Agathiyar, coming through a devotee some time back, had asked that I stop writing, which I did, and which readers would have observed seeing the absence of new posts. I am pushed to write again from within. As I gave in to these strong drives, hence, readers would have seen an occasional post or two. Some things have to be shared. It is in sharing that true bliss is derived. My sharing is not to be taken as blowing one's horn or bragging about how special I am to have gone through these experiences. Ramalinga Adigal did call out to others citing the grace of God and his subsequent attainment. But I know I am not special, for I had received blows throughout this journey whenever the thought of being special arose. To recap, when Agathiyar asked that I build a temple for him, and I was floating in the air for thinking that I was special to be given this task, I was put down the very next moment when the young Sivabalan, who accompanied my Nadi reading, told me that Agathiyar had made this request to fifty others. Again, I was brought down to earth after Tavayogi practically "slapped" me on my cheek when he told me that I was living in Maya, thinking that he was a holy man in a holy garb. When in the midst of all the disbelief in the eyes of many that arose with the arrival of the Siddhas amidst us, Lord Muruga, who came to caution me of Lord Siva's play that Agathiyar and Indran were executing, asked me again not to fall for the play of Maya.
I am no preacher. Neither am I a guru. I am just like readers trying to comprehend and understand life. This blog and my writings, though it is titled Siddha Heartbeat, are not to be interpreted as preaching a particular path. Neither will readers come across profound truths in these pages, for the truth is far from our reach, I have come to understand. What we derive each moment, arriving at these moments, is a realization that holds water only for that moment. With the test of time, and arriving at newer discoveries, we tend to revise our earlier findings and understanding with the passing of time. Only one who has stepped out of this time-space would know the truth. And the truth is that we are all one, and life is all a dream. Just as we watch hours and hours of streaming, life too is a continuous churning of the sea, bringing forth events that in turn bring out the good and bad in us, the hatred and compassion in us, the anger and love in us, etc. I do not have all the answers. I, too, am trying to comprehend this rather complex and unfathomable creation and all the stories that came out of it.
When there was a moment when all the reading of religious books, listening to religious talks, and discussions on it, showed God as all-loving and compassionate, seeing friends and relatives suffer, had me question if God was truly what he was described and made out to be, Lord Siva appeared in a dream and told me to put aside all these questions, doubts, etc, to a later date. I took the cue, and for the next 14 years, I was wiped clean of all my earlier readings, comprehension, and understanding. I focused on my career and raising my family. When the time was ripe for me to understand God's play, he sent over my nephew, who brought me a message wrapped in a gift box from Agathiyar, which was conveyed to Gopal Pillai, who had gone into Samadhi earlier, to a devotee through whom he came, and assigned my nephew to bring it over to me. I was given the Vasudeva Mantra that was to pave the way for me to meet my gurus. Subsequently, I came to read the Nadi the following year, where Agathiyar came as my Moola Guru, giving me his Moola Mantra in the Nadi.
He brought me to my first guru, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai, whom I met on the last leg of my pilgrimage to India, which was initiated by Agathiyar and later brought Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar ashram to our shores, where he took in my family and me as disciples. These wonderful gurus changed our lives for good.
If, in coming to read the Nadi, I understood the reason why my friends and relatives had suffered in the hands of the very deities and Gods whom they worshipped, as the individual Karma patterns that they had brought onto themselves, looking back at the Puranas and divine stories surrounding the Gods and Goddesses, deities, Siddhas, and Rishis, I was confused again as to why they go around cursing souls, bringing them to take multiple rebirths to settle unfinished businesses or scores. Though it is very unsettling to know that all the former were there to execute and see these take place, today I understand that underlying all these sufferings was the compassion and love that shadowed them closely without their knowing. For those who broke down and left, never to return, all hope was lost. For those who took it positively and battled those moments, the deities come forward once this phase was over. Patience and hope, continuous faith and belief can do wonders.
Back then, in the eighties, as a bachelor, I would conduct puja in my room at dawn and dusk and visit the temples in the vicinity of my rented home. I used to have many dreams then. One was of me at a temple grounds, which I knew to be in India, having seen the similarity to the layout and its architecture to movies that I had watched. I was standing on the banks of the temple pond, or Teppa Kolam, watching people carry a deity on their shoulders on the opposite bank. Suddenly, the palanquin or litter, or Pallakku, shook violently left and right. The figure of Lord Ganesa took flight and approached me with much speed and agility. When Lord Ganesa sat on my lap, it made me cry out in bliss and tears, telling and asking those around, who could possibly get the privilege of the Lord sitting on one's lap? Soon, a man in white walked up to me, picked a mango from a tree, and threw it at me. In trying to catch it, I dropped the fruit. But I picked it up. I was awakened from this dream at this juncture and saw myself "feeling" the pillow to see if it was wet from the tears I had shed in the dream. But it was dry. So it was only a dream, I concluded. Today I tend to say and ask the same, that which I asked in this dream, who could possibly get the privilege of the Lord sitting on one's lap? It was all possible only by the grace of my gurus, Agathiyar, for saving me from drowning in the river, and showering his love and compassion, Supramania Swami, for gifting me the merits of his forty years of austerities, or Tavam and Tavayogi, besides the many rituals shown, who gave me the Yogic practices that Agathiyar says are a treasure.
Beginning with my maiden pilgrimage to India to satisfy the requirements of the Nadi that I read, I was overcome by tears, cries, and bliss during these unexplained moments of coming before the deities in these temples. I had no idea what was going on and why I went into these modes of devotion. Returning home, these moments of blissful encounters arose regularly both while at their abodes and during home puja too. Coming to worship the Siddhas after taking up the call in the Nadi, and carrying out rituals, we made headway in connecting with these Siddhas and Rishis, deities and Gods and Goddesses, bringing them now into our very own living rooms. When he came to grace my home as a bronze statue, Agathiyar had mentioned that my soul would temporarily be in his statue while he walks in me during the duration of the puja. Today, I can safely say that by the grace of the Siddhas and Rishis, they have linked us with the source or ParamAtma, originally made available and present by the Siddhas in the temples for the sake of people, to us in our individual homes. Agathiyar and the Siddhas made these images and gave us the tools to come into direct contact with them. But soon others came in between and reigned, placing hurdles and obstacles between God and his devotees, and took over the role of middlemen. Blessed are we to have Agathiyar initiate us in having his statue made and come to teach us the rituals to connect with them again at Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM). When I was told to go within refraining from carrying out further puja, beginning in 2019, once I saw a libation or Abhisegam, performed to the Siva Linga of Lord Siva. I was not sure if I had seen this vision, in a state of meditation that I had slipped into then, or if I had dozed off and had this dream, as I sat with my eyes shut, before the idol of Agathiyar in my home. Though he stopped the rituals, he showed me this with my eyes shut.
When Tavayogi showed us the Asanas and Pranayama techniques, and I put them into practice, there was a surge of Pranic current that would enter and be felt right till the pores and cells, bringing on instant bliss. Then there were times when I used to go into these moments of further bliss, initially when in the midst of nature, taking in the breeze and air that blew over my face, stepping on the ground as in grounding, and touching the plants and trees. Soon, it was felt in the presence of children. Then it came on as and when a smile draws on the face of a person I come by, or with a wave of his or her hand, or in the brief moments of contact and talk with others, or just in standing and looking around, watching life go by. I understand now that just as Agathiyar had said, and Ramalinga Adigal had helped us in connecting, we were connected with the very Prapanjam in these moments.
Agathiyar tells me that pain was bliss, too, when I went through the initial years of the opening of the Muladhara in 2007 and later the activation and further travel of the Kundalini. Though I was in pain, but would laugh and cry in bliss. As said, the journey to the final destination, that of the Sahasrara in 2023, brought on immense bliss and joy as the flower petals opened up. If I had to have a reason for joy and bliss to come on back then, lately, I used to enter these brief moments of bliss for no reason at all. There was now no reason or catalyst to initiate or bring on the bliss within. I understand that I had connected with the very nature of man that is bliss and its inherent state. It was always and has always been there. The Siddhas just needed to draw the veil or curtain aside and have us see and realize it. As Tavayogi says that one should learn to prolong these moments, and Ramalinga Adigal longed for many more such moments, I pray that I am blessed too.
Yesterday morning, I was continuously reminded of the bliss that came over me as I slept through the night. But I am not sure if it was a dream state, for I did not wake up or come out of the state as in dreams. But I knew I was crying out in bliss as the intense bliss crept through every pore in me in the state of sleep.
This morning, as I was in the arms of my wife, the bliss that came on so powerfully made me ask who Agathiyar was. I am brought back to the lyrics that Gowri Arumugam wrote with Tavayogi for our joint production of the audio CD "Agathiyar Geetham" in 2018, where they ask the same too.
Agathiyar tells us that he is the Prapanjam and the very vibrations that are prevalent in and around us, and that prevail through our efforts, and those of others, and in our every act.
- When a neighbor of my childhood home, a Chinese medium, healed me, chanting some verses and hitting himself with the blunt end of a sword and writing Chinese characters on a strip of yellow rice paper with red ink, and burned it, collecting its ashes in a glass of water and having me drink it;
- When as a child we were brought to Hindu temples, local mosque and Buddhist temples for some relief to all sorts of ailments, disorders and suffering;
- When the doctors who applied a fiberglass cast on my eldee daughter's fractured leg told us that it would heal on its own accord, given her young age, but as she fell into the 5 % who fall in the class known as non-union, did not see speedy recovery, and needed assistance in the form of the Autologous Conditioned Plasma therapy or ACP procedure;
- When Agathiyar told my younger daughter that the Prapanjam would heal her eyes after she went through a procedure too;
- When the chief priest at the Buddhist Vihara healed her throat with his touch, placing his palm on her head and chanting the sound "Mmmm";
- When an academian at a local university and healer placed her palms at her throat and did further Chakra and energy healing;
- When Lord Muruga simultaneously came through the Nadi and a devotee and healed my back by stroking it with a peacock feather and placing a glass of water before me and have the others chant the Arutperunjothi Mantra and have me drink it, after initial efforts made by a couple of masters in Energy healing and Varma, and a gym instructor and a medical doctor helped bring some relief; it is pretty obvious what Siddha physician Dr. Krishnan said of our body as having the gift of healing itself. That healing is done by Prapanjam using light, sound, and vibration, taking over after man does his part in carrying out the aforesaid procedures. We only need to place our faith in their efforts and belief in our prayers.
If the deity Karupanasamy told us that Agathiyar was a female and not a male as we are made to believe by having us encounter him or rather her on several instances right from our arrival in India in 2016 affirming that he is beyond form and gender, Agathiyar tells us who he is in a written message delivered on the occasion of my 66th birthday cum 60th wedding day that was carried in a previous posts.
Agathiyar, in his "Shanmuga Nayagan Thotram", explains the many moments and occasions when his guru Lord Muruga is felt and known. A verse from this song, அவன் பக்தர் நுழைந்திடும் வீட்டினிலே, reveals that he follows into the homes where his devotees step. I understand why our elders and ancestors were so steeped in tradition back then, for they saw through the physical self and addressed the soul as the Siddhas did. In inviting a visitor at the door, we welcome the deity too, who follows them. Indeed, Agathiyar has identified to us deities who follow devotees to our home AVM. In serving food to these visitors, we serve the deities that live and move with them, too. Agathiyar has said that in cooking and serving food, he feeds the "elementals" residing in the body of his devotees.
Agathiyar reveals Lord Muruga further,
- as seen through the eyes as a vision,
- in the flower fields,
- when the mind settles,
- in the breeze that delivers Gnanam,
- in the chant of his name,
- in the untouched forest,
- in the places his devotees are,
- in the hill fortresses,
- amidst the crowd of devotees and their dance,
- in the places of worship,
- in the silence where the Atma attains bliss,
- in reaching out to the poor and in giving to them,
- in forgetting one's body in devotion and bakti,
- in those who have known the truth, in the gist of Vedanta,
- at Tiruchendur, where the waves break,
- in Kundalini Yoga,
- in the merger of Paramatma and Jeevatma,
- in the service rendered by devotees,
- in showering him with flowers,
- in the waters that fall,
- in seeing all as one,
- in seeing nature,
- in the winking stars,
- in seeing him on a peacock,
- in forgetting the body and watching the Jeevatma,
- in carrying out Sariyai,
- in Poigai, where the Ganges merges,
- in letting go of opinions and ego,
- in a couple coming together,
- in the rows of light,
- when Gnanam dawns and,
Yes, it is indeed love at first sight with God. How could we fall in love with God whom we have not seen, nor spoken to? When we fall in love with our Self, we go within and stop seeking love outside. When gurus preach about the path, for those whom they see in them the potential and willingness to submit and listen, the guru takes them under their wings and tutors them personally, not by holding classes, but have them walk first in following behind them and later walk abreast and along, and eventually they carry them on their shoulders, leaving no marks or footprints. They are then one - Yegan, the Yegan that became Anegan in the course of time, return to become Yegan again.