THE BEST GIFT

Each of us has a Dharma or purpose to fulfill, in coming here. I have come to learn that mine was to bring others into the worship of the Siddhas, as I wrote earlier, 

"Agathiyar and the other Siddhas only spoke about Puja and Yoga to me in all the fifty-plus Nadi readings I had. I guess I am supposed to only do puja. In my very first Nadi reading itself, he had asked that I worship the Siddhas. Taking heed, I went around to existing movements and organizations run in the name of Agathiyar back then in 2002. But while they were doing charity and holding talks, no one was doing Siddha puja. In disappointment, I turn to the books and the net. I began to compile suitable songs that I thought were appropriate to sing during my home puja. Agathiyar then sent Tavayogi over to our shores in 2005, where he showed me rituals, pujas, and Yoga. Coming as a bronze statue that he had me commissioned and made in Swamimalai in 2010, he had me open my doors to others, too. If it was family and friends initially, in 2013, he sent several youths over to my house to watch and participate in the pujas, after their respective Nadi readings. We brought these pujas into the homes of others and the temples too. Just before the pandemic began in 2019, he had me roll down the shutters and go within. It all came to an end, or so we thought. But Agathiyar later told me that it was halted momentarily. Post pandemic, moving to others' homes upon their invitation, he finally decides not to leave my home ever again. He reminded me that even though pujas and charity were halted, not to stop carrying out his annual Puja that falls on Thaipusam day. This year, I told him that I was going to drop that. That is when he began sending a family that came again and again, asking when the next puja was. Agathiyar told me to do it since they had asked. I guess this is my purpose here". 

Another role he wants me to take up is to listen to others. If in the initial years of his arrival as the bronze statue, I saw it as a burden and troublesome, Agathiyar lambasted me, asking where I would go or to whom I would turn if he were to shut his ears too. I realized back then in 2010 that he wanted me to listen to others' outpourings and problems. Only some years back, my daughter pointed out that he was listening through me and did what had to be done to bring relief to others. Again, he was using me and my home for his purpose. 

Many come with unfulfilled desires and continue working on them in this birth. The desire drives and moves us and consumes us. I did not know that I, who had rejected all his gifts, that of having me build a temple for him and Lord Muruga, a Nadi to read for myself and others, and become a medium to heal others, had secretly harbored the wish to become a guru until Agathiyar surprised me. I asked myself whether I really had desired that and when. In those brief moments of finally wanting to surrender to his wishes after having brushed aside all the gifts he had wanted to shower on me, he turns around on his offer and tells me, "No, No. I shall not make you a guru but instead a 743342." I am grateful to him, for this is the best gift that a man could ever wish for. I guess patience has its rewards.

GRATITUDE

When my eldest granddaughter was a child, I used to tease her for watching the same episodes of "Masha and the Bear." I would sit beside her and say I had seen this each time a new episode aired. One fine day, standing in front of the TV, blocking her view, I said the same thing. She got off her couch and walked to me, telling me to live my life and let her live hers. This stunned me, hearing this come from a kid of that age. I immediately asked myself if Agathiyar was telling me to mind my own business. Recently, during a gathering at my home, the message went around, sadly unnoticed, reminding us to only do what we came for in the conversation we had among us post puja. This was apparently told to Sadhu Om, too, by Bhagawan Ramana, to only do what he came for. Read about it at Siddha Heartbeat: WE ARE BEING WATCHED 1

Mother Teresa came to do what she had to do. She looked after the needs of the sick, poor, and unfortunate. Tavayogi came to do what he had to do. He started a Peedham and Ashram to host rituals and preach about the path of the Siddhas. While some have the Nadi read to them where the Siddhas speak about politics and forecast the future, giving predictions on war and natural calamities, Agathiyar and the other Siddhas only spoke about Puja and Yoga to me in all the fifty-plus Nadi readings I had. I guess I am supposed to only do puja. In my very first Nadi reading itself, he had asked that I worship the Siddhas. Taking heed, I went around to existing movements and organizations run in the name of Agathiyar back then in 2002. But while they were doing charity and holding talks, no one was doing Siddha puja. In disappointment, I turn to the books and the net. I began to compile suitable songs that I thought were appropriate to sing during my home puja. Agathiyar then sent Tavayogi over to our shores in 2005, where he showed me rituals, pujas, and Yoga. Coming as a bronze statue that he had me commissioned and made in Swamimalai in 2010, he had me open my doors to others, too. If it was family and friends initially, in 2013, he sent several youths over to my house to watch and participate in the pujas, after their respective Nadi readings. We brought these pujas into the homes of others and the temples too. Just before the pandemic began in 2019, he had me roll down the shutters and go within. It all came to an end, or so we thought. But Agathiyar later told me that it was halted momentarily. Post pandemic, moving to others' homes upon their invitation, he finally decides not to leave my home ever again. He reminded me that even though pujas and charity were halted, not to stop carrying out his annual Puja that falls on Thaipusam day. This year, I told him that I was going to drop that. That is when he began sending a family that came again and again, asking when the next puja was. Agathiyar told me to do it since they had asked. I guess this is my purpose here. 

Though many aspired to expand Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM), a name that my home took on, into a Peedham at par with other societies, movements, and organizations, I never wanted it to turn into one. Neither did Tavayogi ask me to. Though Tavayogi went around officiating new Peedhams the moment someone suggested or desired to form one, he never for once planted the idea in me. Although Agathiyar, in my very first Nadi reading in 2002, and later Lord Murugan, in a reading in 2018, asked me to build a temple for them, Tavayogi never did. Even if the Siddhas in the Nadi and Tavayogi showed me Yoga techniques, never did they ask that I teach another. It was for my own consumption. 

I guess Agathiyar has made my home a conduit for others to reach out to them through Puja, Homam, and other rituals. My daughter surprised me by telling me that Agathiyar listens through me and does what needs to be done for others. When she shared her friends dilema with me, her friend saw her troubles dissolve. Though Tavayogi never healed another, telling me that he would not want to touch other's' Karma, he showed them the way to shed them by asking them to take up the praise of the Siddhas. He created the venue and provided an avenue for individual families to sit at the fire pit, light the fire, and burn their Karma during the annual Agathiyar Jayanthi festival. Agathiyar, too, had me do the same for a family in dire straits who knocked on his door. It was lovely to see the love and compassion he has for his devotees, especially his long-time devotees. Though he might do a miracle to impress the newcomers, there is no need for such Siddhis when a devotee is hooked to him for life. I saw this in this family for whom he asked me to conduct the Puja. 

Today, my home is back to being my home, although Agathiyar recently asked that I hand over all my assets and responsibilities to my wife and children. A will has been made towards that. I can rest in peace, which I am currently doing. Agathiyar had no further chores and task for me. There is no effort on my part these days to attain or achieve something. Prapanjam provides for all my needs. I am content. I stay at home and receive the occasional visitor whom he sends over. What else could a man in his sixties ask for? 

REVISITING "AGATHIYAR GEETHAM"

TAKE A WALK, LOOK AROUND, INGEST LIFE

As a kid, I used to watch the television series, "Have Gun Will Travel". In this age its "Have phone will travel." True with a phone, you can go places with Google maps and Waze. You can cover many places, and document stories too. But as Nada asks on his channel "Awaken Insight" if "AI can Replace Human Insight and Experience?", one has to live the life to actually know. Yes, Carl Sagan says of a book, 

“What an astonishing thing a book is. It's a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you're inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs. Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic."

And music and a particular song can bring us to that past moment in time, and photos and family videos, too, remind us of such wonderful moments. But yet experience shall be the best teacher. When I brought Tavayogi to Banting, when he was in Malaysia many years ago, where he was to officiate the opening of a new Peedham, he surprised me when he asked that I speak about the Siddhas. I was an infant back then. What did I know about the Siddhas, to speak on them? Even today, I do not know them. What I know is what everybody has read and heard about them. Many years later, Agathiyar asked me to shift the mode of my writing to that of sharing the internal transformation and changes taking place. I could write on this because it was my experience. AI cannot bring us this human experience.

Nada says,

"... spirituality, philosophy, and psychology are three branches of knowledge that are deeply rooted in human experience. The insights that I share here and the insights that other human beings share. It comes from having lived. It comes from having struggled and suffered and grown. It comes from experiencing all the messiness of being human. But AI doesn't have any of that lived experience. AI has never experienced joy or sorrow. It's never fallen in love or had its heart broken. It's never felt lonely or anxious or depressed. It's never felt anything. It doesn't have emotions. It doesn't feel or perceive. It's not conscious or self-aware. Regardless of what some people might speculate, AI is not as complex as some people imagine. It doesn't think in the way that people think it does. All it does is process data. It scans through vast amounts of information, detecting patterns, and then generating responses that resemble organic thought. But there's nothing organic about it. It's just drawing from a storehouse of recorded human knowledge. And it can pull from the words of all the great spiritual teachers to produce something that sounds incredibly profound. Yet there is no real understanding behind it. No realization, no awareness. AI has no real wisdom or insights of its own. All it has is access to everything that human beings have said about life, about love, about pain, and purpose. And so even when AI is talking about the meaning of life or how to find inner peace or explaining the nature of consciousness, no matter how profound it may sound, it's just an imitation. It's just repeating ideas expressed by human beings without genuinely understanding them. Because, how can you understand what you have never experienced?"

So go out, take a walk, and meet real people. The Aunties and Uncles in the neighborhood who peer out of their windows, watching people, vehicles, and moments go by. Take your kids to the park and just for once leave the phone aside and watch and listen to them play. This is true bliss.

A THANK YOU NOTE FROM A READER

A reader emailed me in December of last year and subsequently got in touch with me on WhatsApp. I would love to share his beautifully crafted messages with readers. 

Vanakkam Aiyya, I hope this message finds you well and in peace. I first discovered your blog, Siddha Heart Beat, in 2018, at the dawn of my seeking journey. It quickly became a trusted companion, and I recently found myself drawn back to it while exploring the possibility of a Nadi reading. This led me to immerse myself once again in your writings, which have always felt like a guiding light.

I felt a sincere urge to reach out and express how deeply your posts have resonated with me. The compassion and dedication that flow through your words are truly inspiring. Your gift for weaving personal experience with the greater, divine narrative of the Siddha path is remarkable. It elevates your blog from a mere chronicle to a precious resource—one that helps seekers like me find clarity and connection in our own journeys. Reading your work has often felt like discovering missing pieces of a puzzle, providing context I hadn’t realized I was longing for.

I also wanted to especially thank you for your sincerity. In a world where spiritual guidance can sometimes feel distant, your writing remains genuine and accessible. You are not merely sharing knowledge—you are nurturing a community, illuminating the path for your readers with a rare and generous spirit.

Please know that your work makes a tangible difference. It offers clarity, fosters a deep sense of connection, and helps keep the Siddha Parambara and its sacred stories alive.

On this auspicious day of Deepam, I wish for you and your loved ones a celebration filled with divine light and grace. May the radiant flame of Annamalaiyar and Unnamulaiamman illuminate your path with increased wisdom, joy, and the boundless blessings of the Siddhas. Thank you for everything you do.

His mail came at a time when, as usual, I was contemplating stopping writing again. I thanked him, saying, "Tqvm for your beautiful email. It came in a timely manner as an assurance for me to continue writing."

He replied, "It was truly a fantastic decision, and it will be helpful for beginner seekers like me, Aiyya."

I have just read your article, Aiyya. Love the way you slotted in the story of Saint Ramanuja, who, defying his guru, Gosthipurna, to share a secret mantra, teaches us, really shows his compassionate action for universal good is a higher duty than blind obedience. By publicly proclaiming the mantra for all to hear, he demonstrated that true spirituality isn't about hoarding sacred knowledge for personal salvation, but about selflessly working for the liberation of others, regardless of their status. Finally, you are doing it for the liberation of others. Thanks, Aiyya.

My heart is full of gratitude for your call today. In the simple, kind act of reaching out just to talk, you offered the profound gifts of presence and true connection. It served as a gentle yet powerful reminder of the path and the grace that flows through your support. Thank you for calling me, Aiyya. I truly appreciate it.

Vanakkam Aiyya, Reading your above article was a genuinely illuminating experience. Your writing possesses a rare clarity that makes profound spiritual concepts feel both accessible and deeply meaningful. The way you wove together the structural wisdom of the 96 tattvas with the ultimate goal of spiritual return was masterful.

Your concluding insight—that Siddha Anatomy is not merely a list of parts, but a sacred map and a spiritual blueprint for the soul's ascent—resonated perfectly. It elegantly captured the entire essence of the piece, leaving me with a sense of understanding and wonder. Thank you for sharing this valuable knowledge with such grace and authority. Sivaayanama.

I must also express my deep appreciation for the title of your above work: "Trying to Figure Out the Tattvas." Its humility and honesty are what drew me in. It doesn't claim to have all the answers but invites the reader into a shared space of exploration. It perfectly names the first, crucial step on this path. Because of your work, I can now sincerely say: I, too, am ‘trying’ to learn the tattvas.

I told him that he should write too. Many had previously come by after reading this blog. Many have made their way to Kallar Ashram too after learning about Tavayogi. I am glad that I had a part and role to play in the lives of others in a small way. Just as many had shown me the way and guided me, I guess I, too, have returned the favor by being a light to others. As AR Rahman often says, all the credit goes to the Lord; it is all his doing. 

AGATHIYAR PUJA

My family and I have been blessed to host Siddha pujas at our home since 2002. If we had carried out our home puja, initially keeping it to ourselves, with Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal's arrival on our shores and when he accepted our invitation to grace our house in 2005, we invited family and friends over. With Agathiyar's arrival in the form of the bronze statue in 2010, many came over knowing he was there. After meeting Mrs. Molly Menon from the USA in 2011, who later became known as Jnana Jothiamma, she requested that we stream these pujas so that she could watch them from the comfort of her home in Minnesota. When another devotee from the USA asked to watch too, I had two laptops streaming the puja. Understanding the inconvenience of having this hardware in the way of the rituals, I looked up streaming it on YouTube. 

With the arrival of a team of youths after their Nadi reading, beginning in 2013, these pujas continued without fail. We began to engage in doing charity, too. When Tavayogi came again to Malaysia in 2016 to attend my daughter's wedding, we brought Agathiyar's statue over to the homes of devotees who invited Tavayogi over. Then all these puja came to a halt in the wake of the pandemic in 2019. Post-pandemic saw the reemergence of these puja. Now Agathiyar visited the homes of those who invited him. Then he decided not to leave my home. Although he brought a halt to everything, Agathiyar reminded me to carry out the Annual Puja without fail, not by extending an open invitation, but by admitting only those who remembered the day and cared to call. While many forgot the day and let it pass, some waited for something else to turn up and tell us that they could not make it. Others remained silent and kept us guessing, and yet others tend to surprise us later by arriving eventually. But there was that handful who constantly called or came over to look up Agathiyar.

So when I told Agathiyar that I would not carry out his wish for me to keep doing his Annual Puja, which is just around the corner, falling on Thaipusam day on Sunday, 1st February 2026, and awaited his nod, he asked me to do it, reminding me that a family who had been coming over had asked about it. Though being a Sunday, which is the day when many go out to the markets to buy and stock up on meat and vegetables, and which is the day that she tends to earn much more, compared to other days, the lady of the house was willing to let go of her day's earnings at the marketplace to attend this puja. Her devotion towards Agathiyar was so overwhelming that she chose to forego that day's earnings. No wonder Agathiyar directed me to carry out the puja, telling me that she had asked.

YEGAN - THE ONE

It is said that Karma is the underlying and determining factor in everything. Fate charts numerous paths that then lie before us. When we come of age to make decisisons we have a choice in all matters. We have the choice to accept or reject, to follow or decline, and so on. The choice is then ours to travel on one path at one particular time. Once we have decided and begin to take our first step, traveling a particular path, events begin to unfold, and we start to meet other souls. This then becomes the destined path. Hence, life is of our making. We determine the mould, the vessel, and the components that drive this vessel to our preferred destination. 

In befriending God and his apostles, we begin to realize that we have a safety net and a place to turn to in our darkest moments. God, who can come to us in many ways, soon makes us realize that we never went anywhere looking for him, for he tells us that we are one and that we had traveled far together. This realization is Gnanam or divine wisdom. Once this is made known and we realize it, the search stops, the worship stops, all rituals stops and finally all talk stops. There is then no distinction between right and wrong. No opinions. No stand to take up. No pleasure or displeasure. No opposites. We remain as the Yegan or one. 

Just as Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal had mentioned to me some time back, the Prapanjam works in our favor when we drop the search and stop accumulating and hoarding things; we can be paupers, but the wealthy shall come to our assistance. Prapanjam then provides for us and sustains us. 

For instance, I had wanted to go to the beach. I started my working career in a coastal town back in 1980. I missed the sound of the waves washing ashore. I missed the sunset. I missed dipping in the salt water. I missed the breeze. A friend surprised me when he invited my family and me to join him and his wife on a trip to the beach last Saturday. Prapanjam had granted my wish. 

I used to apply an ointment on my nose that eases breathing, especially at night when the phlegm is discharged. I used to have two bottles of it, one upstairs and another downstairs, for easy access. Just when I was thinking about replacing one that I had used up, this friend who had recently returned from Thailand handed me a bottle without me even asking or mentioning it. 

How do we account for these, though small, miracles? 

WALKING THE DARK PHASE OF THE JOURNEY

If Prapanjam shared her bliss with me earlier, these days she shares the suffering she goes through. I feel Mother Earth cry for the atrocities that man does to one another, to her and her other creations. One can no longer stomach it. We feel helpless. Power and authority are in the wrong hands. We are at the mercy of others. They tend to decide our fate these days, rather than God or a Supreme Being, as we are told. But we are told by the wise, too, that these are all meant to happen. If listening to songs brought on solace, bliss, and tears of joy and happiness, it is hard to watch movies that depict suffering these days. I had seen the movie Pearl Harbor numerous times, watching it on DVD. Now I can't seem to. I have to look away from some scenes. So too the movie Green Mile, based on the novel by Stephen King. Watching it again after a long time on the Blu-ray player that a friend passed me recently, I share the feelings of John Coffey. When John Coffey is to be electrocuted in prison for a crime he did not commit, the wardens who came to know the truth pronouce the following with a heavy heart. 

John Coffey...you have been condemned to die in the electric chair by a jury of your peers...sentence imposed by a judge in good standing in this state. Do you have anything to say before sentence is carried out?

John hesitates, nods.

John Coffey, who has a gift that he shares with the head warden, Paul Edgecomb, much earlier, replies, 

COFFEY: I'm sorry for what I am.

Days earlier, when the wardens stood at his cell to mentally prepare him for the execution, the following conversation takes place.

Paul and the men appear. 

COFFEY: Hello, boss.

PAUL: Hello, John.

Brutal unlocks his cell. Paul enters. 

PAUL: I guess you know we're coming down to it now. Another couple of days. Is there anything special you'd like for dinner that night? We can rustle you up most anything.

Coffey gives it some careful thought.

COFFEY: Meatloaf, be nice. Mashed taters with gravy. Okra, maybe. I's not picky.

PAUL: What about a preacher? Someone you could say a little prayer with?

COFFEY: Don't want no preacher. You can say a prayer if you want. I could get kneebound with you, I guess.

PAUL: Me?

Coffey gives him a look--please.

PAUL: S'pose I could, if it came to that.

Paul sits, working himself up to it:

PAUL: John, I have to ask you something very important right now.

COFFEY: I know what you gonna say. You don't have to say it.

PAUL: I do. I do have to. John, tell me what you want me to do. You want me to take you out of here? Just let you run away? See how far you can get?

COFFEY: Why would you do such a foolish thing?

Paul hesitates, emotions swirling, trying to find the right words.

PAUL:On the day of my judgement, when I stand before God, and He asks me why did I kill one of his true miracles, what am I gonna say? That is was my job? My job?

COFFEY: You tell God the Father it was a kindness you done.(takes his hand) I know you hurtin' and worryin', I can feel it on you, but you oughtta quit on it now. Because I want it over and done. I do.

Coffey hesitates--now he's the one trying to find the right words, trying to make Paul understand:

COFFEY: I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world ever' day. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?

By now, Paul is blinking back tears. Softly:

PAUL:Yes, John. I think I can.

Source: imsdb.com/scripts/Green-Mile,-The.html

This scene broke me. Though I had seen this movie before, this time around I could feel John Coffey's pain. 

Agathiyar says this phase would be one of trying times. I wonder what he means.

THE LAST PHASE & THE LAST LEG OF THE JOURNEY

Life is a play, and we are acting out our roles. I had lived out all my desires and carried out that of Agathiyar's too. Though Agathiyar told me to stop writing, I continue to do so only because this blog serves as a diary, a spiritual one in particular, and is something that I can go back to as my memory fails me in the days and years to come. Agathiyar too has not refrained me from doing so. I believe he understands. If in the past he dictated to me what to write and gave me the words and sentences, henceforth it will be my words and opinions. 

What do I have to look out for further? I can't think of anything. Maybe I just need to fulfill others' wishes too, as in the family that was asking when I would do another puja so that they could participate too. Though I had told him let us end that too, Agathiyar had asked me to do it just for them.

This journey has been a beautiful one. The journey of devotion or Bhakti runs parallel with the Hindu deities. Growing up in the Siva family, as did Lord Muruga battle the Asuras, we went to war with the enemy within us. Attaining spiritual maturity, we settle down in silence as Lord Dhakshanamurthy. We begin to rejoice, seeing the world and all within it as Lord Krishna, and begin to taste the divine nectar. Bringing me to the Siddha path from the mainstream temple-going majority, Agathiyar and Tavayogi had me take up rituals and Yoga. Soon, it was passed on to others whom Agathiyar sent to my home. Agathiyar showed me the difference between Sidhantham and Vedantham. Then he led me to the teachings of Bhagawan Ramana and the Self. Eventually, he brought me to the teachings of Adi Sankara and Advaita. Today I rest in peace, even before the final end and rest comes. Or is that the day of final rest? For we learn from Agathiyar that Tavayogi is doing Agathiyar's work in their realm. We are told that Yogi Ramsuratkumar comforted his followers, telling them that he could do a better job in the subtle realm. Agathiyar himself told me that death was not the end. Will we live through "death" to come back and reveal what is in store beyond death? 

AVM AGATHIYAR's ANNUAL PUJA

Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram, who had concluded his life as a traveling mendicant, his last stop being Sathuragiri, had wanted to go into Samadhi. But Agathiyar changed his plans and instead asked him to look out for a place called Agathiyar Vanam and pitch a hut and an ashram. And so he located the place to be at the foothills of Kallar Hill. After my maiden visit to his ashram upon taking up his invitation and following the directive of Agathiyar in the Nadi when he was in Malaysia in 2005, he instructed me to conduct an annual puja for Agathiyar, just as he did at his ashram grounds, which included lighting a fire pit, or Yagna, or Yagam, once I was back home. Subsequently, I carried out puja and homam with my family to coincide with the day and time he carried out at his ashram. If lighting the Homam began to coincide with 2pm IST when Tavayogi carried it out, Agathiyar switched the time of lighting the Homam to precisely the time of his birth, which he revealed to me in my Nadi reading. It was 10.58 minutes after the birth of the star Ahilyam. Somewhere along the way, Agathiyar then switched the day to coincide with Thaipusam. I did as told without hesitation or question. 

In 2010, he came as a bronze statue to my home. In 2013, Agathiyar sent over many youths to watch and participate in the monthly Pornami puja, which I did too. I used to extend an invitation to all. All this stopped in the wake of the pandemic in 2019. When he brought down the shutters on Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) in 2019, the regular monthly puja and charity that we used to do came to an end. Post-pandemic, we continued puja, now in the homes of a handful who invited him over and whom Agathiyar wished to visit. This, too, came to a halt when Agathiyar told me he would not wish to leave my home henceforth. He asked to retain the annual puja on Thaipusam. He told me to extend an invitation to only those who remembered and called to ask if it was on. 

Some time back, I put a thought to him that I would stop carrying out this year's annual puja that shall fall on 1st February. He sent a family who are newcomers to AVM, and they kept asking when I was conducting a puja. I kept telling them that there was no puja in my premises and the only one that I was asked to continue with was this annual puja, which I was considering stopping too. That is when, several days later, Agathiyar tells me to carry it out since this family had requested it. So it seems that even if one devotee desired it, I had to keep doing it. Now I understand why Tavayogi, who always reminded us to come out of Bakti, began to build an ashram and temple. He told me that it was not for him but for others. Now I am wondering who this family is and their bond to Agathiyar that he has asked me to carry out his annual puja, not for him nor to praise him, but to please this particular family. I wonder what he has in store for them and all the rest who remember the day and call to attend. Make a date with him (1st February 2026 at 11am) and find out.

MORE WORK TAKING PLACE 2

I slept blissfully throughout the night. Yes, what I feared would disrupt my sleep did not happen. Though I was in pain the past days after awakening from my sleep during the night, I could still go for my morning and evening walks and go about my daily chores, though just as some lorries' chassis are seen to be out of alignment, I too appear so. But the body, being a miracle and by Agathiyar's grace, would correct itself and its posture. 

Pain and misery remind us of God. For if all was fine, how many of us would show our gratitude to him? Then again, does God expect that of us? I believe he stands apart from his creation after giving birth to it, letting each individual grow and learn. The souls ingest these experiences and return eventually, carrying a fresh list of wants and desires. So it is a continuous cycle.

I guess another reason for giving me this pain, besides having me stop moving around, is also to remove me from society, which does upset and anger me at times. The less I interact with others, the less the chances of getting upset, right? But if that is what I thought, there were many a time, when a stranger or someone I knew would knock on my door and say the wrong things and get thrashed and chased away. I guess, besides working on them, by using me, Agathiyar is testing my patience too. And so when someone asked to do a podcast with him, I initially thought that maybe I should, but refrained from engaging in it, remembering Agathiyar's words that he would not show me to the world. I believe that there is much that he wants to work on with me further, hence these restrictions and tests. I shall abide by him, for he knows best. Agathiyar had told me earlier that this last phase would be trying times with trials, tests, and tribulations. I have to survive this period.

I feel the joy and pain of others. I am beginning to see my late parents in the elderly. I am seeing my siblings in others. I am seeing my wife in other women. I am seeing my children in others. I am seeing my grandchildren in other kids, too. I guess the next step is to see myself in others, too. That would be the state of the Self, Soul, Atma, and Sivam.

MORE WORK TAKING PLACE 1

If Agathiyar revealed in a Nadi reading that the yogic practice that Tavayogi showed me and several others in 2007, which I had carried out with discipline, had activated my Muladhara Chakra and hence resulted in the pain in my lower back and my legs in the years between 2010 and 2012, Lord Muruga, in 2018, told me that the very same pain that came on again was their play. It was intended to keep me in place and prevent me from taking any action. It was true that the years between 2010 and 2012 saw me struggle with back pain, which later came on again in 2016 and 2018. In 2019, Agathiyar had me halt all puja and charity, wound up our group AVM, and had me be with myself and go within. In 2023, Agathiyar told me to just watch the magic take place as the released Kundalini energy that traveled the rest of the Chakras does her work in me. 

And so when I had the pain come back two nights ago, I remembered what I went through earlier. Upon waking up at 1 am to relieve myself, I found it a struggle to get out of bed. The pain that had suddenly come on in my lower back was terrible. I took to all the remedies that I had done previously before I dozed off after two hours. Upon waking up at 6.30 am, I found that the pain was relieved, thanks to Agathiyar's grace, for I had prayed that it should go away before daylight broke. 

That evening, Agathiyar came through a devotee who came by my home, but surprisingly never spoke about my agony and pain that I had gone through earlier. I, too, did not ask about it. Instead, he asked my wife and me to relieve ourselves of all that is deemed a burden to us and let go of all responsibilities, as we take a further step into the final phase of our lives. Agathiyar instructed us to focus our attention on our body (Udal) and mind (Manam). He instructed my daughter to take charge of all matters from then on. This morning, the pain came on again precisely at 1 am when I got up to ease myself. But the pain went away within half an hour. 

Though he never spoke about it, I have come to realize that whenever there was a need for a change or transformation, awaiting to take place, they had me undergo pain and misery momentarily, forcefully crippling me so that they could work on me. Just as science says that it is during our sleep that our body repairs itself, so too I believe that it is only when I keep still and quiet that they can work on me further during these hours. As of 8.45 pm now, as I pen this post, I feel fine, but I do not know what will take place tonight. 

GIVING LIFE

A devotee asked me many years ago why we need to praise the Siddhas. I had no answer back then except that I knew it felt good to heap these praises. Besides it, I was instructed by Agathiyar in the Nadi to worship the Siddhas, and later, when we met Tavayogi, he asked us to praise the Siddhas to rid us of our past Karma. I did as told and never questioned the Siddhas and my guru.

Many years later, Agathiyar, in asking me to commission his bronze statue and worship him, told me to "give" life (Uyir) into the otherwise lifeless or inert metal by asking us to chant Agathiyar's name 100,000 times. We could only manage 45,000, even with the help of all those who had gathered for his Jayanthi that day in 2010. But Agathiyar accepted it. So it seems that we have this power within us to create. Indeed, the sperm from a male, when united successfully with an egg in the female, brings on pregnancy. Together, we bring on another soul into this world. So it seems that it is we who breathe life into the idols of these deities. I guess this is done through the numerous rituals daily at the temples, too. I believe, with the coming of devotees in huge numbers to these temples and performing rituals, we help sustain the power in these idols.

But it is otherwise in the Samadhis of the Siddhas, for Agathiyar questions us, "Who are we to give life and power to the Siddhas who are already a powerhouse in these places?" We are asked to refrain from performing rituals but instead sit quietly in their presence and tap into these energies that are prevalent in these places. So too are we asked to seek out the abodes of these Siddhas to be with nature and tap into the unlimited energies that are present in nature. 

Just like we do not water the trees but instead water the growing plants, an established temple and an established guru or master do not need further publicity or to be made viral. Let us instead turn to the many individual divine souls among us who are doing their part in making the world a better place. Let us turn within and re-establish contact with our soul (JeevAtma) that is a part of the bigger ParamAtma (Sivam). This was the last directive given to me by Agathiyar, too, to know the Atma and Sivam, after bringing me on a journey of exploration and discovery on the path of the Siddhas that began with worship to them, traveling to their abodes, carrying out charity, taking up rituals and Yoga, writing about them and eventually dropping all these tools to do nothing, but to watch the result, the explosion, the transformation taking place within. Agathiyar told me what could be more obvious than one growing back his hair and seeing it turn black once again. It is happening right before my eyes and that of others, too, who have come forward to acknowledge it.

We fail to realize that we are participants in this life-giving process. We are not only a product of creation but a part of it too. Though we are very much alive, sadly, we are drowned in misery, failing to see through this veil of Maya. Indeed, we are all blissful by nature. When ignorance of the Atma or Self and its potential is shed, Sat Chit Anandha prevails. We then attain the state of Sivam. 

THE DAWN OF TRUTH

When Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal stepped out of my home after accepting my invitation to visit my family home in 2005, I thanked him from my heart for accepting my invitation. I had never had any Godman, guru, master, or religious head come by. All I did was stand in line, as many do, to receive their blessings after these men came by at the local temples and held talks. Tavayogi was the very first Sadhu whom I invited, seeing him accepting invitations to others' homes. We had hardly turned onto the main road in my housing area, where I took the opportunity to thank him for having graced my home, when he came down on me like a storm and a bullet. He said that I was living in Maya. I was thinking he was someone "special" clad in Kavi and had something hidden within this clothing. He declared that he was a Nobody and instead asked me to hold on to Agathiyar, which I did for the past twenty years. At that moment, I was pretty confused seeing his reaction to my sincere appreciation. Today I know why he said that.

Just a couple of days ago, a man who was in the Siddha path for a long time came by my home and spoke of his disappointment with the current head of a Peedham. He had served the former guru and spoke proudly, declaring that he took care of him when he was ailing in his final days. The present guru had, since the demise of the former guru, sidetracked him and began to downplay the many transformations that took place in this man some years back, while extolling the same in others. Saddened and angry, he told me that he had dropped everything. Agathiyar came and asked him where he (Agathiyar) had gone all these years. He could not answer. Agathiyar told him to enter the Puja room at AVM and hug his statue. Immediately, he burst into tears and did as told. As I was a witness to this moment, I remembered that this was what Tavayogi had spelt out to me the very first day he stepped into my home, not to hold on to others but hold on to the source that was Agathiyar.

This made me recall my encounter with Agathiyar, when, after visiting Tavayogi at a local Peedham, which he came to officiate in 2005, and when I fell at his feet, he stopped me and instead pointed me to a pair of wooden sandals that were placed before a large painting of Agathiyar. The sandals symbolized the feet of Agathiyar. I too broke down in a cry and tears for no reason back then. 

I am obliged and deeply grateful to Tavayogi and Agathiyar for breaking my hold on all things. He made me walk away from it all at the peak of my fame and popularity. Today, I am mostly alone, keeping to myself and enjoying the things that I previously missed in life. Agathiyar and Prapanjam are fulfilling all my wishes. 

For instance as I had many cassettes with me but did not have a player, a friend passed me one. Later, knowing that I had numerous DVDs and a player that did not read them, he passed me one. My time is spent in repositioning my home music system for the best sound effects and clarity, taking up the many recommendations from the YouTube tutorials. At other times, I spend my time with my three grandchildren, becoming a child too. I have food and shelter. People are good to me. The Universe is good to me, which makes me ask what I did to deserve all this goodness. What does a man need more?