Last night as I lay on my sofa in the living room with my eyes close, my finger that was touching the crown of my head could feel a pulse. This is observed in small children. It was there for some time. Modern science brushes this off as "feeling a pulse in the fingertip. It refutes that "there is no way that our fingers would be able to detect any blood flow given the condition that between the finger and the scalp and the arteries of our brain is the skull." If that was the case, when I place my finger on inanimate objects, I should feel the pulse too right?
Children are still connected with their home, the source. They are divine in nature. The Buddha-nature in them is very obvious. Henry Wei in his book “The Guiding Light of Lao Tzu”, Synergy Books International, writes that both Lao Tzu and Jesus consider reversion to the state of a child as necessary for salvation for entrance into the kingdom of heaven. In the eyes of Lao Tzu, “the infant with its pristine purity and innocence is the perfect symbol of Tao itself.” He goes on to say that one needs to bring tenderness in him.
"Imagine being like a little child again and believing everything you hear. There is something so wonderful about that trusting, open-hearted naivete that God loves. The more I have grown up, the more I realize that maturity in Christ is all about “growing down.” It is about becoming a child again. Not being childish but being childlike in our ways and our thinking." (Source: http://www1.cbn.com/Devotions/being-a-child)
Lord Muruga came to instruct us to open up our hearts and soul and to surrender. Ramalinga Adigal came to ask us to do the same too. உங்கள் ஆத்மவை திறந்து வையுங்கள், உங்கள் இதயத்தைத் திறந்து வையுங்கள்.
After setting us to carry out puja of the Siddhas in 2002, that was an offshoot of our usual puja to the pantheon of Hindu Gods and Goddesses and introducing the act of doing charity and slowly introducing Yoga into our lives, he had us call it a day and shut it all down. This came in a timely manner when the world too was forced to brings the shutters down on all our daily activities. We were kept indoors. Coming out of the pandemic and this period of isolation, I felt I had wasted precious time in sitting at home as we were busy with all the activities earlier. But I soon was made to realize that spiritualism was not about gaining things but about losing them. We were emptied during those years of isolation. Now the divine has come to fill us in with his knowledge and not that which we picked up earlier. The divine has come to have us do his work and not the work that we planned and executed to our hearts desire. In total surrender he comes within to do his work in us and later have us do his work. When we became trusting and open hearted, they moved in into our hearts. Our body and self were theirs then, the former became a temple and the latter his soul.
If we are to "grow down" as said earlier, the physical body too I guess at this stage grows down. Dr. C Srinivasan in his "An Introduction to the Philosophy of Saint Ramalingam", translates the moments when Ramalinga Adigal goes through a total internal transformation.
"The Swami says that the skin-the dermis and the epidermis have become extremely soft. All the nerves and the tendons have become gradually loosened. All the bones membranous and cartilaginous have become automatically pliable. All the muscles and the muscular tissues have become loosened. All the blood has become internally coagulated. The semen has become not only hardened but concentrated in a unit. The brain and all its parts the cerebrum, the cerebellum, and the medulla oblongata have loosened as an opening blossom. Throughout the body, an elixir oozes out and flows and fills up all the parts. Externally the forehead perspires. The face becomes brilliant. There is a delicacy, soft and mild, sweet and harmonious in the tender and cool breathing. The hair splits. The tear glands are so profusely pouring in the eyes that it flows through the feet. The mouth gasps with a trembling note. The ears and their delicate parts are filled with melody. The entire body has become cool. The chest and the heart are throbbing. The palms are folded. The legs are staggering. The four different aspects of the mind have respectively attained a melting mood, have the sparkling filled, have harmoniously heartened, and have then and there, the repercussions put down. The heart swells with anxiety to see the whole world (of love). All the visible parts of the body are blooming with ecstasy. The life-bound ego which spurts out through the senses has vanished. All the blemishes that surround the heart and the mind have been extinguished. The tender and soft loving and affectionate, mercy and compassionate quietism stand out. All the world and worldly affairs are hidden. The ardent desire for receiving the Supreme Grace is increasing and overflowing. Now the God Supreme in the form of Supreme love fills up the body fully enshrining divine life."
It is interesting to note here that he mentioned "The brain and all its parts the cerebrum, the cerebellum, and the medulla oblongata have loosened as an opening blossom." Science describes the skull of a child as follows.
"The fetal skull contains cranial bones that have not yet joined together. The spaces that lie between the large cranial bones (the frontal bone, the parietal bone, the temporal bone and the occipital bone) are the membrane-bound fontanelle. This is why newborn have a "soft spot" on their head. The anterior fontanelle is the largest of the fontanelles. It forms a "diamond-shape" structure and can take between 12 and 18 months to form the coronal suture that joins the frontal bone to the parietal bones. The anterior fontanelle closes at about 12-18 months and is larger than the other. The posterior and sphenoidal fontanelle appear more "triangular-shaped" and close within a couple of months. The posterior fontanelle will close to form the lambdoidal suture that joins the occipital bone with the parietal bones. The sphenoidal fontanelles (one lying laterally at each side of the cranium) will close to form the squamosal suture. The squamosal suture is bordered anteriorly by the frontal bone, superiorly by the parietal bone, posteriorly by the squamous portion of the temporal bone, and inferiorly by the greater wing of the sphenoid bone that joins the temporal lobes with the sphenoid. (Source: https://www.scientistcindy.com/the-skull-anatomy.html)
From the universe, we took the five elements to become the embryo and fetus. We grew into a child, a toddler, a kid, a teen, a youth, a man, and thus ends our lives. The saints teach us to reverse the process. Pursuing further only the experience of Brahmam exists. This is Samadhi.
When Agathiyar said the Atma in its subtle form stays from 1 to 5 Varagai with the child before it's veiled, this was interesting as I grew up hearing the story from my mother that Lord Brahma, (who determines our fate, and which Agathiyar speaks of in the memo too), speaks to the newborn child revealing her life day by day. When the fetal skull closes the conversation with God ends. This is why we see all sorts of emotion in a newborn. The child smiles, cries etc. in its sleep. The elders always warn us not to press the soft spot on the head. We feel this spot throbbing when we place our palm on it. Agathiyar too told me not to allow anyone to touch my head at one stage. He also told me not to fall at anyone's feet. Now I understand after sensing the throb in the crown of my head weeks before when he activated the chakras within.
Agathiyar tells me the Kundalini was activated way back in 2007. But I was not aware of any changes be it physical or otherwise then. Later during the post pandemic period, he told me I had stagnated in worldly affairs. He continued, "You cannot possibly break the shackle alone. Hence follow the practices that I am to give you." நீ உலக வாழ்க்கையில் நீர்தேங்கிறாய். இவ்கடிவாளத்தால் உம்மால் மீண்டு வர இயலாது. ஆகையால் யாம் சொல்லும் வழிமுறைகளைச் செய்து வா.
He said further, "Reduce your involvement in outside activities. Sit before me and meditate. During this moment carry out the cleansing breath as taught by your guru. Just the important ones. You shall sense a coolness within. Remain silent in these moments. Focus on your breath. Your breath shall touch the Suzhimunai and swirl. Travel along your seven chakras. That journey shall awaken your chakras. After traversing these chakras when it touches the seventh you shall know your purpose here. This is the right time to start this practice. Agathiyar continued on the changes to be expected, "You shall witness many changes taking place within you. Do not fear. Due to the activation of the chakras your body shall emit foul smell. You shall have constipation. You shall urinate often. Take lots of warm water. The Agathiyar Kuzhambu you took did help in expelling the 3 dosas. But there still is. It shall be expelled in due time. Carry out the said practice."
வெளி உலக பயணம் சற்று குறைத்துக் கொள். தினமும் காலையில் குளித்து வெறும் வேஷ்டி அணிந்து என் முன் அமர்ந்து தியானம் செய்து வா. தியான முறையின் பொது உமது குரு கூறிய சுவாச சுத்திகரிப்பு பயிற்சியினை செய்து வா. அனைத்தும் வேண்டாம். மூல பயிற்சி மட்டும் போதும். அதை நீ செய்து வர உனக்குள் ஒரு தனி குளிர்ச்சி ஏற்படும். அந்நிலையில் நீ அமைதி கோல். உனது மூச்சில் கவனம் கோல். உமது மூச்சு உமது சுழிமுனை தோட்டு சூழும். உமது ஏழு சக்கரங்களில் பயணம் செய். அப்பயணம் உமது சக்கரங்கள் ஒவ்வொன்றாய் பூர்த்தி செய்யும். மூலாதாரம், ஸ்வாதிஷ்டானம், மணிபூரகம், அனாகதம், விசுத்தி, ஆக்கினையென ஏழாவது சக்கரம் தொடும் நிலையில் நீ உனது பிறவிக்கான பலனை அறிவாய். இத்தருணம் மான் மூச்சு குளத்தில் இருக்கிறது. அவை திறக்கும் தருணம் வந்தது. இப்பொழுதுதான் நீ உமது பயிற்சியினை தொடங்க வேண்டும். இந்நிலையில் அச்சக்கரம் முற்றும் திறந்து விடும். உடலில் பல மாற்றங்கள் கண்டறிவாய். பயம் கொள்ள வேண்டாம். இச்சக்கரங்கள் புணர்ச்சியால் உன் உடலில் ஏற்படும் மாற்றங்கள், துர்நாற்றம் வீசும், மல சிக்கல் ஏற்படும், கழிவு ஆகும், சிறுநீர் அதிகம் வெளியேறும். வெந்நீர் அதிகம் அருந்து. அன்று நீ உண்ட குழம்பினாள் உன் உடலிலிருந்து வாத, பித்த, கபம் சற்றே அகன்றது. இன்னும் இருக்கிறது. அவை அகலும். இப்பயிற்சியினை மேற்கோள்.
Agathiyar enlightens us further. "When one starts the journey in going within, the result is Gnanam. But it shall vary among people. Hence, I cannot say exactly what shall take place. All this while you have gained external knowledge or Ulaga Gnana. Now you shall gain Gnana that is going to serve you."
ஒருவன் தனக்குள் உள்வாங்கி அவனுள் பயணம் துவங்கும் நேரம் அப்பயணம் தரும் பாதிப்பே ஞானம். அவை ஒவ்வொருவருக்கும் மாற்றம் பெரும். ஆகையால் அவை நான் இதுதான் என்று சொல்ல இயலாது. நீ இதுவரையில் கண்ட ஞானம் உலக வாழ்க்கை ஞானம். இனி காணப்போவது உனக்கான ஞானம்.
Ramalinga Adigal came on 14.5.2020 and asked me if I had understood the purpose of asking me to go within and if I am experiencing changes in my body? "This is only the start," he says when I brief him on the changes within. He adds, "You shall lay the steppingstones and progress at your pace. Effort is needed. What you are doing currently is wonderful. Continue with it. Watching your breath is right. You are changing its flow correctly. Continue with it. You are on the first step. Prana moving in you is itself Pranava Degam. When you sense the Pranavam you shall question yourself if the Pranam is traveling in you or if you are hitching on it and traveling in it. When you reach that state, you shall have the answer. That moment shall be one of extreme bliss. Go deep within this bliss. There is more. There is much to learn. You have my blessings. I shall travel with you till you reach the destination. I shall accompany those who go deep within. Follow your breath. Place the effort and you shall reach the destination."
உன் உள் பயணத்தை அறிந்து கொண்டாயா? தேக மாற்றம் உணருகிறாயா? இதுவே துவக்கம். உனது முயற்சியே உனது படி. தற்போது நீ செய்து வரும் சிறப்பு. அதைத் தொடர்ந்து செய்து வா. சுவாசத்தை கவனித்துக் கொண்டிருப்பது சரியே. அதை நீ மாற்றிக் கொண்டு வருகிறாய். தொடர்ந்து செய்து வா. முதல் படியில் இருக்கிறாய். பிராண சக்தி ஊடுருவிச் செல்கிறதே அதுவே பிரணவ தேகம். பிரணவத்தின் சக்தி உணரும் தருணம் உன் பிரணவத்தால் ஊடுகிறாயா? அல்லது பிரணவம் உன்னுள் ஊடுகிறதா என்று தோன்றும். என்று அப்படியில் காலடி வைகிறாயோ அன்று உமக்கு விடை பிறக்கும். பிரணவத்தின் நீயே அதைக் காண்பாய். அது பேர் ஆனந்தம். இன்பத்தில் ஆழ்ந்து கொண்டு வா. இன்னும் இருக்கிறது. நீ கற்பதற்கு இன்னும் இருக்கிறது. எனது பரிபூரண ஆசியோடு கற்பிப்பாய். உன்னுள் ஜோதி எரியும் வரை நான் உன்னோடு வருவேன். ஆழ்ந்து இருப்போருடன் நான் சேர்ந்து இருக்கிறேன். உமது பிரணவத்தை கொண்டு செல். ஜோதியோடு கலப்பாய்.
In July 2020 Agathiyar breaks the news that the opening of the Muladhara chakra after practicing the series of Pranayama exercises Tavayogi gave which he described as a treasure had ponded at Svadishthana was about to break free from the bunds and the water released to enable it to make its journey further. "Your Muladhara and Svadhisthana are open. The breath is currently lodged in Svadhisthana. The time of its opening is near. Now is the right time to start your practice. This would open up the chakra completely. You will see many changes take place in your body. Don't be afraid. In activating these chakras your body shall smell foul, you shall have constipation, and you shall urinate often. The Agathiyar Kuzhambu you consumed earlier (on 27 June 2022) helped stabilize your Vata, Kapha, and Pitta. Yet these Dosas need to be expelled further. Your journey till this day was external and was for worldly existence. Now you shall tread a journey that takes you within. You will come to understand the reason you were born. When your breath touches the Suzhimunai (சுழுமுனை) and travels, engaging with the chakras, upon reaching the seventh chakra, you shall get the answer. At that moment a Sakti will come within. That is சுழுமுனை or Suzhimunai. In traveling within when everything becomes clear that is Gnanam. Agathiyar continued on the changes to be expected, "You shall witness many changes taking place within you. Do not fear. Due to the activation of the chakras, your body shall emit a foul smell. You shall have constipation. You shall urinate often. Take lots of warm water. The Agathiyar Kuzhambu you took did help in expelling the 3 dosas. But there still is. It shall be expelled in due time. Carry out the said practice."
இத்தருணம் உமக்கு மூலாதாரம் திறந்தது, ஸ்வாதிஸ்டானம் திறந்தது. இப்பொது மான் மூச்சி குளத்தில் இருக்கிறது. அவை திறக்கும் தருணம் வந்தது. இப்போதுதான் நீ உமது பயிற்சியினை தொடங்க வேண்டும். இந்த நிலையில் அச்சக்கரம் முற்றும் திறந்துவிடும். உடலில் பல மாற்றங்கள் கண்டறிவாய். பயம் கொள்ள வேண்டாம். இச்சக்கரங்களில் புணர்ச்சியால் உன் உடலில் ஏற்படும் மாற்றங்கள் துர் நாற்றம் வீசும், மலச்சிக்கல் ஏற்ப்பட்டு கழிவு ஆகும், சிறுநீர் அதிகம் வெளியேறும். அன்று நீ உண்ட குழம்பினாள் உன் உடலிலிருந்து வாதம், கபம், பித்தம் சற்றே அகன்றது. இன்னும் இருக்கிறது. அவை அகலும். இதுநாள் வரையில் நீ கடந்து வந்தது இவ்வுலக வாழ்க்கையின் பயணம். இனி நீ கடக்க போவது உமது உல் பயணம். ஆதாவது நீ பிறந்ததன் நோக்கம் அறிவாய். உமது மூச்சி உனது சுழுமுனை தொட்டு உமது ஏழு சக்கரங்களில் பயணம் செய்யும் கால் ஏழாவது சக்கரம் தொடும் நிலையில் நீ உனது பிறவிக்கான பலனை அறிவாய். உனது நிலையை நீ தொடும்போது அக்கணம் உன்னை அறியாமல் உன்னை நோக்கி ஒரு சக்தி உன்னுள் இறங்கும் - அதுவே சுழிமுனை. நீங்கள் உள் பயணிக்கும்போது எல்லாம் தெளிவாகத் தெரியும் சமயம் திரை விலகியத்திற்கு அர்த்தம். அதுதான் ஞானம்.
On 22.8.2020 Ramalinga Adigal tells me to use my breath to fan the Jothi. He adds that, "It shall travel through Sushumna and touch Ajna. Then the Jothi is seen. Carry out Nadi Sudhi to raise the Prana. Now it does not move in both nostrils. When it travels in both nostrils, you shall then rest in perfection or Sudha Paripuranam. Dhyana will be yours then. You are one with the Prana. Pay attention to it. The changes in you are but discharges. It shall leave your body. Do not worry. What you are doing is tavam."
பிரணவத்தை கொண்டு ஜோதியை சுடர் விடச்செய். சுஷும்னா வழி சென்று ஆக்கினை தொடும். பின்னர் ஜோதி தெரியும். நாடி சுத்தி செய்து பிரணவத்தை உயர்த்தவும். இப்போது இரு நாசியில் செல்ல வில்லை. இரு நாசியில் செல்லும் கால் பிரணவம் இடகலை பிங்கலையில் சீராகச் செல்லும் தருணம் சுத்த பரிபூரணத்தில் நீ ஆழ்ந்து இருப்பாய். தியானம் என்பது உனது பரிபூரணம் ஆகும். உனது பிராணவத்தில் கலந்திருக்கிறாய். பிரணவத்தில் கவனம் செலுத்து. உன்னுள் ஏற்படும் மாற்றங்கள் யாவும் கழிவுகள். அகன்று போகும். கவலை வேண்டாம். நீ செய்தது யாவும் தவம்.
The Kundalini that was raised unknowingly in me in 2007, laid low to enable me to carry on my daily obligations and responsibilities. When the Muladhara chakra gained heat in 2010, there was no way to hold back this energy further. It began to move in the region of my pelvis, lower back and abdomen. I suffered for some 2 - 3 years. After the doctors gave me a clean sheet and Agathiyar told me it was due to the heat from the Muladhara chakra, I never visited the doctors unless he tells me, as I knew it was all Agathiyar's doing in cleansing my body. Along the way, till the present times, I saw numerous changes take place within that I could not comprehend. There were traces of blood in the sputum. The feces were changing from day to day in form, color and consistencies. It came in the shape of spirals, pellets, cones, and strings, and were soft, or hard at other times. The urine and motion were smelly. I asked myself if my body was decaying within as my body smelt like that of a corpse. At times it was clear and at other times discolored. There were what I thought traces of semen in the urine too. My body would be hot one moment and cold another moment. I had the wind travel in my abdomen causing pain in my groins and testes, in various other places too reaching to the head where it brought on headaches. I had piles all of a sudden that went away just as it had come on. I had boils appear on my skin. I understood it to be the result of excessive heat in me due to my practices. And I understood it to be a cleansing process going on within. I then understood what was going on within me. Though they had assured me, I had feared if these signs meant that there was a medical problem in me or it comes with old age, but Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal cleared the air and assured me that it was the work of Kundalini. Upon asking what I should do further Agathiyar replied "Nothing. It shall do its work."
On 22 August 2022, I felt an "explosion of energy" in my belly as I woke up and stretched in bed. It felt like I had stretched a nerve below my belly button. A sudden swirl of energy was released in my abdomen. A chill came over the region of my chest and heart. My whole body became numb to its very tips and core. I felt nauseous and wanted to throw up. I had the sudden urge to pee and ease myself. For fear that I would pee in bed, I got up to go to the toilet. I fell twice but picked myself up. It soon subsided. Towards night the top of my head was cool.
The next day, I woke up to go to the loo, but I could not piss. I fainted again. I called my wife asking her to bring the peacock feathers over and brush my body. My body became numb from the shoulders down. I had no feeling at all in my torso as I lay like a log on my bed. I could not move an inch of my body. But I was aware of what was happening to me. I asked myself if this was what a dead body would feel like. Was I experiencing death? Was this another way to experience one's death besides the commonly spoken about out of body experiences? Seeking answers to what had taken place, we placed a request before Agathiyar to clear the air. And he did. He told me the following. There was nothing to worry about. Previously he had told me that energy had stagnated what I understood to be at Svathisthana. Tavayogi too told me that our effort is only till this chakra. They have to come and lead us on from there. It was released now. He gives a warning to all of us. When the chakras are activated late in life it would have some adverse results on our bodies. Since the chakra was activated late in life the blood is affected. The blood count will tip the scale. When the heat of tapas increases in our body, blood flow will be less bringing on numbness. This would result in urinary and excretary problems. He did treat me too by dipping my hands into a bowl of lukewarm water to the accompaniment of my family chanting the Arutperunjothi mantra. He ran his hands along my back and spine and placed his hands on my head and applied the sacred ash over my body. As it worried my wife much, to pacify her Agathiyar asked to seek the allopathy doctor.
கவலை கொள்ள ஒன்றுமில்லை. தேங்கி இருந்த நீர் வெளி கொண்டது. ஆனபோதும் முதிர்ந்த நிலையில் சக்கரங்கள் திறப்பதனால் உதிர வாட்டம் கொண்டுள்ளது. ஆகையால் எண்கள் மேரு பெறும். ஆங்கில மருத்துவம் கொண்டு அதனைச் சுத்தம் செய்து கோல். முதிர்ச்சியில் சக்கரங்கள் திறக்கும்போது அவ்வுடல் சில பாதிப்பினை ஏற்றுக்கொள்ளும். ஆகையால் மருத்துவம் உனக்குத் தேவை. உனது உடலில் உஷ்ணம் ஏற ஏற உதிரம் குறையும். உதிரம் குறைந்தால் உடல் மறுத்துப் போகும். உடல் மறுத்துப் போனால் சிறுநீர் கோளாறு கழிவில் கோளாறு. மருத்துவம் கொண்டு அதைச் சீர் படுத்திக் கொள்.
Agathiyar even spoke of death in the event it happens. Death is another doorway to another journey says Agathiyar. "Do not be afraid of death. It is but another door to another journey. One who invites death is a Siddha. There is much I need to carry out through you."
மரணபயம் வேண்டாம். மரணம் ஒன்றும் அல்ல. மற்றொரு பயணத்தின் கதவு. எவன் ஒருவன் மரணத்தை அன்போடு வரவேற்கின்றானோ அவன் சித்தன் ஆகின்றான். உன்னில் இருந்து நான் காரியங்கள் செய்வதற்கு இன்னும் நிறைய இருக்கிறது. எனது பெருமை போதும். இனி உன் எழுத்துக்கள் உடல் மாற்றங்கள் உடல் அனுபவம் பற்றியதாக இருக்கட்டும். ஜோதியினை வழிபட்டால் அதில் இணைய வேண்டும் என்றால் உடலில் எவ்வித மாற்றங்கள் ஏற்படும் என்று உன் வாசகர்களுக்குத் தெரிய படுத்து. உனது அனுபவம் எனது அறிவு. அனுபவமே உனக்கு அறிவு. அனுபவத்தைத் தாண்டி ஒன்றுமே இல்லை. நீ அனுபவம் கொண்டுவா, பின்னர் உரைக்கிறேன். மரணம் ஒன்றும் அல்ல. மற்றொரு பயணத்தின் கதவு.
In telling me that "There is much I need to carry out through you," I understood that Agathiyar had assured me that my purpose is not over and done with. He tells me further, "Enough of writing my praise. Write about your internal changes in you and your bodily experiences. Let your writings be about the changes taking place in your body. Let your readers know the changes that take place in the body if they come to worship the light and seek to merge with it. My wisdom shall come as your experience. Experience first and I shall clarify them later. Experience is knowledge to you. Nothing is beyond experience."
And so, he gave me the experiences first and later came to clarify on it. The swirling sensation that was felt in my abdomen to my surprise was felt in the crown of my head the next day but to a lesser extent and intensity. Though lesser in intensity it was equally blissful just as it felt in my abdomen a day earlier. It stays "stuck" you can say in the crown of my head. Later I thought it was more of a blooming of a flower slowly opening up. The chillness that follows made me ask if it was the much spoken about ambrosia that was dripping from this spot. I had always lamented and voiced out to Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal that I could not fulfill their directive to go within and meditate as it just doesn't happen. There were to many noises and din around in my neighborhood and from my neighbors that I would give up my attempt in sitting still and taming my mind. Now he has this throbbing sensation go on in my crown that automatically draws me to the spot, and I can quieten down at least for some moment. I could also in bringing my attention to it connect and bring on this bliss voluntarily. As Agathiyar always says that he goes easy on my knowing that I cannot withstand pain, I am glad I did not have to go through what Sri Ramakrishna Paramahansa had to go through.
"Ramakrishna struggled mightily", Richard Schiffman writes in ‘SRI RAMAKRISHNA – A PROPHET FOR THE NEW AGE’, Paragon House, 1989, "to follow Totapuri’s instruction on meditation."
"It was no use; the last and most subtle barrier, the golden chain of his devotion, barred the path. The personal God who had lighted his way and guided his steps now stood as a barrier to the realization of the impersonal reality."
Richard Schiffman conveys Ramakrishna’s own electrifying description,
“I tried on several occasions to concentrate my mind on the truth of Advaita Vedanta; but each time the form of the Mother intervened. I said to Totapuri in despair, “It’s no good. I will never be able to lift my spirit to the unconditioned state and find myself face to face with the Atman!”
"He replied severely, “What do you mean you can’t? You must!”
"Looking about him, he found a shard of glass. He took it and struck the point between my eyes, saying, and “Concentrate your mind on that point.”
"Then I began to meditate with all my might, and soon the gracious form of the Divine Mother appeared. I used my discrimination as a sword and cut her in two. The last barrier vanished, and my spirit immediately precipitated itself beyond the plane of the conditioned. I lost myself in Samadhi.”
That would be a torture I thought. I am glad Agathiyar's approach is much gentler.