We are told that the soul is here to gain experiences and leave enriched by the wisdom gained from learning these experiences. If one has learned a lesson he goes on to newer frontiers and dimensions of life, otherwise, he comes back again to relive the same life, the same experiences, again and again. This is the web that we are caught in time and again. The saints and Siddhas help us to realize this and bring us out of this web of illusion.
Leaving me to do my thing, Agathiyar came to take hold of me when I turned 43. Till then, enriched with knowledge from the texts and discussions with other learned devotees, and knowledge gained from the lives of devoted baktas, I became a rather confused watcher or witness, unable to comprehend the workings and doings of the divine in others lives. One question that stood on my mind always was "If the divine was said to be most compassionate, why does he let people suffer, in some instances is the cause too, bringing undue suffering upon them." The scales did not tally. God did not equate to love then, in my eyes. In theory, the divine was loving but it was not to be in reality.
Lord Shiva came in a dream to save me from going cuckoo or becoming a lunatic. He put a stop to all questioning, saying, "Leave your questions to a later date." I dropped everything then, the questions and doubts, including all the lengthy worship at dawn and dusk and all the readings and discussions too. The divine arranged for me to move town, to the capital city and to a new environment and friends. I married and had a child. Fourteen years went by without worship except for the occasional temple visit for the sake of my young children who were growing up.
Then the divine took me by storm on a stormy Saturday evening. My nephew delivered a message and a Vasudeva mantra that came by rather mysteriously that evening. He was sanctioned to pass on the initiation that fateful day. I received it without question as told. Years later he tells me that it was from Agathiyar. Agathiyar had prepared me to meet my guru by first having my nephew pass me a painting of Lord Dhakshanamurthy and worship him. He had me observe certain restraints during the Navarathri festival that came along too.
A year later I was told to come to the path of the Siddhas and worship them besides Agathiyar, Ganapathy and Shiva. I was told to go on a pilgrimage of temples in Malaysia and India performing the remedies given in the Nadi. I was told that I would meet my guru Supramania Swami who turned up on my last leg of the pilgrimage in a village some 8 kilometers away from Tiruvannamalai. Two years later he shows me to Kallar's Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal too in Malaysia. After the physical demise of these gurus, they and the Siddhas and the pantheon of Gods and Goddesses have come to take us into their care. The postings in recent months carried further revelations from them through several means including the Nadi and through chosen devotees, prompting me to make this blog private. But Agathiyar kept referring his devotees to the blog and the messages, which prompted me to make it public again, realizing that he wanted his messages to be deciphered by his devotees.
Often I had questioned myself if I was doing mischief and harm in having people believe that Agathiyar was speaking through me or these writings. I needed to be convinced that it was he who spoke or wrote and not me. Then I stood before him asking for confirmation. He replied from within that it was he. He replied through the Nadi again that it was he.
Along the way, he offered many gifts of appreciation for my devotion, among them the Nadi to be read and referred for myself and others too. He offered to heal others working through me. He offered to move me to bigger premises and expand the following further. I refused all offers fearing that I would stagnate on that level the moment I fall for these treasures and never move up the ladder to bigger things that I do not know about either. I just wanted him. I turned down all the offers that he placed on my path.
As I traveled with him he enriched me with numerous experiences, lessons and Jnana or wisdom gained from observing the lives of others on the path and the others. Today I stand clear of the many temptations that crop up in the lives of others that bring along its fair share of problems. He has brought me to a state of satisfaction and peace within. No more seeking. No more searching. No more asking. No more wants. No plans. Total surrender to him. He charts the path and the way. It is his will that we see in our actions. It is his initiation to do things and not our desire that moves us.
When others who have seen results following other saints or paths share their joy with me and ask me to come along and meet the saint, or go over to these holy spots, or receive initiations, or participate in their lengthy rituals etc, I decided to end these repetitive invitations from them these days by telling them that my search has ended and that I was contented with what I was doing currently. I am not being egoistic but Agathiyar has given me the courage to do so. I ask others what can another give me that Agathiyar hasn't given me or what can another give me that Agathiyar can't. Whatever my needs I shall ask of Agathiyar. I shall knock his door. He can give them in my very home, within the four walls in private without show or an assembly. Even if he does not shower me with all the greatness I am contented with his presence and show in times of challenge. I am indebted to both my gurus in the physical forms and their lineages. I am indebted to my parents and my ancestors. I am indebted to nature that sustains this place that we call home. I am indebted to the nameless and formless divinity that has created and is sustaining all his creations through numerous laws of nature and the many mechanisms put in place for us to work out our desired experiences, learn a thing or two and gain wisdom before moving on to newer frontiers. My mantra these days is only this: THANK YOU!