CREATION, NEAR DEATH & DEATH

In the "Author's Notes" of his work of fiction, "The Shack", Windblown Media, 2007, WM Paul Young writes,

Having spent a rough night in the shack, filled with nightmares, Mackenzie emerges onto the porch in the morning, looking disheveled and disorientated. Papa (God) has breakfast waiting for him, and in silence, Mack sits down but doesn't touch his food. Papa, who acknowledges him and continues to talk, finally stops and says, "You know, Mackenzie, part of your problem is that you don't believe that I am good, and until you believe that I am good, you will never trust me."

The now furious Mackenzie, "finally spits out, "Why would I ever trust you? My daughter is dead!"

Indeed, when we lose someone dear to us, we go into a mode of rejection and anger. I had a relative hit by a car, and she died on the spot in my bachelor days. The husband could not take it and condemned God. We too found it incomprehensible when the accident occurred just minutes after she had prayed at a temple and hailed a taxi as she crossed the road. 

Last Monday, a friend and devotee of Agathiyar was killed in a road mishap while returning home with her family after traveling to the north. The car driven by her husband went off the road and landed in a ditch. It was difficult to stomach the news for most of us. 

Many years back, another family of devotees of Agathiyar met with a head on collision. While they sustained serious and irreversible injuries, their aged mother was killed on the spot. It was a torment to see them come out of this tragedy.

A five year old is knocked down by a car that was reversed in the church grounds and died.

A man who escapes death when he meets with an accident at one junction dies in another accident at the next junction moments later.

A kid who loses his eyesight after been bullied at school dies in a car crash as his father rushes him to the hospital moments later.

A man who loses control and ditched his truck that carried newly assembled cars into a ravine scrambles from the wreckage onto the highway and is hit by another vehicle.

How do we explain all these? How can we possibly console these souls?

On the other hand, a niece of mine came out of an accident with minimal injuries while her car was a total wreck, after going off the road. The deity Karupanasamy later revealed that he, together with Goddess Kali and my niece's paternal great-grandmother, had saved her.

A devotee who had a Nadi reading and was returning home knock into a stationary lorry at a traffic light. Agathiyar, who never gave any inclination about the danger that awaited him, addressed the misfortune in a subsequent Nadi reading, telling him that he had held on to him, hence saving him from any injury. Agathiyar said the same when this devotee slipped while hiking the track up to the Pothigai hills earlier. 

A friend had taken the pain to consult the Nadi and carry out the remedies on behalf of the relative, who was bedridden. Unfortunately, the relative gave up the fight after two years of suffering and passed away. When others mocked Agathiyar for not saving him, Agathiyar, who surprised them all by coming in another reading,  as there is never a reading for one who has died, asked what he was to do when he had told the deceased to uphold his spirit? 

When a daughter asked Agathiyar to put an end to her mother's misery, Agathiyar instructed the family to initiate a Homam. The Siddhas came and took it from there, conducting it. They placed the request to Lord Siva, but Siva did not give his consent for reasons known only to them. She is still surviving till this day, much to her agony.

Another lady was told to be prepared to leave, but after initiating the ritual of pouring milk on Agathiyar's statue at a temple on a specific day and for a specified time, she still continues to walk and breathe. 

A devotee called me in the wee hours of the morning from the hospital wards, asking me to pray for his mother's survival. I lit a lamp and prayed. She survived the ordeal. After five years, I received a call from him at the same hour and place. She was fighting for her life again. Agathiyar reminded him not to outsource prayers but to take them into his own hands. She died shortly after. When the son was saddened by her demise, the soul of his mother came through one of his siblings and told them that she was in a safe place and with her guru, Shirdi Sai. 

When a family went through much suffering and troubles, I candidly told the lady of the house that her story had all the elements and components to make a full-length movie. When I was figuring out how I could help, Agathiyar, coming through a devotee, asked that they light a Homam and place all their troubles into the burning flame. They regained their joy and happiness. 

When a man was held by the authorities after he innocently loaned his car to his friends, who were caught in possession of drugs, his wife rushed to Kallar and performed a Yagam on the advice of Mataji. As the truth was on his side, the man was released as he could not be implicated in the case. 

When an officer was suspended from work while investigations were going on, and since his passport was held, and he could not travel to Kallar, Mataji suggested that he join my family's puja. As the truth was on his side, he was reappointed to his former job shortly after.

When another officer was being investigated Ramalinga Adigal coming through a devotee first asked him if he was innocent. He then pointed him to the deity Karupanasamy who cleared the problem for him.

When Tavayogi was admited at a private hospital, and returned to his Kallar Ashram safe, Agathiyar in my Nadi reading told me that the Siddhas had gathered to perform the Yagam so that he could have an extension. Once back, he settled outstanding matters and handed over the running of the Ashram to Mataji and taught her to read the Jeeva Nadi, which continues to be the rice bowl for the Ashram to sustain. He passed away after a year. When I was at his Ashram in 2005, for the very first time, he brought out numerous Nadis and read a transcript of his daughter's Nadi reading where Agathiyar comforts the child that upon his demise, Lord Siva and Paravathi would take his soul away in a Pushpaka Vimanam, "a mythical aerial vehicle described in the ancient Hindu epics," to their abode. A devotee had a dream after his demise, where she saw Tavayogi and several others ferried across an ocean of water in a boat by Lord Siva towards a hill crawling with Siddhas and Rishis going about their work. Dhanvanthri, coming through a devotee, told us that he had attained the state of Light. Later, Agathiyar, coming to assist and guide us further after his demise, told us that Tavayogi was doing his (Agathiyar's) work in their realm. 

How do we explain all the above? As we read in "The Shack", "The Shack wrestles with the timeless question: Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain?", many like the above have seen pain and suffering too. And equally many have been saved, too. Why then are exceptions made for some but not for others? Why are some lifespans prolonged while others are taken? No one can truly fathom the mysteries that surround creation, near-death, and death. 

STORIES

A friend and reader from the UK wrote me the following this morning.

Thank you very much for your message. I have taken some time to digest it as a number of things have been happening….the one within, is He the one you would call Agasthiyar….dare I say openly that this is my experience and understanding, that Agasthiyar is the one within!?

Just as WM Paul Young writes in his "Author's Notes" of his bestseller "The Shack", Windblown Media, 2007, that was later made into a film of the same name, that he and his friends never anticipated the success of his book and equated it to a "God thing", I too never imagined that this blog would have a wide readership. 

Readership in the past week

What started initially as a memoir of my travels, which are just a few baby steps on the path, would make big strides when Agathiyar gave his blessing to write, first on the external travels and later on the internal travels that culminated in the fulfillment of what he described as the journey in his own words of discovering him, that he had me take note and read out to the devotees and guests at my 60th wedding initiated and conducted by him during Guru Purnima of 2024. In asking us who Agathiyan is, he explains the journey of transformation into him, or rather, to rediscover him in us. He poses the questions to us and answers them as well. The original was in Tamil. A translation is given below.

"Who is Agathiyan?

You are. I am. True. We all are Agathiyan. The Jothi or flame in us is Agathiyan. He resides as the fire, flame, heat, and warmth in us. He is Esan. He is the Esan who resides within.

Why is it that we do not realize nor feel him?

It is because we have not attained the state of preparedness or readiness to realize him. Once our soul attains this state, we shall begin to realize him.

How can we attain this state of preparedness?

First, we have to travel this path. We need to travel to the places and abodes of the Siddhas, witness their miracles, enter the states of bliss, and bring back these feelings and work on them, nurturing them. The Siddha shall come down. When we follow their directives they shall walk with us holding our hands. This travel then shall not be that of an external but of an internal journey. Yoga is the key to this travel within. From Sariyai arriving at Kriyai, now they shall teach Yogam. The journey within shall begin. You shall witness happenings. You shall see many things. It would be puzzling to you. It would be new to you too. Continuing this internal journey, you shall arrive at each Chakra and eventually see the cosmic dance of Thillai in Sahasrara. A 1000-petaled flower will keep on opening up continuously. Arutjothi will come to reside here. Then its effulgence enters within, and just as how the Kundalini upon awakening traverses each Chakra purifying them, this effulgence brings on the shine and luminosity in them. Jothi Darisanam takes place where one sees the light or effulgence. The body takes on the same. Vibrations begin to emit within and around us and are felt by those tuned to receive and feel around us. They shall follow you. You become a Jeeva Mukta, having attained Mukti while living in the flesh. Henceforth you are no different from Agathiyan and Agathiyan is no different from you. You are me and I am you."

Just as Agathiyar mentioned, after going through all the aforementioned phases, stages, and transformations, a simple question on the deity Karupanasamy that came from my daughter, who had seen the recent movie on him, "Karuppu", prompted the divine energies to come within me, last Sunday, giving me a sampling of what Agathiyar describes as "Vibrations begin to emit within and around us".

This blog is all about stories, right from myths and legends to real-life experiences and encounters of all those who came into my life, and what I came to know from others, and that of mine, too.

WM Paul Young writes that "Every human being is a story, and when we share the stories of our lives, we are talking about Holy Ground where the dust of creation with fire that refines, the activity of God in the wonder of our humanity." He continues stating his belief that "God is good all the time and involved in the details of our lives, in ways mysterious both gentle and confrontational"..... "often behind the perceived and playing in the nudge, a hunch and idea that pops into our awareness" and that "all human beings hear God for themselves but it is in each persons unique language often so normal to each of us that we discount it." 

We are trying to break down the doors with logic, science, and understanding, but rituals and prayers reach out to the divine and bring them to open these same doors from the inside without any damage. 

THE DREAM

I have come one full circle or back to the start of the cycle. In the eighties, in my bachelor days, I had questioned why relatives, friends, and devotees went through misfortunes. I was subsequently asked to keep my questions for a later date by Lord Siva, coming in a dream. I only got the answers after I went for my Nadi reading in 2002, where Agathiyar, spoke about my Karma. I understood the reason for things to take place in their lives and mine too.

In recent times, seeing a spate of misgivings and misfortunes that relatives, friends, and devotees of Agathiyar are going through, the question has resurfaced again as I and others question why Agathiyar kept silent, watching, not forewarning nor interfering or preventing. The answers came this time around, after watching the numerous videos uploaded frantically to YouTube by astrologers and Nadi readers since the commencement of the planetary movement or transit of Jupiter recently, and its resulting impact on Saturn who chose to put to test many the past years. 

Following this, I understood why I was the way I was and why others interacted the way they did towards me, too. I could accept myself and others too. I could accept all that took place. It is clear that we are governed by the stars and the planets and affected by their movements after past Karma brings about our birth and existence.

A wonderful mechanism is in place to see through the divine play. Yes indeed it all seems like a play and we are pawns in the hands of the divine. It makes one wonder if this play is part of the dream that we are living as poet Bharathi questioned. If so, even our supposedly search for enlightenment is a part of this dream world too, right? Then it would be akin to chasing a dream or one's shadow or one's tail. We end up coming in circles. Are we caught in the net of Maya that we have woven forever? Are we condemned to and not supposed to come out of this vicious cycle? Where does all this lead us? Who has these answers?

Only the true and original 18 Siddhas  who freed themselves from its hold can win over this game, as we have read and told. But they chose not to interfere, but let the divine play go on. I guess they are bringing us to a state of acceptance and with it bringing us to settle in peace and die in peace.

THE WONDER OF LIFE

I am there, and I could not agree more with Harry Owen. (https://harryowen.co.za/) of what he says of life.

Love, loss, friendship, nature, memory - they all shape us. They leave their marks, their ache, and their beauty. And maybe, in the end, a life well lived is not about holding on tightly, but learning how to love what is here, while we have it, and to gently let it go when the time comes.

Growing older teaches us many things, but sometimes it also asks us to remember what we once knew so naturally - how to play, how to wonder, how to stay open to the world around us. There is a quiet kind of wisdom in innocence, and perhaps we spend much of our lives trying to find our way back to it.

I have arrived where I had started and found him. While I looked elsewhere, he was at home all this time. The last time he came around, Agathiyar told me,

"Be prepared. It is time to leave with me. From this day henceforth, you shall be pure. Live a life not as Shanmugam but as Agathiyan. Realize Sivam. This next phase shall be challenging."

தயாராக இரு. உன்னை நான் அழைத்துச் செல்வேன். இன்று முதல் நீ புனிதன் ஆனாய். சண்முகமாக அல்ல. அகத்தியனாக வாழ். சிவத்தை உணரு. இனி இந்த அடுத்த பயணம் உனக்கு சவாலாக இருக்கும்.

LIFE & ITS PURPOSE

Agathiyar had the phases outlined clearly, not through a text or through sitting through discourses. He made it known only after we had persevered in walking the path. 

To know the purpose in taking birth as a human. 

To know him, first through a form and name or Udal.

To know him as the Breath or Uyir.

To know him as the Prapanjam. 

To know that he and we are one. 

To know the Atma, soul, or self as him.

And to know Sivam as him. 

This was not an evolution or transformation from one phase to another. It was a revelation that came by in shedding the veils that covered the guru within, the self, the soul, the Atma.

If I had thought that we came here to discover our purpose, I have come to realize that the purpose was predetermined by each soul even before taking birth. What we are doing is already living it. 

We learn from Disney's "Encanto" that when Mirabel questions Bruno, who sees visions, about his vision of the Casita collapsing, Bruno explains that the future isn't a fixed destiny, but that the future is uncertain, that there is no one answer, no clear fate, like the future is undecided.

"But the vision was different. It... it would change, and there was no one answer. No clear fate. Like your future was undecided..."

Just as a software patch is routinely released by developers to update, fix, or improve a program, the Siddhas come by bringing on an upgrade, leading to a new destiny, and adding on new features to the fate that we had originally purchased, signed up for, and acquired at birth. Likewise, the Siddha comes along, showing us a guru in physical form, just as Agathiyar did through my Nadi reading. Or it could be seen the other way, too, where the guru shows us the Siddhas, as Tavayogi showed me to Agathiyar. He who lets us explore our true self or being is indeed the true guru. Tavayogi and Agathiyar were such a guru, never feeding us from a silver spoon nor teaching us by holding discourses or online classes. Tavayogi showed us the path and the way, and had us tread on it, walking along with us and bringing us to learn how to navigate the tough terrain that we occasionally encountered. Agathiyar came later to either endorse our learning and experiences, and many a time, helped me out of the sufferings and pain that resulted from the opening of the Muladhara that came through the Yoga practice that he had gifted me through Tavayogi. Both Tavayogi at the very beginning and Agathiyar towards the end would knock some sense into our otherwise delusional perception and understanding of, not the material world, but surprisingly, our understanding of the spiritual field and terrain that is equally clouded by Maya. They come by to reveal that we, as the Atma or JeevAtma, are a part of the larger Atma, ParamAtma, or Param, and that we join hands with the Param in bringing about creation, sustainance and destruction that is seen all around us. We are powerful tools of God, a manifestation of the creative force that is all around us. Once we come to acknowledge their presence and surrender to the divine, they bring us to know our soul or Atma, our individual soul that previously went into hiding after orchestrating our conception to childhood. Henceforth, the soul comes to take the lead, taking over from our ego, which once reigned. 

In asking me to come out of my cocoon and take up my purpose and role of a Spiritual Catalyst or a Catalytic Spiritual Teacher that was revealed through a reading of the "Spiritual Numerology of Moses," or better known as the "Soul Contract Reading" by Roshan, only recently, and which Agathiyar came to endorse later, I guess I have unknowingly lived through this purpose. Both Tavayogi and Agathiyar had prepared me to fit the role over the years.

Just as the Pulligal or Lonchura Punctulata, or commonly known as Pipit, which surprisingly turned up at my home garden the very day Agathiyar told me to feed them in my Nadi reading, decided to suddenly leave mysteriously after a long time, after having served their purpose, I guess, I too am waiting for the day of departure, for I feel my purpose is done here. If I were to remain longer, I fear that I might err and create fresh Karma that shall bring on another birth. Or the gods might give me another birth as a reward for the good that I might continue to do further. 

Life is like a game of Snakes and Ladders. All the possibilities are there, and anything can happen anytime. One moment we rejoice, the next we sulk. We are already living our purpose in coming, not that we have to only discover it here. And so it is all his design and play, or Lila. We are only living our roles. What has to happen has to happen. Even the well-learned, most religious, most spiritual, have succumbed to illness and died. We eventually learn that nature is in control and learn to respect nature and its dictates. 

The reason we are here is to learn to let go rather than latch on to things. Agathiyar had me let go of everything, rituals and charity, the following and the authority and respect that came with it, and every addiction, even to him. Only then could we become one, the Yegan, he reminded me. 

We are here to learn acceptance. Acceptance brings inward peace and harmony. We then become Sivam, the state at the last rung of the ladder, which Agathiyar spoke about attaining.

At 3.26am, a friend from the UK sent me the following, which sums it all up beautifully. 

ME

If the Nadi reveals the reasons for us taking birth, often due to the accumulation of past deeds, both good and bad, where in the former we come to reap the rewards and in the latter to atone for it, and at times to satisfy the wishes of others who were with us in a past birth, and at other times to see through the desires of the soul itself to learn and experience, or for a specific divine purpose as in the upliftment of other souls, astrology reveals one's nature to the core. If I had seen the Nadi some sixty times, recently I began to follow the many revelations on the net that came in the wake of the transit of Jupiter or Guru that was being debated extensively by astrologers. True to what was said, it revealed my nature and made me understand why I was the way I was and why others were the way they were towards me. 

"ஜோதிடம் என்பது நம்முடைய குணங்களை புரிந்து கொள்ள உதவும் ஒரு வழிகாட்டி. அது நம்முடைய எதிர்காலத்தை முழுமையாக முடிவு செய்யும் சக்தி அல்ல. நாம் எடுக்கிற நல்ல முடிவுகள் நாம் செய்யும் நல்ல செயல்கள் நாம் வளர்த்து கொள்ளும் நல்ல குணங்கள் இவைகள தான் நம்முடைய வாழ்க்கையை உயர்த்தும்."

"நீங்கள் தனியாக இருக்கிறீர்கள் என்று நினைக்கிற ஒவ்வொரு நேரத்திலும் ஒரு விஷயத்தை மட்டும் மறந்து விடாதீர்கள். உண்மையான பக்தியுடன் இறைவனை நினைக்கும் மனிதன் ஒருபோதும் தனியாக இருப்பதில்லை. சிவபெருமானின் அருள் இருந்தால் இருளாக தோன்றும் பாதையிலும் ஒளி கிடைக்கும். நம்பிக்கை இருந்தால் சோதனைகளும் சாதனைகளாக மாறும். பொறுமை இருந்தால் காலமே உங்களுக்கு சாதகமாக வேலை செய்யும்."

LIFE'S MANY MOMENTS

When my parents lost two of my older siblings to diarrhea back then, when they were toddlers, and when I succumbed to it too, they rushed me not to the hospital this time, but to our Chinese neighbor, who went into a trance and saved me, asking only that I be given in adoption to the gods. I now had a Godfather and a Guardian Angel assigned to me. This was in the early sixties. 

Later, as a bachelor, when those around me suffered sometimes in the hands of the very gods and goddesses whom they worshipped, I was confused and angry, for I was told that God was loving, kind, and compassionate, but it did not seem that way. I needed answers. Lord Siva, coming through a dream, asks that I keep my questions for another day, bringing me instant relief from my grief in seeing others suffer.  I took a long break of approximately 14 years, equivalent to Sri Rama's Vanavasam, or his exodus into the forests after being exiled from his palace. The eighties then saw me drop my home worship and temple visits and focus on my new career and start a new family.

The 1990s saw me develop an interest in reading about the Hindu religion, its culture, traditions, and practices in society. I also took a keen interest in learning about palmistry, astrology, and numerology, as well as the practice of Yoga asanas, from books on these subjects. The ground was prepared for me to begin to walk the path of the Siddhas that was to come soon with the turn of the century.

In coming to read the Nadi, Agathiyar came into my life, or so I thought, but he revealed later that apparently we have known each other for crores of years. He took charge of my life, changing my fate and rewriting my destiny, as I listened to his directives that came by way of further Nadi readings, as many as sixty. 

Bringing me to Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal in 2005 and traveling the journey with him, Agathiyar showed me the abodes of the Siddhas. In taking up the Yoga Asanas and Pranayama that Agathiyar had Tavayogi show us, gifting me what he calls a treasure, in 2007, I saw the surge of Prana come within, and eventually open the Muladhara. As Tavayogi foretold that our efforts would only bring us to Svadishtana, the Kundalini energy that arose stagnated and pooled at Svadishtana beginning in 2010. As it needed the guru to break the bund and release the pent-up energy to travel further, Agathiyar in 2022 came to my aid. The flowering took place. 

Agathiyar sheltered me from the storm throughout my life, saving me from drowning in the floodwaters. How do I repay him?

Thinking Seva or service to him in all future births would be the right thing to ask, but he questions if that was what I wanted, bringing me to rethink my wish. Thinking that Gnana was the appropriate thing to ask, he tells me that it was not gifted, but I had to earn it, walking the chakras to reach the Sahasrara, where one would then come to know what Gnana was, thus dispelling the common belief that Gnana shall dawn automatically once one reaches this chakra. One now has to travel the return journey, tapping into the Prapanjam and consciousness. He has to fulfill his purpose in coming here. 

In having me read my "Soul Contract Reading," also known as the Spiritual Numerology of Moses, "that decodes the Spiritual Map of One's Life", so you can align with it and manifest your soul purpose, he pointed out to me my purpose in coming here as that of a Spiritual Catalyst, a catalytic spiritual teacher. 

Teal Swan writes at https://tealswan.com/resource, giving a detailed description of this term.

"A spiritual Catalyst is a person who precipitates an event or a change on the level of spirit (the essential, incorporeal part of someone or something). Spiritual Catalysts, like gurus, have attained a high level of spiritual authority, awareness, and knowledge, which enables them to guide others. Spiritual Catalysts, however, do not aim to become “Leaders” to their disciples as much as they wish to cause their disciples to question and find answers within themselves. It is the firm belief of a Spiritual Catalyst that if a person is caused to initiate their own exploration on the level of spirit, that person will then become the conscious leader of their own life. It is also the belief of a Spiritual Catalyst that if a person becomes the conscious creator and leader of their own life, that their life will inevitably become a kind of living enlightenment; thereby allowing that person to live in a continuous state of internal peace and joy."

Shall I do justice to this purpose? Only time can tell.