When I was asked to worship the Siddhas by Agathiyar in my very first Nadi reading, I looked towards organizations linked to Agathiyar in Malaysia. Making no headway in these venues, I began to seek the knowledge I wanted from books. If before coming to this path I was reading about our agamas, customs, music, traditions etc, now I was asking around for Siddha literature. I managed to lay my hands on many books that spoke about the origin of Siddhas and their lives. But I could not buy it, not that I could not afford it but the contents were unbelievable. I soon kept aside these books not that I could not comprehend the language but refused to accept these stories. It was not logical, neither was what was written, reasonable. It was mythical and legendary in nature and beyond my logical thinking. Some of the stuffs written were ridiculous.
But what I thought as ridiculous and beyond logic that was written in the books still keep taunting me. For in a brief chapter of the history of Agathiyar there were so many instances of the Maha Muni cursing others. Similarly going through the Puranas it was curses being hurled by Gods at each other. The Rishis too were portrayed as short tempered and fond of cursing others. I just could not bring myself to accept these stories. I knew pretty well that Agathiyar and Erai are the most compassionate. So how can they bring themselves to curse others? They are the Prapanjam: they are in us and we in them. I am waiting for Agathiyar to tell me that it is all a lie or to bring me to see these things in their light.
Agathiyar told me in my very first Kaanda Nadi reading that I had to go through this birth and serve my karma as I had hurt many in my past lives and carried their curse. Tavayogi too in recalling his past live told me that he had misused a mantra given by Agathiyar and hence was cursed by him to go blind. The effect of that curse transcended to this birth where he was blind for a year before recovering his sight.
When I was questioning the logic of these Puranas and Ithihasa, certain things began to take place in me that turned out to be beyond logic and beyond my senses. Over the years as I did prayers and worshiped the Siddhas without fail I began to feel certain sensations and began to perform certain acts beyond my control. I could not comprehend them. Now again my logical mind was questioning me if it was my mind or a part of me doing these wonders or was I putting on a show for others or was it some divine intervention indeed. My family was witness to these moments. Later some AVM members came to witness it. I took it as a passing fade and prayed that it would stop for I did not want to be a medium in trance, a shaman or medicine man just as when Tavayogi introduced the ritual of performing homam I did not want to end up a priest. But Agathiyar later told me to keep doing the rituals for it was for the common good of all and to accept what was taking place without any reservations. I followed his words and Lao Tzu's, "Go With the Flow."
I guess if I could accept these experience in me then I should take heart in all the numerous tell tale like stories that we have heard since young till Agathiyar himself enlightens me on this matter. During the 14 years akin to Vanavasam or exile where I stayed away from all forms of worship after Lord Shiva seeing me being tormented by so many questions and shaken with disbelief came to save me from turning cuckoo, telling me in an early morning dream to keep all my questions for a later date, one question that I really needed an answer to was, when I saw a wife of a close friend suffer while carrying his child. The deities told him through a trance that it was their doing. I questioned Eraivi, should not she take care of his children especially one who was completely devoted to her cause and temple. Off course all the reading too disturbed me a lot for there were too many contradictions.
I cannot have a mentor in Agathiyar going around cursing others. When Agathiyar expects us to uphold noble thoughts, words and deeds it is only natural that we expect our mentors to fill that definition first. When he wants us to change and be a better person taking up good moral practices and build a good character, taking rein of our temper as he had preached me earlier for an hour on anger management in his Nadi, I refuse to believe that Agathiyar, the Rishis, Munis and Erai could bring a curse upon us. Only time will tell and reveal the truth. I pray that I shall get to know these answers before this mortal form falls to the ground.
Amidst the many unexplained phenomena and mysteries of life and its questions that cropped up often, I still am firmly anchored on the worship of the Siddhas, a path showed to me by Agathiyar in the Nadi. Although it would be nice and proper to know his origin and all related things about him, I could still go along and take this walk with him without knowing him. What was important was his message that comes as a blessing and gift in times of our needs. Just as gravity was in existence before Sir Isaac Newton discovered it, and will be in existence till the last moments of this cosmos, whether science proves it or otherwise, all the laws of nature was in existence and will be around, functioning perfectly well and timely. Similarly whether we chose to belief or otherwise all the laws of Erai were there and shall be there ready to be executed and delivered irrespective of our faith or belief. But in order for us to find a solution we need to belief in it first and work on it.
I told my wife if only I could share those brief moments of bliss with others by either a touch or in some way, I would be very much happy. Then I thought why should that not be possible. Soon we began to join hands together at the end of our joint prayers. I was told that it felt good.
If my logical mind was telling me that it was an auto suggestion on my part, what took place was more likely a result of dwelling on the thought of the divine hence bringing on these changes within me. Most of the time my actions were contained and I was aware, voluntarily giving access to a super being or power house to do its thing. What broke my opinion that it was my minds work was when I was lifted and thrown off my feet while visiting the inner caves of Sungai Siput, at the place where it is said that Tavayogi's guru Chitramuthu Adigal had meditated. I could not and would not perform that feat on my own accord. That incident told me it was all the Siddhas doing and I had nothing to do with it. Then I began to believe that all the earlier incidents that took place at the Sri Jaganatha Swamigal Sivalayam at Tapah, the Nattukottai Chettiar's Sri Thandayuthapani Temple in Penang, the Sri Siva Subramaniam Temple at Kampong Kepayang in Ipoh, and across the seas in India at Tiruvanaikaval, in Trichy were all true and beyond my actions even if I wanted to.
I guess if I could accept these experience in me then I should take heart in all the numerous tell tale like stories that we have heard since young till Agathiyar himself enlightens me on this matter. During the 14 years akin to Vanavasam or exile where I stayed away from all forms of worship after Lord Shiva seeing me being tormented by so many questions and shaken with disbelief came to save me from turning cuckoo, telling me in an early morning dream to keep all my questions for a later date, one question that I really needed an answer to was, when I saw a wife of a close friend suffer while carrying his child. The deities told him through a trance that it was their doing. I questioned Eraivi, should not she take care of his children especially one who was completely devoted to her cause and temple. Off course all the reading too disturbed me a lot for there were too many contradictions.
I cannot have a mentor in Agathiyar going around cursing others. When Agathiyar expects us to uphold noble thoughts, words and deeds it is only natural that we expect our mentors to fill that definition first. When he wants us to change and be a better person taking up good moral practices and build a good character, taking rein of our temper as he had preached me earlier for an hour on anger management in his Nadi, I refuse to believe that Agathiyar, the Rishis, Munis and Erai could bring a curse upon us. Only time will tell and reveal the truth. I pray that I shall get to know these answers before this mortal form falls to the ground.
Amidst the many unexplained phenomena and mysteries of life and its questions that cropped up often, I still am firmly anchored on the worship of the Siddhas, a path showed to me by Agathiyar in the Nadi. Although it would be nice and proper to know his origin and all related things about him, I could still go along and take this walk with him without knowing him. What was important was his message that comes as a blessing and gift in times of our needs. Just as gravity was in existence before Sir Isaac Newton discovered it, and will be in existence till the last moments of this cosmos, whether science proves it or otherwise, all the laws of nature was in existence and will be around, functioning perfectly well and timely. Similarly whether we chose to belief or otherwise all the laws of Erai were there and shall be there ready to be executed and delivered irrespective of our faith or belief. But in order for us to find a solution we need to belief in it first and work on it.