Each of us has a Dharma or purpose to fulfill, in coming here. I have come to learn that mine was to bring others into the worship of the Siddhas, as I wrote earlier,
"Agathiyar and the other Siddhas only spoke about Puja and Yoga to me in all the fifty-plus Nadi readings I had. I guess I am supposed to only do puja. In my very first Nadi reading itself, he had asked that I worship the Siddhas. Taking heed, I went around to existing movements and organizations run in the name of Agathiyar back then in 2002. But while they were doing charity and holding talks, no one was doing Siddha puja. In disappointment, I turn to the
books and the net. I began to compile suitable songs that I thought were appropriate to sing during my home puja. Agathiyar then sent Tavayogi over to our shores in 2005, where he showed me rituals, pujas, and Yoga. Coming as a bronze statue that he had me commissioned and made in Swamimalai in 2010, he had me open my doors to others, too. If it was family and friends initially, in 2013, he sent several youths over to my house to watch and participate in the
pujas, after their respective Nadi readings. We brought these pujas into the homes of others and the temples too. Just before the pandemic began in 2019, he had me roll down the shutters and go within. It all came to an end, or so we thought. But Agathiyar later told me that it was halted momentarily. Post pandemic, moving to others' homes upon their invitation, he finally decides not to leave my home ever again. He reminded me that even though pujas and charity
were halted, not to stop carrying out his annual Puja that falls on Thaipusam day. This year, I told him that I was going to drop that. That is when he began sending a family that came again and again, asking when the next puja was. Agathiyar told me to do it since they had asked. I guess this is my purpose here".
Another role he wants me to take up is to listen to others. If in the initial years of his arrival as the bronze statue, I saw it as a burden and troublesome, Agathiyar lambasted me, asking where I would go or to whom I would turn if he were to shut his ears too. I realized back then in 2010 that he wanted me to listen to others' outpourings and problems. Only some years back, my daughter pointed out that he was listening through me and did what had to be done to bring relief to others. Again, he was using me and my home for his purpose.
Many come with unfulfilled desires and continue working on them in this birth. The desire drives and moves us and consumes us. I did not know that I, who had rejected all his gifts, that of having me build a temple for him and Lord Muruga, a Nadi to read for myself and others, and become a medium to heal others, had secretly harbored the wish to become a guru until Agathiyar surprised me. I asked myself whether I really had desired that and when. In those brief moments of finally wanting to surrender to his wishes after having brushed aside all the gifts he had wanted to shower on me, he turns around on his offer and tells me, "No, No. I shall not make you a guru but instead a 743342." I am grateful to him, for this is the best gift that a man could ever wish for. I guess patience has its rewards.
When my eldest granddaughter was a child, I used to tease her for watching the same episodes of "Masha and the Bear." I would sit beside her and say I had seen this each time a new episode aired. One fine day, standing in front of the TV, blocking her view, I said the same thing. She got off her couch and walked to me, telling me to live my life and let her live hers. This stunned me, hearing this come from a kid of that age. I immediately asked myself if Agathiyar was telling me to mind my own business. Recently, during a gathering at my home, the message went around, sadly unnoticed, reminding us to only do what we came for in the conversation we had among us post puja. This was apparently told to Sadhu Om, too, by Bhagawan Ramana, to only do what he came for. Read about it at Siddha Heartbeat: WE ARE BEING WATCHED 1
Mother Teresa came to do what she had to do. She looked after the needs of the sick, poor, and unfortunate. Tavayogi came to do what he had to do. He started a Peedham and Ashram to host rituals and preach about the path of the Siddhas. While some have the Nadi read to them where the Siddhas speak about politics and forecast the future, giving predictions on war and natural calamities, Agathiyar and the other Siddhas only spoke about Puja and Yoga to me in all the fifty-plus Nadi readings I had. I guess I am supposed to only do puja. In my very first Nadi reading itself, he had asked that I worship the Siddhas. Taking heed, I went around to existing movements and organizations run in the name of Agathiyar back then in 2002. But while they were doing charity and holding talks, no one was doing Siddha puja. In disappointment, I turn to the books and the net. I began to compile suitable songs that I thought were appropriate to sing during my home puja. Agathiyar then sent Tavayogi over to our shores in 2005, where he showed me rituals, pujas, and Yoga. Coming as a bronze statue that he had me commissioned and made in Swamimalai in 2010, he had me open my doors to others, too. If it was family and friends initially, in 2013, he sent several youths over to my house to watch and participate in the pujas, after their respective Nadi readings. We brought these pujas into the homes of others and the temples too. Just before the pandemic began in 2019, he had me roll down the shutters and go within. It all came to an end, or so we thought. But Agathiyar later told me that it was halted momentarily. Post pandemic, moving to others' homes upon their invitation, he finally decides not to leave my home ever again. He reminded me that even though pujas and charity were halted, not to stop carrying out his annual Puja that falls on Thaipusam day. This year, I told him that I was going to drop that. That is when he began sending a family that came again and again, asking when the next puja was. Agathiyar told me to do it since they had asked. I guess this is my purpose here.
Though many aspired to expand Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM), a name that my home took on, into a Peedham at par with other societies, movements, and organizations, I never wanted it to turn into one. Neither did Tavayogi ask me to. Though Tavayogi went around officiating new Peedhams the moment someone suggested or desired to form one, he never for once planted the idea in me. Although Agathiyar, in my very first Nadi reading in 2002, and later Lord Murugan, in a reading in 2018, asked me to build a temple for them, Tavayogi never did. Even if the Siddhas in the Nadi and Tavayogi showed me Yoga techniques, never did they ask that I teach another. It was for my own consumption.
I guess Agathiyar has made my home a conduit for others to reach out to them through Puja, Homam, and other rituals. My daughter surprised me by telling me that Agathiyar listens through me and does what needs to be done for others. When she shared her friends dilema with me, her friend saw her troubles dissolve. Though Tavayogi never healed another, telling me that he would not want to touch other's' Karma, he showed them the way to shed them by asking them to take up the praise of the Siddhas. He created the venue and provided an avenue for individual families to sit at the fire pit, light the fire, and burn their Karma during the annual Agathiyar Jayanthi festival. Agathiyar, too, had me do the same for a family in dire straits who knocked on his door. It was lovely to see the love and compassion he has for his devotees, especially his long-time devotees. Though he might do a miracle to impress the newcomers, there is no need for such Siddhis when a devotee is hooked to him for life. I saw this in this family for whom he asked me to conduct the Puja.
Today, my home is back to being my home, although Agathiyar recently asked that I hand over all my assets and responsibilities to my wife and children. A will has been made towards that. I can rest in peace, which I am currently doing. Agathiyar had no further chores and task for me. There is no effort on my part these days to attain or achieve something. Prapanjam provides for all my needs. I am content. I stay at home and receive the occasional visitor whom he sends over. What else could a man in his sixties ask for?
As a kid, I used to watch the television series, "Have Gun Will Travel". In this age its "Have phone will travel." True with a phone, you can go places with Google maps and Waze. You can cover many places, and document stories too. But as Nada asks on his channel "Awaken Insight" if "AI can Replace Human Insight and Experience?", one has to live the life to actually know. Yes, Carl Sagan says of a book,
“What an astonishing thing a book is. It's a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you're inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs. Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic."
And music and a particular song can bring us to that past moment in time, and photos and family videos, too, remind us of such wonderful moments. But yet experience shall be the best teacher. When I brought Tavayogi to Banting, when he was in Malaysia many years ago, where he was to officiate the opening of a new Peedham, he surprised me when he asked that I speak about the Siddhas. I was an infant back then. What did I know about the Siddhas, to speak on them? Even today, I do not know them. What I know is what everybody has read and heard about them. Many years later, Agathiyar asked me to shift the mode of my writing to that of sharing the internal transformation and changes taking place. I could write on this because it was my experience. AI cannot bring us this human experience.
Nada says,
"... spirituality, philosophy, and psychology are three branches of knowledge that are deeply rooted in human experience. The insights that I share here and the insights that other human beings share. It comes from having lived. It comes from having struggled and suffered and grown. It comes from experiencing all the messiness of being human. But AI doesn't have any of that lived experience. AI has never experienced joy or sorrow. It's never fallen in love or had its heart broken. It's never felt lonely or anxious or depressed. It's never felt anything. It doesn't have emotions. It doesn't feel or perceive. It's not conscious or self-aware. Regardless of what some people might speculate, AI is not as complex as some people imagine. It doesn't think in the way that people think it does. All it does is process data. It scans through vast amounts of information, detecting patterns, and then generating responses that resemble organic thought. But there's nothing organic about it. It's just drawing from a storehouse of recorded human knowledge. And it can pull from the words of all the great spiritual teachers to produce something that sounds incredibly profound. Yet there is no real understanding behind it. No realization, no awareness. AI has no real wisdom or insights of its own. All it has is access to everything that human beings have said about life, about love, about pain, and purpose. And so even when AI is talking about the meaning of life or how to find inner peace or explaining the nature of consciousness, no matter how profound it may sound, it's just an imitation. It's just repeating ideas expressed by human beings without genuinely understanding them. Because, how can you understand what you have never experienced?"
So go out, take a walk, and meet real people. The Aunties and Uncles in the neighborhood who peer out of their windows, watching people, vehicles, and moments go by. Take your kids to the park and just for once leave the phone aside and watch and listen to them play. This is true bliss.
A reader emailed me in December of last year and subsequently got in touch with me on WhatsApp. I would love to share his beautifully crafted messages with readers.
Vanakkam Aiyya, I hope this message finds you well and in peace. I first discovered your blog, Siddha Heart Beat, in 2018, at the dawn of my seeking journey. It quickly became a trusted companion, and I recently found myself drawn back to it while exploring the possibility of a Nadi reading. This led me to immerse myself once again in your writings, which have always felt like a guiding light.
I felt a sincere urge to reach out and express how deeply your posts have resonated with me. The compassion and dedication that flow through your words are truly inspiring. Your gift for weaving personal experience with the greater, divine narrative of the Siddha path is remarkable. It elevates your blog from a mere chronicle to a precious resource—one that helps seekers like me find clarity and connection in our own journeys. Reading your work has often felt like discovering missing pieces of a puzzle, providing context I hadn’t realized I was longing for.
I also wanted to especially thank you for your sincerity. In a world where spiritual guidance can sometimes feel distant, your writing remains genuine and accessible. You are not merely sharing knowledge—you are nurturing a community, illuminating the path for your readers with a rare and generous spirit.
Please know that your work makes a tangible difference. It offers clarity, fosters a deep sense of connection, and helps keep the Siddha Parambara and its sacred stories alive.
On this auspicious day of Deepam, I wish for you and your loved ones a celebration filled with divine light and grace. May the radiant flame of Annamalaiyar and Unnamulaiamman illuminate your path with increased wisdom, joy, and the boundless blessings of the Siddhas. Thank you for everything you do.
His mail came at a time when, as usual, I was contemplating stopping writing again. I thanked him, saying, "Tqvm for your beautiful email. It came in a timely manner as an assurance for me to continue writing."
He replied, "It was truly a fantastic decision, and it will be helpful for beginner seekers like me, Aiyya."
I have just read your article, Aiyya. Love the way you slotted in the story of Saint Ramanuja, who, defying his guru, Gosthipurna, to share a secret mantra, teaches us, really shows his compassionate action for universal good is a higher duty than blind obedience. By publicly proclaiming the mantra for all to hear, he demonstrated that true spirituality isn't about hoarding sacred knowledge for personal salvation, but about selflessly working for the liberation of others, regardless of their status. Finally, you are doing it for the liberation of others. Thanks, Aiyya.
My heart is full of gratitude for your call today. In the simple, kind act of reaching out just to talk, you offered the profound gifts of presence and true connection. It served as a gentle yet powerful reminder of the path and the grace that flows through your support. Thank you for calling me, Aiyya. I truly appreciate it.
Vanakkam Aiyya, Reading your above article was a genuinely illuminating experience. Your writing possesses a rare clarity that makes profound spiritual concepts feel both accessible and deeply meaningful. The way you wove together the structural wisdom of the 96 tattvas with the ultimate goal of spiritual return was masterful.
Your concluding insight—that Siddha Anatomy is not merely a list of parts, but a sacred map and a spiritual blueprint for the soul's ascent—resonated perfectly. It elegantly captured the entire essence of the piece, leaving me with a sense of understanding and wonder. Thank you for sharing this valuable knowledge with such grace and authority. Sivaayanama.
I must also express my deep appreciation for the title of your above work: "Trying to Figure Out the Tattvas." Its humility and honesty are what drew me in. It doesn't claim to have all the answers but invites the reader into a shared space of exploration. It perfectly names the first, crucial step on this path. Because of your work, I can now sincerely say: I, too, am ‘trying’ to learn the tattvas.
I told him that he should write too. Many had previously come by after reading this blog. Many have made their way to Kallar Ashram too after learning about Tavayogi. I am glad that I had a part and role to play in the lives of others in a small way. Just as many had shown me the way and guided me, I guess I, too, have returned the favor by being a light to others. As AR Rahman often says, all the credit goes to the Lord; it is all his doing.
My family and I have been blessed to host Siddha pujas at our home since 2002. If we had carried out our home puja, initially keeping it to ourselves, with Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal's arrival on our shores and when he accepted our invitation to grace our house in 2005, we invited family and friends over. With Agathiyar's arrival in the form of the bronze statue in 2010, many came over knowing he was there. After meeting Mrs. Molly Menon from the USA in 2011, who later became known as Jnana Jothiamma, she requested that we stream these pujas so that she could watch them from the comfort of her home in Minnesota. When another devotee from the USA asked to watch too, I had two laptops streaming the puja. Understanding the inconvenience of having this hardware in the way of the rituals, I looked up streaming it on YouTube.
With the arrival of a team of youths after their Nadi reading, beginning in 2013, these pujas continued without fail. We began to engage in doing charity, too. When Tavayogi came again to Malaysia in 2016 to attend my daughter's wedding, we brought Agathiyar's statue over to the homes of devotees who invited Tavayogi over. Then all these puja came to a halt in the wake of the pandemic in 2019. Post-pandemic saw the reemergence of these puja. Now Agathiyar visited the homes of those who invited him. Then he decided not to leave my home. Although he brought a halt to everything, Agathiyar reminded me to carry out the Annual Puja without fail, not by extending an open invitation, but by admitting only those who remembered the day and cared to call. While many forgot the day and let it pass, some waited for something else to turn up and tell us that they could not make it. Others remained silent and kept us guessing, and yet others tend to surprise us later by arriving eventually. But there was that handful who constantly called or came over to look up Agathiyar.
So when I told Agathiyar that I would not carry out his wish for me to keep doing his Annual Puja, which is just around the corner, falling on Thaipusam day on Sunday, 1st February 2026, and awaited his nod, he asked me to do it, reminding me that a family who had been coming over had asked about it. Though being a Sunday, which is the day when many go out to the markets to buy and stock up on meat and vegetables, and which is the day that she tends to earn much more, compared to other days, the lady of the house was willing to let go of her day's earnings at the marketplace to attend this puja. Her devotion towards Agathiyar was so overwhelming that she chose to forego that day's earnings. No wonder Agathiyar directed me to carry out the puja, telling me that she had asked.
It is said that Karma is the underlying and determining factor in everything. Fate charts numerous paths that then lie before us. When we come of age to make decisisons we have a choice in all matters. We have the choice to accept or reject, to follow or decline, and so on. The choice is then ours to travel on one path at one particular time. Once we have decided and begin to take our first step, traveling a particular path, events begin to unfold, and we start to meet other souls. This then becomes the destined path. Hence, life is of our making. We determine the mould, the vessel, and the components that drive this vessel to our preferred destination.
In befriending God and his apostles, we begin to realize that we have a safety net and a place to turn to in our darkest moments. God, who can come to us in many ways, soon makes us realize that we never went anywhere looking for him, for he tells us that we are one and that we had traveled far together. This realization is Gnanam or divine wisdom. Once this is made known and we realize it, the search stops, the worship stops, all rituals stops and finally all talk stops. There is then no distinction between right and wrong. No opinions. No stand to take up. No pleasure or displeasure. No opposites. We remain as the Yegan or one.
Just as Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal had mentioned to me some time back, the Prapanjam works in our favor when we drop the search and stop accumulating and hoarding things; we can be paupers, but the wealthy shall come to our assistance. Prapanjam then provides for us and sustains us.
For instance, I had wanted to go to the beach. I started my working career in a coastal town back in 1980. I missed the sound of the waves washing ashore. I missed the sunset. I missed dipping in the salt water. I missed the breeze. A friend surprised me when he invited my family and me to join him and his wife on a trip to the beach last Saturday. Prapanjam had granted my wish.
I used to apply an ointment on my nose that eases breathing, especially at night when the phlegm is discharged. I used to have two bottles of it, one upstairs and another downstairs, for easy access. Just when I was thinking about replacing one that I had used up, this friend who had recently returned from Thailand handed me a bottle without me even asking or mentioning it.
How do we account for these, though small, miracles?
If Prapanjam shared her bliss with me earlier, these days she shares the suffering she goes through. I feel Mother Earth cry for the atrocities that man does to one another, to her and her other creations. One can no longer stomach it. We feel helpless. Power and authority are in the wrong hands. We are at the mercy of others. They tend to decide our fate these days, rather than God or a Supreme Being, as we are told. But we are told by the wise, too, that these are all meant to happen. If listening to songs brought on solace, bliss, and tears of joy and happiness, it is hard to watch movies that depict suffering these days. I had seen the movie Pearl Harbor numerous times, watching it on DVD. Now I can't seem to. I have to look away from some scenes. So too the movie Green Mile, based on the novel by Stephen King. Watching it again after a long time on the Blu-ray player that a friend passed me recently, I share the feelings of John Coffey. When John Coffey is to be electrocuted in prison for a crime he did not commit, the wardens who came to know the truth pronouce the following with a heavy heart.
John Coffey...you have been condemned to die in the electric chair by a jury of your peers...sentence imposed by a judge in good standing in this state. Do you have anything to say before sentence is carried out?
John hesitates, nods.
John Coffey, who has a gift that he shares with the head warden, Paul Edgecomb, much earlier, replies,
COFFEY: I'm sorry for what I am.
Days earlier, when the wardens stood at his cell to mentally prepare him for the execution, the following conversation takes place.
Paul and the men appear.
COFFEY: Hello, boss.
PAUL: Hello, John.
Brutal unlocks his cell. Paul enters.
PAUL: I guess you know we're coming down to it now. Another couple of days. Is there anything special you'd like for dinner that night? We can rustle you up most anything.
Coffey gives it some careful thought.
COFFEY: Meatloaf, be nice. Mashed taters with gravy. Okra, maybe. I's not picky.
PAUL: What about a preacher? Someone you could say a little prayer with?
COFFEY: Don't want no preacher. You can say a prayer if you want. I could get kneebound with you, I guess.
PAUL: Me?
Coffey gives him a look--please.
PAUL: S'pose I could, if it came to that.
Paul sits, working himself up to it:
PAUL: John, I have to ask you something very important right now.
COFFEY: I know what you gonna say. You don't have to say it.
PAUL: I do. I do have to. John, tell me what you want me to do. You want me to take you out of here? Just let you run away? See how far you can get?
COFFEY: Why would you do such a foolish thing?
Paul hesitates, emotions swirling, trying to find the right words.
PAUL:On the day of my judgement, when I stand before God, and He asks me why did I kill one of his true miracles, what am I gonna say? That is was my job? My job?
COFFEY: You tell God the Father it was a kindness you done.(takes his hand) I know you hurtin' and worryin', I can feel it on you, but you oughtta quit on it now. Because I want it over and done. I do.
Coffey hesitates--now he's the one trying to find the right words, trying to make Paul understand:
COFFEY: I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world ever' day. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?
Life is a play, and we are acting out our roles. I had lived out all my desires and carried out that of Agathiyar's too. Though Agathiyar told me to stop writing, I continue to do so only because this blog serves as a diary, a spiritual one in particular, and is something that I can go back to as my memory fails me in the days and years to come. Agathiyar too has not refrained me from doing so. I believe he understands. If in the past he dictated to me what to write and gave me the words and sentences, henceforth it will be my words and opinions.
What do I have to look out for further? I can't think of anything. Maybe I just need to fulfill others' wishes too, as in the family that was asking when I would do another puja so that they could participate too. Though I had told him let us end that too, Agathiyar had asked me to do it just for them.
This journey has been a beautiful one. The journey of devotion or Bhakti runs parallel with the Hindu deities. Growing up in the Siva family, as did Lord Muruga battle the Asuras, we went to war with the enemy within us. Attaining spiritual maturity, we settle down in silence as Lord Dhakshanamurthy. We begin to rejoice, seeing the world and all within it as Lord Krishna, and begin to taste the divine nectar. Bringing me to the Siddha path from the mainstream temple-going majority, Agathiyar and Tavayogi had me take up rituals and Yoga. Soon, it was passed on to others whom Agathiyar sent to my home. Agathiyar showed me the difference between Sidhantham and Vedantham. Then he led me to the teachings of Bhagawan Ramana and the Self. Eventually, he brought me to the teachings of Adi Sankara and Advaita. Today I rest in peace, even before the final end and rest comes. Or is that the day of final rest? For we learn from Agathiyar that Tavayogi is doing Agathiyar's work in their realm. We are told that Yogi Ramsuratkumar comforted his followers, telling them that he could do a better job in the subtle realm. Agathiyar himself told me that death was not the end. Will we live through "death" to come back and reveal what is in store beyond death?
Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram, who had concluded his life as a traveling mendicant, his last stop being Sathuragiri, had wanted to go into Samadhi. But Agathiyar changed his plans and instead asked him to look out for a place called Agathiyar Vanam and pitch a hut and an ashram. And so he located the place to be at the foothills of Kallar Hill. After my maiden visit to his ashram upon taking up his invitation and following the directive of Agathiyar in the Nadi when he was in Malaysia in 2005, he instructed me to conduct an annual puja for Agathiyar, just as he did at his ashram grounds, which included lighting a fire pit, or Yagna, or Yagam, once I was back home. Subsequently, I carried out puja and homam with my family to coincide with the day and time he carried out at his ashram. If lighting the Homam began to coincide with 2pm IST when Tavayogi carried it out, Agathiyar switched the time of lighting the Homam to precisely the time of his birth, which he revealed to me in my Nadi reading. It was 10.58 minutes after the birth of the star Ahilyam. Somewhere along the way, Agathiyar then switched the day to coincide with Thaipusam. I did as told without hesitation or question.
In 2010, he came as a bronze statue to my home. In 2013, Agathiyar sent over many youths to watch and participate in the monthly Pornami puja, which I did too. I used to extend an invitation to all. All this stopped in the wake of the pandemic in 2019. When he brought down the shutters on Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) in 2019, the regular monthly puja and charity that we used to do came to an end. Post-pandemic, we continued puja, now in the homes of a handful who invited him over and whom Agathiyar wished to visit. This, too, came to a halt when Agathiyar told me he would not wish to leave my home henceforth. He asked to retain the annual puja on Thaipusam. He told me to extend an invitation to only those who remembered and called to ask if it was on.
Some time back, I put a thought to him that I would stop carrying out this year's annual puja that shall fall on 1st February. He sent a family who are newcomers to AVM, and they kept asking when I was conducting a puja. I kept telling them that there was no puja in my premises and the only one that I was asked to continue with was this annual puja, which I was considering stopping too. That is when, several days later, Agathiyar tells me to carry it out since this family had requested it. So it seems that even if one devotee desired it, I had to keep doing it. Now I understand why Tavayogi, who always reminded us to come out of Bakti, began to build an ashram and temple. He told me that it was not for him but for others. Now I am wondering who this family is and their bond to Agathiyar that he has asked me to carry out his annual puja, not for him nor to praise him, but to please this particular family. I wonder what he has in store for them and all the rest who remember the day and call to attend. Make a date with him (1st February 2026 at 11am) and find out.
I slept blissfully throughout the night. Yes, what I feared would disrupt my sleep did not happen. Though I was in pain the past days after awakening from my sleep during the night, I could still go for my morning and evening walks and go about my daily chores, though just as some lorries' chassis are seen to be out of alignment, I too appear so. But the body, being a miracle and by Agathiyar's grace, would correct itself and its posture.
Pain and misery remind us of God. For if all was fine, how many of us would show our gratitude to him? Then again, does God expect that of us? I believe he stands apart from his creation after giving birth to it, letting each individual grow and learn. The souls ingest these experiences and return eventually, carrying a fresh list of wants and desires. So it is a continuous cycle.
I guess another reason for giving me this pain, besides having me stop moving around, is also to remove me from society, which does upset and anger me at times. The less I interact with others, the less the chances of getting upset, right? But if that is what I thought, there were many a time, when a stranger or someone I knew would knock on my door and say the wrong things and get thrashed and chased away. I guess, besides working on them, by using me, Agathiyar is testing my patience too. And so when someone asked to do a podcast with him, I initially thought that maybe I should, but refrained from engaging in it, remembering Agathiyar's words that he would not show me to the world. I believe that there is much that he wants to work on with me further, hence these restrictions and tests. I shall abide by him, for he knows best. Agathiyar had told me earlier that this last phase would be trying times with trials, tests, and tribulations. I have to survive this period.
I feel the joy and pain of others. I am beginning to see my late parents in the elderly. I am seeing my siblings in others. I am seeing my wife in other women. I am seeing my children in others. I am seeing my grandchildren in other kids, too. I guess the next step is to see myself in others, too. That would be the state of the Self, Soul, Atma, and Sivam.
If Agathiyar revealed in a Nadi reading that the yogic practice that Tavayogi showed me and several others in 2007, which I had carried out with discipline, had activated my Muladhara Chakra and hence resulted in the pain in my lower back and my legs in the years between 2010 and 2012, Lord Muruga, in 2018, told me that the very same pain that came on again was their play. It was intended to keep me in place and prevent me from taking any action. It was true that the years between 2010 and 2012 saw me struggle with back pain, which later came on again in 2016 and 2018. In 2019, Agathiyar had me halt all puja and charity, wound up our group AVM, and had me be with myself and go within. In 2023, Agathiyar told me to just watch the magic take place as the released Kundalini energy that traveled the rest of the Chakras does her work in me.
And so when I had the pain come back two nights ago, I remembered what I went through earlier. Upon waking up at 1 am to relieve myself, I found it a struggle to get out of bed. The pain that had suddenly come on in my lower back was terrible. I took to all the remedies that I had done previously before I dozed off after two hours. Upon waking up at 6.30 am, I found that the pain was relieved, thanks to Agathiyar's grace, for I had prayed that it should go away before daylight broke.
That evening, Agathiyar came through a devotee who came by my home, but surprisingly never spoke about my agony and pain that I had gone through earlier. I, too, did not ask about it. Instead, he asked my wife and me to relieve ourselves of all that is deemed a burden to us and let go of all responsibilities, as we take a further step into the final phase of our lives. Agathiyar instructed us to focus our attention on our body (Udal) and mind (Manam). He instructed my daughter to take charge of all matters from then on. This morning, the pain came on again precisely at 1 am when I got up to ease myself. But the pain went away within half an hour.
Though he never spoke about it, I have come to realize that whenever there was a need for a change or transformation, awaiting to take place, they had me undergo pain and misery momentarily, forcefully crippling me so that they could work on me. Just as science says that it is during our sleep that our body repairs itself, so too I believe that it is only when I keep still and quiet that they can work on me further during these hours. As of 8.45 pm now, as I pen this post, I feel fine, but I do not know what will take place tonight.
A devotee asked me many years ago why we need to praise the Siddhas. I had no answer back then except that I knew it felt good to heap these praises. Besides it, I was instructed by Agathiyar in the Nadi to worship the Siddhas, and later, when we met Tavayogi, he asked us to praise the Siddhas to rid us of our past Karma. I did as told and never questioned the Siddhas and my guru.
Many years later, Agathiyar, in asking me to commission his bronze statue and worship him, told me to "give" life (Uyir) into the otherwise lifeless or inert metal by asking us to chant Agathiyar's name 100,000 times. We could only manage 45,000, even with the help of all those who had gathered for his Jayanthi that day in 2010. But Agathiyar accepted it. So it seems that we have this power within us to create. Indeed, the sperm from a male, when united successfully with an egg in the female, brings on pregnancy. Together, we bring on another soul into this world. So it seems that it is we who breathe life into the idols of these deities. I guess this is done through the numerous rituals daily at the temples, too. I believe, with the coming of devotees in huge numbers to these temples and performing rituals, we help sustain the power in these idols.
But it is otherwise in the Samadhis of the Siddhas, for Agathiyar questions us, "Who are we to give life and power to the Siddhas who are already a powerhouse in these places?" We are asked to refrain from performing rituals but instead sit quietly in their presence and tap into these energies that are prevalent in these places. So too are we asked to seek out the abodes of these Siddhas to be with nature and tap into the unlimited energies that are present in nature.
Just like we do not water the trees but instead water the growing plants, an established temple and an established guru or master do not need further publicity or to be made viral. Let us instead turn to the many individual divine souls among us who are doing their part in making the world a better place. Let us turn within and re-establish contact with our soul (JeevAtma) that is a part of the bigger ParamAtma (Sivam). This was the last directive given to me by Agathiyar, too, to know the Atma and Sivam, after bringing me on a journey of exploration and discovery on the path of the Siddhas that began with worship to them, traveling to their abodes, carrying out charity, taking up rituals and Yoga, writing about them and eventually dropping all these tools to do nothing, but to watch the result, the explosion, the transformation taking place within. Agathiyar told me what could be more obvious than one growing back his hair and seeing it turn black once again. It is happening right before my eyes and that of others, too, who have come forward to acknowledge it.
We fail to realize that we are participants in this life-giving process. We are not only a product of creation but a part of it too. Though we are very much alive, sadly, we are drowned in misery, failing to see through this veil of Maya. Indeed, we are all blissful by nature. When ignorance of the Atma or Self and its potential is shed, Sat Chit Anandha prevails. We then attain the state of Sivam.
When Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal stepped out of my home after accepting my invitation to visit my family home in 2005, I thanked him from my heart for accepting my invitation. I had never had any Godman, guru, master, or religious head come by. All I did was stand in line, as many do, to receive their blessings after these men came by at the local temples and held talks. Tavayogi was the very first Sadhu whom I invited, seeing him accepting invitations to others' homes. We had hardly turned onto the main road in my housing area, where I took the opportunity to thank him for having graced my home, when he came down on me like a storm and a bullet. He said that I was living in Maya. I was thinking he was someone "special" clad in Kavi and had something hidden within this clothing. He declared that he was a Nobody and instead asked me to hold on to Agathiyar, which I did for the past twenty years. At that moment, I was pretty confused seeing his reaction to my sincere appreciation. Today I know why he said that.
Just a couple of days ago, a man who was in the Siddha path for a long time came by my home and spoke of his disappointment with the current head of a Peedham. He had served the former guru and spoke proudly, declaring that he took care of him when he was ailing in his final days. The present guru had, since the demise of the former guru, sidetracked him and began to downplay the many transformations that took place in this man some years back, while extolling the same in others. Saddened and angry, he told me that he had dropped everything. Agathiyar came and asked him where he (Agathiyar) had gone all these years. He could not answer. Agathiyar told him to enter the Puja room at AVM and hug his statue. Immediately, he burst into tears and did as told. As I was a witness to this moment, I remembered that this was what Tavayogi had spelt out to me the very first day he stepped into my home, not to hold on to others but hold on to the source that was Agathiyar.
This made me recall my encounter with Agathiyar, when, after visiting Tavayogi at a local Peedham, which he came to officiate in 2005, and when I fell at his feet, he stopped me and instead pointed me to a pair of wooden sandals that were placed before a large painting of Agathiyar. The sandals symbolized the feet of Agathiyar. I too broke down in a cry and tears for no reason back then.
I am obliged and deeply grateful to Tavayogi and Agathiyar for breaking my hold on all things. He made me walk away from it all at the peak of my fame and popularity. Today, I am mostly alone, keeping to myself and enjoying the things that I previously missed in life. Agathiyar and Prapanjam are fulfilling all my wishes.
For instance as I had many cassettes with me but did not have a player, a friend passed me one. Later, knowing that I had numerous DVDs and a player that did not read them, he passed me one. My time is spent in repositioning my home music system for the best sound effects and clarity, taking up the many recommendations from the YouTube tutorials. At other times, I spend my time with my three grandchildren, becoming a child too. I have food and shelter. People are good to me. The Universe is good to me, which makes me ask what I did to deserve all this goodness. What does a man need more?
A search on this blog, Siddha Heartbeat, brings up the following beautiful summary taken from Siddha Heartbeat 1 and 2 on Copilot Search
Siddha Heartbeat
The concept of "Siddha heartbeat" relates to the spiritual teachings and practices within Siddha philosophy, emphasizing self-realization, connection with the soul, and the significance of silence in spiritual growth.
Spiritual Connection and Self-Realization
In Siddha philosophy, the heartbeat can symbolize the connection between the individual soul and the universal consciousness. Agathiyar, a revered figure in Siddha traditions, teaches that true understanding comes from engaging with the soul and listening to its wisdom. This process involves quieting the mind and being receptive to inner guidance, which is often described as a "heartbeat" of spiritual awareness.
The Role of Silence
Silence plays a crucial role in Siddha practices. It is believed that in moments of silence, one can connect deeply with their true self and the divine. This state of being allows individuals to transcend the distractions of the external world and tap into the profound wisdom that resides within. The heartbeat, in this context, can be seen as a metaphor for the rhythm of life and the pulse of spiritual energy that flows through all beings.
Yearning for Connection
The Siddha teachings often express a deep yearning for connection with the divine. This longing is likened to the heartbeat's rhythm, which reflects the desire to merge with the higher self and attain spiritual bliss. The metaphorical "thief" mentioned in Siddha literature represents the divine presence that captivates the heart and leads one on a path of spiritual awakening.
Conclusion
The "Siddha heartbeat" encapsulates the essence of Siddha philosophy, where the heartbeat symbolizes the connection to the soul, the importance of silence, and the journey towards self-realization. Engaging with these teachings can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself and the universe, fostering a sense of unity and spiritual fulfillment. Through practices that emphasize listening to the heartbeat of life, individuals can cultivate a profound connection with their inner selves and the divine.
Agathiyar, coming through a devotee some time back, had asked that I stop writing, which I did, and which readers would have observed seeing the absence of new posts. I am pushed to write again from within. As I gave in to these strong drives, hence, readers would have seen an occasional post or two. Some things have to be shared. It is in sharing that true bliss is derived. My sharing is not to be taken as blowing one's horn or bragging about how special I am to have gone through these experiences. Ramalinga Adigal did call out to others citing the grace of God and his subsequent attainment. But I know I am not special, for I had received blows throughout this journey whenever the thought of being special arose. To recap, when Agathiyar asked that I build a temple for him, and I was floating in the air for thinking that I was special to be given this task, I was put down the very next moment when the young Sivabalan, who accompanied my Nadi reading, told me that Agathiyar had made this request to fifty others. Again, I was brought down to earth after Tavayogi practically "slapped" me on my cheek when he told me that I was living in Maya, thinking that he was a holy man in a holy garb. When in the midst of all the disbelief in the eyes of many that arose with the arrival of the Siddhas amidst us, Lord Muruga, who came to caution me of Lord Siva's play that Agathiyar and Indran were executing, asked me again not to fall for the play of Maya.
I am no preacher. Neither am I a guru. I am just like readers trying to comprehend and understand life. This blog and my writings, though it is titled Siddha Heartbeat, are not to be interpreted as preaching a particular path. Neither will readers come across profound truths in these pages, for the truth is far from our reach, I have come to understand. What we derive each moment, arriving at these moments, is a realization that holds water only for that moment. With the test of time, and arriving at newer discoveries, we tend to revise our earlier findings and understanding with the passing of time. Only one who has stepped out of this time-space would know the truth. And the truth is that we are all one, and life is all a dream. Just as we watch hours and hours of streaming, life too is a continuous churning of the sea, bringing forth events that in turn bring out the good and bad in us, the hatred and compassion in us, the anger and love in us, etc. I do not have all the answers. I, too, am trying to comprehend this rather complex and unfathomable creation and all the stories that came out of it.
When there was a moment when all the reading of religious books, listening to religious talks, and discussions on it, showed God as all-loving and compassionate, seeing friends and relatives suffer, had me question if God was truly what he was described and made out to be, Lord Siva appeared in a dream and told me to put aside all these questions, doubts, etc, to a later date. I took the cue, and for the next 14 years, I was wiped clean of all my earlier readings, comprehension, and understanding. I focused on my career and raising my family. When the time was ripe for me to understand God's play, he sent over my nephew, who brought me a message wrapped in a gift box from Agathiyar, which was conveyed to Gopal Pillai, who had gone into Samadhi earlier, to a devotee through whom he came, and assigned my nephew to bring it over to me. I was given the Vasudeva Mantra that was to pave the way for me to meet my gurus. Subsequently, I came to read the Nadi the following year, where Agathiyar came as my Moola Guru, giving me his Moola Mantra in the Nadi.
He brought me to my first guru, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai, whom I met on the last leg of my pilgrimage to India, which was initiated by Agathiyar and later brought Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar ashram to our shores, where he took in my family and me as disciples. These wonderful gurus changed our lives for good.
If, in coming to read the Nadi, I understood the reason why my friends and relatives had suffered in the hands of the very deities and Gods whom they worshipped, as the individual Karma patterns that they had brought onto themselves, looking back at the Puranas and divine stories surrounding the Gods and Goddesses, deities, Siddhas, and Rishis, I was confused again as to why they go around cursing souls, bringing them to take multiple rebirths to settle unfinished businesses or scores. Though it is very unsettling to know that all the former were there to execute and see these take place, today I understand that underlying all these sufferings was the compassion and love that shadowed them closely without their knowing. For those who broke down and left, never to return, all hope was lost. For those who took it positively and battled those moments, the deities come forward once this phase was over. Patience and hope, continuous faith and belief can do wonders.
Back then, in the eighties, as a bachelor, I would conduct puja in my room at dawn and dusk and visit the temples in the vicinity of my rented home. I used to have many dreams then. One was of me at a temple grounds, which I knew to be in India, having seen the similarity to the layout and its architecture to movies that I had watched. I was standing on the banks of the temple pond, or Teppa Kolam, watching people carry a deity on their shoulders on the opposite bank. Suddenly, the palanquin or litter, or Pallakku, shook violently left and right. The figure of Lord Ganesa took flight and approached me with much speed and agility. When Lord Ganesa sat on my lap, it made me cry out in bliss and tears, telling and asking those around, who could possibly get the privilege of the Lord sitting on one's lap? Soon, a man in white walked up to me, picked a mango from a tree, and threw it at me. In trying to catch it, I dropped the fruit. But I picked it up. I was awakened from this dream at this juncture and saw myself "feeling" the pillow to see if it was wet from the tears I had shed in the dream. But it was dry. So it was only a dream, I concluded. Today I tend to say and ask the same, that which I asked in this dream, who could possibly get the privilege of the Lord sitting on one's lap? It was all possible only by the grace of my gurus, Agathiyar, for saving me from drowning in the river, and showering his love and compassion, Supramania Swami, for gifting me the merits of his forty years of austerities, or Tavam and Tavayogi, besides the many rituals shown, who gave me the Yogic practices that Agathiyar says are a treasure.
Beginning with my maiden pilgrimage to India to satisfy the requirements of the Nadi that I read, I was overcome by tears, cries, and bliss during these unexplained moments of coming before the deities in these temples. I had no idea what was going on and why I went into these modes of devotion. Returning home, these moments of blissful encounters arose regularly both while at their abodes and during home puja too. Coming to worship the Siddhas after taking up the call in the Nadi, and carrying out rituals, we made headway in connecting with these Siddhas and Rishis, deities and Gods and Goddesses, bringing them now into our very own living rooms. When he came to grace my home as a bronze statue, Agathiyar had mentioned that my soul would temporarily be in his statue while he walks in me during the duration of the puja. Today, I can safely say that by the grace of the Siddhas and Rishis, they have linked us with the source or ParamAtma, originally made available and present by the Siddhas in the temples for the sake of people, to us in our individual homes. Agathiyar and the Siddhas made these images and gave us the tools to come into direct contact with them. But soon others came in between and reigned, placing hurdles and obstacles between God and his devotees, and took over the role of middlemen. Blessed are we to have Agathiyar initiate us in having his statue made and come to teach us the rituals to connect with them again at Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM). When I was told to go within refraining from carrying out further puja, beginning in 2019, once I saw a libation or Abhisegam, performed to the Siva Linga of Lord Siva. I was not sure if I had seen this vision, in a state of meditation that I had slipped into then, or if I had dozed off and had this dream, as I sat with my eyes shut, before the idol of Agathiyar in my home. Though he stopped the rituals, he showed me this with my eyes shut.
When Tavayogi showed us the Asanas and Pranayama techniques, and I put them into practice, there was a surge of Pranic current that would enter and be felt right till the pores and cells, bringing on instant bliss. Then there were times when I used to go into these moments of further bliss, initially when in the midst of nature, taking in the breeze and air that blew over my face, stepping on the ground as in grounding, and touching the plants and trees. Soon, it was felt in the presence of children. Then it came on as and when a smile draws on the face of a person I come by, or with a wave of his or her hand, or in the brief moments of contact and talk with others, or just in standing and looking around, watching life go by. I understand now that just as Agathiyar had said, and Ramalinga Adigal had helped us in connecting, we were connected with the very Prapanjam in these moments.
Agathiyar tells me that pain was bliss, too, when I went through the initial years of the opening of the Muladhara in 2007 and later the activation and further travel of the Kundalini. Though I was in pain, but would laugh and cry in bliss. As said, the journey to the final destination, that of the Sahasrara in 2023, brought on immense bliss and joy as the flower petals opened up. If I had to have a reason for joy and bliss to come on back then, lately, I used to enter these brief moments of bliss for no reason at all. There was now no reason or catalyst to initiate or bring on the bliss within. I understand that I had connected with the very nature of man that is bliss and its inherent state. It was always and has always been there. The Siddhas just needed to draw the veil or curtain aside and have us see and realize it. As Tavayogi says that one should learn to prolong these moments, and Ramalinga Adigal longed for many more such moments, I pray that I am blessed too.
Yesterday morning, I was continuously reminded of the bliss that came over me as I slept through the night. But I am not sure if it was a dream state, for I did not wake up or come out of the state as in dreams. But I knew I was crying out in bliss as the intense bliss crept through every pore in me in the state of sleep.
This morning, as I was in the arms of my wife, the bliss that came on so powerfully made me ask who Agathiyar was. I am brought back to the lyrics that Gowri Arumugam wrote with Tavayogi for our joint production of the audio CD "Agathiyar Geetham" in 2018, where they ask the same too.
Agathiyar tells us that he is the Prapanjam and the very vibrations that are prevalent in and around us, and that prevail through our efforts, and those of others, and in our every act.
When a neighbor of my childhood home, a Chinese medium, healed me, chanting some verses and hitting himself with the blunt end of a sword and writing Chinese characters on a strip of yellow rice paper with red ink, and burned it, collecting its ashes in a glass of water and having me drink it;
When, as a child, we were brought to Hindu temples, local mosques, and Buddhist temples for some relief to all sorts of ailments, disorders, and suffering;
When the doctors who applied a fiberglass cast on my elder daughter's fractured leg told us that it would heal on its own accord, given her young age, but as she fell into the 5 % who fall in the class known as non-union, did not see speedy recovery, and needed assistance in the form of the Autologous Conditioned Plasma therapy or ACP procedure;
When Agathiyar told my younger daughter that the Prapanjam would heal her eyes after she went through a procedure too;
When the chief priest at the Buddhist Vihara healed her throat with his touch, placing his palm on her head and chanting the sound "Mmmm";
When an academian at a local university and healer placed her palms at her throat and did further Chakra and energy healing;
When after initial efforts made by a couple of masters in Energy healing and Varma, and a gym instructor and a medical doctor helped bring some relief, Lord Muruga simultaneously came through the Nadi and a devotee and healed my back by stroking it with a peacock feather and placing a glass of water before me and have the others chant the Arutperunjothi Mantra and have me drink it, it is pretty obvious what Siddha physician Dr. Krishnan said of our body as having the gift of healing itself. That healing is done by Prapanjam using light, sound, and vibration, taking over after man does his part in carrying out the aforesaid procedures. We only need to place our faith in their efforts and belief in our prayers.
If the deity Karupanasamy told us that Agathiyar was a female and not a male as we are made to believe by having us encounter him or rather her on several instances right from our arrival in India in 2016 affirming that he is beyond form and gender, Agathiyar tells us who he is in a written message delivered on the occasion of my 66th birthday cum 60th wedding day that was carried in a previous posts.
in reaching out to the poor and in giving to them,
in forgetting one's body in devotion and bakti,
in those who have known the truth, in the gist of Vedanta,
at Tiruchendur, where the waves break,
in Kundalini Yoga,
in the merger of Paramatma and Jeevatma,
in the service rendered by devotees,
in showering him with flowers,
in the waters that fall,
in seeing all as one,
in seeing nature,
in the winking stars,
in seeing him on a peacock,
in forgetting the body and watching the Jeevatma,
in carrying out Sariyai,
in Poigai, where the Ganges merges,
in letting go of opinions and ego,
in a couple coming together,
in the rows of light,
when Gnanam dawns, and he goes on. It is clear that God's presence is very much in nature, all around us, and in all our activities.
Yes, it is indeed love at first sight with God. How could we fall in love with God whom we have not seen, nor spoken to? When we fall in love with our Self, we go within and stop seeking love outside. When gurus preach about the path, for those whom they see in them the potential and willingness to submit and listen, the guru takes them under their wings and tutors them personally, not by holding classes, but have them walk first in following behind them and later walk abreast and along, and eventually they carry them on their shoulders, leaving no marks or footprints. They are then one - Yegan, the Yegan that became Anegan in the course of time, return to become Yegan again.
I had a wonderful childhood, a good career, a good family life, and a religious upbringing that brought on a smooth transition into the spiritual world, too. Whatever obstacles and knots were cleared with the coming of Agathiyar into my life, or rather with his calling me back to the path that he says I was on, having known each other for crores of years. So why is it that I cannot remember the good times we had earlier in my past lives? Why have I forgotten him, only to have him come by again to remind me through a Nadi reading that came quite late in life, when I was 43 years of age?
Swami Muktananda mentions in his book SECRET OF THE SIDDHAS, Siddha Yoga Publication, 1980, "Forgetfulness of one’s true nature is the moss of ignorance that muddies the experience of the self" and that "The Guru is the means of removing it."
Why did he wait that long to bring me back home?
Ramakrishna is said to have lamented that Naren, who came to be known as Swami Vivekananda later had come late. Richard Schiffman in ‘SRI RAMAKRISHNA – A PROPHET FOR THE NEW AGE’, Paragon House, 1989, shares Naren’s own account of his first meeting with the master.
To my great surprise, he (Ramakrishna) began to weep with joy. He held me by the hand and addressed me very tenderly, as if I were long familiar to him. He said, “You’ve come so late! Was that right? Couldn’t you have guessed how I’ve been waiting for you? My ears are nearly burnt off listening to the talk of these worldly people. I thought I would burst not having anyone to tell how I really felt!”
I guess, as Mahindren told me yesterday, just as a child is attracted and explores life before settling into a comfort zone and a rhythm and pattern, comfortably, we had to explore life for ourselves.
But I am saddened by the many who have yet to settle down, be it in a good job, a good and trouble-free life. However, I still continue to help them in whatever little way I can. But besides living as a family, in the community and society, there seems to be a greater purpose in us coming down. This is only made known when the Siddhas begin to stir the soul in us to rethink our purpose. The soul then becomes the guru that shows us the way. If initially, the Siddhas bring us to a guru in the physical form to have us start questioning ourselves, soon the soul fills the void that is left behind with the passing of the guru. The soul takes the place of our previous guru, as we take his form, image, ideology, etc. A couple who came by to my home after reading my blog, and who were initially saddened to read that Tavayogi had passed away, rejoiced in telling me later that Tavayogi still lives, after seeing me. I was brought to tears by this observation and acknowledgement of theirs. Lately, Agathiyar told me that I should live as him and not Shanmugam Avadaiyappa. When he asked me if he should make me a guru, after I had dismissed all the offerings and gifts he had laid before me to take up, feeling guilty for refusing him all these years, I finally submitted to accept this wish of his. But surprisingly, he immediately retracted it, saying that he would make me a Siddha instead. That is the magic of these gurus. Blessed are those who come close to these amazing souls that uplift us to become on par with them.
Srinath Raghavan had posted a beautiful piece many years back, mentioning that "Freedom is breaking the bubble and seeing and feeling the reality beyond your own," which "We can very well break its brittle wall from inside, But we choose not to, for the fear of being exposed to uncertainty," and happens "When, with the touch of the Master from outside, the bubble breaks, That's when we will finally realize, how foolish and limited we were, To have accepted the truth that's known to us, as the Final Truth..."
If Swami Muktananda says that, "all scriptures and Sadhana are simply means of washing away the filth of ignorance." and that "They have no ability of their own to reveal the wisdom of the self because that principle is self-existent, perfect, and always manifest", Ramana Maharishi says that the master comes to transform us, "... the spiritual energy of a master transforms the consciousness of men." Ramana Maharishi strongly believed that the spiritual energy of a master could transform man’s consciousness, as Truman Caylor Wadlington writes in his book YOGI RAMSURATKUMAR - THE GODCHILD OF TIRUVANNAMALAI.
Ramana Maharishi seldom wrote, but in his prose and verse, he laid great emphasis upon the age-old verity which asserts that the spiritual energy of a master transforms the consciousness of men. He claimed that nothing was equivalent to association with adepts as a means to attaining the supreme state.
Swami Muktananda says, "Just as the wind disperses the clouds but does not create another blazing sun, so the grace of a Siddha simply removes the veil of ignorance so that one realizes that one is already perfect." He is said to have mentioned that the moment he met his guru Bhagawan Nithyananda, "In a flash of self-understanding, he knew that he had found his other half; that now he was whole again." (Source: Paul Zweig in the introduction to Swami Muktananda’s ‘THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP’, SYDA Foundation, 1985)
Ramalinga Adigal sang that, "Only the guru can know that delight and taste the elixir that arises in every pore of the body."
Many come to the path of the Siddhas out of curiosity. Some stay. Some leave. Of those who stay some see it as an extension of temple worship, exploring this time the many abodes and shrines and Samadhis of the Siddhas. Though initially, it might seem to some as a substitute for temple worship, in reality, the Siddha path is one of traveling within to explore the many untold mysteries. Very few stay till the end to explore this unknown and uncharted world and its terrain. While some are trapped in Sariyai for life, others keep doing Kriyai all their lives. If Sariyai disciplines us, through rigid do's and don'ts, Kriyai brings us to focus on rituals. It is only after coming to Yogam that spontaneous meditation sets in. In observing Sariyai or Taatamaargam, we live in the world of Siva as his servants. In carrying out Kriyai or Sarputramaargam, we, as children of his, take up the rituals of worship to Siva. Coming to Yogam or Sagamaargam, we become a companion to him, attaining the form of Siva. We step into Jnana or Sanmaargam finally. These four Neri or Maargam or path or ways bring their own state of Mukti or spiritual liberation (Moksha or Nirvana). Sariyai or Taatamaargam brings us to Salopam or the rare gift of living in the world of the God; Kriyai or Sarputramaargam brings us to the state of Sameepam or the great honor of living close to God; Yogam or Sagamaargam brings us to the state of Sarupam or the exalted state of taking the form of God; Jnana or Sanmaargam brings us to Sayujyam or the ultimate state of merging with God.
Sariyai is a good start, living in his world and taking care of temples and altars at home. By performing Kriyai, it takes us a long way, connecting us to him personally. By taking up Yoga, it enhances the true home and abode of him that is within us, making it suitable for him to reside. Gaining Jnana brings the understanding that we were never separate in the first place.
Ramalinga Adigal divides each stage into four further stages. There is Sariyai in Sariyai, Kriyai in Sariyai, Yogam in Sariyai, and Jnana in Sariyai. Similarly, it goes for the other stages too: Sariyai in Kriyai, Kriyai in Kriyai, Yogam in Kriyai, Jnana in Kriyai; Sariyai in Yogam, Kriyai in Yogam, Yogam in Yogam, and Jnana in Yogam; and Sariyai in Jnana, Kriyai in Jnana, Yogam in Jnana, and finally Jnana in Jnana.
I thought that I had failed Agathiyar, who had high hopes for me to bring this path to the youths of present times. It was time for the Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) family members to carry out Kriyai in their own small ways in their homes on the advent of the pandemic in 2019. On Tuesday, 30 July 2019, I put up a notice and brought the shutters down on AVM and its charity arm, Amudha Surabhi (AS). I carried a post, "SAYONARA".
As I have written in my last post Agathiyar has revealed the way and showed us the escape route from the cycle of birth and death. The truth has been revealed. The theory is over. He is asking us to move on to practice what he has preached all these while, now. Or you can take it the other way too, after putting into practice all his tiny bits of advice, he has revealed the theory behind it. For those yet to come on board it is now up to them to place the effort and comply with the 5 tenets of life. For the others, I pray that we can all continue with the task. Now he is moving us to another platform from the physical to that of the soul that takes place within. He shall guide further from within each one of us, individually, customized, and just made for each. So it is time to say Sayonara for this group AVM too. Let us meet up sometime in the future and exchange notes on how we are faring in our spiritual journey. Thank you very much for being with us all this while.
Passing the baton to Mahindren in 2024 to bring this path to the kids now, except for his siblings and my family, as he too, saw no response from the other parents, he too dissolved the New AVM group shortly after. I realized that Mahindren and I had fared well in comparison after hearing a young man who took up the helm and post of a temple secretary some twenty years back lament on his position and state of affairs too. He said that he had to run the management of the temple alone, although there was a committee. A patron and head of an ashram in India told me the same that she had to run around sourcing funds for the temple, although there were temple trustees in place. He voiced out his sadness that, although there were some 150 families living in the vicinity of his temple, no one turned out to pray. Those who come are from afar. This was a similar complaint from the head of a Brindavanam setting smack in the middle of an Indian community in another state. There, they prefer to go to the temple rather than pray at the guru Peedham. People prefer to pay, pray, and move on rather than serve the temple or Peedham in many ways. Sariyai by the people and for the people is rare these days, with the gardeners, cooks, watchmen, and priests coming under the payroll and having to be paid a salary, lamented a Peedham head to me. People do not come to Kriyai, preferring to engage the temple priests for their religious needs during all their auspicious and inauspicious events. Yoga is a choice that a select few venture to come to, and those who stay on and practice are few. Jnana is rare. It has been replaced by people vomiting bookish knowledge. But although this is indeed a sad state of things, I am assured from all directions these days that all is well and fine and right. A neighbor of mine, Selvarani, amazed me when she could take everything as Jesus's doing and grace. Postponements, disappointments, pain, and suffering were all seen as positive by her. Mrs Kogie Pillai wrote me the piece about "Sowing the Seeds" that we had spoken about earlier, some time ago.
Sometimes, living our life purpose and executing the tasks associated with it can become a little blurry. We may have spent much of our life fulfilling a role in a corporate or similar environment characteristic perhaps of self-imposed high standards, lofty expectations, driven by results, immense motivation, sincere commitment, unwavering determination and more. These personal standards and traits can sometimes unintentionally be expected of others as well and more importantly they can filter into our spiritual roles. Spiritual roles however tend to be designed and structured somewhat differently from corporate roles, particularly around job specifications, performance management and measurement.
Although there may be some similarities between the two roles the spiritual one is distinct for it’s unique, individualised path aligned to the personal journey of each person. The manager navigating the spiritual team is also on his/her personal journey hence he/she is only required to perform their specified task and move on. Members of the team accept responsibility for their tasks and are accountable for their performance. It is pretty much a transformational, self-managing system.
There are however some spiritual pathways where the leader walks the path and members follow. The leader navigates, guides and steers based on his personal experiences, acquired knowledge, wisdom and spiritual accomplishments. The leader leads and members follow hence members inevitably traverse the journey of their leader as opposed to their own. There is no judgement in this if one is fully aware of their choice and is happy in pursuing it.
The siddha path however offers the opportunity to learn from experiences of others, translate it into personal knowledge, formulate wisdom and use discernment in discovering the self and one’s purpose. It encourages spiritual independence, self-management and the pursuit of bespoke relevant outcomes to advance one’s unique journey. To this end the spiritual leader will disseminate various different seeds and continue with his/her own journey. Each individual will respond to the seed/s that resonate with them.
Therefore in my novice opinion your concern relative to failing in carrying out your tasks and in meeting siddha expectations and the sense of disappointment in not seeing growth and advancement in many individuals is unnecessarily self-punitive. The task was to sow the seeds, which was accomplished. One cannot make them germinate. Each individual will respond to the seed relevant to their unique journey and the time taken for each seed to germinate will vary. For example apple seeds take 2-3 weeks to germinate and 2 to 8 years to bear fruit, mango seeds typically germinate within 1 to 3 weeks and can take 5-8 years to bear fruit , cocoa seeds take 12 to 18 months to germinate and 3-5 years to produce beans and the buccaneer palm can take 18 months to germinate and reportedly decades to reach maturity.
The spiritual journey is incredibly arduous, often soul stretching, mind bending and life wrenching hence one may come to the fold, fall off the spiritual wagon, leave to re-learn lessons, acquire more knowledge, shed baggage, encounter more challenges, take time out to heal or seek to understand themself or life better. This takes time. It takes as long as it takes and differs from person to person. Their seed germinates and grows only when they are ready. It cannot be hurried. When they return to the spiritual path they are more inclined to stay, grow and thrive.
Disappointment relative to not seeing them grow and germinate before your eyes stems from measuring growth within our linear time frame. There is only the present, no past, no future. Your task was done, seeds were sown and they will germinate, we just don’t know when. Regardless, at some point you will see the fruits of your labour from wherever you are and hopefully you will ready for a bountiful harvest, owed to you.
Frank Alexander, in his book "In the Hours of Meditation", Advaita Ashrama, Calcutta, 1993, writes,
"Having done thy task, stand aside. Work to thine utmost, and then to thine utmost be resigned. Know that wherever there is worry and expectations in work, there is also the blindest form of attachment."
When I thanked a reader, telling him that his email came in a timely manner as an assurance for me to continue writing, he messaged me yesterday, "It was truly a fantastic decision, and it will be helpful for beginner seekers," and commented on a recent post.
Saint Ramanuja who defying his guru, Gosthipurna to share a secret mantra teaches is really shows his compassionate action for universal good is a higher duty than blind obedience. By publicly proclaiming the mantra for all to hear, he demonstrated that true spirituality isn't about hoarding sacred knowledge for personal salvation, but about selflessly working for the liberation of others, regardless of their status. Finally, you are doing it for the liberation of others.
