Coming to the path of the Siddhas in 2002, I started dwelling into the pages of books upon books on Siddhas trying to find them there in these pages. They were not to be found in them. They only spoke about the past history, the myths, and legends associated with them, and their discoveries in the many fields of medicine, science, and technology. The means for salvation revered by many and revealed by them were often shrouded in secret terms or paripasai or overshadowed by their other works. As I was struggling to comprehend the many texts of the Siddhas, Tavayogi came in 2005 to take me away from the books into the real world, taking me on a physical walk and journey, walking the physical plane in search of proof of the existence of the Siddhas. We crossed paths with the Siddhas at numerous spiritual spots that were crucial points of travel between both worlds, or rather portals.
Coming back from this adventure in the ashrams, caves, and jungles in India, as I continued with my recitation of the Siddha names in my home, simultaneously an internal process began taking place within. I realized that I was becoming detached from society and crowds. I could not be in the company of others and in public and crowded places. It felt like my energy was zapped. I felt my energy drained away and fast. I used to return home exhausted. As much as I wanted to avoid the company of strangers, but since I was employed I waited for the day when I could be just with him.
When Tavayogi again came in 2007, he taught us Yoga Asanas and Pranayama techniques. I practiced these diligently. I saw the results almost instantaneously. I felt the prana build up within to the extent that I felt my body would explode. I continued doing it though for the feeling was beautiful. we felt connected to the Prapanjam. After Agathiyar's arrival in the form of a bronze statue in 2010, our home puja and rituals went to greater heights. Besides continuing the recitation of the names of the Siddhas we began placing offerings in the sacrificial fire or homam that reached out to the skies and all around. Besides lighting the homam that was initiated by Tavayogi, we bathe or did libation to Agathiyar's statue too. Agathiyar was moved to the homes of devotees too upon their requests. While several of these devotees left in search of other terrains and greener pastures, Surendran who joined us in 2011 still stands strong and firm in his faith. In 2013 Agathiyar sent Bala Chandran to witness and learn the Pournami Puja at my home after reading the Nadi. He brought his schoolmates with him later into the fold. His Thondu Seivom (TS) team worked with Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM), a name we coined for my home for easy identification and location. As we began to engage in charity that was initiated by the wonderful couple Sri and Srimathi Krishna, Amudha Surabhi (AS) was formed to share news on the many feeding programs.
I began to blog, something that happened overnight, sharing my experiences. I wanted to fill an existing gap. When I came to the path there was nothing to go by for a newcomer relating to puja or worship of the Siddhas. There was numerous list of names of Siddhas that was recited at many centers. Then there were numerous other songs too scattered all over the many Siddha books that I could lay my hands on. I began to gather and compile them into a single book of praise for the Siddhas to be used for my personal home puja. I presented a hard copy of this compilation to Tavayogi when he was in Malaysia. This was my first compilation.
But there were no written accounts or documentation of experiences in carrying out these worship. All we had were experiences of the great saints who had achieved sainthood. There was no documented experience from a beginner sharing his experiences in taking baby steps towards God, except for one or two maybe including the now popular book written by Pandit Gopi Krishna on his sudden awakening of the Kundalini. When I returned from India after my maiden pilgrimage I documented my two-week stay in India on existing travelogs. When these were picked up and read by several seekers and they took the trouble to travel to Kallar ashram I expanded by website Indian Heartbeat that carried pieces on culture and the arts to include my journey on the Siddha path. Soon I discovered it was easier to embed media in existing blogs rather than write out the instructions in HTML on websites. I opted for blogging too. Siddha Heartbeat was born. It was in the infant stage. That is the reason I included the tagline "These blog postings are those of beginners who have taken the first step exploring the mysterious and mystical world of Siddhas. It is purely about devotion (Bakthi) and miracles. For those who think or feel that they have advanced spiritually and passed these initial, preliminary, and primary stages, please reserve your comment." It should serve as a reminder to those trigger happy who cannot restrain themselves and refrain from commenting on other's articles and on other's social media. I challenged them to write their own blog and put forth their thoughts down. Agathiyar gave me backing and encouragement to continue writing. Readers messaged me to keep it up. I used to encourage many to write their experiences too. Let it be that of a novice. It doesn't matter.
Three years on I put in my option papers and retired at 56 years of age. When I had a small doubt if I had done the right thing or if I should have waited till I reached 60, Agathiyar in my Nadi reading addressed my doubt. He told me that I had taken the right decision and that it was time I dedicate my time to his cause. Upon retirement in 2016, I had more time with God. When both Tavayogi and Mataji traveled to witness the wedding and bless my daughter and son-in-law, we arranged for rituals and worship in the homes of several devotees bringing Agathiyar's statue along. Tavayogi and Mataji graced these events. Meanwhile, AVM was conferred several names like Agathiyar Tapovanam and Gnana Kottam by Lord Murugan and Agathiyar respectively. We saw these as an appreciation of our small contributions and deeds in the field of Siddha worship.
I felt more and more out of place or displaced at family or public functions, I kept myself out of conversations that always revolved around politics and the state of the nation, and what was common knowledge and news in the papers. I had stopped talking about these because they brought on a bitter taste. There was only negativity in these talks. I found that we did not have a common topic. All I could talk about was on Agathiyar. I soon stopped frequenting many functions. We took up Agathiyar's task and were focused on carrying them out. Nothing else mattered. At other times I preferred to keep my peace and keep to myself in my home.
In 2018 Lord Muruga brought up again the subject of us building a temple in a Nadi reading. The suggestion was made known for the first time in my first Nadi reading in 2002 by Agathiyar. Initially excited by the tasks given, later seeing the cold response from existing temples to provide a space for Agathiyar in their temple complex I dropped the search. But Lord Murugan brought it up again. I ignored this time around for I had seen how difficult it was to build one watching others at it fulfilling their ambitions and desires to put up massive structures thinking that was ultimate service to him. Then one had to sustain and keep it running. I did not want to knowingly fall for the trap and remain tied up with it for the rest of my life. When Supramania Swami wanted to build the temple, I thought I had done my part. When Tavayogi completed Agathiyar's temple cum ashram I thought I had done my part. But Lord Murugan was not giving up. He knew that I would listen to Agathiyar. Agathiyar mentioned it to both me and my wife. Still, I did not respond. Seeing my silence Agathiyar told me that he would get it done. Since he said that I left it at that. After 18 months when the timeframe he gave was coming to an end, nothing seemed to materialize. Agathiyar came in the Nadi and told me that he had tested me to see if I fell for the trap. A couple of years later he switches the game. If earlier he had mentioned his wants, this time around he asked me what I wanted? I remained silent for I had everything in life. He waited on me. Finally toasting my brain, I came up with a wish. I asked that I be born again and again and serve him. He replied, "Is that what you want?", making me wonder if I was wrong in asking it. He calls me up close and tells me to look around and asks if I wanted to go through all these, cautioning me about the many trapdoors that one has to be aware of in asking to serve the Siddhas. Agathiyar instead has asked us to seek "THE DOOR" that brings us into their fold where we too shall become Siddhas continuing in their lineage.
The Siddhas shall reward us well. But once we accept their rewards we stagnate. One who desires Siddhi will be caught in its own web. One who wants position and authority, glamour, and fame shall be caught in its snare. So is it with all the other askings. Our journey will come to a standstill. We shall never come out of the web that we tend to spin for ourselves. We are warned that even at the threshold of enlightenment, there shall be a trapdoor. If we are not careful we shall be tempted and lured towards it missing "THE DOOR" to his kingdom.
It was now time for us to switch the direction of our journey. What were all these while a seeking centered around worldly affairs took a turn and began to center on our withins. It was time that the external journey went internal and within. In 2019, Agathiyar made me drop all our associations to groups and activities. Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia and Amudha Surabhi were dissolved. A journey of a different kind was about to take place, one that was closer to home, my heart, and the self. A journey within. It was now the soul that was responding to the call. If all these while we had responded to our thoughts and acted accordingly, now as we were made to become aware of the soul, we sought to satisfy its needs.