Everything that Tavayogi said, showed, and gave me makes sense now. If he had stung me like a bee the very first time he stepped into my home upon receiving my invitation, telling me that I was living in Maya and that he was a nobody and I was disillusioned that he had something hidden beneath his cloth, taking up his invitation to visit his ashram that was strengthened by Agathiyar asking me to visit and stay for a couple of days at his ashram and learn a thing or two from him, he showed me a master who he tagged as a Gnani sitting alone in silence, a house with his own thoughts and attended occasinally by a soul who would look into his basic daily needs. The other two, whom he insisted we visit too, were caught up in the desire to take up the running of his master's mission after his death, and the other was caught up in running a temple he built. Back at his ahram, Tavayogi taught me to let go of my attachment to the amulets and precious stones that I wore on me, and even any desire I might have later of wearing the Rudraksha.
Bringing me into the jungles, to the caves and the abodes, temples and shrines of the Siddhas, he showed me that nothing was carved in stone literally when he pointed out to me that Agathiyar was opening and closing his eyes in the granite statue of his at Agasthiyampalli, which Agathiyar had promised to do so earlier in the Nadi. Eight years later, in 2013, Agathiyar opens his eyes in his bronze statue at my home too.
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Agathiyar, after having me drop the desire to build a temple for him that he triggered in my very first Nadi reading in 2002, and another similar request from Lord Muruga in 2018, after having me bring the shutters down on the Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) and its charity arm, Amudha Surabhi, in 2019, after bringing the Yoga practices initiated and shown by Tavayogi in 2007, to a halt has me do nothing but watch the energies at play in my body now. As G.Vanmikanathan, tracing Ramalinga Adigal's life in his book, "Pathway to God Trod by Saint Ramalingar, Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, Bombay, writes that "Here ends our Swaamikal’s journey on the Pathway to God. He has arrived. He has become a Jeevan Muktha, a seeker who has gained what be sought, who has reached the end of his quest," I guess I have arrived too, thanks to Agathiyar and my gurus.
G.Vanmikanathan writes further,
Swaamikal had indeed arrived at his goal, at his journey’s end, and he has nothing more to do on earth than to spend the remaining years prescribed for him by praarabdha-karma in adoring contemplation of the Godhead and in loving service to all creatures.
We learn from that
For a self realized person, a Jivan mukta, there is no Ichha-Prarabdha (personally desired), but the other two, Anichha (without desire) and Parechha (due to others' desire), remain,[3] which even a jivan mukta has to undergo.
Agathiyar, on his part, had me drop my attachment to even his statue, asking that we part in 2023 when he had me send him over to the homes of other devotees. But he desired to return home to AVM after several months. Some time back, he even asked that I drop my attachment towards him, asking how else we could become one? When I thanked him profusely for all he had done for me to date, later, he asked me who I was thanking and for what when we were one. He brought me from Dvaita to Advaita.
G.Vanmikanathan writes,
The point of utmost importance in Advaita is that every seeker after deliverance may hopefully aim at the goal of jeevanmukthi … The term ‘jeevanmukthi’ is used to describe this state of continued life in the body on the part of a knower of Brahman. A jeevanmuktha does not act on his own volition. God acts through him, speaks through him.The jeevanmuktha has imprisoned God in his heart, in every fiber of his body.
Finally, he tells me to be ready to return to him, asking me to hand over my responsibilities to my daughter. He told me to live life henceforth not as Shanmugam but as Agathiyar and to realize Sivam. Initiating me and having me start carrying out various tasks that he gave me and others, he later asked us to drop them, teaching us to let go. In letting go even of him, and living as Agathiyar, he brought us from Dvaita to Advaita. In asking us to realize Sivam, he is telling us to drop our hold on Maya and its illusions by negating all else. He is bringing us to being the source. This next phase, too, shall be challenging, he added. He asked that I keep my emotions in check and not enter any debate. This is when he asked that I revive the Puja on a day of rest, which we did on 26 October.
தாயாராக இரு. உன்னை நான் அழைத்துக்கொள்வேன். இன்று முதல் நீ புனிதன் ஆனாய். சண்முகமாக அல்ல. அகத்தியனாக வாழ். சிவத்தை உணர். இனி இந்த அடுத்த பயணம் உனக்குச் சவாலாக இருக்கும். உணர்ச்சியைக் கவனி. வாதம்வேண்டாம். பொதுவிடுமுறைஅன்று பூசையைத்தொடங்கு.
G.Vanmikanathan continues,
Liable as it is to disease and decay, to pain and putrefaction, the Jeevan-muktha now longs for release from the body, longs for death. The body which was an asset for so long has become a liability as soon as the Jeevan-muktha state has been attained, as soon as the mystic union with God has been achieved. The mystic lives with dread for his companion, the dread of losing the bliss, the ecstatic union with God. So the Jeevan-muktha now longs for death, for release from the human body, for eternal bliss and union everlasting. He has obtained, it is true, supreme bliss, but still not evanescent bliss; he has obtained union with God, but still not eternal union. On having these beatific visions, wisdom and peace descend on the mutinously impatient Jeevan-muktha, impatient for death, impatient to shed the human body, impatient to gain videha mukthi - disembodied release from the cycle of death and birth.
What started as a personal documentation of my travels in India after I took up the call by Agathiyar to go on a pilgrimage to India and settle my past scores and Karma in 2003, and later as I traveled with Tavayogi to places he brought me to in 2005, took the form of a website indianheartbeat and later this blog Siddha Heartbeat, took a turn from narating the external happenings to what was taking place internally and within the body when Agathiyar told me to share with readers so that anyone who desires to venture on this path shall get an idea of what to expect. I am glad that he has used me to do his work. Just as Supramania Swami knew and had noted his last day in his diary Agathiyar tells me that I too shall know. Just as he had taken Tavayogi to do his work in their realm, and just as Yogi Ramsuratkumar told his devotees at his deathbed that he could do a better job, without any limitations in the other world, and just as my first guru had shared a vision he had of me walking with other Siddhas on the slopes of Tiruvannamalai hill, and after Agathiyar dropped his offer to make me a guru but instead offered to make me a Siddha, and just as my mother said that I shall reign from a place out of reach to others I believe that I too shall one day make my parents proud by joining my gurus, helping out with the chores in their world, walking through Sariyai, Kriyai, Yogam and Gnanam on another level, plane and dimension. As Agathiyar said I owe this to my family, I thank them too.