Just as a stray came up to the saint Pattinathar and stayed on with him, a stray who became friends when my second 4-year-old granddaughter and I were walking in the neighborhood, comes knocking on my door daily, shaking the gate and once inside shaking the grill and once did jump onto the window sill wanting to get in and I had to push him off, and again once inside the home, I had to practically drag him out by his neck. He runs to me or surprises me by coming up to me from behind, jumping onto me, and licking me all over the moment he sees me walking. He yelps, whines, and calls out to play with him. But surprisingly he never eats whatever we give him. As I am vegetarian even if we serve him meat he takes a sniff and walks away. We wonder what he eats then. What is this newfound bond that has come to be I wonder? But I cannot possibly take him in for it would become a new attachment since Tavayogi and Agathiyar had taught me to be detached from all things.
I guess another milestone in becoming detached is the current separation from my wife. If I had started the worship of the Siddhas after Agathiyar called me to do so in my Nadi reading in 2002, if after my retirement in 2016, I could focus completely on the Siddha puja that I initially began alone and later with my family joining me, and actively involved with doing charity with the coming of several youths sent be Agathiyar to my home in 2013, if Agathiyar brought a stop to all our puja and charity programs and brought a close to the AVM chapter and had me go within having me sleep in his prayer room in 2019, Agathiyar practically has separated me from my wife now. For the past three months, my wife has been back home in her parent's place caring for her parents. The father is almost ninety while her mother is approaching eighty. Surprisingly this turn of events happened after Agathiyar carried out our 60th wedding and told my children to drop their hold on us and told us a new phase in our lives was to take place. Did he mean this separation? Who can understand the divine play?
These days I am very much occupied with my thoughts. My thoughts accompany me every moment. Or rather my existence accompanies me. Or to be precise I simply exist. Occasionally the outside world and its noise would intrude into this space. Otherwise, it is quiet and peaceful most of the time. My attention moves to the quietude and peace and the sounds of the birds and the crickets chirping and frogs croaking. At other moments the attention moves to the breath or the crown and everything stands still. There are also those moments where my attention goes within and shuts out the noise outside. I guess to help me be still and silent, Agathiyar has created the ideal environment for me to remain in this state. When both he and Lord Muruga in having me drop everything external and nudging the dormant energies within to arise, told me that there was nothing further to do and to remain doing nothing, they helped me drop the very veil of illusion or Maya that covered and tainted my consciousness. What remains now is pure consciousness. What remains now is awareness of the breath. What remains now is awareness of my very own existence, something that the visiting Acarya Gurudasan and we concluded during our recent meeting.