God is real, just as real as you and me. If you deny god then you deny your very existence. God is much closer than we think, he is much closer than the short walk to the neighborhood temple. He is where you are. But to come to know and understand and feel and experience him we all have to take the walk first. We have to go on the search and return home just as Tavayogi autographed the same in my copy of his book. Just as a walk in the park does us much good we need to take the walk in search of god to realize that he is indeed within us as the breadth, and as the heat in us, and as the light that sustains us. When the breath leaves us, the warmth in us leaves and soon the light that is the soul leaves too. God is all these put together. We cannot possibly pinpoint gods existence and place and form. But man dared to do so hence giving rise to the many temples and places of worship, the statues, and the rituals in external worship. One needs no rituals in going within. What is a method or practice too dies on its own as we realize him within us. We then are in constant contact with him who now reveals himself as the Prapanjam. He who we desired to see externally with a form and name and a location, we realize was at home all the while and never went away. He never deserted us at any moment. He was the watcher then as we carried our individual desires and wants and acted accordingly to bring fruition to them. But when we surrender to him he takes the limelight and comes on stage and performs his acts or lilas. We then take a back stand and just watch the show contrary to playing so many roles earlier and messing them up.
How do we know God? If our parents showed us to God in the temples the guru comes along to bring us into the ritualistic worship of god. But a genuine and true guru would tell us that it was not the end and that we have to move on to other frontiers waiting to be explored. These are only tools and methods that assist us on our journey. He brings us to the next stage of exploring the body and the Self. From Sariyai and Kriyai we step into Yoga. We begin to love our bodies. But a genuine and true guru would tell us that it was not the end and that we have to move on to other frontiers waiting to be explored. These are only tool and the vehicle that assist us on our journey of God realization. Once one realizes God within him and all around him he has reached the state of Gnanam or divine realization and knowledge. And it all begins with feelings.
It is all about feelings. We have feelings for our parents and siblings. If the former demands respect for them the latter demands tolerance. We have another kind of feeling for friends and relatives. We begin to share intimate things with the former and respect the latter. When we meet the women of our dreams it is an entirely different feeling. We all know what this love for the opposite sex does to us though all the previous relationships are based on love too. Then when we have children of our own the love is enhanced further. But above and beyond these love and feelings is one for the unknown, unseen, and unfathomable divine creator. This love blossoms and flowers when the guru comes into our lives and shows him to us. The love grows multifold in his divine presence. First, it is fear and devotion toward him. Later it becomes respect and adherence as it is with obeying and following our parents. Soon this love turns into that shown toward a friend. We share secrets. We have a buddy to chat with any time of the day. Then this friendship blossoms into love as in a boy-girl relationship. This is obvious in many of the saints' lives where devotion transforms accordingly and progressively and finally ends in a divine marital relationship with the divine.
In speaking to Andraz from Slovenia, I had to explain to him that my journey has taken a turn now asked to move within when he asked if I had any plans to go over to India. I told him the pandemic had in a way helped me stay indoors and forced all our previous activities as in puja and charity come to a halt as desired by Agathiyar. Now he wants me to speak a minimum and stay quiet. Hence the reason for not answering his calls too. Then he put forward an interesting question as to whether the head of an ashram was taking an inward journey too. This made me realize the need to accomplish the said states before even venturing to give back for than he can safely go about looking after his administration. If I were to engage in running an ashram even before I pass all the tests laid out on the path, when shall I find the time to "read up" on it and attend to these "tests" with all the chores and responsibilities that come with running one. Tavayogi had ended his journey and wanted to retire into samadhi when he was tasked to start an ashram and later come over to Malaysia to bring and guide us further on the path. Hence he was pretty qualified to run the mission later. I am grateful that I who never disobeyed Agathiyar for once stood my feet down when I was asked to build a temple. Later Agathiyar told me that he had tested me. I have passed the test. How can a half-baked seeker, aspirant, sadhaka like me run an establishment I ask myself? Even when AVM was at its zenith we worked together as a team to see through its many activities. There was never a guru figure among us. Agathiyar was in charge. We all took instructions from him.