A peace comes on and envelops me these days even as I key in these words, making me unperturbed by the surrounding sounds which I found it a struggle to overcome in the days of my trying desperately to sit in meditation. I still cannot bring myself to meditate. I realize now that just like the breathing stops on its own accord and yoga comes on spontaneously, meditation too has to happen spontaneously.
The fire to achieve and do things has died down just like the fire to carry out puja and rituals. It is more about taking in the sights and sounds. It is about observing and watching. The conversations and voicing of opinions and vomiting all that we read once upon a time has dropped to a pin-drop silence. The silence within is enchanting and much pleasant than all the music put together. The silence within is much pleasant than all the thoughts and planning and looking forward to something better. Living for the moment is rewarding. The present is rewarding in every sense. Living in the present, being aware of the breath is truly bliss.
Agathiyar, Supramania Swami and Tavayogi prepared us well. If Supramania Swami let go of all the merits gained from his 40 years of austerities to me, and Tavayogi had me drop my hold to all things personal including him, Agathiyar had me drop my attachments further including towards movements, followings and positions and finally even towards him. All these training saw us bid him farewell again last evening as my daughter brought him and the statue of Lobama to her home for today's Pornami or full moon puja. It is time for our grandchildren to take over the reign. They have made it easy for us to eventually leave the body too when the time comes.