases to vibrate, and it becomes still - able to answer the vibrations coming from above."
I came to know the Siddhas late in life. I was already 43 then. But although I picked up Yoga reading from books in my bachelor days, it was only after Tavayogi came in 2007 and showed me and several others certain techniques which I diligently put into practice that the flowering happened not immediately, but after 15 years on 22 August 2022.
Each time my 5-year-old grandson came over to my house, he would go through my bookshelf and bring out a book on Yoga postures. He would get his sisters, 9 and 6, together, and they would follow doing these postures as illustrated in the books. I am glad that they have started to show interest at a young age. This will bring them a long way later with the right guidance and teacher.
Sharing a video that I had compiled and uploaded to YouTube with Mahindren, he replied,
"Anna, after listening again to Tavayogi Appa's words, I realised that I still haven’t found who I am yet for me to lose that I. When I recalled I can say that I never paused and took a moment to realise and study before moving on. Never gives a proper time to process the changes happens."
I replied to him, "That everyone does when they get old and have all the time."
He replied, "Hahahaha. But isn’t it too late, Anna? Because Appa is asking to achieve it before 50," to which I replied, "That's why he says only one in a crore kodiyil oruvan will come to him."
His reply to that was,
"Yes Anna. That oruvan is been chosen once born itself. We all just have to do all the needful now itself so that may increase the credibility points to be that ONE in any of the re-birth. Like Tavayogi Appa said, intha piravi le ille magane. Naanum piranthu varuven nu. (that he too has to come back to become the Light).
During the days following our meeting for the very first time in 2005, I asked to see Tavayogi become Light or Jothi, as did Ramalinga Adigal and Swami Jeganathar. Tavayogi replied that he had missed the boat, for one has to attain it before he reaches 60. Agathiyar too came later and said the same. Tavayogi was 69 then. He said that he, too, would have to come back. He was humble in not acknowledging that he was already there at the doorway to becoming the Light. This was made known to us only after he left his mortal frame by Dhanvantri, who told us that Tavayogi had become the Light or Jothi and would continue to guide us further. Agathiyar, who came later, told us that as Tavayogi was doing Agathiyar's work in their realm, Agathiyar had to come to guide us personally. Yogi Ramsuratkumar told his followers that he could do much more in the subtle realm and asked them to let him go.