As a bachelor, and later in walking the path of the Siddhas, I saw many who were God-fearing and served in various capacities in temples around me suffer. I could not understand back then, as the books I read told me God was all merciful, kind, compassionate, and loving. It just did not tally. A relative died on the spot when she was knocked down by a car right in front of a temple where she had prayed just moments ago. A devotee who served the deities at a temple saw his wife throw up, though it is normal in pregnancy, but it was extreme and went on for months on end in her case. Later, the deity, coming through a devotee, took responsibility for causing her the agony, stating certain reasons. I just could not comprehend or accept. It made me angry. Lord Siva, seeing my confusion and anger, came in a dream and asked me to keep my questions and doubts for a later date. I did just that, leaving behind home worship, temple visits, and reading for some 14 years. Then, after this long period of abstinence, Agathiyar, in calling me to a Nadi reading, spoke about karma, the law of cause and effect. Only then did I understand why it all had to take place. He revealed mine, too, and had me carry out remedies, too.
Traveling this path, the Siddhas, too, like the deities back then, took responsibility for causing hurt. If Agathiyar told me in 2012 that the pain I endured in my lower back for some 2 1/2 years was triggered by the opening of the Muladhara chakra, Lord Muruga told me in another Nadi reading that the pain recurred in 2018 because it was to have me stay put in one place. Similarly, a devotee in his golden age slipped and fell in his house. Agathiyar told him that it was his doing so that he would stay home. Agathiyar had my wife stay away for about six months, having her attend to her ailing mother in her hometown, telling me it was his doing. He had a couple go through a divorce, admitting that it was his doing. Does this ring a bell? When I set out to learn more about the Siddhas after taking up the call, many cautioned me that the Siddhas would disrupt relationships, marriages, and families. I doubted them, asking how they could be so unkind.
So it seems there is a reason for all things to take place. If it was not our past karma, it is a desire of another in a past birth that we have to see through, too, like my daughter wanted us to be her parents in this birth, too. We came to appease her soul. If it is not a desire of another that we have to see through, it is a desire of the Siddhas, deities, and Gods, for Agathiyar told me that he had on several occasions pushed me into certain circumstances and had me do wrongful and shameful things. He wanted me to have those experiences too.
If Agathiyar had a hand in bringing on sufferings in our lives, he brings on joy and laughter too. He had me carry out our 60th wedding anniversary some time back, with him coming as the Purohit! If many only remember the darkest moments forgeting the good times and forgetting to pay gratitude and homage to the Siddhas and deities, many equally set out to fulfill their vows as promised when the things they asked for materialize.
So what is ours then to brag about? This brings us to Sadhu Om's songs on Bhagawan Ramana's teachings that tell us that it is all His doing. It is God's will that we carry out as we play a part in His Lila or game.
If there is one thing that I still cannot comprehend, it is the verse in the above song that states there is no Adharma in God's governance - "AnDavan aaTchiyil adharmamey illai enDru", when all the sacred texts speak about virtues, dividing them into acts of Dharma and Adharma, and tell us to take up the former and not fall for the latter.
I guess born in the Kumbha Raasi, just as the Devas and Asuras churned the oceans, I keep churning my mind for answers too.