Now came the brickbats. Besides the many blessings, I have had several beatings and bombshells thrown my way on this magnificent journey, walking the path of the Siddhas.
When Agathiyar, in my very first Nadi reading, after speaking about my past, present, and future, Karma and the remedies, asked me to build a temple for him, I was in seventh heaven! I saw it as a rare privilege, and my feet did not touch the ground. But that moment of joy was shattered when Sivabalan, who followed his uncle in bringing the Nadi readers over to Malaysia, told me that this request was made to fifty others earlier. He added, though, that, though none did it if I had the resource to go ahead and fulfil Agathiyar's wish and desire. As I was not in any position to purchase land and build a temple back then, I scouted for a space in existing temples to house Agathiyar. But none of the temple committees consented. I left it as it is.
Then, in 2018, Lord Muruga, in a Nadi reading, asks for one too. He said that he would give me the land, finance, and the people. In my heart, I questioned him as to why he needed another since he had numerous temples in his name. As if listening to my heart speak, he replied in the Nadi that I would do it differently. As I did not move, coming through a devotee at a temple, he sent Agathiyar to convince me. As I did not give my consent, Agathiyar told me that he would do it in eighteen months. When the time was up, Agathiyar, coming in a Nadi reading, told me that they had tested me. Lord Muruga told me that my home was his temple now.
Seeing others invite Tavayogi to their homes, I too approached him. He accepted and I was in seventh heaven again or should that be eighth now. But he shattered my joy, telling me that I was living in Maya and that I was thinking that he had something hidden within his saffron robes. He told me not to hold on to him, but Agathiyar. It was painful. I was confused. I remained silent for the rest of the journey back to the Peedham, where he was staying. But I am grateful to him now for saying thus and putting a stop to yet another form of worship.
Finally, Lord Muruga came in 2022 through a devotee and cautioned me about the game or Lila that Lord Siva, Agathiyar, and Lord Indran were playing. It was a game of illusion or Maya. Pushing Agathiyar further, the next time he came with Bhogar, Agathiyar submitted that it was all a game, Maya.
Agathiyar finally revealed that I had to be ready to let him go, for how else can we be one, he asks. He brought me from Dvaita to Advaita.
Standing at the threshold of the door that separates the real from the unreal, Agathiyar has me dwell some time more in this chaos. I want to give a hand and safe whorever comes along, drifting or washed along on this mighty river that is Maya. But sadly they prefer to remain submerged in these waters. I can only watch. I am helpless. But I understand that the show or play has to go on till the screen is brought down. That is why he has me carry out the puja this Thaipusam. That is why he had Tavayogi build an ashram too.
The beginning is also the end. I have come one full cycle. I am now waiting to put on another garb and take on another role on another stage that the divine decides.