The teens, youths, and young adults these days seem not to interact with the wise and elderly, not wanting to learn a thing or two from their experiences, but instead place their entire faith in the net and what it comes up with in their searches. Then again, the wise and elderly too are steeped and stuck in the web of time and space, tradition and customs, that are regarded as superstitions and ignorance by the young.
In asking me if I knew what Maya was, Agathiyar told me that they had created everything pure in the beginning, but man, through his mind, had tainted it. To come out of this, one had to undertake Atma Vichara. We have to drop the external and engage with the soul. I understand now why he had asked for a reply not from a devotee, but rather for her soul to make a choice: whether she wanted to live or leave, some time back. All our sufferings would end if only we began to listen to the soul. Days ago, he told another to quieten down, speak less, and be silent after she asked for relief and a solution to all her troubles. It is only in sitting still and being silent that one can begin to engage with the soul. All the solutions are with the soul if only we care to listen. But the Maya that we created around us would not have us see through the dense and thick veil and listen to our souls.
Our soul is our true guru. All others are superficial and add-ons to the existing layers of Maya. But we need to know the dark to arrive in the light. I understand now why he had asked me why I was tinkering, whether I did the right thing in allowing a troubled family into my home recently. The soul that is one with Agathiyar had permitted. But my identity was questioning it. Agathiyar told me that it would be yet another experience and a lesson for me to add to the chapters in my life and this blog. It is as if he were asking us to volunteer as participants in a game in the circus show that my grandchildren came back from watching today. Yes, the Great British Circus is in town.
In asking others to read this blog, he wants to connect with other souls hence bringing on a realization in them too of their individual souls and identity. These souls collectively make the larger soul, the divine. We are indeed connected in more ways than we think.
As for the changes, the bodily pain and numbness is still there. The tinkering in the head that is pleasant for a change goes on bringing some brief moments of relief and bliss. I can see a likeness to the sufferings that great masters went through. Why then do the gurus who showered love and compassion in the end suffer in pain too. This is yet another unanswered question.
If parents feel blessed when they know that they are having a child, and are full of joy when they hold their child in their hands, that is the exact feeling of coming to the path with faith and achieving a stand. If the child becomes our world henceforth, so does the divine grab all our attention henceforth. Just as we become the child, we become the divine. It is only when the ego in us comes to take charge of our lives that we falter. When I am not even sure if I will wake up tomorrow, how can I have dreams to catch up on? What determines our lifespan and time on this earth? What determines when and where we shall be born? Are we in charge? Is all this in our hands? Yet we take on life as if we own it. We are here on borrowed time. The timekeeper keeps count and comes knocking on our door, often ending it abruptly. Has anyone tied up the loose ends and waited on death as a butler waits on his master? We often begin to bargain with God or Death for extra time, telling him that we have much left to do.
In asking a new devotee to read this blog from the beginning, Agathiyar seems to tell me that what was written in my early days of search and venture is still relevant to newcomers. However, much has happened and taken place since then that has brought me to change my perspective, opinions, and understanding.
We all have to walk from the darkness into the light, from confusion to clarity. This birth and journey are of that. We drop walking aimlessly or in circles when a guru comes by. The movie "Manasvi" carries several pertinent messages. It explains why someone comes along in our lives, our joint purpose, often a vessel for a higher power, of words flowing through us, losing hold of one's mere existence, and of a burning yearning to know one's purpose. We are told by an Aghori that if we want to know our Self, we must experience darkness first. We are asked by a Buddhist monk, when what we are searching for is within us, why are we wandering here and there? We are told that, in a way, there is no difference between our consciousness and that of Buddha's. But yet it seems to be for we are so bonded to our worldly obligations and have created darkness within ourselves. Our desires are the cause of our miseries. All upheavals in the mind are a result of Karma, we are told. When we awaken, we shall know that no one but ourselves is responsible. Tavayogi often says the same that it is all our own doing. Agathiyar, too, in coming a couple of days back, pointed out the same, brushing away the accusation and the idea of others causing us harm. Agathiyar recently said the same that creation was pure in the beginning, but Maya surfaced in our minds and wreaked havoc. We are to be the light unto ourselves. Only then is it possible to know the Bodhi element that is steeped in all of existence. Although the world is a cremation ground to one who has attained the state of Siva, we are told by the monk of Buddha's Middle Way, not to touch the extremes in whatever we do. When one attains a state of bliss and is absorbed in it, he should not forever remain in this state alone, as even that is extreme. Spend some time in it and some in the service of others, and towards the welfare of all. I guess this is what Agathiyar reminded me too, asking why I was thinking hard if I should do a thing, after having asked to refrain from all actions. He told me that it would become an experience to be learned and understood. We at AVM are witnesses to what is told that "In the void of the state of trance, when love bursts forth, it gives rise to boundless compassion and is showered on all." We saw Lord Muruga, Agathiyar, Ramalinga Adigal, Bhagawan Ramana, Yogi Ramsuratkumar, and Tavayogi's boundless love and compassion in these moments when they came through devotees for us. We are told that the Mantra activates the Tantra, and Tantra that activates Yantra. We are told further that it is this combination that preserves the balance both in the body and the universe. I remember Dr. Krishnan, a Siddha physician and practitioner, and astrologer, passing me a Yantra and later a Mantra of Agathiyar to help kickstart my journey in coming to worship the Siddhas. Just as the kings mount chariots, our consciousness mounts this body and also an onion. Consciousness powers every cell, atom, and particle. I realized that this is how we solve puzzles and riddles, something often spoken by Tavayogi in all his talks.
We are told that we do not go looking for a guru, but on the contrary, he comes looking for us. In 2001, when my nephew passed me a Vasudeva Mantra coming as a channel to his Paramaguru Gopal Pillai which I came to know was from the Moola Guru Agathiyar only later, I was told that it shall prepare me to meet my guru. I did as told but never went looking for one. When I saw the Nadi the following year, I was given a set of Parikaram to counter my past Karma that included a pilgrimage to certain temples in India. Leaving for the airport, my wife asked that I have my second daughter's horoscope charted by any prominent astrologers in Chennai. After my last leg of the pilgrimage and having circumambulated the Holy hill of Arunachala, I told Deva, my chauffeur, about this. He asked me why go so far when his uncle was an astrologer in Tiruvannamalai. And so I stood before my guru, Supramania Swami, that day. In 2005, I stood before my second guru, Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal, of Kallar Ashram, who had come to Malaysia to officiate a Peedham in Batu Caves, following an instinct to verify if he was the one mentioned in a pamphlet that I received from the Nadi reader during my first Nadi reading some three years earlier. Agathiyar later told me in the Nadi that I went looking for Supramania Swami, and that he sent Tavayogi to me.
Just days ago, I was listening to Tom Jones sing "What good am I?", a song that I had listened to numerous times that came highly recommended by Harley Lovegrove, Founding Director of Pearl Acoustics Ltd, as a piece among nine others to access a Hi-Fi system, one that I was putting together "again", after a neighbour passed me his tower speakers after opting to go for a new sound bar. But this time, I guess after setting up the system and listening to the sound that emerged, I had finally sat down to listen to the lyrics.
What good am I - if I'm like all the rest
If I just turn away - when I see how you're dressed
If I shut myself off - so I can't hear you cry
What good am I?
What good am I - if I know and don't do
If I see and don't say - if I look straight through you
If I turn a deaf ear - to the thundering sky
What good am I?
What good am I - while you softly weep
And I hear in my head - what you say in your sleep
And I freeze in the moment - like the rest who don't try
What good am I?
What good am I?
What good am I then - to others and me
If I've had every chance - and yet still fail to see
With my hands tied must I - not wonder within
Who tied them and why - and where must I have been?
It blew me away. I was moved to question whether I should act or otherwise refrain from interfering in others' matters as Agathiyar has asked me to lay low and mind my business, doing nothing, except to pen the thoughts that come by in this blog. The song reminded me that we would not have Mother Teresa if she had chosen to walk away from seeing the plight of the dying on the streets of Calcutta.
I guess just to test me, Agathiyar, after a very long time, decided to send someone with troubles over to my home, AVM, a couple of days ago. Though I had agreed to see them at my home, traveling the distance from my daughter's home to meet them at AVM, I still carried doubts about whether I had done the right thing. Speaking to Mahindren about my uncertainty whether to engage with others' problems or step aside and let them deal with them and their fate, Agathiyar came later and questioned me why I was reasoning out and withholding my actions. Agathiyar reminded me again that there was no right and wrong. He told me that it would be yet another experience to take note of and learn a lesson in this journey of my life, and add to my biography. He actually wanted me to drop my doubts and fear about accepting to receive this family. This lady called me from an unknown number and spoke about her grief, although she had submitted to Agathiyar all these years and had been to many temples and centers seeking relief. What was mysterious to me was how she got hold of my number. She told me she got it from a friend and another friend of his, and surprisingly, though, could not remember their names. In the years when strangers came around and stood at my door, Agathiyar had reminded me that these were people whom he had summoned before him and asked that I let them in and step aside and let him do his wonders, and to the rest of the family, he told them to just watch. When we thought that it was an inconvenience and intrusion on our family life and asked that Agathiyar stop this, he pulled the brakes for some time, only to give me a knock later asking me, "Where would I go in the event he shuts his ears?". I understood that he wanted me to see these people and listen to their stories, too. There was always a lesson for me to learn and share with my readers, too, after each visit. The lesson for this family, me and readers is not to undertake any practice without a guru's supervision.
The young girl in the family had picked up some breathing practice from watching a video on social media and was now living in an unknown state of fear and contemplating ending her life. Hearing this from her mother, who called me, and not wanting to carry the guilt and burden of denying or placing an obstacle that could bring on a treacherous ending, I immediately agreed to have them come over and offer their prayer to Agathiyar and Lobama, who are living in the statue or murthy in my home. As my mind raced to the event that was to unfold in my home later that evening, I asked that they purchase all that was needed to carry out a Homam and Abhisegam. They did as told, and we began lighting the sacred fire. Agathiyar came to ask them to place all the wishes, desires, and prayers that they carried into the burning flames and have it consume their agony and suffering for good. I could then understand why Tavayogi decided to carry out the "Sarva Dosa Nivarana Maha Yagam," which was the highlight of the Annual Jayanthi and Guru Puja for Agathiyar at Kallar. He would allow devotees to sit at these fire pits and light and maintain the flames as he lit and cared for the main fire pit.
When a man was wrongly accused of trafficking drugs when the car he unknowingly lent out to his friends who were pushers was stopped at a roadblock here, and his friends were apprehended, his wife called Mataji of Kallar ashram for some divine help. Mataji asked her to come over to their Kallar ashram in India and light a Yagam. She did, and her husband was eventually freed. When a government servant was suspended from work while a departmental investigation was going on, this time around, as his travel documents were confiscated too, Mataji told them to come over to AVM and perform a Homam. They did, and he returned to work. A friend and devotee from Bangalore finally tied the knot after numerous hurdles, after lighting the Yagam at Kallar. I realized then the impact of the Yagam or its smaller version, the Homam, had on mending ties, clearing blockages, and providing the desired results. I began to compile facts about the Yagam and Homam and published them online.
When Tavayogi over the phone told me to start the Homam in my home to coincide with the Annual Jayanthi prayers at Kallar, I was reluctant initially, though I followed his dictate. Agathiyar came later in a Nadi reading and told me that it was not for my personal gains or need of the day, but for the good of the Prapanjam. When the pandemic broke and was spiking, Lord Siva, coming through Mahindren in his meditation, told us to conduct a Homam to assist Prapanjam in her fight to regain a balance. Fearing a revival of the dreaded virus, Mother Prapanjam herself came through another devotee and asked us to carry out the Homam.
Having me walk this journey with my gurus and showing his presence at every moment, Agathiyar soon wound up all our charity and activities, including puja at AVM, and while he had the others go their way, he had me go within. This phase was lonely, quiet, and scary at times.
Fr Paul Murray, OP writes about Mother Teresa at https://www.ewtn.com/catholicism/library/graced--bewilderment-the-dark-night-of-blessed-teresa-of-calcutta-5423
"She could exclaim in a letter written once to a priest: "If I ever become a saint — I will surely be one of 'darkness'". This darkness was not an experience of depression or despair. Rather, it was the shadow cast in her soul by the overwhelming light of God's presence: God utterly present and yet utterly hidden. His intimate, purifying love, experienced as a devastating absence and even, on occasion, as a complete abandonment. On 17 May 1964, she described the state of her soul with these astonishing words: "To be in love and yet not to love, to live by faith and yet not to believe. To spend myself and yet be in total darkness".
I can feel these moments in me, too. Though his materialization through others became scarce, he would come when needed. It had been a while since Agathiyar came through the Nadi or others, justifying, or rather asking why he should when he was in us all, all the time. But just as a child wants to see her parents, we yearned for his physical presence and to hear him speak. Since birth, as we have been trained to see god outside in the form of images, it was rather difficult to let go of this attachment to the physical and gross, although he had umpteen times told us to go within and seek him in the inner chamber of our hearts.
After attending to the family, he turned to me and asked if I had come to know Maya and the disillusionment. Answering my question as to the means of rising above this veil in a recent post, he pointed out that it was only in "Atma Vichara" that one could come out of this state. I understood that he pointed us to the teachings of Bhagawan Ramana.
Agathiyar gave me an assurance that this blog and its contents were closely monitored by him when he told the girl he helped heal to read this blog right from the very first post.
I had written in the last post asking, "What then is the means to awake from this dream and become detached entirely from it?" Agathiyar came today to reveal the means. It is only through "Atma Vichara" or "Knowing the Soul" that we can escape from Maya and the Unreal. He added that all his creations were pure in essence and pure to the soul. Man, through his mind, thoughts, and actions, has tainted, manipulated, and diluted its purity.
Atma Vichara or Self-enquiry was what was taught by Bhagawan Ramana, too. We learn that it means having "the constant attention to the inner awareness of 'I' or 'I am" to arrive at the 'I' thought.
Ramana Mahirishi taught that the "I"-thought will disappear and only "I-I" or self-awareness remains. This results in an "effortless awareness of being", and by staying with it this "I-I" gradually destroys the vasanas "which cause the 'I'-thought to rise," and finally the 'I'-thought never rises again, which is Self-realization or liberation. (https://en.wikipedia.org/)
Agathiyar added further that there was no right and wrong and that it differed in our respective perspectives, sight, and vision. The Puranas were not learned and understood in its entirety he added. He added that there was no such thing as harm done by others, but only that which we had brought onto ourselves. To a devotee who was present he asked her to read this blog starting with the very first posts.
I have not come anywhere close to knowing the truth in this short space of time and span of my journey on the path since 2002. I guess I shall pass away not knowing the truth like countless others too. It has all been said countless times but the lure of maya and its cycle is ever strong that we find it impossible to see through this veil. Yes the veil was lifted and I was shown that it all is a dream, a play of the mind, the divine play. Even if we do shed it we remain a part of it. What then is the means to awake from this dream and become detached entirely from it?
Today is Guru Purnima. Today is also a Thursday. Thursdays are auspicious to the Gurus. When Supramania Swami passed away in 2006, Agathiyar told me to bring him to mind each Thursday during Puja.
It comes as no surprise these days if seekers do not hang around and make their exit when gurus do not exhibit Siddhis or cater to their needs. Caught in the lure of the pleasures of life, we have postponed the big journey that the Siddhas laid out for us. Many remained at their level of initiation, never making the effort to carry out what was told.
When Shiva became the first guru he began the transmission of yoga to the Saptarishis. It is said that he came as a yogi. Nobody knew his origins, but his presence was extraordinary, and people began to gather around him. However, he exhibited no signs of life, but for the occasional tears of ecstasy that rolled down his face. People began to drift away. Only seven men stayed on. When he finally opened his eyes, they pleaded with him, wanting to experience whatever was happening to him. He dismissed them, but they persevered. Finally, he gave them a simple preparatory step and closed his eyes again. The seven men began to prepare. Days rolled into weeks, weeks into months, months into years, but the yogi’s attention did not fall upon them again. After 84 years of sadhana, the yogi looked at them again. They had become shining receptacles, wonderfully receptive. He could not ignore them anymore.
It is fairly clear that seekers must be prepared to receive teachings, if any, from the guru. The years of waiting under the feet of the guru opened up the possibility for a human being to evolve consciously. Cleared and cleansed of all thoughts, and halted of all action, the guru makes them a conducive vessel and later a vehicle of his. If our parents showed us god in the image they were accustomed to, the guru comes to show us the way and means to discover god for ourselves. That is all the guru does and steps back to see the student bloom into a lovely flower.
Ram Dass quotes from Dada Mukerjee's book "The Near and the Dear," available at http://www.ramdass.org/work-saints/
Saints are one in their work as divine channels. They link us up with the source from which all bliss flows: love. They bake the unbaked pots and make them fit to receive the divine bliss. They illuminate the path by removing all the darkness that holds us back. Their work does not end with the energizing or enlightening of some select few here and there. They also serve as the unflickering flame helping to light other candles. What bliss and joy Hanuman brought to his devotee Tulsidas! And what bliss and joy Tulsidas himself has scattered to millions of other devotees, helping to rekindle their lamps, although he himself parted with his body long, long ago. This has been the case with many great saints and their disciples, from Guru Maharaj to Shyama Charan, from Ramkrishna to Vivekananda. Through them and their own disciples they live in the memory of many old people. The work of the saints goes on, whether we know it or not.
Tavayogi, knowing pretty well that I would hold on to his physical form and offer obeisance and worship his image, stopped me in my tracks the day I showed outright joy and happiness in having him visit my family home back in 2005. I am glad he did that, although it hurt so much then. He showed me instead to Agathiyar and asked me to hold on to him tightly. Agathiyar, coming to us some time back, even asked that I drop my hold on him, asking how else we could become one? Tavayogi took a physical form to carry out his mission here, representing what Agathiyar stood for and preaching the Siddha ways. Now that it is done, he has merged with Agathiyar. Agathiyar, in coming to us, told us that he had to step in to guide us as Tavayogi was doing their work in their realm. Dhanvantri, in coming to us, told us that Tavayogi had become Light or Jothi. Now that he has merged with Agathiyar, today, even as Tavayogi is with us in the subtle form, guiding us on, we do not worship the form he took in this birth, but instead the source.
All the saints come to dispel the darkness, ignorance, and the veil that prevents us from knowing our true selves. They work to bring us back on track to return to the source, starting us with external worship of the divine and slowly bringing us within. Sadly, we chose to worship the guru in physical form instead of forgetting his message to go beyond form and reach out to the source that is within the Guru and all of us. When all gurus are said to have merged with the Adhi or Mulam or source, why do we need to retain their images and forms, either physically or in our thoughts and minds? What is retained is that of the source. This is said to be the form of Light. We are to become it too.
Tavayogi gave me a taste of nature by bringing me to the abodes of the Siddhas, connecting me with Prapanjam rather than handing out notes and conducting courses and exams. He took me on the practical path again by giving me and several others Yoga practices to carry out in 2007, which forced the dormant energies to awaken and rise, culminating in pain and agony in 2010/11. Agathiyar broke the bund that held back the energies that had stagnated in the Manipuraka, after another 12 years, in 2022. When I asked him if there was anything further that I needed to do, he replied "Nothing" and that the energies would do their work. Ramalinga Adigal came to connect us with the Prapanjam too, after Agathiyar revealed that the Prapanjam was in him and that he was in it too. The Prapanjam is honoring all our wishes and showering us with gifts that we never desired. It is pretty obvious that the Prapanjam is at work now, as Agathiyar said.
When the politicians and religious heads divide and rule and what they failed to do, the artistes are obviously doing, bringing people of all faiths and nations together and creating good vibes that lift our spirits. If in the past we had Ravi Shanker and Yehudi Menuhin come together to produce the album "West Meets East", we come to know that Hans Zimmer and A.R.Rahman are working on the score for the upcoming movie Ramayana. So have many from different nations similarly come together in the name of music to give us wonderful numbers, both pleasing to the ears and the soul.
On another note, I thank all readers for the following, as I was surprised today to see the highest number of readership in a week,
When I was a kid, I used to draw and paint well and thought of becoming an artist, but good sense told me that I couldn't make it a profession, growing up in the seventies and eighties. I used to watch lots of movies and carried a desire to direct one, but again, good sense showed me all the trials and tribulations I would face in making one back then. I took up Civil Engineering as a profession in college instead, following in the footsteps of my brother-in-law. Maybe that is the reason Agathiyar and later Lord Muruga wanted me to build a temple for them, thinking that I shall again follow in the footsteps of my brother-in-law, who later came to build a temple for Saint Raghavendra. Though I was in the projects, an invitation from my boss to serve as secretariat to a committee and a word of advice from an officer, Mr. Segaran, who resigned his job and departed for Paramahansa Yogananda's Ashram in Ranchi to become a monk, opened the door to better things that come my way. Taking up Mr. Segaran's advice, I quickly picked up the skills to do presentations and simple animations for the department, and gathered sufficient knowledge on HTML to work on my first website, "indianheartbeat". When Tavayogi came along, I began to make videos of him and his Kallar Ashram and uploaded them on YouTube. Finding blogging easier to incorporate videos and pictures compared with websites, I switched to blogging, giving birth to "Siddha Heartbeat". As Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai told me, no effort is wasted; all that I picked up over time has come to my aid now. Coming to the worship of the Siddhas, I continued taking notes and writing about my pilgrimages, my gurus, encounters, and experiences. I uploaded these as ebooks online. If Supramania Swami ignited the fire in me, both Tavayogi and Agathiyar kept the fire burning in me. The day Agathiyar decides to hold his breath, mine will stop too. Will I be remembered? I hope, not for all the wrong reasons, but like I remember my gurus and Agathiyar?
Kogie Pillai quoted from Robin Sharma’s “Who Will Cry When You Die” (1999), “Live your life in such a way that when you die the world cries while you rejoice" in her blog at https://aaksharawellness.blogspot.com/. She believes I will, as she wrote further that,
"When he leaves, he will rejoice, and the world will cry; tears of joy for having known someone who left a treasure of knowledge and wisdom; someone who lived to achieve his material objectives and his higher purpose."
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