STAYING A WITNESS

I have traveled for some twenty-four years on this path, beginning with their worship, which drew the bridge down for the Siddhas to come into our homes to sit amongst us, and later coming within us and speaking. If, after reading the Nadi in 2002, I came to know about them from others, books, and blogs, soon we experienced their presence with their coming and sharing. Much have I shared with readers in this blog. Agathiyar encourages me to share further, as in my last post on "Siddha and Vegetarianism". 

Besides their sharing, they had me learn from experiences that they gave me by having strangers come over and knock on my door. Not every encounter was pleasant, nor was what they shared with me pleasant. It hurt to see them get hurt in journeying and traveling the path of the Siddhas. It hurt when the Siddhas were accused of disrupting their lives. When I began to seek information about the Siddhas from existing establishments in 2002, many told me that their family lives were disrupted after coming to the worship of the Siddhas. I saw this too, with life partners staying apart. It is a blessing if both partners are on the same frequency and are on the same path of worship. It is a blessing to their children too, who shall learn the tricks of the trade and spread the following as they grow older. Couples have gone their separate ways just because of differences in opinion on their respective faiths. Sadly, nothing seems to have changed with time. In fact, the gap is wider. Someone shared with another that spending much time doing charity was a reason his wife filed for divorce. I believe a shallow understanding of the path is the reason for arriving at these conclusions. Another told me the Siddhas drove him nuts. He had given up on them in the face of bodily torment that came with certain practices taught by his guru, who, according to him, turned cuckoo. 

I share this with readers to bring to your attention the dangers lurking out there after coming into the spiritual circle, either out of curiosity, or want of something, or as many say that they seek Mukti, Siddhi, Jeeva Samadhi, and you name it. Others pick up techniques and leave to teach others, becoming gurus themselves. Then others come seeking the path with an agenda and expectations. They too leave. Many years on, we see them return disappointed and turn up seeking relief from the Siddhas and gurus. Yet others keep seeking, never satisfied with the journey. They choose to see the negative traits in all and thus can never settle down on the path. I believe no one can satisfy this lot. The list could go on. 

When I was schooling, my elder brother got into trouble after taking up Yoga, from reading books. I cannot remember exactly how he was relieved of his pain back then, which I have come to know were blockages, after I had a similar encounter after taking up the Yoga Asanas and Pranayama I learned from Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal in 2007. But I was saved by Agathiyar and Lord Muruga, and the company of good souls I had around me then, who did what they could to relieve my pain. There are many who had no shoulder to lay their heads on in trouble times. They were left on their own to figure a way out.

When I was a working lad in my twenties, I saw devotees suffer sometimes as a result of the deity's doings that surprised and hurt me further. The wife of a devotee threw up every bit she ate while she carried their child. The deities came forward to own up to doing this mischief. Another devotee was knocked down by a car right after she stepped out of the temple to hail a taxi. I was confused and angry. I strongly believed that they were supposed to save us and not hurt us, going by what is told of them and what I read. They are supposed to be loving, caring, compassionate, and kind. In this moment of confusion and anger, Lord Siva came in a dream, asking me to Keep In View the questions and doubts for another day. That day came after 14 years, when I read my Nadi, where Agathiyar spoke about my Karma. I understood pretty well why they had to go through what they did, too. 

Walking the path, Agathiyar came as a bronze statue into my home in 2010. Soon he brought many to knock on my door. He told me that whoever stood at my door was someone he had brought over and asked that I accommodate them. And so he began to use me and my home for his work. Many came with many issues, some of their own doing, and others resulting from their past Karma as revealed by Agathiyar in their Nadi readings. And some came with issues that arose because of a practice that went wrong. Soon I knew the reason Agathiyar sent them over to my house was to have me be a witness to many a thing, and have me stay clear of trouble. And so I learned how seekers and aspirants landed themselves in trouble, believing and practicing things without a genuine guru who is in touch at all times. Others were initiated and left to handle the energy that was transferred or awakened. Many had energy blockages as a result of mixing numerous practices together. Most of their gurus failed them too in bringing relief. They were left to fight their own battle when things went wrong. Many wrote to me too about their troubles and sought relief. I was helpless in all those moments. But what could I do? I was a new kid on the block. I had no prior experience in these matters. I belief all their troubles had ended, as no one contacted me in all these years. But new faces with new problems kept arriving before Agathiyar, even until yesterday. Coming through a devotee, Agathiyar sat patiently, addressing their sufferings and pain. He has me sit with him and listen always while he addresses their issues. He wants me to know and learn not to make the same mistake and to alert others too. It brings shivers even now to think of what these poor souls went through, partly out of ignorance, or want of something, greed and desire, or landing on the wrong foot or landing with the wrong master or technique. 

When faced with a problem, we stand before him for a solution. When things don't move according to our expectations, we stand before him asking him to clear the obstacle. When someone dear falls sick, we stand before him asking to be cured. When that someone dear is at the end of his or her life, we stand before him again asking for an extension in life. We place prayers before him. We bribe him with goodies, forgetting that whatever offerings we make come from him. Then we go back and check with him often, if not daily, why it hasn't happened. We modify or add to our offerings and our asking. After placing our prayers, we go back and interfere in the process. 

We should learn to step aside and not interfere instead. We should not go back to him intensifying our prayers. We should not intimidate him to carry out our wishes. We should not harass him. We should not send reminders to him. That would then not be total surrender unto him. To see through our wishes, we need to give him time, leeway, and space to work. We should not determine the consequences or the results. We should not speak about it. We should not think about it. We should not meddle in it any further. That is total surrender. It is in total surrender that the magic unfolds. First, the Siddhas buy time by remaining silent. By remaining silent, it does not mean that he is not listening. It does not mean that he has not listened to our prayers. It does not mean that he is not working on it. It is just that he does not advertise or take selfies and photos and post them on social media to update us on the progress. He does it silently. Indeed, Agathiyar told us that he would work silently.

I used to wonder how it was that I traveled safely while the others met many dangers. I can only say that I had the Siddhas looking out for me at each moment. And all I did was follow their dictates to the word, nothing more or extraordinary. 

SIDDHA & VEGETARIANISM

After seeing a family and listening to their plight today, Agathiyar asked that I write a piece stating clearly that being a vegetarian is not a prerequisite or condition for following the path and teachings of the Siddhas. If we must consume meat, one can and is allowed to consume it. Agathiyar never spoke about attaining Mukti and Jeeva Samadhi to all those who stood before him. Instead, he wanted them to adopt a healthy lifestyle and not zoom in on the menu. He asks that we exercise and go for walks. He asks that we give priority to our health and well-being first instead. 

I had already written about this pretty sensitive issue in several posts in the past. I wonder why he asked that I write about it again. 

It was a tradition for my father's family members in Karaikudi, India, to observe eating meat twice a week, on Saturdays and Wednesdays, often accompanied by an oil bath on these days. Arriving in Malaya and marrying my mother, the tradition continued with him. But things took a change for the worse with the coming of the Japanese occupation, with only tapioca available. The hard times continued even after the war, into the post-war period. Even after independence, we hardly saw meat on the table. Serving and eating meat was pretty rare then. It was a delicacy to be savored only when relatives turned up at our homes or during festive days. 

My wife's great-grandfather, on the other hand, was chased out of his village in India for the sole reason that he consumed meat. Father, son, and daughter made their way to Rameswaram to make a living. They eventually boarded a ship that brought them to Malaya. The irony is that they eventually made a livelihood peeling and cleaning prawns for a factory making shrimp paste.

As I grew up with my siblings, we would have a proper meal only once a day, at lunchtime. My mother would have us sit in a circle and pass on whatever leftovers from the midday meals for dinner. Although we were not well off, there was always food on our table. We never went hungry.

I turned vegetarian overnight for no reason. No one insisted that I become one. No teaching lured me to become one. I did not become vegetarian for health reasons. I did not become vegetarian for religious reasons. It just happened. It had to happen, for the time had come. The time was right. 

Jay Lakhani quotes Swami Vivekananda as having said that "when something within you tells you that you do not want to eat meat, you are ready to give up meat. It must come from within you; then you will give it up."

Though my wife was asked to become a vegetarian when Tavayogi initiated her into Agathiyar's Teecha Mantra, surprisingly, a friend of mine who went for the initiation too with Tavayogi was told not to consume the meat of those winged species only. Not everyone is to be coerced or forced into adopting either. Understanding the difficulties in opting for a vegetarian diet in a multiracial society like ours, Agathiyar has never taken up the subject of choice of food with my children. He has given leeway to them to come over on their own without any persuasion or instilling fear in them or establishing a deadline. Similarly, 

Turning vegetarian, I never did peer at the small and fine print on the packaging of processed food to see if it had animal products in it or traces of them. It was not a problem to me if cakes, biscuits, and other confectionery contained them. I knew if I looked into the fine print, my choices would lessen till I would not have anything to eat. I was quite comfortable with just dropping my intake of cooked red meat, poultry, fish, seafood, and eggs. 

Back then, as eateries that only cooked vegetarian food were rare, I would head for the nearest food stall and inquire if they could prepare something acceptable to my palate. My nose would tell me if I should consume it. Next, my tongue would decide if I should swallow it. Of course, I could not expect the eateries to provide separate cooking utensils and crockery. But I survived because Malaysia, being a haven for food where we can savor a wide range of dishes from a wide spectrum of races- the Indians, Malays, Chinese, Portuguese, Baba Nyonya, Thais, Mediterranean, Middle East, English, European, and many more- someone will have something for me. I never went hungry. 

A senior friend of mine from an adjacent block would come over to my cubicle at the office each time his colleagues hosted a party. The reason was that he would claim that he did not have anything vegetarian to munch on at the function. I told him it was the company that mattered and not the food. On the contrary, I joined all my office functions although I knew pretty well I would not get vegetarian food. I would make do with fruits and salads. But I never boycotted these functions. Soon my officemates who were of the Muslim faith began to take notice that I was not eating. Then they began to inquire about the reason. Slowly, they began to understand the context of vegetarianism. They began to notice, acknowledge, and respect the food choices of others too. They started to cater vegetarian meals for me. At other times, they began to cook separate vegetarian dishes for me.  They prepared dishes for all and would serve me the same dish too, minus the anchovies or prawns, etc. Whenever I was out for lunch, they would ask me to bring back vegetarian food for them too. Our bond grew closer as a result. 

Once, I accompanied my boss and a Major in the Army for an assignment to Penang. As Penang is a well-known destination for good food, they planned to head for the beach to try out the Ikan Bakar, or grilled fish, after we finished our assignment. They had already decided what they would want to have and which stall by the time we reached the end of the long row of stalls laid out on the long and sandy beach. Suddenly, they remembered that I was with them. Realizing that I could not take any of the food sold at the stalls, they insisted that we head back to the hotel where I could have something vegetarian. These wonderful souls sacrificed their much-awaited delicacy for me. Now, who are they? I asked.

Once, I was traveling to Kuala Terengganu with my office mates for a three-day course. As most of them were already hungry, and it was way past lunchtime, the bus pulled up at a roadside stall just on the outskirts of the town. My friends had a whole lot of choice before them, but I had none. I asked the stall owner if she could prepare me something vegetarian. She replied that they took à la carte orders only in the evening. I was told that I had to manage with what they had prepared and displayed before us. I told her I could not take any and returned to my table with a drink. As everyone was digging their fingers into their food, I was left staring at my drink. Shortly after, the stall owner came up to me and asked me what I wanted. She would prepare it for me, she said. I was delighted. I told her the things that I avoided, and she then came up with a simple vegetarian rice dish. I thanked her for her compassion, for how else would you explain the change of heart in her? 

When a doctor friend who actively engaged in our rounds to feed the homeless on the streets followed his fellow medical team into the interiors of Sabah, the locals who served meat to the entourage, in coming to know that my friend was a vegetarian, rushed to gather roots, tubers, and plants and prepared a simple meal to his liking. The Dr was moved by their love and compassion.

It has been some 28 years now since I stopped consuming meat, fish, and other animals. I am not the least allured by it. If some twenty years back, I could not stomach the smell emitted from cooking meat and fish, I could not stand the smell of scrambled eggs, I could not walk into a fish market nor walk past it, then even the smell and taste have faded since then, for I could not distinguish between fish curry, sardines, and vegetable stock and ate them. It all smelled and tasted the same too. If I had unknowingly consumed them earlier, not wanting to waste food- another thing that Agathiyar had stressed to us- I willingly ate the fried noodles that came with egg some weeks ago. Agathiyar did not reprimand me, nor did he kick me out of the path. A dying man could only take a mouthful of the fish dish that he had asked for. The daughter, who was a vegetarian, not wanting to waste the remainder, took the rest. 

Looking back now, I recall all that Agathiyar had told us earlier. I remember when my daughter said that she could feed her children vegetarian meals at home, but things were beyond her control once they were with her in-laws and in public, Agathiyar told her not to worry, for he shall change whatever they had consumed! That surprised us; how is that possible? 

Agathiyar, in coming through a devotee, told this family that if the body shows signs of decline and one has to take in protein, by all means do it. The Siddha physicians have been known to prescribe fish for many ailments. Agathiyar surprised us by telling a devotee some time back that she needed meat in her diet. A Siddha physician and friend told me that Bhogar had advocated taking fish meat for certain disorders. When a couple of newlyweds stated their fear that they had to comply and succumb to the pressure from their respective families to take meat as they were soon to step into parenthood, Bhogar, understanding society and its pressure on women, did allow her to consume only fish for the duration of pre and post-delivery. 

A senior colleague at the office was warded when he was in Sabah on official duty. He had just turned to being a vegetarian. The doctor who diagnosed him advised him to start eating at least fish meat, for he lacked protein and iodine in his body. However much he wanted to continue being a vegetarian, he had to give it up for health reasons. 

As a child, I remember asthmatic patients being told to eat the meat of bats. 

We read that Swami Nityananda of Ganeshpuri, as a baby of 18 months, had a rare skin disease. A stranger asked that the blood of the crow be applied to his skin and that he would be healed. 

Looking through the Siddha books, I was surprised to find, in the pages of K.Venkatraman's "Yugangal Kadandhu Vazhum Unnathak Kalai," published by Vijaya Pathippagam, Coimbatore, 2007, the preparation and protocol for picking the root of the Vellarukku that included the sacrifice of a white fowl.

We can afford to speak a lot on meals and menus because we live in a comfort zone where we are spoilt for choice and where everything is available at the reach and touch of a button. Throw us into a desperate situation, a famine or war zone, or drop us off in countries where hardly any greens grow, or where food is scarce, we would have no choice but to eat what was available or made available to us, including meat for survival as the Tibetans hold a yak and slit its throat to feed themselves and their families in the cold of winter up in the high mountains. I keep reminding myself that in times of calamities and disasters, we might end up having to opt for processed canned food and sardines distributed by NGO's to keep ourselves alive. I tell myself that if I were left with nothing else but meat and fish and I had to survive, I would eat them even if I were to throw up after that. In the face of death and the need to survive, all principles that we uphold vanish. We could either die of hunger or choose to eat anything available to stay alive. 

When arrogance steps into religion and spiritualism, we see it raise its hood in diet and the menu. Just as those who climb the religious and spiritual ladder, at one point, out of arrogance, tend to look down on others below the rung as less devoted or spiritual, similarly, it is with regard to the menu. They tend to look down on others just because they eat meat. But there are exceptions too. I know of a guru who doubled as a priest in a temple, trading anchovies and dried and salted fish for a living. I received Agathiyar's very first message to me from my nephew, who is a student of his. What do you have to say to that? The lesson here is to look at the message and not the messenger. 

Jay Lakhani cautions us about passing judgment on others. He strongly cautions us not to judge a person's spiritual standing based on his menu and the food he eats. He strongly makes a statement that we should not classify people purely on their diet: 

"Do not reduce religion to the menu in your kitchen. Do not reduce religion purely to the idea of diet. It is not what you eat but how you lead your life that truly dictates whether you are truly religious or not."

He says, "You can be a strict vegetarian but with all the basest and lowest attributes and character. On the other hand, you might be a noble person who eats meat. It is not what you eat but how you behave that is more important."

Many hold on to their diet with passion and love, not willing to let go of their favorite foods. Why are they slaves to their tongue? The lure of meat is too great a challenge for them to surpass. All desires, including the lure of the flesh and tongue, have to die a natural death. If restrictions are imposed and fear instilled, it would lie dormant only to take up its hood when the situation and conditions were conducive for it to flourish. Hence the need to exhaust all worldly desires, never leaving even a seed to germinate later. Please let people evolve in their own time. God is not in a hurry, so why are we rushing to convert and change others to comply with our choices? 

Looking back into the past, early man, before he learned to farm and tame animals, must have fished if he lived near a water source or hunted small animals in the wild. Moving ahead to several centuries ago, we are told that meat was introduced into the diet of our forefathers when invaders invaded their lands. 

When people try to split and divide society over racial matters or language, I ask: what about the air, water, blood, and milk? Is the air that we breathe vegetarian? Is the water that we drink vegetarian? Is the blood in us vegetarian? And is the milk we took from our mothers' breasts and the cows, buffaloes, camels, yaks, and goats vegetarian?

What's in the river? The water that we drink that has its source from the rivers is part of the "freshwater systems carrying water, sediment, and nutrients toward a larger body of water, like an ocean or lake. They contain diverse ecosystems featuring fish, aquatic plants, invertebrates, and mammals (e.g., otters, beavers)." (AI Overview)

What's in the ocean? "The ocean that covers 70% of Earth, containing 97% of its water, has massive biodiversity and vast, uncharted depths. It holds trillions of tons of salt, over 240,000 known species (including fish, mammals, and corals), microscopic plankton, and vast, unexplored deep-sea habitats. It also contains shipwrecks, volcanic ridges, and significant amounts of human-made waste." (AI Overview)

What's in the air? "Air is primarily composed of nitrogen (~78%) and oxygen (~21%), with the remaining 1% containing argon, carbon dioxide, water vapor, and trace amounts of other gases. It also contains natural and man-made particles, such as dust, pollen, spores, and microorganisms." (AI Overview).

What is in the soil? "Soil is a complex, living mixture typically composed of four main non-living components and a vast community of organisms."  (AI Overview). This is where even vegetarians get their vegetables. 

It is in the waters of the streams, rivers, and ocean that small organisms and fish, amphibians, and mammals thrive. It is this water that is held in the Kumbam, or pot, that Mantras are chanted into and used to bathe the deities' statues. 

I was enjoying my food when the question arose whether it was the food that was tasty, or whether it was because of the taste buds on the tongue. Then it struck me that it was the salt that brings out the taste in food that is otherwise bland. Now, where did the table salt come from? Of course, from the ocean. The ocean that holds trillions of tons of salt is the source of our table salt, which gives taste to all our cooking. 

Then there is the question of tiny microbes in the air, water, and all around us, on our skin, on our scalp, and inside the body. There are tiny organisms in the air, on the ground, in our path, and in water. We drink the water and inhale the air. Can we refrain from inhaling, stepping on, or taking in these lives? The air that one breathes out is in turn inhaled by another. Can we shut out the expelled air from a meat-eater from arriving at the nostrils of a vegetarian? The very body is a mass of meat that is food for wild animals and food to microbes, ants, worms, larvae and maggots once we die. 

Can we, and do we, classify blood according to race and religion, faith and belief, or whether it is from a vegetarian or a non-vegetarian? Is the blood from the blood bank separated and labeled as from vegetarians and non-vegetarians? In the event of an emergency and in a matter of life and death, are we going to wait to seek a blood transfusion from a vegetarian or depend on the blood bank? 

It is said that first there were microbes that aided plants in photosynthesis. These microbes are trapped in leafy plants. So when we eat vegetables and plants, we are digesting these microbes too. Microbes live in bread, yeast, and yogurt too. The digestive tract has bacteria that are vital to digestion. So are these apt for vegetarians? 

In the event of famine, and when there are no crops and grain, would we shy away from taking meat or take it to survive? Let us be practical about this issue. We are so obsessed with the menu that we fail to see beyond it. 

Coming back to the question asked of me many years ago, "Are we required to become a vegetarian in pursuing the path of the Siddhas?", Agathiyar says, "No". He asks that we show the same amount of discipline and adherence in other matters and not solely on the menu. So did we cover a lot of ground in bringing changes at AVM in the past with regard to Puja, often taking the cue from the Siddhas when they came to conduct it, which was acknowledged by them coming later in the Nadi and through devotees over the years. All those who converged at Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) were not required to be vegetarians to worship and participate in the group prayers. Neither was there a need to switch over before taking up Yoga. I guess this is the reason Lord Muruga says we would do it differently. I guess the reason Agathiyar and Lord Muruga made our home their home and claimed it as their temple is that we are not fanatical. We are open to views and new findings. 

SHOULD WE JUST WATCH OR LEND A HAND?

Some time back, a lady devotee called me while I was at my daughter's house, asking me if she could come over to see Agathiyar at my home. She ran her life story on the phone itself and explained the reason for seeing Agathiyar. I listened to the lengthy story and quipped that her story had all the ingredients to make a full-length movie. I had stayed away from seeing people and listening to their problems then. As such, I was reluctant to meet her at my home. But when she said something that shocked me, I had to give in, for I did not want to carry the burden of guilt for not admitting them into my home to see Agathiyar. Her daughter was talking about suicide! I left for my home, asking them to come over. Meanwhile, thinking about what I should do, I decided that I would have them sit at the Homam and bathe the Agathiyar statue later. And so I had them light the sacred fire pit when they came over. Agathiyar came through a devotee and told me to ask them why they came. She ran the story that she had narrated to me over the phone. Agathiyar told her to place all her worries and problems into the sacred fire, hence burning them into ashes. He told me to forgo the bathing ceremony that I had in mind and have them sent home. Today the family is happy and grateful to Agathiyar.

Just days ago, the lady asked to come over again, wanting to bring her sister along, who was grieving from having lost her 20-year-old son to meningitis. Again, I did not know how to console them. For one who never saw a day of joy and peace, with her first husband having passed away and her second leaving her, her son was her only solace. The irony was that they were staunch devotees of Agathiyar for the past thirty years. It grieved me to see them in pain. As I had no answers, I asked Agathiyar why they had to go through it all. I was equally lost for answers. 

Then, watching Ram Dass speak on his anger towards injustice, 

"Every time I would get caught in something, I got caught in anger about somebody being adharmic, meaning doing something that isn't in the spirit. Okay? Somebody rips somebody off or something like that. And I'd get angry. Maharaj, he would get so frustrated with me, and he'd say to me, "Don't you see it's all perfect?" 

Sadhu Om, too, in bringing us the teachings of his guru Bhagawan Ramana in the form of songs, relays Bhagawan's words that all was perfect, and asks us to just do what we came for. 

If everything, including the sufferings and calamities, were perfect, as all the saints have come to understand and claim, should we then lift a finger to help, move, or shape another's life? Would that not interfere with the divine play? Why then did Ramalinga Adigal and Mother Teresa lend a hand to society? Why did the Siddhas ask Lord Brahma to change man's fate? I was confused. If it was Karma, fate, and destiny, why do doctors and nurses step in? Why do the rescue teams step in during disasters? Why did Agathiyar ask to feed the hungry? Why does he have strangers come by and change their fate? 

I understood it when Ram Dass said,

And here was the paradox that all he was telling me to do was to recognize the perfection of it all and, at the same moment, work full-time to relieve the suffering of it. 

He adds that,

And that literally is the paradox that a spiritual person lives in the world with, which you could put another way: that the higher consciousness is tuned to God, to the law, to the way of things, to the perfection of the unfolding of the living spirit in form. The ability to see the perfection of the universe, including the suffering, that God didn't make a mistake. That's all perfect. And at the same moment, to do everything in your power to be an instrument of that which relieves suffering, just because that's the part you play in the whole dance. Not because it's better or worse. You're just playing that part in the whole structure of the game. That's the thy will. You surrender. Because once you are aware of these higher planes, you cannot do things that create more suffering.

This is what was put across in the movie "Karuppu," where a lawyer asks the village deity, Karuppu, who has taken the form of an advocate, why he chose not to come earlier; the deity says that that is the reason she and others are placed here, to do his work. We are here to do his work. 

Agathiyar too has told me that he could not possibly do it all and needs us to do his work here. This work extends to the realms beyond too, as we came to know later, after Tavayogi's demise, from Agathiyar that Tavayogi was doing his work in his realm. Yogi Ramsuratkumar too had told his grieving followers at his deathbed that he could do a better job from the other realm.

Now I fully understand why Agathiyar asked that I step aside and allow him to use my home and me to help his devotees, after my wife and I told him to bring a stop to his divine play and lila that he carried out on strangers whom he brought knocking on my door beginning in 2010. I understand why Lord Muruga, too, said the same, asking me to step aside as he brought the heavens down in 2018. 

So when the family poured their heart out to me days ago, I prayed to Agathiyar to remove their grief. As Agathiyar was known to address us and even asked us to place calls to others whom he spoke to over the phone, I placed a call to a devotee through whom Agathiyar often comes, asking him to head to his prayer room with the phone. Agathiyar addressed me over the phone and asked that the family light an oil lamp and shed all their problems and troubles before his statue. He told me that he would see them personally on another day.

Was he buying time? Is he in consultation with Lord Brahma? Who can fathom the mysteries and divine play of their lila? 

As many ask, I too often asked why God does not save those who have arrived at his doorstep. We can accept it if they are engaged in many forms of vice and never give a thought to him. But taking away the lives of pilgrims in holy places is too much to stomach and comprehend. Then Jay Lakhani addresses this beautifully, referring to the Gita that explains it all.

Social media videos are asking, if these were devotees traveling towards Kailash, why didn't Shiva save them? Rather than allowing tragedy to weaken someone's faith or using suffering to attack spirituality, I want to look at this question calmly and compassionately through the wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita, exploring life and death, free will, karma, the laws of nature, and what spirituality actually promises us. So let us begin with perhaps the most important question. When did spirituality ever promise that devotion makes the human body indestructible? 

Some even use this tragedy to mock faith itself. I think we need to be extremely careful when families are grieving, when people are still searching for loved ones. This is not the moment to use human suffering to score points, either for religion or against religion.

But the question deserves an answer. Perhaps the mistake begins with our definition of God. When did spirituality ever promise us that devotion makes the human body indestructible? A person may pray every morning, meditate every evening, and live an extraordinarily compassionate life. That does not mean floods will move around their house, cancer will avoid their body, or an accident will stop because they are spiritual. The Bhagavad Gita never makes such a promise. In fact, Krishna teaches almost the opposite. From the Bhagavad Gita 2.20, for the self, there is neither birth nor death. It is not slain when the body is slain. This is one of the Gita's most profound teachings. The body is temporary. The self is not. We know intellectually that every person who is born will eventually die. Yet somewhere within us, we create an unwritten contract with God. I worship you; therefore, protect me. But spirituality is not an insurance policy against mortality. 

This is beautifully said in the verses of a song that drives the arrow deep into our hearts and pierces them, shredding all the false notions and pretentious image and form that we portray outwardly in the guise of being religious and spiritual.

Jay Lakhani continues, proposing actions to counter and address these adversities. 

Think of the ocean. A person who understands the ocean deeply does not expect the waves to stop because they love the ocean. Understanding teaches them how to live with its reality. Nature operates through extraordinary forces: rivers, mountains, glaciers, earthquakes, storms, birth, aging, and death. We should investigate disasters scientifically, improve warning systems, and learn whether human decisions could have reduced the consequences. Faith should never replace human responsibility.

This brings us to free will. At the end of the Bhagavad Gita, after giving Arjuna extraordinary spiritual wisdom, Krishna says, "Reflect fully upon this and then do as you wish." Chapter 18: 63. Think about that. Krishna does not turn Arjuna into a puppet. He gives him wisdom and responsibility. That means spirituality should make us more responsible, not more fatalistic. We must use science, build safer infrastructure, respect nature, develop warning systems, help those in danger, and when tragedy happens, rescue, donate, comfort, and rebuild. 

And what about karma? Personally, I would be extremely cautious. To look at someone who has lost a child and say that was their karma is not spiritual wisdom. It is speculation about something we cannot possibly know. Karma can be a powerful principle for examining my own actions and my own life. It should never become a weapon for explaining somebody else's suffering. 

I totally agree with him. Though we are told that this is partly the reason and contributes to our sufferings, I have avoided bringing up the "word" to address people's sufferings when face-to-face with them. The Siddhas can speak about it. The saints can too, for they stand apart from it. They spoke about mine in my Nadi. I can convey their words, their findings, and teachings in my blog, but how can I, who equally carry baggage, speak about another's load? I have to worry about my load and find ways to put it down.

Jay Lakhani adds,

So when someone asks, why didn't Shiva save his devotees? Perhaps the deeper question is who told us that God promised the body would never suffer or die. The purpose of spirituality is not to make us physically immortal. It is to awaken us to something deeper than the temporary body while teaching us how to live this temporary life with wisdom, courage, and compassion. And right now, perhaps the most spiritual response is not debating why Shiva did or did not intervene. It is asking what we can do for those who are suffering. That is where philosophy must end, and humanity must begin. These are deep questions, and spirituality does not always give us simple answers. 

Just as he says, "that is where philosophy must end, and humanity must begin", Ramalinga Adigal took it from there, ending religion and religious practices and bringing us to show compassion to all, just as the Buddha did. I guess that they both had hit the ceiling, and it dawned on them that God was not in heaven but in all of his creation. 

SERVING OTHERS

I had once backed off after Lord Siva came in a dream, asking me to defer all my doubts and questions that arose after intense reading and standing witness to many happenings that did not tally with what I read, to another day that came after some 14 years,  bringing me to read the Nadi in 2002.

And so there came many brief and at times lengthy periods of pause in this journey and travel, much like a cooling period. 

Agathiyar, who came into my home in 2010 as a bronze statue commissioned and made in Swamimalai, brought youths to watch my home puja in 2013 and had us carry out charity too, had me wind up the group in 2019 and had others go their way, while he had me go within for the next five years. In 2024, having me break my silence and solitary confinement that he brought on, he had me come out and see what had changed in those missing years from active participation. 

If taking up the Yoga practices that Tavayogi showed me in 2007, after Agathiyar hinted to him that he wanted to gift me the night I set foot at his Ashram in 2005, and which Agathiyar told me in his Nadi later was to be treasured, had triggered and opened the Muladhara, releasing the dormant energy to soon pond at Svadhistana bringing on much pain and discomfort for some 2 1/2 years beginning in 2010, Agathiyar had me halt all my Yoga practices at the height of my practice, bringing relief from the pain and suffering I underwent. 

But as Tavayogi had told me, our effort was only until Svadhisthana, and the Siddha has to come to give us a hand thenceforth; true enough, Agathiyar came to release the pent-up energies to travel further in 2022. Asking him what I should do further and if there were any further practices, he said there were none and that "she" would do her work. I backed off once again. 

If I set off for Kallar Ashram upon Agathiyar directing me to spend two or three days with Tavayogi at his ashram, and after accepting Tavayogi's invitation to visit him, where he took me places, I had not spent any time outside my home since then until several days earlier. As I was speaking to Balamurugan over the phone on Tuesday, we suddenly decided to meet a Siddha Physician. The Siddha Physician, who was currently practicing from the temple grounds, had shared his intent with me to open a proper Siddha clinic in the near future. 

Balamurugan, who took up the meditation practices that he learned at Paranjothi Mahan's local chapter, began learning Siddha medicine, Varma and Thai massage too from other masters. He stayed with Tavayogi at his ashram for several days too and quenched his thirst to know more about the path. He was blessed to touch the face of Mount Kailash with several others in 2011. In later years, he was to make a trip to Kasi to witness the Kumbh Mela.

Since Balamurugan has studied Siddha medicine, Varma, and Thai massage, I suggested that he collaborate with the others to serve the public. But I was surprised that Balamurugan did not bring up the subject of the future clinic with the host. Returning home, he told me that he felt not proper to open up about it at their first meeting after a long time. But Agathiyar had other plans for him. While having him work on me and my body that night at his home, Agathiyar asked Balamurugan to start his own. I was astounded to learn of the events that transpired, which he shared with me, in the wee morning hours on that full moon night. And so was he. Now the ball was in his court, and Balamurugan has to make the necessary moves to serve others too. 

ARE WE THERE YET?

Astrology and Nadi readings are a balm to heal our pain and help us understand why we are where we are. By understanding the pain, misery, and suffering, we can accept them to a certain extent. They bring on a realization and help us understand ourselves better. In coming to understand ourselves, we come to accept our nature and are more tolerant of others too, accepting their flaws as their inborn nature. 

In reading the "Spiritual Numerology of Moses," or better known as the "Soul Contract Reading," some time back, my purpose as a Catalytic Spiritual Teacher was revealed. We get to know from https://tealswan.com/ that a Catalytic Spiritual Teacher is said to "precipitate, trigger, spark, bring on a major change abruptly, or initiate an event to cause it to happen suddenly, unexpectedly, or sooner than anticipated". I could then see the puzzle pieces come together: the reason for Agathiyar calling me to his path, having me meet and come under the tutelage of Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal, who was on the path too, the reason for Agathiyar to send youths over to my home, and having us engage in rituals, puja, and charity.

In walking the path for myself, I received several "knockings" from Tavayogi and Agathiyar that broke my hold on my earlier preconceptions, perspectives, views, and understanding. Along the way, my grandchildren too knocked some sense into me. If my granddaughter had told me to attend to my life and let her be when she was as young as three back then, this message kept cropping up in recent times too from various sources, asking me to "Only Do What I Came For." Her younger sister also gave me a "knock" days ago. She was singing the Tevaram song that she learned at school to me via video call last Friday. Then, out of the blue, she asked what I did back then when I was 3 years old. I thought for a moment and told her I could not remember, but most likely running around. I did not expect what was to come next. She shot an arrow through my heart, saying Thiru Gnana Sambandar sang the song when he was three. And I was memorizing nursery rhymes at three.

If I thought until then that we had one sole purpose in coming here, and I had seen to it, Lena Wendth tells us that "When I discovered Eckhart Tolle, he speaks about two purposes: an outer purpose and an inner one. And suddenly life made sense." 

If one's external purpose is dictated and fueled by parents initially, it is driven by one's heart and mind when he or she gains independence and free will. With the coming of the external guru, he or she brings one to carry out a purpose too. And so did Tavayogi and Agathiyar spell them out and have me carry them out. The rituals and puja and charity were the first phase of the journey. 

Looking back at our conversations with Agathiyar, either through the Nadi or whenever he came through his devotees, and what I learned through Lena Wendth and Eckhart Tolle, I can see the full picture now. So if the former was my outer purpose, what then is my inner purpose? 

Agathiyar eventually had me drop whatever he and Tavayogi had initiated me to do earlier. He had me go within and be in solitude. As the Asana and Pranayama techniques I received from Tavayogi and that I put into practice since 2007 opened up the Muladhara, releasing the Kundalini energy which began to pent up and pond at the Svadishtana, Agathiyar came to release her in 2022, where she traveled further and arrived at the Sahasrara, where the opening of 1000 petals took place in a matter of days. This was the second phase, the Energy Phase.

Then began the journey of peeling the numerous veils and drawing the curtains aside, bringing on Gnanam. Asking me what I desired after I had shunned all that he wanted to gift me - the offer of a Jeeva Nadi, the privilege to build him and Lord Muruga a temple, an ashram that he decided was not necessary - I asked that I be born to serve him again and again. That too was shot down. Thinking it was Gnanam that we should seek, he shot that down too, telling me it was not gifted, but we had to work towards it, traveling the chakras. Finally, he accepted the desire I put forth: that of joining his fold or Tirukootam as the thing to ask. 

He tested me further by asking me to send away his bronze statue that I have worshipped in my home since 2010. Then he offered to make me a guru but instantly retracted the offer and instead reserved a place for me elsewhere. Then came the final test, where he asked that I let go of him, asking me for how else can we become one. He asked that I know the soul, for it is the soul that reveals and directs us to our internal purpose, the true purpose we came for, that of attaining the state of Sivam. To know the soul is to know Sivam.

Apparently, just like Donkey annoys Shrek and Fiona by asking, "Are we there yet?" when they are making their way to the Kingdom of Far Far Away in "Shrek 2", traveling this journey had me asking often if we are there yet, too. 

THE TREE

Agathiyar, upon coming into my life, gave me the access card to consult his Nadi readings on a regular basis. He taught me to take charge of my life henceforth, after having me carry out remedies to soften the hold of past Karma. Coming as a bronze statue into my home, and with the coming of Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal, they both had me take the rituals into my hands, eliminating the need for a medium between us. Through these rituals, he opened the doors to the kingdom of Siddhas. The bridge was drawn down for the Siddhas to come into our home. The home became a "temple". Giving me a treasure in the form of Yoga Asanas and Pranayama through Tavayogi, he gave me the key to unlock the Muladhara. He turned the human body into a powerhouse of electricity. The body became a receptacle and a vehicle for the divine to come within and have us do his work. Eventually, the body becomes a "temple" itself. 

This was the journey outlined for humanity by the Siddhas. And it is given to each of us free of charge, provided we choose to take on the offer. They shower us with these opportunities as they come into our lives. Some seeds germinate while many do not. I am glad that the seed that was sown in me grew to become a tree that then gave shade to many. I am glad that this tree withstood time and weather. One day it shall fall too. 

FROM CHAOS TO PEACE

I have spoken to others about it and written about it in this blog too. It is about whether to involve ourselves, how far one should involve, and when we should know to back off from attending to the affairs of others and the world. Since we are not alone, as we are a family, a community, a society, and a nation of people, what happens around us affects us too. Similarly, what we do affects others too.

We might not be able to stop wars far away. But when things happen before our very eyes, or right under our nose, how can we shut or close our eyes and be indifferent to it? 

We learn from the movie "Karuppu," where, when a devotee asks the village deity Karuppu, who had taken a form, why he kept away and was not answering the prayers of devotees till then, he replies that "That is the reason you (we) are placed on the face of the earth." We are apostles and messengers, and represent them in flesh and form. The Gods expect us to do something.

Tom Jones sings, "What good am I?" asking,

What good am I - if I'm like all the rest
If I just turn away - when I see how you're dressed
If I shut myself off - so I can't hear you cry
What good am I?

What good am I - if I know and don't do
If I see and don't say - if I look straight through you
If I turn a deaf ear - to the thundering sky
What good am I?

What good am I - while you softly weep
And I hear in my head - what you say in your sleep
And I freeze in the moment - like the rest who don't try
What good am I?

What good am I then - to others and me
If I've had every chance - and yet still fail to see
With my hands tied must I - not wonder within
Who tied them and why - and where must I have been?

What good am I if I say foolish things
And I laugh in the face - of what sorrow brings
And I just turn my back - while you silently die
What good am I?

(Source:  https://genius.com/Tom-jones-what-good-am-i-lyrics)

Then we have Mother Teresa recite the peace prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi, which was written some 400 -500 years ago, at the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony, wondering if, "When Saint Francis of Assisi composed the prayer, they had the same difficulties as we have today because it is very fitting for us also."

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

(Source: https://www.cathedralstm.org/)

Such lovely verses. 

But on the other hand, the saints tell us that it is all fine and that it is all happening as it should. One can counter this by saying it is fine that you sit in your ashram amidst your followers, out of harm's way, dishing out philosophical thoughts and speeches while many go hungry and suffer out there. But both Bhagawan Ramana and Yogi Ramsuratkumar were beaten up too, and they took on the blows willingly. They even pardoned their attackers. That is why they are saints.

Sadhu Om has penned so many songs, brought to life by Sriram Parthasarathy on YouTube, that tend to console us and have us leave things as they are. The Beatles too have written and sung the song, "Let It Be". 

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the broken-hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me
Shinin' until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Source: Musixmatch, Songwriters: Paul McCartney / John Lennon

Bhagawan Ramana even told Sadhu Om, not once but thrice, to do what he came to do and nothing more. I, too, in recent times, have had this told to me by so many sources and from so many sides, reminding me to do what I came for. Here is where we need to know our purpose in coming here, just as Agathiyar stated it as the very first criterion of his five Tenets to mankind during the Sangam age.

I had begun to ask myself, after Agathiyar, in calling me to the path in 2002, and sing the praises of the Siddhas, and after sending me to meet Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal in 2005, who initiated me to carry out rituals to the Siddhas, and passed me the treasure that is Yoga Asanas and Pranayama in 2007, had me commission his bronze statue in 2010, and after sending youths over to my home to watch and participate in our home Puja in 2013 that later we brought into the homes of others and into the corridors of the temples in 2016, and after having us take up doing charity first to the old, aged, disabled adults and the abandoned children, and bringing us to feed the homeless, and finally helping the poor and unfortune, why he had us end it all in 2019? If he had the others go their way, he had me go within, imprisoning me within the four walls of his prayer room. He had me go within, which I have to say does not come easy to me until this day. Today I fully understand that he had kept me out of harm's way as the planet Saturn began to cast its shadow over me from 2020 to this day. Agathiyar came as the savior.

If I had thought all this while that each of us has a certain specific purpose in coming here, Lena Wendth tells us that "When I discovered Eckhart Tolle, he speaks about two purposes: an outer purpose and an inner one. And suddenly life made sense." 

Going by Eckhart Tolle, we read at https://eckharttolle.com/outer-and-inner-purpose/

If you look within rather than only without, however, you discover that you have an inner and an outer purpose, and since you are a microcosmic reflection of the macrocosm, it follows that the universe too has an inner and outer purpose inseparable from yours. The outer purpose of the universe is to create form and experience the interaction of forms—the play, the dream, the drama, or whatever you choose to call it. Its inner purpose is to awaken to its formless essence. 

Then comes the reconciliation of outer and inner purpose: to bring that essence—consciousness—into the world of form and thereby transform the world. The ultimate purpose of that transformation goes far beyond anything the human mind can imagine or comprehend. And yet, on this planet at this time, that transformation is the task allotted to us. That is the reconciliation of outer and inner purpose, the reconciliation of the world and God.

I have come to understand my role and purpose better, thanks to Lena Wendth and Eckhart Tolle. My purpose as a Catalytic Spiritual Teacher was revealed through a reading of the "Spiritual Numerology of Moses," or better known as the "Soul Contract Reading," some time back, which meant that I had to prepare myself to fit the role and to come out of my cocoon and take up my purpose as revealed. Agathiyar came to endorse the reading later, asking me how he was to depend on one person to do his work. He had to raise everyone equally to come to the state where they carry out his work, exactly what was said by Karuppu in the movie.

A Spiritual Catalyst is like a Guru; that's all.  

He "precipitates, triggering, sparking, bringing on a major change abruptly, or initiating an event to cause it to happen suddenly, unexpectedly, or sooner than anticipated." That's all. Spiritual Catalysts do not aim to become leaders to their disciples as much as they wish to cause their disciples to question and find answers within themselves." 

(Source: https://tealswan.com/resource)

I think I fit into these shoes perfectly, for many have likened me to a beacon. A beacon gives out light to make others aware of the rocks and dangers out at sea, as "in a lighthouse or other signal for guiding ships, and as a radio transmitter emitting signals to guide aircraft, or a signal fire commonly on a hill, tower, or pole, or a source of light or inspiration to others." (Source: https://tealswan.com/resource)

I guess he is like the monsoon that comes and goes. He does not have a following nor an Ashram or temple where people converge till the end. I just needed to show them to the door, give them the tools, and back off. That was all I had to do. Agathiyar, who surprised me by asking if he should make me a guru some time back, immediately retracted his offer and instead offered something else that only time will tell. 

Lena Wendth says, "I used to ask, 'What do I want from life? Now I'm learning to ask life, ' What do you want from me?" I have no idea where life would take me next. And to be honest, I have no problem with that because for years I thought finding my purpose would finally bring me peace. Today I deeply believe that practicing peace is my deepest purpose. And maybe if I keep returning there again and again, my outer purpose will quietly keep finding me too."

Mahindren, who came around some moments ago, said the same as a parting statement: what is left for us to do is to change our standpoint, view, and perspective; accept and adapt. Indeed, this is what "God" says in the movie "Charukeshi": that reaching the beach at Kanyakumari, one thinks that since he has reached the sea, that is the end of the journey. But if one were to turn around and look, he sees the whole Indian subcontinent ahead of him. He quips that it is a matter of perspective. 

In moving from chaos to acceptance and peace, Google says, "Moving from chaos to peace requires shifting your mindset, accepting what you cannot change, and building daily mental discipline. Peace is not the absence of trouble, but an inner calm while facing it."

I understand why Agathiyar asked me to bear the noise from the neighbors back then. I understand why, when it pained me to see many leave the path, he consoled me that nothing is gained in forcefully bringing them to it and that they shall return in good time.

Then, watching Ram Dass speak, I understood it further.

Every time I would get caught in something, I got caught in anger about somebody being adharmic, meaning doing something that isn't in the spirit. Okay? Somebody rips somebody off or something like that. And I'd get angry. Maharaj, he would get so frustrated with me, and he'd say to me, "Don't you see it's all perfect?" And here was the paradox that all he was telling me to do was to recognize the perfection of it all and, at the same moment, work full-time to relieve the suffering of it. And that literally is the paradox that a spiritual person lives in the world with, which you could put another way: that the higher consciousness is tuned to God, to the law, to the way of things, to the perfection of the unfolding of the living spirit in form.

He adds that 

The ability to see the perfection of the universe, including the suffering, that God didn't make a mistake. That's all perfect. And at the same moment, to do everything in your power to be an instrument of that which relieves suffering just because that's the part you play in the whole dance. Not because it's better or worse. You're just playing that part in the whole structure of the game. That's the thy will. You surrender. Because once you are aware of these higher planes, you cannot do things which create more suffering.

Just as Lena Wendth initially thought and came to believe she was here to change the world, and that something changed all that, I too had come to accept that I am not here to change the world, but I can surely change the moment and what happens before me. It might go a long way in bringing peace to a soul somewhere out there, just as the ripples spread far and wide.

If I were surprised to hear Dr Krishnan, upon reading my birth chart in 1996, tell me that I shall write, and I did, compiling my travels and pilgrimage to India on my maiden journey in 2002, and sharing them on my earlier websites and later, through this blog, in 2013, Agathiyar in 2022 asked that I stop writing about him and the masters but instead share what was taking place within me. Recently, he told me his transmissions would cease, and henceforth it would be solely my writings. I guess this is one of them, voicing my concern and confusion too. It is only from confusion that clarity is eventually found. It is only when the sea is churned that the Amrita or Ambrosia is made available to us. I shall continue to write till the last drop of ink, or rather, the last drop of blood.

FINDING THE SELF 2

Bhagawan Ramana says, 

"Know the real self, and then the truth will shine forth within your heart like sunshine. The mind will become untroubled, and real happiness will flood it, for happiness and the true self are identical. You will have no more doubts once you attain this self-awareness." 

(Source: Self Realization: The Life and Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi by B. V. Narasimha Swami, Sri Ramanasramam, Tiruvannamalai, 1985)

This is what we are here for. This is our true and inner purpose. Everything else is an extension of this. All else serves only to aid us in eventually going within, provided we do not fall for the lure and hold on forever to all that is external and expendable.

To get there, we have to begin the journey by marching on the path initially imposed on us. Later, with liberty and freedom made available, we skip along in joy. Having fallen and hurt ourselves, we then turn to know the reasons for making that decision or turn. Walking with the guru, we are shown our outer purpose and directed to our inner purpose. Finally settling within, the soul in us comes as the guru and walks in us, revealing it all, pulling the veil and curtain aside, and having us see and recognise the path that we once had traveled in the way past, and the Kingdom that was once home to us. 

Briefly said, this is life's journey. The time taken to return home and arrive there, though, is dependent on the time we spend staying attached and rooted to the lures of the world. Then, when the search is triggered and it begins, the wandering starts. After losing one's way, or having to go in circles, or stalling momentarily to attend to other needs and responsibilities, then it is a mad rush to catch up on lost time. We often do not make it in time to board the train to realizing the Self. One then comes back to start the cycle. The soul that made the decision to make this journey, packing up its bag with all the past baggage and tools required, after living life as desired and gathering lessons from the experiences, eventually makes an attempt to board the train back home. Making numerous attempts to get back on board and failing, it eventually seeks the grace of the divine to lift it up, acknowledging that it is never possible through its own effort and willpower. This cry for mercy brings the door to God's kingdom to open wide. It is granted access back to God's kingdom. The pure soul returns home. 

FINDING THE SELF

Lena Wendth asks, 

"We believe we are living the life we chose. But are we? Or are we simply living the life we inherited? The habits, the routines, the definition of success, the constant rush. For years, I never questioned any of it. I simply functioned until one day my body forced me to stop." 

"For years I believed I was living the life I had chosen. But after spending nine months in a hospital, I realized I had simply inherited a definition of success that wasn't truly mine. That realization led me to leave everything behind and begin a journey across Africa that has now lasted more than twelve years."

"I slowly stepped away from the life I inherited and started building one that actually felt like my own."

A search on Google tells us that,

You inherit 50% of the DNA from your mother and 50% from your father. This genetic code determines physical traits like eye color and height, and it influences your risk for certain health conditions. Before passing it down, parents' chromosomes mix randomly, meaning siblings get different combinations.

Agathiyar, in his memo to us regarding the Body (Udal), Breath (Uyir), and Soul (Atma), revealed the following.

The Pindam, made of the elements derived from the Pancha Maha Bhutam in a specific proportion, takes a form that begins to reside in the womb. The five elements are taken from each parent's body to form the zygote and shape the body of the embryo, fetus, and child. If the proportions are compromised, complications appear in the child.

One portion of earth from the female and three portions from the male; Four portions of water from the female and three from the male; Five portions of fire from the female and six from the male; Eight portions of air from the female and two from the male; and finally one portion of Ether from the female and eight from the male go towards making a healthy constitution.

If the soul is said to monitor this under the watchful eyes of Lord Brahma, the Karma of the individual and ancestors further determines our placement in families and nations conducive for us to experience what we came to learn. The planets later govern us, affecting the individual and his generation to come.

 

Besides inheriting our parents' DNA, which carries the genetic code and risk factors for health, we either live through their times of troubles and sufferings too, in extreme cases turning over trash looking for a silver spoon, or on the other hand live a life of pleasure having been born with a silver spoon. Our parents, grandparents, and ancestors, who are a part of us then, then live the life we do later. Similarly, we inherit the beliefs and faith we received from our ancestors and parents and later through the religious institutions. Coming to the spiritual masters, we inherit their ways of living and thoughts. But I was bent on making changes in the template adhered to by others, like in conducting traditional Siddha Puja, after watching the Siddhas themselves come to carry them out at my home, Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) back then. Mentioning this to the head of an ashram, asking him to simplify the rituals after he took over from his deceased master, he asked me how he could possibly drop the 300-year-old practices traditionally carried out. When I asked Lord Muruga, who asked me to build him a temple too in 2018, after Agathiyar asked for one in 2002, how many more temples he wants and needs, he replied to my thoughts and questions that arose in me, in the Nadi, saying that I shall do it differently. Ramalinga Adigal, in building the Satya Gnana Sabai, indeed did it differently too. But after his departure, we understand that people stepped in and changed things.

I guess I too, like Lena Wendth says, "I slowly stepped away from the life I inherited and started building one that actually felt like my own"; I have stepped away from inheriting the tradition. This does not come as a surprise now, since Agathiyar, in revealing my past birth in my very first Nadi reading, said that I had angered the elders when born as a Namboothiri priest in Kerala; I went against tradition and changed things and carried their curses, called Brahmahathi Dosham, into this life. 

Speaking about her purpose, Lena Wendth says, "And for the longest time, I thought my purpose was to change the world. For years I believed my purpose was to change the world. It sounds naive phrase, but I generally believed it."

She said it well, about our wants that keep changing over time. She says, 

"When I was younger, I never wanted just one thing. One day I wanted to become a vet. The next day I was fascinated by the horse police. Then crime psychology."

"I thought I had found my calling. I wanted to become a war correspondent. I believed that if people could only see what was really happening, they would wake up."

"I wanted to heal the world while feeling completely disconnected from myself."

"But becoming a journalist taught me something I'd never expected. Just because a story is told doesn't mean the world changes. Often the only thing that changes is the number of people watching. And after a while, even the most heartbreaking stories become yesterday's news. People carry fear, shock, guilt, but very little actually changes."

Then she saw a shift in her.

"When I discovered Eckhart Tolle, he speaks about two purposes: an outer purpose and an inner one. And suddenly life made sense." 

" I stopped looking outside for a while. And instead I started my own healing journey."

"Then I realized that if people don't change inside, can the world ever heal? My whole understanding of purpose began to fall apart. But suddenly, I wasn't looking for stories that explained the world anymore. I was looking for stories that helped me understand myself."

"Most of the stories we believe were never ours. They were our parents' fears, our teachers' limitations, society's expectations. A sentence someone once said that we never forgot until one day we couldn't tell the difference anymore."

When she was "Full of ideas, full of energy, always believing there had to be something more. Different circumstances, the same me. That confused me. I thought it simply meant I still hadn't found my real purpose, that there was another mountain, another achievement. Another version of myself waiting in the future. All those years, I wasn't searching for purpose," she says. "I was asking my purpose to make me feel whole. To finally tell me, you've made it. You are enough now. But no purpose in the world can do that."

Today she says, "Every journey, every encounter, every ordinary day teaches me less about certainty and more about presence."

She adds another gem, saying, "I don't think life is asking us to understand everything. Maybe it's simply asking us to stay open, to trust. Purpose quietly found me. Not as one big mission, but as a way of living." 

If she thought the purpose was to change the world, and she believed it, so too would I and my wife have believed if I had not negated and let go, and accepted all that Agathiyar had us take up. We might have taken them to greater heights and possibly touched and changed people's lives. We might have attained greater fame, too. But Agathiyar had me shove them aside, so I could see my true purpose in coming here. 

Although I do tend to agree with Lena Wendth that, "Just because a story is told, the world does not change" and as she adds further that "The only thing that changes is the number of people watching her videos," or in my case, reading the blog, many a saint has come along and keep coming to tell more stories in the hope that it shall lead us, who have strayed away from the path of truth, back home. A book I picked up at my college library back then taught me to say no. Another book, Paramahansa Yogananda's "Autobiography of a Yogi", which was passed on to me by an officer at the office who opted out of the government job to become a monk at Paramahansa Yogananda's Ranchi Ashram in India, made me aware of masters and gurus living amongst us. I understand that my writings too have struck a chord with a handful of readers going by their correspondence with me. 

Lena Wendth writes that,

"Everything is already okay. So these days I'm trying to make peace, and every time I manage to come back to that peace for some seconds, life becomes a little quieter, a little lighter. I notice something interesting in that state of peace. There's this calling that appears from time to time. Calling for me to move for the next step. It's like my outer purpose seems to find me while I'm connected with my inner purpose instead of the other way around. I used to ask, "What do I want from life? Now I'm learning to ask life, what do you want from me?" I have no idea where life would take me next. And to be honest, I have no problem with that because for years I thought finding my purpose would finally bring me peace. Today I deeply believe that practicing peace is my deepest purpose. And maybe if I keep returning there again and again, my outer purpose will quietly keep finding me too."

"But our outer purpose can never replace our inner one. Because everything we build will one day disappear. Everything eventually disappears: the films, the books, this YouTube channel, my work, my body, everything in the outer world changes. And strangely, I don't find that depressing anymore. I find it freeing because if all of that can disappear, then maybe it was never who I truly was. So I ask myself: if I let go of my work, my achievements, possessions, my appearance, my past, my opinions, what remains is quietness, a deep feeling of being. And from here I don't need to become anyone."

"And from here I don't need to become anyone." This coincidentally was told to me by Balamurugan during our telephone conversation yesterday afternoon. He, who had earlier told me to remain Shanmugam Avadaiyappa, asked me again why I wanted to become another Ramalinga Adigal or, for that matter, another person. 

I can relate to what she says. I thank her for sharing. I guess she won't mind me sharing her story with readers too.

Living life to its fullest, there comes a time when we question our purpose in coming here. In letting go and losing our hold on things, when we travel within, sitting in silence and contemplating our being and purpose here, the guru in us, the Soul, is met.  It reveals our true purpose. As for me, I have come to just be and watch for now, as my outer purpose came to be known through Agathiyar knocking at my door and giving me several tasks to do, pretty much to his satisfaction. His message, too, has been delivered widely and across. Today Agathiyar has me drop what initially seemed to be my purpose in coming here and has me sit and spend my time alone, in the moment, with only my memories, his thoughts, and the memorable moments with him, bringing me to know my inner purpose. This, I have come to know, is what he meant by asking me to know my Soul and Sivam. It is both blissful and peaceful. At other times, though, the silence is boring; the boredom fills the very emptiness. What initially instilled fear in me is now accepted and blissful. I guess I have found my Self.

Bhagawan Ramana says, "Know the real self and then the truth will shine forth within your heart like sunshine. The mind will become untroubled, and real happiness will flood it, for happiness and the true self are identical. You will have no more doubts once you attain this self-awareness."

(Source: Self Realization: The Life and Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi by B. V. Narasimha Swami, Sri Ramanasramam, Tiruvannamalai, 1985)

THE TESTS

It has been some twenty-four years now since I came to know Agathiyar, although he tells me that we have known each other for crores of years. He remembers, but I have forgotten. My wife had a dream many years back in which she saw a set of footprints appear alongside in the sand with each step I took, as if someone invisible was walking beside me. Who else could it be but the Siddhas?

Agathiyar, having me take up the call to come to the path, and having revealed the fruits of my efforts in traveling the path and the journey through numerous Nadis, finally summed it all up and had me take notes and share them with a handful of invitees during the Guru Purnima of 2024. He made it known to others the experiences one would encounter on the path to Light.

Along the way, I have come to realize that the Siddhas test us either by luring us with gifts or by having us take up work and shoulder responsibilities that bring on position, authority, and fame that eventually inflates our ego and corrupts us. Then they test us too, to see if we are willing to step down or drop all these and break the bond and attachment that comes along with it. While many fall for it, very few see through this game and are caught for life. I am glad we saw through his game, and my wife and I escaped from the web. 

Agathiyar wanted me to build a temple for him. Later, Lord Muruga joined the bandwagon, asking for one too. He wanted to gift me the Jeeva Nadi for my reference and for others' use too. I did not move to carry out the former request and refused the latter. Agathiyar then instead turned my home into his Garden or Vanam, and Lord Muruga bestowed the name Agathiyar TapoVanam on it later. Agathiyar then bestowed the name Gnana Kottam too. Lord Muruga came later and told me that my home was a temple itself and revealed that they had tested me. 

If I had a voice in deciding the above, Agathiyar had many turn up at my home where he saw to their needs asking me to step aside while he used my body and venue for his work on hand working on them although I was not too happy with it. 

Agathiyar then sent youths over to my home after their Nadi readings to watch and participate in our home Puja. Later he had us bring the Puja into the temples too. He had us carry out charity too. And so Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) and its charity wing Amudha Surabhi came to be.  

After having wished to give me the privilege of building a temple and gifting me his Nadi, and having my home become the epicenter of rituals and charity, he had me dissolve it all with a touch of the keypad on my smartphone. All that came into being from 2013 until 2019 dissolved into thin air, just as Thanos in "Avengers: Infinity War" used the Infinity Gauntlet to wipe out half of all life in the universe with a single snap. Agathiyar, then telling me that he was moving house, asked me to bring his bronze statue into the home of a devotee. I did as he wished without any reservation. 

He had tested me to see if I was hooked on the attention and respect that comes with position and authority, and were hooked on and got high in serving others, in the former, and also if we were attached to his form and image in the latter. He explained that though he left my home, he remained as the Prapanjam in my home, hence getting us to see him as beyond form, image, and name. 

Later, he asked if he should make me a Guru but immediately retracted the offer and instead told me he would bring me into his fold or ThiruKuttam and make me a Siddha instead. 

He then asked that I drop my attachment to him too, asking, "How else could we become one?" He brought me from Dvaita to Advaita.

Finally, he asked me to know the Atma and also Sivam (ParamAtma).

Then there is Maya that veils our five senses, bringing us to believe the mirage, the dream, and the fake as is seen and heard, felt and experienced, and held on to as real. If Tavayogi, on the very day he stepped into my home, trashed me for regarding him as someone holy and special, going by his name and attire, saying I was living in Maya, I am glad that the Siddhas and the deities were on hand to save me from stepping into the quicksand or plunging into the pit further when Lord Muruga exposed the play or Lila of Lord Siva, Agathiyar and Indran.

I am grateful to my gurus and the Siddhas for taking my hand and walking with me. Unlike these days, where, sadly, everything, including spiritualism, has a price tag attached to it, I never paid a single fee to come to know the Siddhas and their teachings. Sadly, in current times, aspirants pay to gain access to this knowledge, teachings, and practice that were given freely to those keen to know by the Siddhas in the past. The saints of the past, too, never copyrighted their works as people do these days. Imagine if the saints had copyrighted their works; we would not be singing their songs in public. 

Was all this fated and destined? 

Picking up Annie Besant's "Avatara-s", The Theosophical Publishing House, 2002, I read the following: "There are no accidents in a universe of law." 

Moments later, picking up Neale Donald Walsch's book "The Wisdom of the Universe", I read the same: that "There is no coincidence and nothing happens by accident." We are told further that "Each event and adventure is called to your Self by your Self in order that you might create and experience who you really are. All true masters know this."

So apparently we are no "Accidental Tourist" in coming here. 

How can I repay their love, kindness, and compassion, for they have kept me alive and running until now? I am still standing by their grace. 

CARRYING THE SEED

If Agathiyar had explained the target and the goal and revealed the results of my worship and practice, which I had shared in the last post, we would now need to look into the practice, method, and means that would bring us to attain the goal. 

The best and safest approach would be Bhakti, where, besides going about our lives, we find time to pay homage, offer gratitude, and express thanks to the divine. A spirited Bhakta, or devotee beliefs strongly in God and has faith that God cares for their well-being. When faced with difficulties, they seek out astrologers, numerologists, priests, and Swamijis for solutions. 

For others who begin to continuously face obstacles and obstructions and mountains that pose challenges that break them, they tend to question the very existence of God. This leads them to look into the pages of books to get insights or seek out ashrams and gurus for solace and to gain clarity. 

Many such devotees have turned up at my door too, sent by Agathiyar. He has me and my wife listen to them. He occasionally addresses their grievances and sends them off. If some return, while others keep in touch, many go into oblivion. For those who choose to remain, the guru who departed his wisdom all those years would then pass on the techniques and practices for them to work on. And so did Agathiyar have me impart the techniques to Mahindren and have Mahindren teach the Yoga Asanas to others. Now the ball is in their court. The results are dependent on whether they take it up, do it diligently, and correctly. Many are known to give up. Many tend to forget and fall out. When another Swamiji comes along, they stand in line for another initiation (again), practice for some time (again), and let go of it too, only to wait in line another day before another Swamiji. Some hurriedly gather the practice, method, and learn the tricks of the trade and turn to become gurus themselves, and begin to preach to others immediately. 

Coming to the Siddhas, they help us work on our past Karma so that we are free from the results of our past actions and can start afresh on a new chapter of a spiritual journey as planned and ordained by the Siddhas. I was blessed to have two Gurus in the physical form. Though Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai left his mortal frame just four years after I was brought to him, Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram stayed to mould me into who I am today. Agathiyar, who brought me to meet Tavayogi on our shores, had me follow him back to his ashram a couple of months after his departure. He wanted me to spend several days with him at his ashram and in traveling to holy sites. As we left the hotel in Trichy towards the hills of Kuttrallam, Tavayogi turned to me, telling me that "Only now our true journey begins, my son." Though I could not comprehend his words back then in 2005, after some twenty-one years, I see the truth in all the short and brief statements he made in passing. The true teaching does not come through listening to discourses nor through holding satsangs, but one has to live with the guru, eat what he eats, drink what he drinks, take in the air that he takes in and expels, and be by his side to truly receive the teaching. All the teachings, gifts, and treasures were imparted during these moments with him without my knowledge. I came back carrying the seed, as Swami Muktananda says: "The difference between you and the Guru is that you are the seed and the Guru is the full-grown tree; you are the beginning, and he is the end." (KUNDALINI - THE SECRET OF LIFE, Siddha Yoga Publication, 1994)

It is not only important that one finds or comes to the guru. He has to stay put. Time shall then reveal the secrets.  Ramana Maharishi strongly believed that the spiritual energy of a master could transform man’s consciousness, writes Truman Caylor Wadlington in his book YOGI RAMSURATKUMAR - THE GODCHILD OF TIRUVANNAMALAI. 

On his next visit in 2007, Tavayogi fine-tuned the ritual of lighting the Homam that he had me start. He passed on the treasure that Agathiyar had promised me, teaching me several Asanas and Pranayama techniques. Post-pandemic, Agathiyar had me teach it to Mahindren and had him teach it to a handful of devotees gathered at AVM. When Mahindren dived into this practice ferociously, Agathiyar had him halt it, considering that he had a family to raise, nurture, and care for. It was put on hold for a future date. 

My search stopped after meeting these two gurus. As distance kept us apart, Agathiyar and the Siddhas regularly came through Nadi readings and filled in the voids, enriching me with practices and wisdom. After their demise, the Siddhas never abandoned me either. In the absence of Nadi readers, they came through other devotees. At other times, they had us take notes while they dictated to us. 

"Those who have seen the truth can also show it to others", says Bhagawan Ramana in Sadhu Natanananda's SRI RAMANA DARSANAM.

"The Guru has found everything you are seeking; that which you want has become the Guru’s wealth," writes Swami Muktananda in KUNDALINI - THE SECRET OF LIFE, Siddha Yoga Publication, 1994.

Paul Zweig writes in the introduction to Swami Muktananda’s THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP, published by Syda Foundation, 1985, 

Swami Muktananda himself travelled all over India seeking a Guru. He became a monk at the ashram of Siddharuda Swami. After almost twenty-five years, he met Bhagawan Nithyananda, who became his Guru. In a flash of self-understanding, he knew that he had found his other half; that now he was whole again. 

Swami Muktananda proclaims that the Masters themselves were the secret, writes Paul Zweig, in the introduction to Swami Muktananda’s THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP, Syda Foundation, 1985 

Swami Muktananda realized that the ‘secret’ was with the Guru and so the need for one to learn at the feet of such a Guru. He felt that God's ‘secret’ was not contained in any Sanskrit formula, ancient ritual, or technique of meditation; that severe austerities and physical deprivation would not reveal it. He felt that the ‘secret’ resided with great beings, with saints; they were themselves the ‘secret,’ and he could learn what they were by loving them and sitting at their feet. 

Tavayogi says that the guru shall test his student for some twelve years before passing on these techniques that are akin to a double-edged sword - it could either make one or break one. After sitting at the Holy Feet of one's guru for some twelve years, where his ego is diced, having learned and put into practice the techniques given by the guru for a further number of years, where it is further burnt in the heat of the Tapas and austerities, our ego is shredded further when we are told that 

All scriptures and Sadhana are simply means of washing away the filth of ignorance. They have no ability of their own to reveal the wisdom of the self because that principle is self-existent, perfect, and always manifest. (SECRET OF THE SIDDHAS, a Siddha Yoga Publication, 1980; Muktananda, Secret of the Siddhas, 1980). 

We then arrive home. If we had originally thought and told of a journey that we needed to make to discover God and divine beings, we come to the self-realization that God dwells in us and the very Self is God. We then return to being our true nature, that which is Divine. The guru has done his work, imparting the truth that each is a guru to himself and that we are all divine, or, in the words of Gautama Buddha, "We are all Buddhas". One only needs to work on this inherent Buddha nature. For that, a guru needs to come by. Later on, knowing one's soul, the soul becomes the guru. He or she shall then rest in peace.

Read more about these profound masters and their equally profound disciples in an e-book I compiled and uploaded at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zrx_4OZnF7ss8754vh6W6r5afD6P_Sew/view?usp=sharing