Monday 1 June 2020

THE FALSE EGO

"I wish you could see what I can see. Sometimes you have to be really high to understand how small you are. I am coming home now."

These were the words that Felix Baumgartner uttered just before he took his first step and dived from a height of 24.2 miles creating a new space jump world record in 2012.


Felix makes us realize how really really small we are before nature. 

When the company he worked for shifted hands, Balamurugan was laid off. But this came as a blessing, as he now had an opportunity to do some soul searching. In 2011, he signed up to follow some regulars to Mount Kailash. After training for three months at the local Forest Research Institute of Malaysia (FRIM) during the weekends, walking through the jungles and hiking its mountains some 10kms daily and climbing the 272 steps at Batu Caves some 15 times every Wednesday, he was ready to make the journey to Lord Shiva's land. With 35 of his comrades and the sherpas guiding them they started their journey to meet Lord Shiva. Balamurugan is an excellent storyteller. He actually brought us to the place and time with his vivid description of the journey. Traveling by vehicle and later on foot, they finally reached Kailash the abode of Lord Shiva. He was mesmerized and stupefied at what he saw. He had his mind blown away, realizing how small and young he was in comparison with the majestic mountains that were in existence for ages. He had started his journey without any assurance or surety that he would be back; that he would return alive. But after several near misses crossing the dangerous terrain, he made it back in one piece to tell his tale. He too made us realize how really really small we are before nature.



I guess Ramalinga Adigal too might have felt the same when he explored the unknown. Is that why the saints who have attained the highest states always are humble, quiet, or silent? Tavayogi was humble. Supramania Swami was humble. I guess its empty vessels like us who make the most noise. A classic story of humbleness is told by Swami Vishnudevananda. He writes on his first encounter with his master, Swami Shivananda.
As if by chance, I had found a piece of paper that intrigued me. One night when I was working late and was searching for a misplaced paper, I found a small pamphlet in the trash basket. It was called "Sadhana Tattva" and was by Swami Shivananda of Rishikesh.
As soon as I read it, my body began to shake. It began with, "An ounce of practice is worth tons of theory" Here was a teacher who was down-to-earth and practical. There was nothing mysterious about his teachings; I felt that I had to meet him for myself. I got a few days leave from the army. I was an arrogant boy on leave from the army. It meant that I had to travel a day and a night from my army base in Jullunder. I would have only a few hours at the Ashram - just to see the Master and then go right back.
The first time I saw Swami Shivananda he was sitting with about 30 or 40 people around him. He looked like an ordinary man among them. The look on his face and manner of speech were simple and straightforward. Each word came from his heart. There was no kind of religious hypocrisy, no sitting on a tiger skin with ashes smeared all over his body. He had an extraordinary spiritual glow.
The second time, I saw him Swami Shivananda was coming up the stairs in my direction. I did not want to bow my head to him. I was young and arrogant and never wanted to bow my head to anybody - Swami, God-realized soul or whoever, I did not care. Nevertheless, it is the tradition in India that you should bow your head to a holy man. To avoid the situation I just moved out of his path. The Master saw me and headed in my direction. He asked me who I was and where I was coming from. Then he bowed down and touched my feet!
My whole body began to shake violently. With all my heart, with all my life and love, I learned to bow without any type of reservation. He touched my heart not with miracles or shows of holiness, but with his perfect egoless nature. He didn't consider that I was just a stupid boy standing there, though I was just that. He touched my heart and broke the ego. That was my first lesson, and if I could attain one millionth of the state of egolessness of the Master, it is His Grace.
Before leaving, I went down the Ganga where it was the custom of the Ashram to do Arati (waving of lights) every evening. All the devotees and inmates of the Ashram assembled by the banks of the Ganga to watch Master perform this evening worship. I was skeptical. I was of a scientific temperament and knew that a river is only water, H2O-imagine worshipping H2O!
But as I stood there and watched Master waving the lights, I saw the river become a mass of flowing lights. At that instant, the river assumed a divine flow, a manifestation of the Grace of the Lord. Master turned and looked at me and in my mind I heard his message, God pervades everything; this too is His Special Form. This entirely changed my outlook on life.
That was Shivananda - humble to the core!
Mahakavi Bharathi wrote of an encounter with one Kulla Swami while in Pondicherry, whom he gives chase as the Swami dashes off. Bharathi finally catches up with him in an old torn down and abandoned house. Bharathi sought upadesam from him. The Swami points him to the remaining portion of the wall and the sun and then turns to show him his reflection and that of the sun in the well. "That is my upadesa for you", saying this he leaves immediately. Bharathi wrote later,

பக்கத்து வீடிடிந்து சுவர்கள் வீழ்ந்த
பாழ்மனையொன் றிருந்ததங்கே
பரம யோகி ஒக்கத்தன் அருள்வழியால் என்னை நோக்கி
ஒரு குட்டிச் சுவர் காட்டிப் பரிதி காட்டி
அக்கணமே கிணற்றுளதன் விம்பங் காட்டி
"அறிதிகொலோ !" எனக் கேட்டான்
"அறிந்தேன்" என்றேன்
மிக்கமகிழ் கொண்டவனும் சென்றான்
யானும் வேதாந்த மரத்திலொரு வேரைக் கண்டேன்.

தேசிகன் கை காட்டி யெனக்குறைத்த செய்தி
செந்தமிழில் உலகத்தார்க் குணர்த்து கின்றேன்
"வாசியை நீ கும்பகத்தால் வலியக் கட்டி
மண்போலே சுவர்போலே வாழ்தல் வேண்டும்
தேசுடைய பரிதியுருக் கிணற்றினுள்ளே
தெரிவதுபோல் உனக்குள்ளே சிவனைக் காண்பாய்
பேசுவதில் பயனில்லை அனுபவத்தால்
பேரின்பம் எய்துவதே ஞானம்" என்றான்.

The message to him was "Stop all talk and begin to experience Vaasi." I guess the reason the greatest saints are silent is that there are steeped in observing their breath each moment and partaking the bliss.

We are very much of this world and in this world and its affairs. If we could go beyond out of this enclosure of body and mind and realize that we are very much a part of the prapanjam and that the prapanjam is in us, as in prana too we will have a different perspective of issues, things and life.