When I had the excruciating pain in my lower back that cripled me for some 2 1/2 years from 2010, and when it came on again in 2016 and later in 2018, Agathiyar brushed it off, saying it was superficial, as if hinting that it was an illusion.
When I fell the third time in a row during the days of my isolation in my prayer room and my body writhed in pain, and I moved like a beaten-up snake on the floor, he brushed it aside, telling me that an awakened Kundalini would have one react in that manner.
When I had an unknown fear envelop me for days recently, he brushed it aside, asking me why I feared death.
When veterans in the family circle and relatives were nearing their death, he had me accept the process and let them go.
Agathiyar seems to have me learn to detach from pain, sorrow, and fear. So when the pain comes around and lingers for days, I have learned to take it in my stride. The unknown fear when it came on a couple of days back did not trigger a panic in me as it did earlier. I understood it as a rare and unusual phenomenon that obviously would trigger fear and panic. In those moments, I seem to see myself and others in this waking state. I seem to stand apart and watch everything happening around me. I have had moments where, as a child, I would be seeing myself and my family members sleep on our beds as I hovered close to the ceiling of my family home. Then I would sway from side to side, reel, and dive into my body as I slept on my bed. I could not comprehend then. I comprehend it now. As both Mrs Kogie in her blog and James Thomas shared in the last post, awareness is indeed our true identity.
In giving me and others activities, as in conducting Puja and carrying out charity, besides bringing about the formation of a coalition named Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM), he brought me to understand my purpose here. Further to that, in relieving me of all post and position and in disbanding the group, he taught me to let go. These days, I am told to do nothing. I am without a purpose now. Reading the piece that James shared with me, which I shared with readers in my last post, enlightened me further on the possible reasons for having me be still, quiet, and silent. But when friends speak to me about their troubles and pain, it causes grief and pain in me too. I wished that Agathiyar would listen to their pleas and give them the solutions that they eagerly awaited. Many had asked me in the past to pray for them and their loved ones, telling me that Agathiyar listens to me. The divine opened the window and let us have an insight into their world and listen in on their conversation some years back. It was a marvel to "eavesdrop" and be a part of their conversation and also receive divine insights. So when Mahindren came over after work today, I told him that Agathiyar, who had been silent for some time now, should come if not for their sake, at least to enrich us further with Gnanam. He came as requested and told my wife and me that he could go on speaking through a person, but the compendium of Divine Knowledge is beyond measure. He asked my wife and me to connect with the Prapanjam instead. As he was the Prapanjam, we could access all that we needed to know directly from him. Then there was no further need for him to speak to us in person. He shall speak in silence as Lord Dhakshanamurthy does. He told us that we were there already and asked us to continue the moments of silence. As for others' troubles, he said that they will sail through them and arrive eventually. He added that it was wrong to seek God only when faced with troubles. He asked to see all troubles as lessons to navigate us to safe waters. Use these experiences as oars to row the boat through the troubled waters and rapids. It all boils down to our intent and the direction we take. We pay the price for the journey we chose to undertake.