Living Alone

SILENCE: BE AS YOU ARE - RAMANA MAHARSHI

LEAVING THE DARK WOODS BEHIND

I had written in several earlier posts that "one now walks the dark alley where unknown fears step before us. It has yet to be given a face and a tag. But it is felt and known. Eventually, I believe one shall leave this dark woods and arrive into the light". This phase has never been spoken about. If all the other phases of Sariyai, Kriyai, and Yogam have guidelines, methods, discipline, ways, techniques, and practices given by those who have trodden the path before, here in this final lap it is one of self-discovery of one's self, facing the soul and all that it carried since its parting from the source or Param to become an individual soul or Jeeva that carried desires to know and learn the mysteries of creation.

The unfounded fear has left. I have regained my sleep. I am at peace with myself and all around me. I am simply existing. Nothing to look forward to. No further step to take. I am where I am supposed to be. No further accumulation of either wealth or knowledge. No further reading. As I told a friend and reader, I would have myself learn from experience and live by example, in that way, I only take what is applicable for that moment in time and place. I'm happy with this. 

Just as there are many snares laid out in the material world, there are many mines laid out in the spiritual field too. One has to walk with caution. But if we were to step on it take it as a learning experience and move ahead. We were meant to learn from this experience too.

To a parent, Agathiyar implied that the freak accident his daughter had was not an act of karma but carelessness on his part. Many of our troubles are of our making. Not heeding sound advice from the Siddhas or not carrying them out as and when directed, then we find ourselves sailing the troubled waters.

If initially we are told that Karma shackles us, and are given ways in the form of pilgrimages, prayers, and remedies as the keys to open the lock, later we find ourselves caught in it willingly, not able to tear away from its claws. We become slaves to Karma. It is only with total surrender that we can escape from its grips.

Understanding God through music

UNFOUNDED FEAR 6

This is the phase where sexual urges come on, anger flares and fear arises. Hence all the more reason to stay in solitude and address and win over these temptations and emotions. Just to help us further, we are momentarily removed from family and society. So the need to go into isolation. What awaits after this phase is anyone's guess. But one thing is pretty obvious that is that Agathiyar has been very patient and accommodating with me, giving me the freedom to still make choices although I have surrendered to him. But what is surrender when we still have this "I" thought and identification with ourselves? Only when we lose this will we become another, in this case, him. He wants us to lose ourselves and merge into him. In doing thus, we are one with all too. We lose our individual identity and self. We breathe, see, taste, and touch through him and vice-versa. This is where he is bringing us, to Ramana's teachings as he says. Since he spoke yesterday the fears have subsided. I am clear in my thoughts that were muddied and disturbed earlier. The fear is being replaced by joy and bliss, calm and connectivity.

UNFOUNDED FEAR 5

Agathiyar did come a moment ago through a telephone conversation and asked me how my state of isolation was going and if it was blissful. He told me to keep to myself and maintain the current state of solitude referring to Bhagawan Ramana's state. So it is pretty obvious that the momentary separation and distancing from family and friends was all his doing so as to provide me the space to be with my thoughts and my fears. 

UNFOUNDED FEAR 4

In these moments of silence, what is audible and loud is the breath. And believe me, it is frightening. Is this the transition to that of a body of Pranava Deham? Having brought us to the Sudha Degam from the impure Asudha Degam, is this then a step towards the Pranava Deham? 

Swami Saravanananda in this book, an English translation of Ramalinga Adigal’s "Aruperunjhoti Agaval" published by Ramalinga Mission, Madras, writes,

At whatever age the aspirant gains illumination or the effulgence enters in him or emanates from within, some remarkable changes take place in the body-frame. The Divine Light seems to change the very cell of the body, with the result, that they seem to function in the opposite direction. Consequently, the old body becomes middle aged, then to youth of eighteen years, to twelve years (pure body), to eight years and finally five years (Pranava body). The transformation of perfect body (Sudha deham) into the body of grace and light (Pranava deham). The body of grace (Pranava deham) according to him can be seen visually but it cannot be touched. It appears to be a heavenly child of about five to eight years of age. After five years the body grows to the size of the universe to become casual body or a body of gnosis (Gnana deham) which is the natural abode of the soul.

With the descent of sufficient Divine Light the psychic head begins to emerge. According to Vallalar, this psychic head (a crown or diadem of light) is made up of a special and highly refined type of brain called Omkar brain. As soon as it emerges, it draws more cosmic light; the more the light the greater the growth of the psychic head.

With the advent of psychic head, more and more changes take place in the already purified body. The cells and thence the whole body begins to transcend the limits imposed on them by impure Maya (the grosser principle of nature) and try to break one more of its veils. The cells undergo alternate condensation and expansion for an unspecified period and the body slowly emerges out of its bondage and begins to grow. This expanding and ever prospering body, is called the subtle body or the body of Omkar or Pranava body.

The transformation of the Pranava body into a Gnostic body begins with the functioning of the third eye. With the functioning of the third eye, the transformation of the Pranava body is completed and the next and final stage of transformation into the Gnostic body (Gnana deham), the ultimate and greatest transformation in human evolution starts: a transmutation into the Godhead, which he referred to as merging with the body of supreme wisdom - the body of God supreme (Gnana deham).

The body of love or Sudha Deham or Anbu Uru gives the experience, Uyir Anubhavam; while the body of grace or Pranava Deham or Arul Uru gives the Arul Anubhavam and finally the body of bliss or Gnana Deham or Inba Uru gives the Siva Anubhavam. 

As the divine light descends into the sheath of energy (Pranayama Kosham) the entity becomes a Siddha in the truest sense of the word. As defined in the Upanishads, a Siddha is one who has progressed from the exalted ‘state of freed while living’ (Jivanmukta) to ‘supremely free with full power over death’ (Paramukta). This state is referred to in Siddhantha literature as Soruba Mukti or Soruba Samadhi. 

Agathiyar has to come and tell me if I am heading there or if it is all a fantasy of the mind.

 

UNFOUNDED FEAR 3

Just as the pain that I endured in my lower back, back in those days for some 2 1/2 years woke me up from my sleep, the unfounded fear that I am having these days, woke me up some moments ago from my sleep. Nothing I did to bring calm over me worked. I am wide awake. It is now 1.46am. I decided to write this post. Going by what has been taking place since the day I traveled this path, I realize that I was being prepared for something that I cannot exactly pinpoint as yet. All I have is guesses. Just as the many songs of the Siddhas and saints and all that Tavayogi told in passing and Agathiyar came to reveal make sense only now, I guess I have to go back to their writings and songs to understand what is taking place in me. After having me come to the path and carry out puja through a Nadi reading in 2002, after having me carry out puja and charity with others beginning in 2013, after bringing the shutters down on all these activities in 2019, after having confined me to his prayer room and observing several practices, I had a similar fear come on three instances. Nothing I did alienate the fear. It only settled after I entered our bedroom and hugged my wife. There were instances where I would have Agathiyar (his statue) sit with me and keep me company when no one was around. This time around I am alone again as Agathiyar executed a plan to have my wife stay away for several months caring for her aged parents. Who could I hug? I picked up the statue of Lobama and hugged her. Is this madness? I did ask Agathiyar if all this would lead to that state exactly. His reply was not comforting. My guru Supramania Swami was out in the streets almost naked at the height of his transformation into a Gnani. He would pick a handful of soil that would turn into sacred ash. Eventually, a lady (the divine) fed him a morsel of food that brought him to his senses. He returned to his family. Am I heading toward this state too? Only Agathiyar has the answers.

UNFOUNDED FEAR 2

After reading my last post, a friend and reader called me to enquire how I was faring. Just as during the times when I went through extreme pain in my lower back for some 2 1/2 years and the many instances where just like panic attacks the pain came on and where Agathiyar brushed it all aside telling me me that pain too was bliss, since a couple of days ago, there has been an underlying bliss felt underneath what Agathiyar calls an uncalled-for fear that arises from within and without. The fear left last night. I shall have to wait and see if it has left for good. The breath that was confined to the body is now merged in the Prapanjam. The three Dosas that troubled me, especially in the mornings and as I retire to bed have equalized, I suppose too. I guess it was a phase where I had to walk through the dark woods and eventually arrive in the open and under the bright sky.