Saturday 7 September 2019

PAINFUL LESSONS & BLISSFUL ONES TOO ON THE PATH

The material form is taken to accommodate the soul and help it live out its desires and realize the experiences that come with it. Having had prior experiences in numerous fields, wanting to further gain more diversified experiences in new areas, we come back again and again with desires to be born to selected parents. Yes, we chose the parents and the family into which we want to be born. Agathiyar revealed that my children desired to be born to us. Similarly, Muthukumar Swamigal of Kuttralam reveals the same too that children pick their parents. https://www.facebook.com/100018258314430/videos/424443728174234/

But all these is erased the moment we take our first breathe as we come into the world. We are told that Lord Brahma updates or refreshes our memories on the life and task ahead of us prompting the newborns to smile, giggle, laugh and cry. We as souls have agreed on the deal. Later Brahma refreshes us too. Then as we come upon sorrow and suffering in our lives later in life, we ask ourselves, "Why us?", when we have made a deal earlier. But surprisingly no one questions, "Why us?" when we revel in joy and happiness.

People want fun and fair in all things. They would rather be spectators than movers. They would rather choose to follow than lead. They want to be religious and spiritual and to be associated with an organization or group. They want to be identified with a guru or a path. But how many of us are really serious about wanting God? Yes we want him in our life as a surety or security to fall in times of need but at other times we go about chasing our dreams, the paper chase, then the multi-figure salary, the comfort and pleasure of a home, then a bigger home, a car, then a bigger car, a career and a big fat salary, a wife, a husband, children, respect in the community and society etc. The chase never ends. 

When we are confronted with a tragedy or a piece of bad news, our initial reaction would be a state of shock. Then we question why me or our dear ones? We had not done anyone any harm. Then we rush to Erai to help and save the situation. We rope in relatives and friends in prayer knowing that prayers have the potential to heal, cure and reverse conditions. Most of all we need to give hope to the soul that is suffering. In the event, the soul gives up the battle then it is all lost. The remedies, the prayers, and the asking only are effective provided the soul fights until the end. These are the times when we need to learn to remain composed. Here is a moment or an event that truly test our patience and our faith on Erai, the guru, and their agents the medical profession. We need to learn not to get excited or saddened, something that the gurus and the wise carry with them. But it is difficult when it takes place to us or our dear ones.

One day we will chance upon a wise man, their talks or writings, their autobiography or biographies, or the Nadi that will shower answers as to why we are suffering. But many do not realize the reasons till their last days. The first signs of realization and the first accounts of these self-realizations have to take place here itself. When we realize that we are not here to live our desires but to fulfill those of the divine, then the search stops. Acceptance to everything, be it sad or happy sets in. We shall then understand that it's all God's play and we are reliving the character we had agreed upon. We have a deal with him and we need to honor it. But once here we ask that it be changed which is against our soul's wishes and the natural law that is already in place and motion. By this action, we will disrupt the flow of play, disrupt the act.

With each day and each meeting with another, we come to understand things better and become wiser. Over the weekend speaking to Acharya Gurudasan, whom we lovingly address as Master Gowri, who had come over to Malaysia to conduct and initiate members into Kriya Yoga, took some time off to be with us at ATM. Listening to us and how we are evolving along the spiritual ladder, from Sariyai, Kriyai, Yogam, and Jnana, he observed that he was moving in retrograde. He started with Jnana, observing the teachings of Ramana Maharishi, and chanced to pick up Kriya Yoga while on a working stint in Canada, learning from the very best, Marshall Govindan himself. He tells me he has this gut feeling that he might have to take up rituals too. This made us think about the nature of the four stages of Sariyai, Kriyai, Yogam, and Jnanam. Once thought of a progressive journey taking a step each time to another higher level, as in climbing the ladder, today we tend to believe that these stages could be a cycle rather than steps of a ladder as we envisioned earlier. This means we can join the journey anywhere along the path but we will have to fulfill all the other three stages later contrary to our earlier belief that all had to start with Sariyai as the stepping stone. As Ramalinga Adigal divides each stage into a further four. There is Sariyai in Sariyai, Kriyai in Sariyai, Yogam in Sariyai and Jnana in Sariyai. Similarly, does it go for the other three stages too. Sariyai in Kriyai, Kriyai in Kriyai, Yogam in Kriyai, Jnana in Kriyai and so one. Master Gowri too believes its a combination of each differing only in proportion. I learned something from his experience that day. So we might have a reason as to why we had come together in Satsang.

Sivabalan brought me down to earth. As I was feeling elated at thinking that I was the special and selected one to build a temple for Agathiyar as the Nadi reading unfolded before me during my very first contact with the Siddhas and their Nadi, as my feet lost touch with the ground and I was floating on cloud nine, Sivabalan had to chose that moment to remind me not to be too happy as Agathiyar had mentioned that task to 49 people before me. I was the 50th. So it turned out that I was not special after all. But Sivabalan continues as if to apply a balm to soothe the disappointment he saw in me. He told me to do it if I had the time and resources to do it as the others never took up the task. I scouted around existing premises to see if I could have Agathiyar's statue installed as building a new one out of scratch was not feasible. But none of the temple committees were accommodative.

I dropped the idea only to by mooted again by my very first guru Supramania Swami who wanted us to fulfill his 40-year desire to build a temple for Lord Muruga. As initial work on the grounds began a Siddha chooses to pick that moment to stop his plans asking him why he was stepping back into Bhakti by going ahead with the construction. My guru dropped the idea that day. Then Tavayogi begins to build a temple/ashram complex. We chip in. But I had to get the question off my chest. I asked him, since day one he had advocated that we step out of Bhakti into the path of Jnana, now why did he who after wandering the length and breadth of the Indian subcontinent and who wanted to go into samadhi, chose to engage in building this costly and vast complex. He told me it was not for him but for the people. Today Agathiyar tells us that indeed it was Agathiyar's wish to see the complex built and that Tavayogi was only a tool.

I had put to rest the thought of building a temple on my own as indicated in my very first Nadi reading since I thought that I had fulfilled their wishes through my engagement in helping my gurus see their desires fulfilled. But the divine did not let go of it. Sometime in 2018, Lord Muruga brings up the subject this time asking for a temple to be built for him. As I sat at the Nadi reading asking why would he want another temple when there were temples already in existence and many that have been buried, abandoned and was unkept with many more mushrooming each day, he replies that he was aware of this as if reading my silent thought. But he tells me that I shall depict him differently. I return home thinking how am I to show him differently? Was it in his form? Was it in the design and structure of the temple complex? Was it to be in the rituals and prayers for him? Today I realize, looking back at how our perception of Erai has changed over time and with experience and better understanding and how the elaborate rituals have come to be simplified and at having eventually brought us to the door of going within the self, maybe this is how he wanted him to be shown?

Failing to move and work on his request, he sends Agathiyar knowing pretty well I shall listen to him. Agathiyar comes through an elder telling me my present home was not suitable and could not possibly accommodate the number of devotees that he was to send over in the years to come. I tell myself, "Oh God, not again!" He asked me directly to my face if I would not do it. I remain silent not committing to the cause. After a brief moment of silence, he tells me that he would do it for me stating that we would move in 18 months. I thank him and waited. I never moved since he told me he would do it. A couple of days ago, he calls me for a Nadi reading after a long absence, telling me that I shall stay put and so shall they. We are not moving!

Today I understand that the Nadi and the predictions of the Siddhas are not carved in stone. These are only some of the many possibilities out there, the many routes, paths and ways one could travel,  that is highlighted to us as prophecy. It could happen if we desired to follow their wishes and put in the effort. It could happen if we went with our own desires and the Siddhas seeing through our thoughts, shall then please and grant us whatever we ask for, even if it was going to hurt us both emotionally and financially. Aside from the loses we tend to gain through the experience making us wiser in our future decisions, undertakings, and wishes.

Tavayogi too brought me down to earth, crashing and hitting my face so hard that it hurt much. The day I invited him to my humble home in 2005, I was extremely happy and on cloud nine till he pricked the cloud and I fell flat and hard on my face to the ground. Ouch! It hurt indeed. As I was sending him back to the Peedham in Batu Caves where he was putting up, I began to thank him for accepting my invitation to step into the home of this vermin. He cut me off immediately telling me to wake up from my illusion reminding me that he was no saint but only an ordinary man. He told me to hold on to "That" which was in all of us. I held on to Agathiyar from that day forth. I am forever indebted to Tavayogi for breaking the spell that many masters hold over their devotees. He allowed us to experience, and grow. He did not define the borders. He nurtured us well but never dictated us. He did not create a clone of his in us but dropped the seed and nurtured it well, stepping away when it was necessary for us to take flight. He never described what we were to experience on the path for that would have brought expectations to us and disappointments when we do not see the mentioned results. He left us to explore by ourselves but was there to take hold of us when we slipped and fell.

Coming to the path and worship of the Siddhas, we suddenly were in the limelight with people seeking us for advice besides paying respect to Agathiyar in our home. As was usual to people, we took to advice and point them to the resources available. But that led to trouble for us as we were taken accountable to their wrong understanding of the advice given and their subsequent wrong moves. I went back to Tavayogi. He asked me over the phone why I had to interfere. He told me to point to Agathiyar and stand back and watch. I got a tight slap that day from my guru for going beyond my jurisdiction. I learned my lesson that day never to interfere.

We have been trashed just way too many times. Just as Tavayogi asked "Why interfere in others problems", Agathiyar slammed a group for the infighting. He slammed another group for the same reasons. He told another not to judge others. He told yet another not to analyze others' actions. He tells us sternly to focus on what we came to do. He tells us to not to try to reason out things for he knows what is best for each and everyone soul. He only sees the soul. His actions are based solely on the merits and demerits of the soul. He has shut us up for good. He wants us to work on ourselves instead of spying and brooding on the motives and activities of others. He has told us very sternly, not to ridicule the Nadi or face the consequences. He has told us to appreciate the task on hand that has been given to us upon our asking and to carry it out to the best of our ability. In short, he says do not ask for something if you cannot deliver or shoulder it. He has taken us to task for paying lip service to his asking that we surrender totally to him.

Getting severe beatings from Agathiyar, Tavayogi and other upagurus I am more collected these days. I attend to the Siddhas desires. We realize now that although coming to the Siddha path for many might be out of curiosity but as far as they are concerned they are serious about making us into a man fit to receive their grace. They break us into pieces first before bringing these broken pieces together to form an extremely beautiful piece of art. I remember bringing my colleague over to a medicine man or bomoh patah as known locally, one who specializes in mending broken bones, in the early '80s. He had taken a fall and dislocated his shoulder and fractured his lower arm after having slipped over the soupy water as we were washing the home that he was to move into. The bomoh after removing the plaster cast that the hospital had placed in place, examined the extent of damage and while asking several questions, to everyone's shock, and to my friend's surprise he shoved the dislocated arm back into its socket with a swift but painful move, for my friend did cry out in pain. He then began trashing his lower arm with a wooden mallet that he picked up in his hands suddenly, even before my friend could recover from his earlier state of shock and pain. He literally broke an otherwise clean fracture into remnants and minute pieces before bandaging the lower arm with a concoction of herbs and plants. My friend recovered fast.

Over the years, the divine comes into the home and the self and into others, asking us to give way and space for them to work on their devotees, asking us to stand aside and just watch. They tell us that they have taken over the body and the venue temporarily to see to their workings and that it would not harm us in any way, without any replications. First, we are asked to surrender or saranagathi so that the divine can start working on us, the body and the soul, our thoughts and actions and our karma. Then we live life and move to the tune of the divine. All things fall into place. We begin to see the difference and appreciate the help from the divine. We become grateful. Then everything good that comes our way is submitted to him as an offering or samarpanam. The many mantras that we have received during initiation and that we picked up later from other upagurus, books, televison and other media, all drop off on their own accord as the divine moves within. This body becomes divinized and becomes God's kingdom.

We are here to temporarily occupy a home and carry out his task. We forget that we are here to do God's work instead we chase after our heart's desires, captivated by the pleasures and sights of the world around us. Turning to God telling him that henceforth I shall follow your will, I shall have no desire or wish of my own, we then take a step towards a new journey, a journey that is mapped by him. He erases the routes mapped and designated earlier for the soul, overriding the soul's individual desires and brings new possibilities in our lives, by charting a new path and new experiences. 

Ramalinga Adigal stands before the divine asking the divine to command his next task for the day upon awakening in his Tirupalli Yezhuchi. We, on the other hand, have so many plans laid out for tomorrow that upon awakening we rush to carry them out. Bala Chandran too was asked to pray for the well being of all of God's creation henceforth dropping individual asking in a recent Nadi reading. Tavayogi started us on the homa or burning the sacrificial fire to please Nature that was wreaking havoc. Soon he turned to include prayers, that served to work on the well being of all, which accompanied the Homa. We followed suit. Later Agathiyar endorses these rituals as having great impact of caring and healing the Prapanjam or Matrix and also clearing one's baggage and the backlog of karma. We were happy to be a part of his task force. Yes, today we have taken a new role that of his task force, that of his Avengers. We carry out every dictate of us for his mission is to tend to the plight of all and uplift the souls that are yearning to go back to him. We are proud to be part of his team.
Thanos, a genocidal warlord from Titan, who believed its massive population would inevitably use up the universe's entire supply of resources and condemn it, desired to bring stability to the universe. To complete this goal, Thanos set about tracking down the Infinity Stones, as the combined might could wipe out half the universe. Thanos forged alliances with Loki and Ronan the Accuser in order to track down some of the Stones: However, both alliances cost Thanos much of his resources, including the Mind Stone and the loyalty of his daughters, Gamora and Nebula. Fed up with all of his subordinates continued failures, Thanos forced Eitri to create the Infinity Gauntlet for him, while Thanos had opted to seek out the location of the six Infinity Stones himself. (Source:https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Thanos
Thanos took things in his own hands. Although a work of fiction in the comicdom, we see similarities in reality too.

Many a man has shaped the fate and future of the earth too, some positively while others had brought much destruction and sufferings. Going through history we see much atrocities done by a single man/woman or individual who commanded much respect and devotion from his/her aids and followers out of love for his/her ideology or out of fear and terror. Then we had the good guys who combatted them and brought some order and peace to the world. We had good men and women who were inspired to bring new discoveries into the open. This has been going on since time immemorial.

Looking back into time, have we ever wondered if maybe we were also a part of all these, had a hand in it or maybe were the prime movers, provided we believed in rebirths. Maybe I had caused a war to happen back then. Or maybe a riot in the streets as an apple throw away with disregard could cause in the movie Police Academy. If that is the case then why am I here? Maybe I have to attend to the wounded now. Maybe its repayment time. Maybe it is time I right the wrong that I did earlier. So we might have a reason as to why we are born again.

When we go for a Nadi reading, Agathiyar while describing our lives journey, he subtly reveals the soul's reading too. But we never realize these subtle messages till later when we are wiser, after coming to be hit by the truck, caught in the storm and rough seas of samsara, after having gone into oblivion and hibernation and to return wiser from these experiences. For instance, when he tells someone that the person would expose the fake gurus tearing their mask apart, Agathiyar is speaking about one of many possibilities that are available that he could choose to take up. The choice is still his. The seeker still decides whether he wants to take the bait. He had come to gain specific experiences through the effects of his action. He learns from this experience that results from the task he chooses to do. All the other souls who would fall for his tyranny and are exposed by him might have wanted an experience too. So it was all agreed upon some time in the past on the soul level. What we see is it materializing in front of our eyes. But learning from direct experience would have knocked some sense to a wise man that he should refrain from causing harm and hurt to others, be they the good guys or bad. The best option for him would be to go back and ask Agathiyar if it was proper for him to do so. Agathiyar would have told him to "Let it be! I shall take care of the matter. You attend to your life and family." He might have led us to do something more productive and pleasant.

People come to gurus and establishments with many ideas having learned and seen from others. They sometimes put forward these to others, hoping to see some change as seen elsewhere. So did I step into several movements started and running under Agathiyar's name. I stayed for a while, I watched and I did propose new ways and ideas. But as these thoughts of mine did not sink into them, I withdrew and began my solo journey, starting to do things my way through my home puja, experimenting on myself. I did not for one moment despise or talk ill of these establishments and their gurus just because they could not conform to my needs or ideas. Why should they listen in the very first place? They are not bonded to follow. Just because my ideas were not accepted I should not show them in a bad light. We have to learn to move on or if we really wanted to see some change start on our own and bring these ideas that arose from the many shortcomings over the hill into our own establishment. That is precisely what I did rather than be like a door to door salesman selling his wares, going from one establishment to another to try and infiltrate and bring total chaos and collapse to what was already good and working for them. The mistake we all make is that we have defined religion, spiritualism and the gurus and how one should run their missions. We go seeking door to door, ashram to ashram, guru to guru to see if any of these falls into our mold and mode of thinking. If they qualify to our needs we sign-on. We will never grow spiritually if we have placed the limits or boundaries of how we want to see spiritualism. As Tavayogi says we should be free to explore. We cannot be chained to ideas and thoughts. Coming to the Siddhas, believe me, they shall break every perception, thought and belief that we have held dear and close to our chest this far. They will strip you naked and have the world look at you. Similarly, they will strip you naked and have you look at the world differently. You have to be prepared to relearn everything again, their way.

There will never be an end to the investigation. Rather than investigate every technique, way, method, the guru, the institution etc would not it be better to start the practice and apprenticeship first and learn for ourself. If it disappoints us, learn to move on for there are always greener pastures but never belittle the establishment and the people behind it. Take it that it was all a learning process, an experience to add on, making us wiser to make better choices in the future.

And so it was to be that we too began to bring extensive changes in our outlook of things and modes of worship. Soon Agathiyar endorsed them accepting them, giving me more leeway to bring changes, modify and at times turn down their proposals too. But the Siddhas went along with me or so I thought. As our bond slowly evolved from that of a devotee and his deity to that of a servant and the lord to that of son and father and evolved to that of a companion they tell me it was they who were driving these ideas through me using me as a tool. They tell me they wanted change. I do not know as yet what changes they are expecting us to carry out further. But we at AVM and later ATM have moved away from the norm and implemented many changes and modified and simplified the rituals and means and ways etc. I suppose this is what was meant by the changes that they seek and spoke about. Lord Muruga came along asking me to build a temple for him. When I questioned myself why the necessity for another temple, he tells me that I shall show him differently. I suppose watching us bring changes in our ways of worship, the divine has come along with this proposal. But how am I to show him differently I wonder? As it is I had borne the heavy curses of my priestly superiors when I changed the very forms of the orthodox and age-old tradition and rituals in my last birth and hence came to be reborn again, am I to continue further in breaking traditions? Bharathi did and earned the curse of his fellow community.

I believe now that we cannot move mountains to realize our visions. I need to start my search within - going solo. Today I understand why there are so many establishments in the name of Agathiyar. So many temples and ashrams have mushroomed in the past. I used to wonder why there was a need for so many temples, so many centers? Can't they all work together, in unison? Can't they all come together for a greater purpose and common cause? It does not happen, I realized soon. We have seen establishments break away and split each going their own way to start on on their own. I did not dock myself to any particular center or guru. I did not desire to start a peedham for Agathiyar even when many trailed behind Tavayogi asking him to officiate centers in their homes and other venues with just a handful of seekers. Neither did Tavayogi moot the idea or suggest that I start one. Agathiyar sent me two gurus and cut me off from all others. The divine has given leeway for his devotees to worship him as they chose. That's why we have survived this long. 

Just as a thought arises before the action is executed all ideas, inspirations, even rituals arise within before it is brought out. We only execute what has been programmed by our own desires and karma. But by taking the Holy feet of Erai, rather than clean and repair, defrag or optimize, he wipes out the harddisk and reformats it, and installs a new version of the software, his software.

We realize these days that Agathiyar says what we want to hear. Going to a Nadi reading with expectations Agathiyar says exactly what we are expecting to hear. The answers that we want are only relayed back to us by Agathiyar through this medium. This comes to show that the answers are already within us only waiting to be tapped or waiting to rise to the surface. Sitting quietly shall bring all emotions and thoughts to settle and bring us to see clearly through the web of noise and activities that we have generated all around us for far too long. The divine grants the wishes that we silently hold in the deepest corners of this space in the inner chamber of our hearts. But knowing the divine it shall erase even all these desires that we once held and fill that space with his desires. Then all that we wanted and asked for all these years, even if it were to be laid before us to take, we shall not touch them. We shall skip them and move on to fulfill his desires. Only then can we qualify to be mentioned as their children, children of God.

I received a very timely and related question as I was penning this post several days ago.

Sir..your recent writings suggest that it is the time for us to meditate more..to go within with a thread of breath.... does it also suggest that we should curtail rituals or chanting and or rather focus equally on going within.

I replied,

"It will happen on its own ma. One will lead to another. Go with the flow. You will know when the transition will come or takes place. As for us even the song or chant just stops. We go into silent mode. The awareness goes to the breath. It all is as if happening by itself. Look out for the signs. These days the mantras that we were initiated into and given, that we picked up, that we put in hours chanting, it has all come to die a natural death. The mantra that was verbal and audible has gone silent too."

Agathiyar endorsed this too in the recent reading assuring us that what we decided and how we dropped many of the rituals to go within was truly his will and wish and that all was well. He has asked us to thrive to attain the state of a Jeevan Mukta, that was shared in the last post.

We see the evolution of living things around us. We see ourselves evolve too. For evolution to take place one has to accept the change that comes with it. We only see this evolution take place all around but do not realize that our souls too have evolved learning from experience we go through day to day. But for the divine, they are more concerned with the soul's evolution. Hence they only see and talk about the soul and its advancement in gaining strength and freedom or Atma Balam and Atma Vidutalai. 

The Siddhas have access to the knowledge about souls. They can peer into the realm of the souls, peer into the past and future and trace the involvement and evolvement of each individual soul. If the souls in the plant kingdom are compartmentalized into blocks or groupings, those of man and animals are rather individual. We are here to work on the soul and not merely to appease the needs of the body and wants and desires. Having come to work on the soul the soul shall work on the body in an appropriate manner bringing marvelous changes within so that the soul and as a result the body too, gains in strength and its luminosity. The soul shines in all its brightness on earth as God watches its luminance from his abode both within and without, in the inner chambers of the heart and the heavens.

We have been given a very simple way to reach the abode of Erai but we chose to take up the hard way. Going by the lives of the past saints they took up worship and devotion as tools to reach the destination. Working on this they reached a state where they were in constant communication with Erai. They came out to preach the good word of the lord and began to meet the public at temples. They never shunned worship at the temples. Blessed were those who could meet these great saints at the temples. Blessed are we to step into these age-old temples where these saints placed their feet. Visit the abodes of Lord Muruga and you can be sure that Arunagiri and Pamban were there. Step into the temples of Goddess Ma and you can be assured that many saints had worshipped her there too. Step into the temples of Lord Siva and you can be sure that the Nayanmars were there once upon a time. Enter the Vishnu temples and you are walking the pavement were the Alwars had walked. Next time you visit ancient and old temples research to see who had been there. Take in their presence. Get connected with them.

We have come here to experience different aspects of life. As a soul that took up a body, we experience joy, pain, sorrow, etc and come to a realization eventually that all these do not matter nor does it affect the soul. Just as King Janaka realized finally and went about carrying out his kingly responsibilities towards his nation and people, we too need to go about life without getting attached to the results. As Swami Kriyananda wrote at https://www.ananda.org/blog/kriyananda-jivan-yogananda/ as to how he changed his perspective and thinking of his involvement in matters of the world, hence dropping the thought of he being a doer but rather part of the act and stage, so too shall we adopt his tip to shed our ego.
As you attempt to do so, you will find that the ego keeps trying to insert itself into the picture saying, “Well what about me? I had some role to play in this.” The more you think that way, the more it binds you.
Years ago at Ananda Village, I was walking in a part of the property called Ayodhya where a number of people lived. I saw trailers with lights shining and the thought arose in my mind, “Once this was all darkness, and now there are lights. I’m the one who did this.”
Then I asked myself, “Do I like this thought?” No, I didn’t like it because it was limiting. Why bring “me” into it at all? Why think, “I did this”? I found that I was much freer if I thought,
“It was done.”
As AR Rahman always gives credit to the Almighty, let us see ourselves as a tool of the divine. It is one sure way to prevent our ego from being inflated further.  So we might have a reason to come by meeting or knowing other divine souls doing God's work on the face of this earth without any expectation, or publicity. Look out for them.