ENTERING THE LAST PHASE

Everything that Tavayogi said, showed, and gave me makes sense now. If he had stung me like a bee the very first time he stepped into my home upon receiving my invitation, telling me that I was living in Maya and that he was a nobody and I was disillusioned that he had something hidden beneath his cloth, after taking up his invitation to visit his ashram that Agathiyar too asked that I stay for a couple of days and learn a thing or two from him, Tavayogi brought me to a master whom he tagged as a Gnani, sitting alone in silence in a house all by himself with his own thoughts except when a kind soul drops in to look into his basic daily needs. He insisted we visit another two masters too. The first was obsessed with the desire to take up the running of his departed master's mission, and the other was shackled to the daily routine of running a temple he had built. Back at his ashram, Tavayogi taught me to let go of my attachment to the amulets and precious stones that I wore on me, and even any desire I might have later of wearing the Rudraksha. Bringing me into the jungles, to the caves and the abodes, temples and shrines of the Siddhas, he showed me that nothing was carved in stone literally when he pointed out to me that Agathiyar was opening and closing his eyes in the granite statue of him at Agasthiyampalli, something that I had not shared with him and which Agathiyar had promised to do so earlier in my Nadi reading. Eight years later, in 2013, when Jnana Jothiamma visited us, Agathiyar opens his eyes in his bronze statue at my home too.

Agathiyar, after having me drop the desire to build a temple for him that he mooted in my very first Nadi reading in 2002 and another similar request from Lord Muruga in 2018, after having me bring the shutters down on the Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) and its charity arm, Amudha Surabhi, in 2019, after bringing the Yoga practices initiated and shown by Tavayogi in 2007, to a halt when pain and agony began to set in, as a result of the Kundalini rising, has me do nothing but watch the energies at play in my body now. Agathiyar had me drop my attachment to even his statue, asking that we part in 2023 when he had me send him over to the homes of other devotees. But he returned home to AVM after several months, having tested me to see if I was willing to part with his idol. Some time back, he even asked that I drop my attachment towards him, asking how else we could become one? When later I thanked him profusely for all he had done for me to date, he asked me who I was thanking and for what when we were one. He had brought me from Dvaita to Advaita. 

G.Vanmikanathan, in tracing Ramalinga Adigal's life in his book, "Pathway to God Trod by Saint Ramalingar, Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, Bombay, writes,

The point of utmost importance in Advaita is that every seeker after deliverance may hopefully aim at the goal of jeevanmukthi … The term ‘jeevanmukthi’ is used to describe this state of continued life in the body on the part of a knower of Brahman. A jeevanmuktha does not act on his own volition. God acts through him, speaks through him.The jeevanmuktha has imprisoned God in his heart, in every fiber of his body. 

As G.Vanmikanathan writes, "Here ends our Swaamikal’s journey on the Pathway to God. He has arrived. He has become a Jeevan Muktha, a seeker who has gained what he sought, who has reached the end of his quest", I guess I have arrived too, thanks to Agathiyar and my gurus. G.Vanmikanathan writes further, 

Swaamikal had indeed arrived at his goal, at his journey’s end, and he has nothing more to do on earth than to spend the remaining years prescribed for him by praarabdha-karma in adoring contemplation of the Godhead and in loving service to all creatures.

We learn further that, 

For a self realized person, a Jivan mukta, there is no Ichha-Prarabdha (personally desired), but the other two, Anichha (without desire) and Parechha (due to others' desire), remain, which even a jivan mukta has to undergo.

Finally, he tells me to be ready to return to him, asking me to hand over my responsibilities to my daughter. And so I came to have a lawyer write out my will, too. Agathiyar told me to live life henceforth not as Shanmugam but as Agathiyar and to realize Sivam. Just as Tavayogi had me let go of him even before my love for him could germinate, initiating me and having me start carrying out various tasks that he gave me and others, Agathiyar later asked me to drop them, teaching me to let go too. In letting go even of him, and living as Agathiyar, he brought me from Dvaita to Advaita. In asking me to realize Sivam, just as Tavayogi did, he is telling me to drop my hold on Maya and its illusions by negating all else. He is bringing us to being the source. This next phase, too, shall be challenging, he added. He asked that I keep my emotions in check and not enter any debate. This is when he asked that I revive the Puja on a day of rest, which we did on 26 October. Was this to be the last puja I did?

தாயாராக இரு. உன்னை நான் அழைத்துக்கொள்வேன். இன்று முதல் நீ புனிதன் ஆனாய். சண்முகமாக அல்ல. அகத்தியனாக வாழ். சிவத்தை உணர். இனி இந்த அடுத்த பயணம் உனக்குச் சவாலாக இருக்கும். உணர்ச்சியைக் கவனி. வாதம்வேண்டாம். பொதுவிடுமுறைஅன்று பூசையைத்தொடங்கு.

G.Vanmikanathan continues,

Liable as it is to disease and decay, to pain and putrefaction, the Jeevan-muktha now longs for release from the body, longs for death. The body which was an asset for so long has become a liability as soon as the Jeevan-muktha state has been attained, as soon as the mystic union with God has been achieved. The mystic lives with dread for his companion, the dread of losing the bliss, the ecstatic union with God. So the Jeevan-muktha now longs for death, for release from the human body, for eternal bliss and union everlasting. He has obtained, it is true, supreme bliss, but still not evanescent bliss; he has obtained union with God, but still not eternal union. On having these beatific visions, wisdom and peace descend on the mutinously impatient Jeevan-muktha, impatient for death, impatient to shed the human body, impatient to gain videha mukthi - disembodied release from the cycle of death and birth.

What started as a personal documentation of my travels in India after I took up the call by Agathiyar to go on a pilgrimage to India and settle my past scores and Karma in 2003, and later in 2005, as I traveled with Tavayogi to places he brought me to, took the form of a website, indianheartbeat, and later this blog, Siddha Heartbeat. I took a turn from narrating the external happenings to what was taking place internally and within the body when Agathiyar told me to share with readers so that anyone who desires to venture on this path shall get an idea of what to expect. I am glad that he has used me to do his work. 

Just as Supramania Swami knew and had noted his last day in his diary, Agathiyar tells me that I, too, shall come to know. Just as my mother said that I shall reign from a place out of reach to others; just as Agathiyar had taken Tavayogi to do his work in their realm; just as Yogi Ramsuratkumar told his devotees at his deathbed that he could do a better job, and without any limitations in the other world; just as Supramania Swami had shared a vision he had of me walking with other Siddhas on the slopes of Tiruvannamalai hill; and after Agathiyar dropped his offer to make me a guru but instead offered to make me a Siddha, I believe that I too shall one day make my parents proud by joining my gurus, helping out with the chores in their world, walking through Sariyai, Kriyai, Yogam and Gnanam on another level, plane and dimension. As Agathiyar said, I owe this to my family, and I thank them too.

Having said it all, if Agathiyar predicted that I shall live to my eighties, our fate and destiny are in their hands. Indeed, Lord Muruga came in a Nadi reading in 2018, told me that he had changed my fate that day. We have read that Sankara's mother wanted to know how long her son would live. Agathiyar replied that though her son was destined to live only sixteen years, it was decided to extend by another sixteen years. As the most compassionate Agathiyar began to reveal Sankara's future, the other rishis, fearing that Agathiyar would disclose too much, got up to depart. Hence Agathiyar stopped at that, and the rishis left Sankara's dwelling. Could it be the reason too that Agathiyar had me stop writing further, for I hold no bar about revealing everything? Although I am all set to leave, I guess it is all written in the stars.