I did not know the complexity of our thoughts and actions until Agathiyar began to give me the experiences and later came by explaining. Just as we carry our past Karma, Vasanas or unfulfilled desires too hitch a ride and travel along and take various forms at various junctures in the timeline of our lives. Besides these, the desires and wants of others too work on us affecting our lives in many ways. Then Agathiyar throws in another surprise. He says that even a disappointment is seen as a desire and has to see the light of the day. Hence another plan has to be hatched and clinched. As I was disappointed earlier with the outcome of a meeting that took place in mere minutes, Agathiyar says that I had desired to stay on longer and as such he asked that I set another date for another meeting for that desire had to be lived through. So the best bet, besides not having desires, is not to have expectations too for if it is not fulfilled this day it has to be seen through another day or in another birth.
My daughter who had contributed earlier to this blog has something to add on desires and its far-reaching consequences.
In the first Thor movie (2011), Odin's constant pride and favoring of Thor, who was getting ready to take the throne of Asgard, led to his second son Loki developing a desire to prove himself. Living in his brother's shadow and not being taken seriously as a capable heir, he hatches a plan to get Thor in trouble and sent to Earth as punishment, puts Odin out of commission, and takes the throne for himself. In the process, he discovers that he was actually adopted and hence was never even considered to be the future King. As Thor makes his way back to Asgard to fight his brother, Loki tells him angrily that he "never wanted the throne", but only wanted to prove that he was Thor's equal. After a confrontation with Odin, who expresses his disappointment in Loki for his crimes and actions, Loki falls into the void in defeat. However, this is not the end, as this desire to prove himself fuels the rest of Loki's journey in future movies, as he repeatedly tries taking over Earth, Asgard, or any place where he can be in control as the most powerful being. He believes he could not gain the love and acceptance of his family, so he seeks fear and respect from his subjects instead.
Eventually, we get to a version of Loki in the Disney+ series (2021 - 2023) who is forced to face the harsh truth; he thinks the only way he can heal his bruised ego after failing to get his father's approval is by having power or a throne. He was born a prince, so that is all he has ever known, but it would fix nothing. As he finally starts forming new friendships, caring for the people around him, and begins to let go of his desire, he faces an enemy who is a threat to the existence of infinite multiverses, known as He-Who-Remains (HWR). After killing him, Loki and his friends learn that the multiverse cannot survive without someone to look after it. It seems the only option is to use the same methods as HWR, which would make them equally evil. In all the chaos, Loki comes to a realization. Who better to tame the multiverse than the once God-of-Chaos? There was no way out, for only he was powerful enough to save his friends and all of existence. Now taking on the new mantel as the God-of-Stories, Loki sacrifices his happiness and leaves his friends behind to become the new caretaker of the multiverse. In an epic scene, he symbolically ascends a flight of stairs to a golden throne, where he sits all alone for eternity. In the end, Loki's desires were fulfilled at a great cost, and he became the ruler of the most powerful throne in existence within the Marvel multiverse.
Her earlier story goes as follows,
[In the comics] Just before evil Loki dies, he makes a deal with the Queen of Death to be reborn with his powers intact so he may continue causing chaos. However when he is reincarnated as Kid Loki without memories of his past life, almost everyone he meets is afraid of him or wants to fight him as they do not trust Kid Loki and believe it is impossible for him to be good. Seeing this, Kid Loki decides that he wants to change that and prove that he can be good.
Now a young adult, he starts serving the All-Mother in the Agent of Asgard series. He gets sent on missions on her behalf, and with each mission he completes, a page from his past life is removed or rewritten, slowly wiping away all the evil deeds commited in his past life. He tries to change his identity and get people to like him, choosing the form of a handsome man and trying to get on everyone's good side. Eventually, he gets attacked and kidnapped by a future version of himself called King Loki, who travels to the past to tell him that his efforts will go to waste.
Because King Loki had successfully rewritten his entire past, but people still saw him as Loki, the God of Mischief and Chaos, the Liesmith, the Silver-tongued, and would never fully trust him. So he decided that he will stick with the role he was given, and traveled back in time to cut his missions short and turn his younger self evil sooner. But the present Loki refuses. He realizes that even when people try hard to put him in a box labeled 'Evil' and nail it shut, he has control over his story and his life. He forgoes his good looks and people pleasing, rebranding himself as the God of Stories, because there cannot be Order without Chaos. Heroes cannot be remembered for their good if Loki was not around to cause the mischief and troubles.
His role now is to protect the stories of the Asgardian Gods and the people of Earth. Even when he is offered a seat among the Gods after saving them, he walks away saying he is "done picking sides". As the world comes to an end, he traps the stories of the Asgardians and the Avengers in the final battle. He also traps his best friend Verity as she is telling the story of her life, essentially trapping her soul and essence. He explains to her that their existance is entirely dependant on the stories told about them, and how when the universe is reborn, he will release these stories into the new universe. He tells of how people on Earth used to sit around fires during a storm to tell stories of how the thunder and lightning was created by Thor smashing his hammer on the ground of the sky, and the rain was the blood of his enemies falling to earth. These stories not only gave hope and wonder in times of fear, but possibly created the Gods themselves, who would not exist if stories of them were not told. Whether the Gods created people or people created Gods, he does not know. But his job now is to ensure their existance by making sure their stories keep getting told.
This can be equated to our legends too. If Puranas are not there there won't be Gods. How are we going to imagine them if not for these stories? Agathiyar in his "Agathiyar Gnanam" speaks about the trickery of Vyasa too. If "The Gods themselves would not exist if stories of them were not told", can we equate Vyasa to Loki then? We remember people for two reasons: either they have done some good or something bad. As such many work towards leaving their mark behind as they want to be remembered.
I had written earlier that Agathiyar came to churn the sea of experiences gained by traveling the path and showed me to sieve and filter the false from the truth, and Maya from the Real. Thenceforth Amrita or Ambrosia began to flow. He threw me into the turbulent waters and saw how I handled the situation. Finally seeing me struggle he gives me a hand and educates me on the happenings. This is gaining Gnanam he says. Gnanam is not something that drifts to us standing on the river bank. We have to step into the running waters and fish it out.
It did occur to me that Agathiyar had been doing mischief for some time now. It turns out to be true for it is from the chaos that clarity arises.