TO BE OR NOT TO BE A VEGETARIAN? - REVISITED AGAIN

William Shakespeare in his stage play "Hamlet" wrote the following speech for Hamlet,

To be, or not to be, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,

No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of dispriz'd love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,

The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,

And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.

(Source: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/56965/speech-to-be-or-not-to-be-that-is-the-question)

To be or not to be? That is the question. I had written earlier in passing on the subject of vegetarianism without dwelling too deep at https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2017/07/blessed-to-have-meal.html and another at https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2018/10/to-be-or-not-to-be.html. I was moved to write again later on this subject at https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2019/02/to-be-or-not-to-be.html after receiving the following mail.

Good afternoon Aiya. I have read few times somewhere in your blog about how you give up non vege food over the night. Its really amazing since people like me still struggling to give up the non vege food attachment. Of course i hv few vegetarian days in a week. But couldn't gv up totally. And.... someone told me that by eating non vege, you can't pray to Agathiar appa. If you have time Aiya, please gv some enlightenment or guidance to ppl like me via your blog writing. i was so shattered and upset over the "remarks". Even i was told Siddhas get angry when i eat non vege & pray to them. I'm very clear now. I hv a stand that if i give up non vege food, it has to be voluntarily. No more even a slight liking in it.  I believe one day i shall give up totally this non vege food.Thank you.

The reader is today a vegetarian although she cooks for her family. It is a good start though.

I had written the following piece sometime back but withheld it for it's a topic likely to wake up sleeping giants. A controversy might ensue. A seeker dropped by at AVM seeking to learn meditation following a sudden urge to do so in him. He told me about himself and said that he was already reciting Agathiyar's mantra and had tried unsuccessfully to meditate. 

I was excited to hear that he was actually doing something for I had seen those who claimed they were in the path but upon questioning their worship I was appalled to hear that there was no worship or practice conducted but was told that the parents read much about the Siddhas. While this lot declares themselves verbally as practitioners of the Siddha path by mere reading of it, another displays picturesquely that they are on the path. The paintings of Siddhas have become a decorative item that adorns the walls of these homes. One wonders if there is any form of worship to them. 

Now here was a genuine seeker. He wanted to know if it was required of him to become a vegetarian. I took a brief pause before answering him. This is a touchy, thorny and sensitive issue and has to be handled carefully, I told myself. Many hold on to their diet with passion and love not willing to let go of their favorite foods. Many have supported the vegetarian cause with scientific backings and findings while equally many have silly reasons unsubstantiated by facts on vegetarianism. So after a few moments of silent contemplation, I replied to the seeker's question that he follow his heart. The divine in him shall show him the way. When a senior devotee in the AVM family fell and tore his ligaments, the doctor at the Emergency ward of the Medical Centre did not want to operate on him due to his age factor but referred him to a physiotherapist instead. He followed as told. Besides that, he sought advice and treatment from an Ayurvedic center. To a question as to which treatment he should continue, Agathiyar told him to follow his heart. Agathiyar told him that he shall be there to guide him. The devotee continued both the treatment as they supplemented one another. Both traditional and modern-day physicians were surprised to see his quick progress and eventual recovery. 

Looking back into the past, the early man before he learned to farm and tame animals must have fished if he lived near a water source or hunted small animals in the wild. Moving ahead to several centuries ago we are told that meat was introduced into the diet of our forefathers when invaders invaded their lands. Until many years ago my wife's great-grandpa's village in India adopted a meatless menu. He was asked to leave the village just for the simple reason that he had consumed meat and alcohol. He took his two children and left. They made their way to Rameshwaram. Having found no work there they boarded the ship to then Malaya. They made a livelihood peeling and cleaning prawns at a factory making shrimp paste in Nibong Tebal. Imagine for someone originating from a village where people are vegetarians, the shrimps and prawns gave them a living and livelihood. A butcher takes it in his stride to slaughter and sells meat. It is his livelihood. I know of a guru who doubled as a priest in a temple, trade anchovies, and dried and salted fish for a living. I received Agathiyar's very first message to me from my nephew who is a student of his. What do you have to say to that? The lesson here is to look at the message and not the messengers. Similarly many look at the Nadi reader rather than the message it carried and hence are disillusioned by the Nadi. 

Speaking about my ancestors, it was traditional for my father's family members in Karaikudi, India to observe eating meat twice a week, on Saturdays and Wednesdays after having taken a nice oil bath on these days. Arriving in Malaya, marrying my mother, and raising a family here, things took a change for the worst with the coming of the Japanese occupation. The hard times continued even after the war and into post-war. Even after independence, we hardly saw meat on the table. It was a delicacy to be savored only when relatives turn up at our homes or during festive days. 

I am a vegetarian for some 24 years turning over one night without any particular reason. It just happened. When others ask me if it was due to health reasons or if it was because of my religion I had no answer. I just decided that I wanted to stop the intake of meat one day some 24 years back and never looked back at my decision. Today I cannot stomach the smell emitted from cooking meat, frying fish, or scrambled eggs. I cannot walk past a fish market too. Just as a devotee who is a vegetarian from birth says she used to close her nose with the pallu or throw of her saree as she walked by the beach daily where fishes were brought in from the sea on her way to work and would end up being teased by the local fishermen, many on hearing that I am a vegetarian immediately quip, "You are a vegetarian. You never get angry right?" It is said that taking sattvic food cools our temper. I never lost it. It just needed to be kindled and there you have a volcano erupt. It was for this reason and the prayers my mother placed before Agathiyar, that I was hauled up and counseled by him in the Nadi for close to an hour on anger management. He immediately created the perfect environment and situation for me to be tested after the Nadi reading. But I failed badly on the test that day. Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar too reminded me to maintain a state of tolerance or சகிப்பு தன்மை at all times. I failed badly in this area too. I still cannot drop my anger over the years. I guess I have to put in more work. I realize I still have a long way to go to come to a state of acceptance.

When Tavayogi wanted to initiate my wife and me into the path of the Siddhas by passing us Agathiyar's Moola Mantra, I had no issues as I was already a vegetarian. But my wife was not. Tavayogi told her that she should turn to become a vegetarian if he was to initiate her. She agreed. We were initiated that day with six other devotees. When I brought over a colleague of mine to meet Tavayogi a few days later, he took up the initiation from Tavayogi. We were surprised that Tavayogi told him only to refrain from consuming the meat of those species that fly. Jnana Jothiamma who arrived at Kallar ashram for the first time had her initiation delayed by several days as Tavayogi sensed and told her that she had taken fish the day she arrived. After I took up the call to come to the Siddha path and I picked up yoga as taught by Tavayogi, Agathiyar and Patanjali told me to only take wholesome sattvic food and reduce processed food. I realized they had begun to fine-tune the process, having me drop the impure for the pure.

A friend shared his observation as we sat together to chat some time back. He had noticed that all those who converged at AVM were not dictated to be vegetarians in order to worship and participate in the group prayers. Neither was there the need to switch over before taking up Yoga. But what surprised him was, in comparison, all those who came by to worship the Siddhas and participate in their activities relating to charity and the practice of Yoga in another establishment were required to adhere strictly to numerous codes of discipline including a switch in their diet. Agathiyar set a different rule for those in that establishment.

Agathiyar had never asked my children to become vegetarians until recently. He only told them to attempt to let go, never dictating them to do so. When my daughter voiced her concern that her daughter is fed nonvegetarian food at the inlaws home Agathiyar who asked that they be brought up as vegetarians removed her fear saying that the food shall change by their grace. The Siddhas would switch the food that is given to them. Amazing! This reminds us of the Nawab who tricks Saint Raghavendra by serving him meat. To his surprise, the meat changes into flower petals. Another devotee was let off the hook too. If her husband took up to become a vegetarian, Agathiyar surprised us by telling her that she needed meat in her diet. When a couple of newlyweds stated their fear that they would have to comply and succumb to the pressure from their respective families to take meat as they shall move into motherhood soon, Bhogar told them that there are many equally good options available in the vegetable kingdom. He asked them to search for these viable options that replace meat. But understanding society and its pressure on women he did allow them to consume only fish for the duration of pre and post-delivery. In a timely manner, a devotee received a video clip that was shared with him. In the video, a news report on a television channel, we are told that the Siddha physicians have been known to prescribe fish for many ailments. A senior colleague at the office was warded when he was in Sabah on official duty. He had just turned to be a vegetarian. The doctor who diagnosed him advised him to start eating at least the meat of fish for he lacked protein and iodine in his body. However much he wanted to continue being a vegetarian, he had to give it up for health reasons. As a child, I remember asthmatic patients told to eat the meat of bats.

We read that Swami Nityananda of Ganeshpuri who was named Ram by his foster mother Unniamma, as a baby of 18 months, had a rare skin disease. A stranger came up to them and asked that the blood of the crow be applied on his skin and that he shall be healed. His story is told by Swami Chetanananda and M.U. Hatengdi in their book "Nityananda: In Divine Presence". 

At about eighteen months of age, Ram developed liver troubles. And even though Mr. Iyer hired for him the best ayurvedic practitioner, the baby's condition worsened. He grew thin and his stomach became distended. Because he often cried through the night, Unniamma's landlord finally demanded that she get rid of him. Too agitated to go to work the next day, she instead took her ailing son out for some fresh air. As she walked, she suddenly saw a tall dark-skinned stranger carrying a large satchel. The distraught mother, thinking he was a physician, approached and begged him to help her child. As if expecting her, he removed a packet from his bag and instructed her to mix its contents with the flesh of a freshly killed crow fried in clarified butter (ghee). She should then administer a small dose to Ram each morning before he had eaten. Also, she should rub Ram's skin with the crow's blood. At this very moment, a toddy (sap from the toddy palm is collected by toddy tappers for making a fermented beverage called arrack) tapper walked by and handed her the crow he carried in his right hand. Astonished, she looked up to thank the two men--but they had vanished. Unniamma started the prescribed treatment at once, and the child recovered in a short time. The crow's blood, however, permanently turned his skin a dark blue hue. Years later when questioned about any aspect of his background, Nityananda often quipped that a crow came and a crow left. 

Looking through the Siddha books I was surprised to find in the pages of K.Venkatraman's "Yugangal Kadandhu Vazhum Unnathak Kalai" published by Vijaya Pathippagam, Coimbatore, 2007, in mentioning the preparation and protocol to adhere to in picking the root of the Vellarukku it is also mentioned that one has to sacrifice a white fowl before digging up the root. 

I was in the construction sector. I understood that we cannot possibly expect the construction workers to survive on a vegetarian diet and work in the hot sun, carrying construction materials, mixing concrete, etc. Their work demands them to take the appropriate food to provide energy and strength. One having a desk job can of course sustain on a vegetarian diet. Some may question how is it that the elephant that is a vegetarian can carry huge loads? But we must understand that its digestive system is different from ours. My daughter's pet dog chews up almost everything: rags, pebbles, metal, bolts, plastic, paper, grass, and everything else. It does not affect him in any way as all these come out through the other end the next day. So do the strays eat from rubbish dumps and never fall sick. As for us, just say that we stay away from adopting good hygiene for a few days. What happens? We shall fall ill as we are told that "Up to 80 percent of all infections are transmitted by hands, according to estimates by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention; the E. coli by coming into contact with the feces, or stool, of humans or animals; or currently, the COVID-19 virus that is primarily transmitted between people through respiratory droplets and contact routes."

To those who are fanatical about the need to be a vegetarian, I have the following questions to ask of them though it hurts me a lot to do so. When people try to split and divide society over racial matters, or language I ask what about the air, water and blood? Is air, water, blood, and milk considered vegetarian? It is in the waters of the streams, rivers, and ocean that small organisms and fishes, amphibians, and mammals thrive. It is this water that is held in the kumbam that mantras are chanted into and used to bathe the deities' statues. Then there is the question of tiny microbes in the air, water, and all around us, on our skin, on our scalp, and inside the body. There are tiny organisms in the air, on the ground, in our path, and in water. We drink the water and inhale the air. Can we refrain from inhaling, stepping, or taking in these lives? The air that one breath out is in turn inhaled by another. Can we shut out the expelled air from a meat-eater from arriving at the nostrils of a vegetarian? So are we vegetarian or not? 

Can we and do we classify blood according to race and religion, faith and belief, or that from a vegetarian or a non? Is the blood from the blood bank separated and labeled as from vegetarians and non-vegetarians? In event of an emergency and in a matter of life and death, are we going to wait to seek blood transfusion from a vegetarian or depend on the blood bank? 

The milk is from a mammal. So is it vegetarian? Our very body is a pack of meat and food for wild animals when alive and food for maggots and worms when we die. This very body is meat and becomes food to the wild animals and food to microbes, ants, worms, larvae in the soil once we die. 

It is said that first there were microbes that aided plants in photosynthesis. These microbes are trapped in leafy plants. So when we eat vegetables and plants we are digesting these microbes too. Microbes live in bread, yeast, and yogurt too. The digestive tract has bacteria that are vital to digestion. So are these apt for vegetarians? In event of famine and when there are no crops and grain would we shy away from taking meat or take it to survive? Let us be practical about this issue. 

What we should strive for is to turn this body of meat into a pure body or Sudha Degam and energize it with life force or Prana, and transform it into that of sound or Pranavam and later to that of golden light and effulgence. This body if taken care of and maintained well shall serve to help us to achieve our desired goal of attaining deathlessness. Bhogar like all saints, sages, and Siddhas tells us that this body is of utmost importance to those who strive to achieve Godhead. Ramalinga Adigal brought distinct changes in his body, so much so he hardly ate. Even if he ate it was only a small mouthful once a day. He sustained the rest of the time on the ambrosia that seeped in him. He sustained on the breath. The effulgence in him kept him alive. In that state, he could afford to refrain even from taking vegetables and grains. Hence the reason he could show compassion even to plants. Ramalinga Adigal surpassed all the saints when his compassion towards other humans and animals went further to include the plant kingdom too. 

The saint Vallalar of Tamil Nadu said: “Vadiya  payirai kanda pothellam wadinen” which means: “I would shed tears on seeing the crops which are withering for want of water.” 

இராமலிங்க வள்ளலார், திருவருட்பா (3471): 

'வாடிய பயிரைக் கண்டபோதெல்லாம் வாடினேன், பசியினால் இளைத்தே வீடுதோறு(ம்) இரந்தும் பசி அறாது அயர்ந்த வெற்றரைக் கண்டு உளம் பதைத்தேன் நீடிய பிணியால் வருந்துகின்றோர் என் நேர் உறக் கண்டு உளம் துடித்தேன் ஈடு இன் மானிகளாய் ஏழைகளாய் நெஞ்சு. இளைத்தவர் தமைக் கண்டே இளைத்தேன்' 

தண்ணீர் இன்றி வாடியிருக்கும் பயிர்களைப் பார்க்கும்போதெல்லாம் என்னுடைய மனம் வாடுகிறது. பசியினால் இளைத்தவர்கள், ஒவ்வொரு வீடாகக் கெஞ்சிக்கேட்டும் பசி தீராமல் களைத்துப்போன ஏழைகளைப் பார்த்து என் உள்ளம் பதைபதைக்கிறது. பசியால் வயிறு காய்ந்தாலும் இணையில்லாத மானம்தான் பெரியது என்று நினைக்கிறவர்கள், அதனால் யாரிடமும் பிச்சை கேட்காமல் சுயமரியாதையோடு பட்டினி கிடக்கிறவர்கள், அவர்களைப் பார்க்கும்போது, நானும் இளைத்துப்போகிறேன்!

(Source:  Tafa - தமிழ்நாடு விவசாயிகள் மற்றும் வேளாண் சங்கம்)

Mataji told me that when we pick the herbs we ought to recite, "Siddhar Saabam Nasi-Nasi" seeking permission first before doing so. Bhogar in asking for the Neem leave told me to recite the same before picking it as it was dusk confirming the age-old practice of not laying hands on plants after dark.

Now when is it required of us to become a vegetarian? When we want to transform this body. If one wants to bring a transformation in him and achieve the spiritual state of the Siddhas then it is of utmost importance that he be a vegetarian and start early. Jnana Jothiamma who spent most of her life in the USA upon arrival in India desired to eat fish. Tavayogi who was to give her an initiation stopped proceeding with the initiation telling her that her last meal that consisted of fish meat was still in her stomach. He deferred the initiation to another day. Many years later, when she surrendered her heart and soul to Agathiyar, Agathiyar put her on a regime of internal cleansing telling her that for someone who had taken meat some sixty years she had to bear the pain and pass through the trauma that came with it in wanting to purify her body bringing it from the state of Asudha Degam to that of the pure body or Sudha Degam. She had to rid, expel and purge the body of all the toxins and "meat" consumed over the ages that had become flesh and blood. We can understand then that for someone who had eaten meat for a few years and stopped, it would be relatively easier for him and on him. For another who is a vegetarian from birth, he would sail through like a breeze without much ado. 

Besides this, many become vegetarians on compassionate grounds. Love for another being and animal moves them to see them as their own. Love for the guru too can bring his followers to switch their choices in pleasing their palates. We are told that Chitramuthu Adigal, guru to Tavayogi, brought the villagers in his hometown in India to turn into vegetarians. So it all boils down to our intent in life and purpose in living. If we want to follow the path of the Siddha and Ramalinga Adigal we have to turn to become vegetarian. There is no two ways about it. There is no option left. 

Speaking to Suren over the phone some time back, we both agreed that we are blessed if we have the option to become a vegetarian. We are blessed if we can find greens to cook and eat. When there is an option please opt to take vegetarian. In the event, there is none then by all means consume meat rather than go hungry. But for a vegetarian like me, I cannot go back to taking meat. The very smell of fish and eggs frying and meat cooking in the pan drives me away. My body cannot revisit taking white meat or red. We also agreed that we are blessed if we can find someone to feed or help. It is said that the tradition in the old days was to feed a stranger before those in the household ate. The householders would come out of their homes and look around for someone or any animal to feed first. Yogi Ramsuratkumar too says we need beggars. They provide us an opportunity to serve and help them. Agathiyar says to feed at least a person a day. As it is rare to find the hungry come by along our homes these days, we took up to serve the deities and partake the food later. Having said all this I realize that it is not the food that is tasty but the inherent changes in us that make even the most simple food extremely tasty. Our senses when enhanced in this journey of internal transformation tend to bring out the taste in food. Food begins to taste like Amirtha or ambrosia. Tavayogi recently complimented a devotee couple for the food they served at AVM that it was Amirtha after partaking it in the subtle form. Initially, when I was skeptical if Gods actually ate the food we served, Agathiyar revealed to the late Nadi Guru Hanumathdasan that Lord Rama and Mother Sita had eaten the fruit served. Upon entering the inner sanctum they observed marks on the fruit. A devotee of Goddess Ma was told to serve hot meals for he was told that they take in the steam.

If one wants to live life as it is, let it be. Let us lay off the debate or lay off convincing another to turn to become a vegetarian. Just as you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, let them come in good time when they are ready and fully understand the need. For those championing vegetarianism change your body that is meat into that of light rather than settling merely for a change in your menu. Do not eat the menu but the food. Pursue further the teachings of Ramalinga Adigal and transform your body. 

There is another touchy and thorny issue that pricks the finger, that of worship to "Siru deivam" or lesser Gods, a term commonly used to denote guardian angels or Kaval Deivam, Kula Deivam, or Ista Deivam that borders on and is accompanied by making animal sacrifices. The Kaval Deivam or village deities are the patron deities or grama devata of the village. The Kula Deivam, or guardian spirits are ascribed to various sects or clans in the community. The Ista Deivam is an aspect of the formless that one is captivated with and chooses to adore and worship. I stayed away from the worship to these deities where animals are sacrificed and their meat cooked and served to devotees, in all my years of religious upbringing. I would watch from afar these deities who take possession of devotees' bodies and walk on swords, hit and hurt themselves with whips and knives, and address the needs and wants of their devotees, but would turn up for the feast at the end of the prayers. Although I told them that we shall not cross paths, a strange turn of events brought them into my homes too when they came to pay respect to Agathiyar. They would communicate with him silently and leave without addressing or speaking to us. I soon found out that many such deities became guardian angels to devotees. Some were not given access to enter but instead told to stay out. I was told by a devotee who worshipped the ferocious form of Ma that she would seek permission and abide by the dictates of Agathiyar before leaving to see to her given task. We saw the truth of his statement many years later. The Siddhas show us to them too to solve the hardcore cases. It surprised us when Ramalinga Adigal too showed a devotee to them. It surprised us that when these deities address disciples of Agathiyar they ask for vegetarian food instead. Now how do we explain all these? Agathiyar has brought me to realize that all was his creation and that we cannot possibly sideline anyone be it man or deity. 

Coming back to the question asked of me, "Are we required to become a vegetarian in pursuing the path of the Siddhas?" I have placed the facts before  you. I leave it to you. Rather than have endless debate about this matter why don't you start being a vegetarian and see for yourselves? It all boils down to what you want in life? What do you want to make of this life? Then again, who can say what the divine has in store for you? Who can say what is right and what is wrong? Who can fathom the mind and actions of the divine? 

HOW DOES THE DIVINE COME?

Those who have seen the Tamil movie "Seedan" would know how Lord Muruga came into a devotee's life as a fellow cook and finally exposed himself before disappearing in the temple grounds of Palani. I have seen the movie several times. Each time I saw the climax I cried because I could relate to the closing scene where the lord appears or gives his darshan to his devotee. If that is the movie, Jnana Jothiamma had a pleasant surprise when she came down the same temple stairs. As she rested her aching legs a young kid ran down the temple steps and stood before her. He asked her if her legs ached and drew out his Vel, tugged in his vesti, and brushed her legs with it. He ran up the stairs later laughing aloud. 

We have had our fair share of similar moments when the divine came before us, many such stories shared in this blog. Lord Muruga was with us at Thiruanaika temple in Trichy. He was with us at Palani and Bhogar's samadhi. He was with us at Othimalai. Lord Muruga came to the aid of my late father when he traveled on foot to Palani from his home in Kilseval Patti in Karaikudi/Sivagangai district. A pack of wild dogs had suddenly surrounded him then. He called out to Lord Muruga to save him. A bee mysteriously buzzed by him and entered the ear of one of the dogs that then yelped in pain and had the rests of the pack scutter. He came over to Kallar ashram when my brother's family was there. A young man in his thirties hands on his hip was seen surveying the area as he stopped every few steps on his way up to the ashram. Tavayogi who was having lunch with his visitors noticed this peculiar activity. On arriving at the doorstep of the ashram, Tavayogi invited him to lunch which he turned down saying he has had it. He continued to speak some made sense and many were deemed "nonsense". But there was a certain pattern that arose in his talk that caught Tavayogi's attention. He mentioned the abodes of Lord Muruga one by one interspersed with his nonsensical talk and diversion to other matters. When Tavayogi realized it was Lord Muruga, he hushed him and entered the meditation hall. He applied the sacred ash on everyone gathered and left.

Lord Muruga was with my daughter too on several occasions at her campus grounds, taking the form of a bird. He came to endorse this later. He was with her during her 4-month student exchange program in South Korea again as these birds, keeping an eye on her. Goddess Ma came to endorse this later. When she was trying to check in her flight back to Malaysia at the Incheon airport kiosk last Wednesday after her attempt to do so online failed, a stranger with the airline came over to the kiosk and enquired if she had a problem checking in. He took her over to the airline's counter, made several calls, and solved her problem. A young airlines employee who doubled as a Grab driver was waiting at the KLIA car park after work for a possible call from arrivals at the airport. He took the call that came through from my daughter and sent her back home safely at 1am. Prior to flying back, she was attended to earlier than her time of appointment to have a PCR test at the airport. As a result, she had her test results early and could fly out on time. Similarly, I had an officer get up from his seat and attend to me during his lunch break at a government office many years back. We saw how the public came to the aid of fellow humans and animals in the recent flood that hit much of Malaysia. I believe this is how the divine comes as fellow humans and not in the form depicted in the paintings of deities.

A story is told of how a devotee who drowned in the floodwaters was angry with God for not saving him. God told him he had come in many forms but he refused to accept the help. He came as personals issuing a warning to evacuate but the devotee chose to wait believing more in his analysis of the situation and thinking it was not life-threatening. He came as a boatman but the devotee refused to board the boat to safety preferring to stay on the upper floor of his home and keep an eye on his property. He sent a helicopter but he refused to reach for the rope ladder that was let down. "So what am I to do further?", asked God of him. The poor devotee expected God to come in the form he worshipped.

These days they come as energies within devotees and perform their Lilas or plays. God's energy is in all of creation. What differentiates the holy man and the ordinary folk is the intensity of this energy. The holy man in putting into practice the means to accentuate and intensify this energy becomes a vessel filled to the brim. He is capable to transmit this energy to others too for he has excess. As for us, the energy level that is ebb, depleted, and already running low, we used up in carrying out our daily activities for our sustenance and survival. Hence we need instant and quick bites of food that replenish our energy levels. On the other hand, when the energy that is derived from the "Gods" is accentuated within us we connect with the Prapanjam and the rest of its energies. We derive their energies within. Ramalinga Adigal called this energy the effulgence or the column of light. He showed us the means to open up and reach out to this energy. The Siddhas show us the means to veep up these energy levels to become at par with theirs. What is needed is discipline and practice which we lack. We prefer handouts without working for it. It never happens. I was corrected of my previous understanding of Gnanam. I thought it was given. But Agathiyar said otherwise, that we have to work towards it and earn it. I guess I have to keep writing for my sake and the readers who follow this blog. I am learning each time a post is up just like my readers. Each happening creates an experience that gives me a lesson. This I share on these pages. This blog is not about me but the adventures of an individual seeking enlightenment on the Siddha path, by coming to it, and staying on it. But these experiences are nothing compared to the lives of the Siddhas who lived and walked the path or rather made or created the path. We are blessed that our ride in this current era is made much smoother compared with theirs. But if I believe I had lived before and shall live again then it only means that I came back again in another era to reap the benefits and privileges of this era besides continuing from where I left in the past birth. But for someone who has accomplished everything he need not come again, right? Not exactly, as I came to know. At times we come for the sake of another. The gurus too come for their disciples. Tavayogi was an old soul that came back to save us. He waited for us to take birth again and again and kept coming back for us in each birth. They want us to end this chain or cycle of birth and death and join them on their shores. Tavayogi never took credit for all the years he put in and the work he did. He always asked us to thank Agathiyar instead. He diverted all the praise and worship we had for him towards Agathiyar, never wanting to receive them. He stood in the shadows and had us deal straight with Agathiyar. All the Nayanmars too never took credit but pointed us to Lord Shiva instead. Ramalinga Adigal did not even allow his followers to address him as Swamigal. They all considered themselves as servants of God. What has happened now with modern-day gurus? The humbleness that is very characteristic of a holy man is gone with the wind. Sadly Gurus in this age behave like god, even overshadowing them on many occasions. It is no fault of theirs. We place them in that state. We are to blame.

We learn much from the documentary  "Samadhi - The Pathless Path". The child is said to have "a mirror mind, a beginner's mind without memory or a past, open and transparent mind". They make every moment anew. Hence we see them not getting tired or bored of repeating the same words or actions as they truly live in the present. Each moment is new to them. I see this in my grandaughters. They rush to us each time as if seeing us for the very first time. They would start pointing to the known and established daily routines. But they are happy with the familiar. If we have 1001 things to do these children's lives only revolve around us. All they know is us. So do not push them away. They might look for love and attention somewhere else. If only we could be like them. But as we carry too much junk with us it taints our lives making it miserable. When we start comparing ourselves with others our life seems miserable. If we were to be empty as a child life would be more manageable. We shall need to defrag less often. So the idea here is to shed this baggage. Going within is a way. But it is truly difficult to go within. Why can't we be still, both in body and mind? Stillness leads to Samadhi. Samadhi is when your calendar is empty. You have nothing else that needs to be done. Samadhi is you sitting alone gazing initially at the wall and later gazing at your thoughts and eventually getting lost. The idea is to switch our focus, as Buddha says to focus on a single thought among the thousands, to divert our attention from the thousands of thoughts to the single breath. Observe the coolness of the breath, the sweetness of it, and the calm that enters and envelopes us as we rid the breath. Even as I write these posts I am engaged sitting alone, observing and sharing what is being observed, and felt this very moment. I am blessed to have all the time to sit by myself and contemplate. Many just can't find the time. Others even if they have time, prefer to fill it up with other activities in the company of others never giving priority to being alone. Then again, one who might be seen sitting alone cannot be taken as meditating for his thoughts might be aggressively engaged elsewhere. "Whenever the mind moves unconsciously it's due to some unsatisfactoriness." True. It only means there is something that we think we need to do. It only settles when we drop all our plans and doings. Sitting alone having to do nothing further is what we need to do for now. If this is prolonged it becomes Samadhi. Nothing to do, no partying, no Satsang, no gathering, no external journeys, travels, and pilgrimages, no rituals and external worship, no ground to cover, no book to read, no movie to watch, no helping another, no teaching and guiding another. 

"The you that you think you are is a process, a constant movement of ego's thoughts, a collection of pattern and preferences that has to die. The pathological pattern of you has to end for samadhi to be realized. No technique for realizing awareness, no process that can be learned, no formula that can be practiced. It is the dropping of all formulas, knowing, and all doing all egoic agenda. It is rather "received in an instant, in a flash." 

In paying attention to the word and doing something taught we get stuck with it for life. Then it becomes automated. Rather than being aware of what's happening in the now, we either are engaged in work with the mind and thoughts elsewhere or we are so engrossed in perfecting the techniques and the method that we fail to see the change arise within and the feeling that envelopes us. "We end up tasting the menu and not the meal." The word and the doing are only to bring us within to a state of awareness. Once we are at the door we need to let go of it and step inside the doorway. Agathiyar says in prolonging the vibration that arises one shall know him. "The illusion of separation has to fall away. In actuality, we were never separate. Be still and know." 

What is that that becomes still? If "Your heart is beating, cells are moving inside, food digesting, brain producing brain waves, blood is pumping, energy is moving", so how can we be still? Stillness is to realize the primordial consciousness or Paramatma. Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal brought us as far as to show us the means to realize the prapanjam or primordial awareness, the completeness or paripuranam. That is why they want us to pursue the efforts. What is at the beginning deemed as an effort to gather ourselves and our thoughts to sit alone, concentrate, and focus soon becomes effortless sitting and looking within.

After "Freeing samskaras, dismantling the thoughts, humbling one's self-structure, to realize samadhi one surrenders to the source longing for union." True it seems so. Instead of us longing for him he longs to take us with him just as the father longs for the child. I remember vividly Tavayogi awaiting my arrival at the doorstep to his ashram. In fact, he had sent his emissaries looking out for me in Tiruvannamalai and sending out others to wait at the junction to the old ashram for my arrival from morning. I only arrived late afternoon after visiting Supramania Swami. He too rushed out to greet me as I arrived at his kudil some days earlier. This is the humbleness we saw in our gurus, who we would really love to emulate. 

What needs to be done prior to going within? "External pursuits must seem hollow and meaningless. Burn up patterns, preferences, and conditioning. One can't make awakening happen using the conditioned mind, it happens seemingly by accident, but by practicing it makes us accident-prone." Such lovely words. In other words, although it seems to happen by accident, all our previous efforts, and practices, and failures shall one fine day bring us to settle into Samadhi.

Though I would very much like to do these, it is during these moments when I take my sit to just sit in silence that the subject for the blog and all the words, phrases, and sentences come to me. I immediately have to take note of it otherwise it just drifts away. I have to capture them immediately. Later I develop the essay looking for references to what is said. So for now I guess I have to wait around at the doorway and take notes.

LET IT GO; LET IT BE

If initially after coming to the path I was wondering and at many a time angry too as to why others could not see through the veil and step into the path too, Tavayogi steps in to tell me recently to let them be. His reason was that they have to live out their desires. Otherwise, it shall follow them. "Some take a birth merely to see through their worldly desires and yearnings. They need to fulfill these. Let them be. Otherwise, the karma shall follow till it is exhausted", he said.

சில மனிதர்களின் பிறப்பு அவர் இச்சைகாக, ஆசைக்காக. அவன் ஆசைகாகப் பிறந்தான். ஆசையில் திளைத்து விட்டு முடித்து விடுவான். அவன் போக்கில் விட்டு விடு. இல்லாவிட்டால் வினை தொடர்ந்து கொண்டே வரும். 

Agathiyar too had mentioned of someone's dad telling her that he took this birth to fulfill his desires. She was asked to fulfill his last desires even that of wanting to eat fish. This did surprise us back then, as know that the Siddhas generally want us to take satvic food. But later we knew that this is only essential for those who want to bring a total transformation within them. As the saying goes we are what we eat, indeed the food we take goes towards the formation of new cells and provides energy. The Siddhas made exceptions in the cases of certain devotees. This is often a temporary measure. But they do not insist it on the general public as the desires in them for tamasic and rajasic food has to be exhausted too.

When Tavayogi spoke about the receptiveness of people to certain teachings, he classified them as having the nature of petrol, charcoal, and peat. Petrol catches fire easily. Charcoal if fanned will catch on and burn well. Peat fires may burn for great lengths of time, or smolder underground and reignite later when the wind blows. If Tavayogi spoke about the three kinds of people namely those who ignite immediately; those who catch fire when fanned and those who turn away, I was surprised to learn that Bhagawan Ramana too has distinguished them similarly. He associates them with gunpowder, charcoal, and wet coal. Recently I came across this distinction used again in the documentary movie "Samadhi - The Pathless Path",

"Some like dry wood need just a spark to light up. Others require more preparation as in wet wood that needs some time to dry out before they ignite. They need teachings, practices to loosen the bonds of the self structure to become free of samskaras."

Annie Besant in her talks on "The Laws of the Higher Life", the Theosophical Publishing House, 1903, draws two distinct divisions to people and their brains. The coarser vibrations of the lower world and those adapted to it are one. The other are those who are in the front of evolution and of a subtler nature. 

Has my acceptance of others and my tolerance levels improved after knowing the reasons for their behavior and the way they are?

If once I could not stomach people who just can't seem to come out of the rut, now I too have come to accept their place, role, and purpose.  I have begun to understand that there are men who come with a purpose. And then there are others who came to live their desires. Those who came with a purpose leave their mark on the face of the earth often bringing desirable changes that are uplifting and of benefit to mankind and the world at large. The other sector is not concerned with others but lives their life desires to the fullest. But both are happy with what they do. This is pretty obvious as we look around us. Anger has changed to sympathy and acceptance. All the words of the Siddhas, the Saints, Tavayogi and Mataji make sense now. Agathiyar had on numerous occasions told me to drop my anger. Tavayogi had asked me not to get emotionally upset. Mataji had asked me to develop tolerance. I understand that we can only pray that God makes them realize the futility of living selfish life and turn over a new leaf. 

If in the initial days of coming to the path I was pretty excited in sharing my journey to those who dropped by my home after reading my blog and wanted to hear from the horse's mouth these days I show them the blog and ask that they read every post. I tell them it is all there. These days I prefer to focus and spend my energy in writing my thoughts rather than speaking to others. I find that people generally find it difficult to engage themselves in listening fully. They are ever too eager to exhibit their knowledge and learning, popping questions often cornering us. They most often come to validate their knowledge not coming as an open book. No amount of talk will bring a change because they are caught in their opinions.

I was a pretty good listener in the presence of my gurus. I never had any questions. Only these days I occasionally ask Agathiyar, Ramalinga Adigal, and Tavayogi when they come by, some questions pertinent to me and useful for my further advancement. I never questioned the future for I know it shall unfold beautifully as we have come under their surveillance. But most of the time they come to deliver a thing or two without we asking. We then listen intently and apply it immediately. I never delayed any of their requests or instructions since Agathiyar says things done immediately when told shall bring instant results and success. If we take our time what is told shall never happen. 

These are the few keys to success in getting connected to the Siddhas that I can share with readers. As for me, I have learned to "Let it Go" and "Let it Be". In the former, I have learned to let go of my attachment to people and things and try to remain detached. In the latter, I have learned to let others be themselves too. 

THE POWER OF WISHES & DESIRES

I have seen many come asking their new endeavors to be sanctioned and blessed, some even placing official papers and documents before Agathiyar. Many have sought the Nadi to help ask to make the right decisions in business matters, marriage, career, and politics too. Most of the time they had already a desire or had planned and some even executed their plans before arriving at Agathiyar. They just want Agathiyar to endorse their undertakings or wishes. Others want him to decide for them. Agathiyar off course gives the green light with a "smile". When things do not go right or as expected or they face losses in their ventures or disappointments and problems, they turn around questioning why their venture failed "when Agathiyar had given his blessings"? I too was perturbed in the past wondering why Agathiyar, if he knew that there would be problems or that the venture would fail, did not stop them on day one but at times gives them hope to carry on. 

Today I have come to know that in the very place it was not the desire of the divine to engage but us but we had the desire spring up in us and in our thoughts and had contemplated on it. We only went to him for approval always hoping for a positive answer. If we had hoped for a negative answer we would not have gone to him in the very first place seeking his approval. We would have dropped the thought the moment it arose or if we thought it was not feasible. Most of the time we know that we shall face obstacles but expect him to clear it for us. We use God for our individual gains.

The desire that sprouted in us has to be lived out. It has to see the light of the day. Desires either those that are considered vasanas that are desires carried from past births that we carry as seeds in us or the newly arisen desires in the present have to be exhausted.

As my wife was engaged in looking after our new grandson and two granddaughters I figured if I should take a trip to India. I had no specific itinerary but would head for Kallar ashram first, I thought. Just about then, the Indian High Commission announced that India would open up its borders to tourists beginning November 15, 2021. I was excited. I scouted the net for tickets. But there were no direct flights and the transit flights took several hours some as long as a day, a far cry from the 3 3/4 hours it took us earlier during the pre-pandemic times. Mataji too extended an invitation to join her in the Annual Vizha that was held on 23 December 2021. Agathiyar then surprisingly told me that since I had "desired" I should go. I had missed that catchword there. Since I had "desired" in my heart he had given me the blessing. But when I came to my senses telling myself that I had all these while held to my principle not to go places even when he had asked me in the past as I already had him and in keeping with his directive to stay in solitude since 2019, I dropped the idea entirely. That is when Tavayogi came and told me that there was no need to go over as he had come over to my home.

And most recently when I had wanted to visit my mother in another state and was pondering over it, Agathiyar had the word pass on to me to go, through the deity Karupanasamy. Karupanasamy told my family that I was thinking about it but was also thinking about Agathiyar's instruction to me to stay in isolation. Ask him and he shall allow he added.

This is how it works. When we desire they give their blessings. But it is not necessary that all shall go well. But if they initiate something that is for the good of many and we take it up we shall see results and fast too. The karma that is said to be attached to both good and bad actions, the good making way for us to be rewarded later or in another birth and the bad giving us untold misery and troubles, here or in another birth, becomes nullified as it is their task that we have undertaken which was directed by them. On the contrary, whenever a thought or desire comes to us especially for our individual gains, though they might give their blessings as the desire has to be exhausted, they would only stand by us seeing that we are far from harm's way but can never give the assurance that our venture shall succeed. 

Then again we should know what to ask of the divine for the divine always sanctions our wishes, be it good or bad. For it has nothing to lose. We are going to pay back for all our actions. The day we stop asking for our needs and live out a life seeking the good of others, the divine shall pave the way for a smooth journey. For instance, many have a desire to build temples. But this could be a desire of theirs. In the event, management problems crop up, they are prepared to go to court to fight it out saying that it was they who build it. On the other hand, the divine could instruct another to build one. Facing the same problem, he would happily surrender his post and leave, for he knows that he was only a tool in the hands of the divine. Any action that is attached to a desire tends to bring along its fair share of troubles and disappointments. We have to be prepared to face it. 

Why do the desires crop up? It could have been carried from the past births even without a single thought from us or our liking for it now. But either these vasanas have to be burnt to dust or they have to take shape. The saints in meditation and through rituals burn them away never to arise again. But we tend to fall prey to them. When Agathiyar in my first Nadi reading told me that I need to build him a temple, as I took his word as the Gospel, I scouted around for a place in existing temples to have him placed. But the temple committees had other plans. I gave up the idea later. But the desire that came out of the idea and directive of Agathiyar had taken root. I was on cloud nine then thinking that I was the chosen one to do it. But Sivabalan who hosted these Nadi readings in his house told me not to be too excited as Agathiyar had told the same to some 50 others before me. He killed my joy that moment. But he added that if I had the resources to go ahead. In later years, it was no more a directive of theirs but had become my desire, Agathiyar said in subsequent Nadi readings that I had "desired" to build one. Did I have such a desire in my past birth that needs to be accomplished now in this birth? But as I held on only to their Holy feet, Agathiyar came to tell me in 2018 that he had tested me. I guess I had passed the test for they seem to have dropped the talk. A stranger knocks on the door to Supramania Swami's kudil and stops him from carrying out his 40 year desire to build a temple for Lord Murugan but Agathiyar instructs Tavayogi to build one. How do we fathom these plays of theirs?

My second daughter always wanted to go overseas. She was young and had a dream. As a child, she used to talk about owning a range in the American prairies. She used to put up pictures of these farmlands on her wall and look at them daily. Isn't that the secret of "The Secret"? But this was a time when even the DVD and book on it by Rhonda Byrne wasn't out. Isnt this the "Law of Attraction" too?. I guess she had to live out this desire. Agathiyar mentioned that she will go overseas, after her formal studies in 2017 to pursue further studies sponsored by the government. But that did not take off until recently. She will be returning from South Korea in the next few days having completed a short student exchange program. Agathiyar surprised us by telling us that both my wife and I came back because of a desire sown by our daughters to have us both as their parents in this birth too. Coincidently I too had karma to settle. Hence we are together.

When I read my Kaanda Nadi for the first time in 2002, Agathiyar pointed out that I had earned the wrath of others and collected karma in my past life. He gave me remedies which I did. Three years on he explains the circumstances that drove me to commit them. I needed those experiences too he told. He never spoke about it to me again pardoning me that instant. He did not see it as a sin but much-needed learning that I had to go through. It is indeed impossible to fully understand their divine play. Tavayogi told us recently not to try to compute life but to live it. It is not a maths equation to solve but to use the formula to live life. There is indeed a huge network of links of cause and effect that is in place and added on by us every moment. God has nothing to do with it. So please do not blame him. I did in the past when I had no idea about karma. I wondered why God was watching his devotees suffer. My friends and relatives suffered before my own eyes. That is when Lord Shiva decided to take me off the ground and place me elsewhere for a change. Otherwise I would have gone cuckoo. I was transferred back to my headquarters. It took 14 years later for him to come in numerous ways to deliver the messages and reveal the answers to me. I guess I had to live out my karma meanwhile. 

Today even the most simple thoughts are delivered instantaneously. Just the other day as a devotee bath Agathiyar's statue with sandal paste as only four of us gathered to celebrate his Guru Puja coinciding with the one held at the same time at Kallar, before I could ask for the paste that adorned his body, the devotee had washed it away. But what do you know? She placed it on my forehead as I kept my eyes closed chanting his name. When I asked her why she did it she said she was just driven to do it. This is how close the Siddhas have moved into our lives. And it all started with their worship. 

THE UNFOLDING OF LIFE

When Agathiyar in his memo to us defined clearly Udal, Uyir, and Atma, it cleared the air over our confusion as to the use of the words often interchangeably that of spirit and soul, Udal, Porul, and Aavi, etc.

உனது உடலைப் பிரதானமாகக் கொண்டு இயங்குவது சுவாசம், அதுவே உயிர். உயிர் என்பது செயல் அற்று இருக்கக்கூடிய உறுப்பைச் செயல் பெறச் செய்வது. 

Breath is life. Uyir or life is the prime mover of our body. Indeed the first thing we do to ascertain if one is alive is to check if he is breathing. The next thing we check for is the pulse. We check if the body is warm or cold too. These are signs of life besides any response him or her or movement in him or her. 

பிறக்கும் சிசு கருவுற மூலமாக இருப்பது பிராணவாயு. பிராணவாயு ஆணின் அணுக்களிலும் பெண்ணின் அணுக்களிலும் ஊடுருவி ஒன்றெனக் கலந்து பிரதான பொருள் வடிவம் அடையும் தன்மை உண்டானால் அங்கு உயிர் சக்தி உருவேற்ற படுகிறது.

Prana that is present in the cells of both parents is the prime mover in the conception of the embryo. If the conception is successful, life force comes within. 

உடல் என்பது ஐந்து உலோகங்களின் நுண்ணுயிர்களின் அளவுகளைத் தாங்கிக் கொண்டு பிண்டம் ஒன்றினை உருவ வடிவமாய் கர்ப்பகிரகத்தில் நிலை பெறுகிறது. பஞ்சபூதம் ஆகிய நீர், நிலம், ஆகாயம், காற்று, நெருப்பு அனைத்தும் தாய் தந்தையின் உடலிலிருந்தே  எடுக்கப்பட்டு சிசுவின் உடலைப் பிறப்பிக்கின்றது. இவைகளின் அளவுகள் குறையும் தருவாயில் சிசு தன் உடலின் பாகங்களில் கோளாறு ஏற்படுகிறது.

The body is formed of 5 primary elements namely water, earth, space, air, and fire that are sourced from both the parents in a specified proportion.

நிலத்தின் அளவு - 1/3

Earth 1 part from the mother and 3 parts from the father,

நீரின் அளவு – 4/3

Water 4 parts from the mother and 3 parts from the father,

நெருப்பின் அளவு – 5/6

Fire 5 parts from the mother and 6 parts from the father,

காற்றின் அளவு – 8/2

Air 8 parts from the mother and 2 parts from the father,

ஆகாயத்தின் அளவு – 1/8

Space 1 part from the mother and 8 parts from the father.

இவ்வாறு அதற்கென்று அளவுகள் பிரம்மதேவரால் கணக்கிட்டு உடலை உருவாக்கப்படுகிறது.

These proportions that are determined by Lord Brahma lead to the formation of the embryo. Hence when our elders say that Lord Brahma determines our fate they imply that he plays with these figures or proportion. Anytime these doesn't comply with to the formula, it results in a defect in the newborn child. This is in turn determined by past karma. So are we really in charge of our lives then? Did we choose the gender? Did we choose the race? Did we choose our parents? Did we choose the nation to be born in? But when we are given a body to rent and occupy for a short while, we begin to claim ownership to it. We create havoc with it and live our mark here, often an unpleasant one.

ஆன்மா உடலையும் உயிரையும் தனது கட்டுப்பாட்டுக்குள் வைத்துக் கொள்ளும் ஒரு சூச்சமம். 

The Atma has the ability to keep both the body and breath under its control. One would wonder what is that that keeps us alive 24/7 and even when we are asleep? What is it that responds to a call while we are asleep? How is it that we know we are being called by name in our sleep? Now we know that it is the Atma. My mother used to tell a story of 5 Buthams or entities that leave us each night in our sleep. Upon awakened abruptly 4 return turning up immediately. The last one hardly goes far for it struggles to return as it is lame. I guess he stays behind to stay guard and keep a vigil while the rests roam. Agathiyar says the Atma is made of 5 kooru or parts. Does this ring a bell?

இந்தச் சூச்சமத்தை பிறந்த குழந்தைகள் 1  முதல் 5 வராகை வரையிலும் உடன் இருந்து மறையும். மறைத்தலின் காரணம் இன்னதென்று இப்போது உனக்குச் சொல்ல இயலாது. 

Agathiyar reveals that the Atma loses its grip and control over the body and breath as the child grows. We understand it pretty well. When the child knows that it can make decisions and choices, it's a sign that its "I" is emerging and it sends the Atma into the shadows. G.Vanmikanathan in "Thiruvachagam", Amudha Nilayam, Chennai, 2002, says veiling is "an act of grace too, by which he hides reality from the soul so that it can gain the experience provided by good and bad karma in the world. When the soul is mature enough God withdraws the veil concealing reality." So we now understand that Erai out of love and compassion for us chose to cloth us in Maya or illusion and subject us to act out our past desires and Karma. Only after having gone through a systematic mechanism put in place by the divine that governs cause and effect and regulates the need to face pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow, etc and taking a beating, and molded and strengthened or weakened as the case may be do we tend to come out polished and shining minus the karma that is burnt and the ego or "I" that dies a natural death. The same was told by Tavayogi to "Let them be" when I asked him to bring others to the fold too. He said they have to exhaust their desires.

ஆனபோதிலும் ஆன்ம ஒருவரின் செயலைப் பொறுத்தே மீண்டும் அவனை வந்து சேரும். ஆன்மா உன்னோடு இருந்து உன்னை ஒரு பாதைக்கு இழுத்து செல்லும். அப்போது நீ அதனை உணர்ந்தாள், உன்னில் அதிர்வாய் தோன்றி மறையும். அந்த அதிர்வினை நீ உனக்குள் நீடிக்கப் பழகினால் உன்னால் ஆன்மா என்னும் உனது அதிர்வுகளில் ஊடுருவி என்னுள் (இறை / அகத்தியன்) வந்து சேர ஒரு வழி. 

But the Atma does not desert him. The Atma stays behind the veil and monitors the child without interfering. During this period that Agathiyar mentions in an ancient time frame that of 1 to 5 Varaahai, the child's breathing pattern changes, the three dosas and its proportions in his body changes, etc while the "I" thinks it is in charge. The Atma awaits patiently for the time to return to take possesion and take charge, constantly monitoring his actions. Could this period be a sort of banishment or hibernation for the Atma? We have read of Avatars being banished from their kingdom and evil takes charge in their absence.

After the said term, during which we learn from experience that in reality, we were never in charge of our lives, the Atma reappears to bring us to a particular path. If we are aware says Agathiyar we shall know it as a vibration within that appears and disappears. If we practice prolonging this awareness of the vibration, it shall lead us to God/Erai/Agathiyan. When a devotee cornered Agathiyar asking to know his true form as we are confused over being told that he is a dwarf and depicted as such in some places and a 6 footer elsewhere, when we are told that he is in the form of light, etc, Agathiyar places a question to her just like Tavayogi does. As they were staunch devotees of his, involved in puja and charity, he asked them what do they feel during those moments when they say his name during puja and in giving away alms? When she replied an Athirvu or vibration, he answered "That I Am!"

ஆன்மா உனது கர்ம வினை தாங்கி வருவது அல்ல, ஆனால் ஆன்மாவே உனது கர்ம வினையைச் சரிசெய்வதற்கு உதவி புரியும். கர்மவை சரி செய்த பின், ஆன்மாவின் தேடல் அதிகமாகி மனிதனின் அன்றாட தேடல் தீர்ந்து போகும். அவன் தேடல் முழுதாய் என்னையே தேடி வர முயற்சி செய்யும்.

Agathiyar goes on to reveal and correct a false perception many including I had before this and that I had carried in many of my previous posts. I stand corrected too by Agathiyar. He says contrary to the belief that our past karma is attached to the Atma or that it carries it, Agathiyar reveals that it is not the case but that the Atma helps solve our karma. Once it shows him the way and means to settle his karma, the soul searching begins in him while the search outside for his daily needs dies down. The Atma leads his search to know God/Erai/Agathiyar. From "Metaphysics of Saiva Siddhantam - Sivagnana Boodham by Thiruvilankar Canagarayar, l96l, we learn that,

Now it is its duty to meditate on Him. Then the soul discovers the vanity or metamorphosis of the physical world, (the Asat) and is led into meditation. By the Grace of God, the soul becomes blind to the world and attains knowledge of God by His Grace. This is the spiritual truth called Pati Jñānam. God appears as Satguru before the soul fettered by pasam or world of senses, and initiates it, on the ground of tapas performed by it in the past birth. On receipt of the Upadesa the soul realizes its real spiritual nature as that of God and abandons the world and reaches the feet of God, as He is one with it. 

Gordon Matthews explains this concept in his translation of Meykanda Devar’s "Shivagnana Botham". 

By reason of the soul’s virtue in previous births, God, who has been immanent in the soul, making it known, now vouchsafing to take the form of a Guru, initiates the soul in the Saiva mysteries. The primal one himself teaches these souls as a Guru: for in the form of consciousness, he is in union (with him). When because of the soul’s meritorious practices the primal one enlightens the soul as a Guru… When God comes as a Guru and teaches the soul, the soul is made to see that the world of experience, evolved from Maya, is non-real. It ceases then to identify itself with the non-real and to depend upon it; and in so doing it discovers its oneness with God.

The Atma that was initially a part of the Param or source or Paramatma, brings forth a new life joining forces with the 5 primary elements that maketh the embryo or Udal, and the life force or breath or Uyir Sakthi. It comes to be known as the Jeevatma as it has given life or Jeeva to the union. Knowing the 5 elements to be tainted with impurities or Malam, this union is tainted as a whole. The Atma though pure in every aspect but due to its union with the body, is not spared. The Atma is said to be tainted because of its association with the Jeevan (Udal + Uyir). The Jeevan is said to be tainted by Malas or Malam. Bharathi laments to the Goddess Muthumari, singing of the things available to whiten and brighten for instance the clothes, the skin, and the household, but there is no way to whiten nor brighten the inquiring mind or Manam. (https://www.jiosaavn.com/song/ulagathu-nayagiye/PSMnXxpKBXg)

துணி வெளுக்க மண் உண்டு,
தோல் வெளுக்கச் சாம்பருண்டு,
மணி வெளிக்க சாணை உண்டு,
மனம் வெளுக்க வழி இல்லையே

From "Metaphysics of Saiva Siddhantam - Sivagnana Boodham by Thiruvilankar Canagarayar, l96l, we learn that,

In order to purify the soul, the Primal One by His infinite Grace, applied Maya and Karma Malams, (the other impurities) to the fettered soul, just as a washerman applies Fuller’s earth and cow-dung to remove the dirt in a piece of cloth.

Hence there is reason to purify the body by purging it of impurities. Sariyai and Kriyai then are the tools meant to transform the body or Udal as it helps lessen the hold of karma on us. Karma that ties us down to this physical and material body cements and binds it giving form. This bond loosens as we shed our karma. Similarly, the breath has to be purified through pranayama. Both body and breath have to be energized with prana from the Prapanjam. Prana is attained directly from the air, sunlight, water, and food. Nature that is filled to the brim with prana energizes us if only we reach out to it. Yoga brings about the transformation of the Uyir, expanding the Pranava deham. Finally, by the grace of Arutperunjothi Andavar we gain the light body or Oli deham and wisdom body or Gnana deham. Hence we move from a body of inert material given life by the Uyir Sakthi, to that of a vibrational or Pranava deham that is sound, to that of light, Oli deham, and Gnana deham, the Silent Watcher. In having us come to yoga, the move now is to bring about a transformation of the gross body to the finer breath and further to that of light and the body of wisdom. Moving from the inherent Asudha deham or impure body to Sudha deham or Pure body and moving on to attain a Pranava deham or that of sound which is vibration, this is pushed further into the realm of the Atma that is both light and wisdom. From earth, water, air, space, and fire that is in unison in the body we begin to separate it back into its primary form beginning with working on the grosser earth and water element to that of the finer air and space elements of fire and light and finally into a subtle form that of arivu or gnanam or the wisdom body, moving from form to formless.

Self-realization is to bring an awareness that we are not the "I" that dictates our actions living out our desires and karma but the Atma that is inherent in us. When we realize that this Atma is a part of the Paramatma, Godliness comes within. Divinity steps in. We take on the nature of the Paramatma. For this to take place we have to work hard in removing, scrubbing, washing, and cleaning the present Self to shine in luminosity and wait for the Effulgence to do the rests. It is sort of distilling the Self to become the Higher Self. Would declaring oneself as a God amount to being egoistic? Jalaluddin Rumi thinks otherwise. " "I am God" is an expression of great humility. The man who says I am the slave or servant of God affirms two existences - his own and his God but he that says "I am God" has made himself non-existent and has given himself up and says "I am naught; he is all there is; nothing but God's." This is the extreme of humility and self-abasement."

BRIDGING TWO WORLDS

If I wrote that "The Siddhas are not teachers nor are there teachings. They show by practical means to the sole (soul) seeker who comes by, the way, the method, the practice, and the means. They are not known to assemble people or gather a large crowd in dispersing their well earned wisdom and divine knowledge or gnana. Having reached the zenith and summit, they do us a favor in bringing us to their abode too. As Tavayogi says one should come on his own accord, this path is not for the masses", indeed never did they take the stand as a guru sitting on a high pedestal churning out their teachings. On the contrary, they came down to our level talking to us first through their medium of communication, the Nadi, revealing our past, present, and future. Later they came in the Aasi and Jeeva Nadi revealing things in real-time. Then they came as a guru in physical form taking us on a practical journey, walking with us, sleeping with us, and eating with us. They sat with us and sang the praise of the Siddhas, their praise, showing us how it should be done. They sat with us feeding the flame showing us how the yagam is to be done. They came and bath the statue of theirs showing us how it is to be done. They sat and meditated with us showing us how it is to be done. They came and did pranayama showing us how it is to be done. They became one in the family and in the household. All we did was to allocate a room for them to continue with their tapas. 

The many stories about the Siddhas' appearance before others mystified me in the past. They were mere stories until we became witnesses to their amazing presence. Dr. Nanjan, a veterinarian from Ooty who accompanied Tavayogi to Malaysia told me of how he came face to face with Agathiyar in an elderly couple's home in India. He had asked permission to enter their prayer room. The moment he entered he saw Agathiyar who was reclining like Lord Vishnu on the bed of sea, arise, tie his long tress and disappear before him. When I was with Tavayogi in a local peedham, a call came in. It was his cook and caretaker of his ashram, Nadarajah. Nadarajah was telling him over the phone how he saw Tavayogi come up the hill as he decended. Tavayogi's form changed to Agathiyar who materialize before him before disapearing as he came down the slopes of their ashram. How could that be when Tavayogi was with me then? Tavayogi and I were surprised by a statement made by a peddlar of rosaries on the grounds of Brihadeswar temple. He asked Tavayogi what he was doing there again having seen him the day before. How was that possible. I never lost sight of Tavayogi during our travels. Furthermore we had only arrived at Tanjavur that day. Tavayogi himself shared with me how Agathiyar came in the form of light or jothi in the hills of Kallar. If these stories were distant tales of Agathiyar appearing before devotees, I was in for a surprise as Agathiyar appeared closer to home. Jnana Jothiamma who visited us in 2013, had a sleepless night as she shifted from my prayer room to sleep on the couch in the living room. Initially, she thought why was I making all the din and noise in the middle of the night. Soon she realized that it wasn't me but Siddhas moving in and out of my house. Finally, Agathiyar came out of the prayer room, gave her a glance, and disappeared through the front door shutting it behind him. Several years back an Australian lady of Chinese origin stopped by at my home on her way to the airport to board her flight home. A friend had asked that he bring her over. She came out of the prayer room in tears telling us that she saw Agathiyar standing ceiling high. 

If we had the yearning that he has yet to appear before us, these days he frequents us coming through his devotees at times spending long hours speaking to us. We are blessed to have the honor of greeting him and having him in our home. He has also made his appearance in the homes of fellow devotees. Lord Shiva, Goddess Ma, Lord Ganapathy, Lord Murugan, graced our homes. The Siddhas including Agathiyar, Tirumular, Bhogar, and Dhanvanthri came often. The gurus Ramalinga Adigal, Yogi Ramsuratkumar, Supramania Swami, and now Tavayogi too came to guide us. The deities Karupanasamy and Ma Kali come by to pay their respects to Agathiyar too. When Tavayogi and Mataji joined us in our homes and performed the Homam, the ground shook below Mataji. Only she felt it. Several days later Agathiyar in the Jeeva Nadi reading for a devotee mentioned it saying that the Siddhas had joined us in our homes. That had caused the ground to shake. We never for once knew that these gods and goddesses and the Siddhas and gurus were accessible to ordinary folks like us. What did we do to deserve their blessings? We did not do any great tapas or austerities. Neither did we invoke them reciting difficult mantras for hours on end. We did not go into the deep jungles in search of them. We did not spend nights in their caves. But yet they came to us. All we did was recite their names, and perform the homam and abhisegam. These rituals brought them over. 

Today they have made us drop all these rituals for once they connect with us all else is irrelevant anymore. These days they stand with us, walk with us, dine with us, chat with us, sleep with us and accompany us everywhere. But they do not stop at that. After having us drop Sariyai and Kriyai they made sure we engaged in Yogam coming often to remind us of the need to do the asanas and pranayama that Tavayogi showed us. Taking hold of the breath they had us go within. Soon even that was not necessary. We are asked to just become aware of it. They had us learn up the tatvas and wanted us to know our Atma. The Atma shall lead us to the Paramatma. That is the finale. The show then ends. 

TAKING THE PLUNGE

I was in a dilemma recently. When the floodwaters rose and families and friends were caught by surprise, all I could do then was to call them up and enquire first about their safety and later about the current condition. If I list all the reasons for not going to the ground, readers will condemn me for shirking from my duties as a fellow human. But my hands were tied. Agathiyar had me imprisoned since September of 2019 having me stay indoors. He had me dissolve the WhatsApp group AVM that updated members of the pujas at AVM and the Amudha Surabhi group that looked into the charity programs. Regarding the former, he expected his followers to continue the puja in their own homes henceforth, meanwhile preparing me to go on another journey that of going within, giving me space to go into isolation.  As for the latter charity programs he told us that others will come to continue, assuring us that those whom we had served in our capacity would not go hungry. True to his words another group picked up from where we left. Similarly a couple of friends and devotees extended aid to others as they both owned 4 wheel drive pickups, even as their own homes were inundated in the recent floods. The former traveled some 81 km with another friend to help out too. The latter hired a boat too to help the victims out. My daughter, son-in-law and their friends went to the ground too to pass the victims essential items after the floods subsided. My brother and his son too lent a hand in cleaning up the victims homes.

As for us at AVM the focus now was shifted to picking up from where we left in Yoga. Agathiyar asked me to teach the asanas and pranayama techniques that Tavayogi showed me and a small group of curious onlookers back then in 2008 to Mahindren. Mahindren was tasked to teach it to the remaining comrades who stood by. I was relieved of my duty further. Thus Agathiyar relieved me of all my activities, duties, and responsibilities so that I could focus on what I had to do.

As I look back on my journey of discovery of the path of the Siddhas, I am truly indebted and humbled by the love and care, and their compassion, in bringing me along on their walk. Tavayogi literally took me on many walks: around his ashram, around his neighborhood, to the caves in the jungles, and to the Siddha abodes and temples. All these seem like an adventure in a dream. Maybe it is a dream.

Tracing my earliest thoughts and actions that served as stepping stones on this journey, I can only go as far as my childhood home, the last of many that my family had rented and stayed in, in Taiping. I remember painting the scene from saint Avvai's life as a mural on the wall plank in our living area. The scene depicted the discourse Avvai has with Lord Muruga where she answers all his questions.

Later when my brother-in-law built temples or renovated them in places he had served with the public works department, I drew murals of deities on its walls. During my life as a bachelor in a coastal town, as there was not much activity, nor happenings taking place back then in the eighties, I took up to worship the deities in my bachelor home besides frequenting the temples in the vicinity. After some 8 years of carrying it out in the early hours of dawn and late at dusk, this came to an end too after Lord Shiva appeared in a dream and asked me to pipe down as I had so many questions left unanswered. I was angry with God for not being kind to others. Just about then, I was transferred back to the hustle and bustle of city life, Kuala Lumpur in 1988. My puja too died down as sharing a tiny room in the city with a fellow Muslim colleague did not make it feasible for me to carry on with my rituals. I got married the same year. But the puja was amiss except for an occasional visit to the temples for the sake of my daughter. The fire had subsided. As I took a long break of some 10 years, with the coming of my second child somehow I and my wife who was carrying her then frequented a new temple in our neighborhood that saw its consecration or kumbhabhisegam and the 48 days of puja that followed. Three years on Agathiyar came to redeem me to their fold without my knowledge. I took up puja to Lord Vasudeva, Lord Dhakshanamurthi, and Goddess Ma that came on in a mysterious way through my nephew from his lineage of gurus. A year later I took up puja to Lord Shiva, Lord Ganapathy, Agathiyar, and the Siddhas when Agathiyar instructed me to do so in the Nadi. The following year Agathiyar arranges for me to meet my first guru in physical form, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai and Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram some three years later. When I surrendered to my gurus then, they dictated everything that came by. I followed their word taking it as the Gospel. I stepped from Sariyai that was introduced by my parents, to pick up rituals and charity in coming to  Kriyai. Tavayogi officially introduced me to Yoga which I had picked up from books in my bachelor days. Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal led us on to Gnana. 

To enter Gnana one has to lose his attachments to the outside world and enter within himself. In entering within he has to lose his last hold or possession or give up his last stronghold, his body, and its senses. This is frightening. It brings on an unknown fear. It was easy to let go of all previous attachments to all our external possessions but to let go that which is so close to us, that we ride on, the body that is a vehicle, is frightening. But the Siddhas want us to pursue. Here again we need to surrender to them and take the plunge into the beyond. 

MOVING AWAY & THEN WITHIN

The Siddhas are not teachers nor are there teachings. They show by practical means to the sole (soul) seeker who comes by, the way, the method, the practice, and the means. They are not known to assemble people or gather a large crowd in dispersing their well earn wisdom and divine knowledge or gnana. Having reached the zenith and summit, they do us a favor in bringing us to their abode. As Tavayogi says one should come on his own accord, this path is not for the masses.

If man seeks the Siddha teachings in institutions as in seeking academic knowledge, he will be disappointed. These places serve the sole purpose of bringing the knowledge of the past existence, lives, and nature of the Siddhas, to the masses. They bring the songs and literature of the Siddhas to their listeners. They teach yoga asanas and pranayama as adopted by the Siddhas. They hold Satsangs or discussions intended to open up our minds to things beyond our comprehension. That is as much as they can do. These institutions do not produce a Siddha. How many such institutions had made a Siddha of someone? On the contrary, a dwelling of a Siddha becomes an institution. People and dwellings mushroom around him. Temples are consecrated in his name. But the true master knows very well the dangers and moves away from being caught in the web that springs around him. As we learned in the documentary film "Samadhi - The Pathless Path", 

"Enlightenment is about letting go of all the practices done earlier. You must be willing to let go of the practice once it has served its purpose otherwise you will just create an identity around it and a new spiritual self-structure (that replaces our earlier self-structure.)" 

They shun publicity and fear the identity that people tag them with. Ramalinga Adigal never approved his followers calling him Swamigal. The Siddhas loved nature. They were one with it. Hence we understand why they chose to stay in the woods and jungles. I too was blessed to be brought into the jungles by Tavayogi who preferred that I had practical knowledge rather than academic knowledge about the ways of the Siddhas. Balamurugan in recounting his trip to Mount Kailash tells us that nature is the best tool to break one's ego. Faced with the magnanimous and majestic beauty of the mount, one is immediately humbled. We begin to realize how small we are before nature, he says. The towering mountains and trees, the huge boulders and rock, the vast streams and rivers, all energized and living move us to want to live too. Moves us to want to join them in their flow. Moves us to want to join in their dance of joy. Nature is forever joyous. The wind that brushes our faces forces us to inhale the fresh air that in turn erupts a chain of reaction in us as its energy and prana traverse throughout our body into every single cell bringing on a chillness that is all so mesmerizing. 

Learning the basics, a seeker turned sadhaka has to take the bull by the horn. He has to start worship of the Siddhas, recite the names of the Siddhas, recite the mantras, light the sacrificial fire, do libation to their statues, read up their ancient texts, etc. Then he moves on to find his "Self". If he does not move out he will end up serving the master till the master's end or his end. Or he might even envy the post left vacant by his master's demise. Or he might then decide to leave finding the beacon of bliss-light gone. 

A Malaysian whom I chanced to meet at Kallar ashram when I visited India with my family in 2013, vented his frustration to me. He had left in search of the Siddha teachings at 25 years of age. Having traveled and stayed at numerous ashrams he finally arrived at Tavayogi's Kallar ashram. He told me he had finally found his resting place. As he had nothing nice to say of the former institutions I figured it would only be a matter of time when he would leave Kallar too. True to my intuition I met him later in Malaysia. One's "Self" is not found in such institutions but found in silent contemplation. Man should learn to gather the tools and begin to toil on his own plot of land. Only then does he see the results of his hard effort. That plot of land is within him where no one can enter or trespass. That space is meant for his guru and him to sit in silence and enjoy the moments of bliss that erupts by "simply being in the presence of such a being".

It is said that Lord Dhakshanamurthi would answer all the questions put forth by the four disciples of his. This went on for years and there seemed no end to questions. Finally, the Lord chose to remain quiet. Seeing their guru sitting still the devotees simply fell into a state of meditation. The Mouna guru teaches in silence. Bhagawan Ramana is said to do this too. He had someone sit and face the wall for hours. It was meant to shed whatever questions, doubts, thoughts, opinions, views, perspectives, and other garbage, that he had carried all his life.

"Silence is the greatest teaching. The purest teaching. The purest teachings are transmitted in silence. One becomes equanimous with what is. Surrender to what is. Attentive to what is." In saying thus, the narrator of the documentary gives us an account of Buddha's life. 

"Rather than giving a long satsang or teaching with words, Buddha just let the students sit with a flower for the entire time. Only one student received the transmission. Only one student got it. To receive such a subtle transmission requires a subtle mind." 

In an article on the net, we read,

As an individual begins to be liberated from the influence of the mind-stuff, the divine attributes of the atman or self manifest in the very subtle sheath of bliss (Anandamaya kosha) that surrounds the soul (atman).

Here then arises the need for us to shift from the gross to the subtler. The Siddhas teach just that. Nay, they make it happen, pushing those who they believe they can work on and letting go of others to come around after they begin to fulfill their heart's desires and realize the futility of all their ventures in the material world.

When the transformation of that very subtle part of the being has been given fully to the divine, the individual becomes literally a beacon of bliss-light. Simply being in the presence of such a being is uplifting. Such an elevated individual is often acknowledged as a saint.

MOVING WITHIN

I was watching a wonderful documentary film "Samadhi - The Pathless Path". Here are some pearls from it. The movie made me accept that whatever is currently taking place before our eyes needs to happen in order for a new order to arise. The narrator enlightens us.

Carl Jung said, "To touch heaven one's roots must reach into hell",  out of the furnace of Babylon comes transformation, transfiguration and new human potential. The Eastern traditions say that the lotus of awakening grows out of the mud of samskara, out of suffering.  What you see around you right now may seem like darkness, it may seem like madness. Actually this is what awakening looks like on planet earth. What we are witnessing is a release of the old paradigm. You are witnessing the dismantling of old patterns. The collective samskaras or conditioned pattern which creates the conditions of maya. Many people are disillusioned with the current political, social, economic and religious systems. This dispelling of illusion is a necesary part of seeing the truth. 

When we follow the movie we understand better and can relate to the happenings around us. Maybe this is the reason for many past civilizations to disappear too, wiped from the face of the earth, giving way to newer worlds and views just as when things are beyond repair it has to be ditched or thrown away. Prapanjam includes and transcends all of creation. Where is our place in it? We are reminded that we are an interface with the world around us. In Agathiyar's 5 tenets given to humanity, man who stood the tallest among God's creations was supposed to help elevate the rest of creation. Instead, look at what we have brought onto us and the rest of God's creation? We were once merged in oneness with the creation when we were a baby in our mother's womb. "Then we grew. We created a character" and at times became a monster. What happened to that sweet little thing, that divine child that we were once? Time then comes along and brings humanity out of the old pattern through a paradigm shift in the patterns. Time deals directly in correcting man's mistakes relieving him of the power granted to him. This dismantling mentioned in the movie is something fearful. The ideal stand we take then would be not to suffer when the world of form changes. "It may seem that all is lost but it is merely a part of the process. Those awakenings will be seen as a threat." Indeed Ramalinga Adigal, Bharathi, Periyaar, and others were seen as a threat too. 

Going by the movie, it is interesting to relate to and realize that in getting to expand our energy or Sakthi as in carrying out Sariyai and Kriyai that amounts to going on pilgrimages, doing rituals and puja, carrying out charity, etc they had led us on the Sakthi path. Today in asking us to go within they lead us to the Shiva path, which comprises of non-involvement, remaining silent and indifferent to the world, only tending to the thought that arises and eventually subsides. This is how both Sakthi and Shiva are depicted to us too in all the numerous paintings.

Meditation has to be spontaneous said Swami Muktananda. In this movie too we are told that "The ego, the you that you think you are must necessarily fail in all attempts to meditate for the meditation to come about. To meditate is to burn up the conditioned self." The ego has conditioned me for some 60 years now and many births. It is time to unwind the knots and tangles, to melt the heart of stone, to cleanse the inner self, to rid the garbage of thoughts I carry, and to face the karma squarely that stands before us waiting to deliver in our timeline. Sitting around and waiting for the mud to settle doesn't happen overnight but we can decide immediately whether to engage in it or postpone the task. To free or purify samskaras and karma or all previous programming takes time. "The misidentification process is called purification or clearing." Agathiyar told me to disengage and disidentify with the pain in my lower back. "Being here in the now as well as surrendering to what is there we continue to unbind the karmic knots that create identification with our avatar. We become the breath. We become the yoga posture. We become the chant." Indeed finally we become the words that flow as I pen and as you read this post. When we become lost in what we do that is spontaneous meditation. 

"To meditate is to drop your patterns, your preferences, karma, and to drop the fight. This is the only fight that you win by giving up, by surrendering." 

We now understand why Lord Muruga asked us numerous times if we had surrendered? "Some like dry wood need just a spark to light up." I guess they had done most of their work in a past life. "Others require more preparation as in wet wood that needs some time to dry out before they ignite. They need teachings, practices to loosen the bonds of the self structure to become free of samskaras."

Going into samadhi burns the karma further. "It prepares the vessel for the awakening of one's true nature which is realized through non-doing or cessation of mind activity." Samadhi is defined beautifully. "Samadhi is less doing and less technique." We are glad that Agathiyar monitored our progress and had us drop both the doing and the technique. The technique, charity, and rituals are "all part of the past now." "We dropped the doing and the doer. We dropped the seeking and the seeker to arrive at the unconditioned present. The techniques were a stepping stone. We don't want to abandon the technique, and nor do we want to cling to it." We understand fully now why Agathiyar had us drop Sariyai and Kriyai and move into Yoga.  "Yoga is a cessation of the whirlpool that is the mind. Cessation of karma. Cessation of deep unconscious patterns or vrittis that govern one's life. The idea is to remain none reactive to anything that is appearing within the field of change."

"Mind is like a pond and thoughts are like waves causing ripples on its surface. Anything you do will stir up more waves. The pond only comes to stillness when you let go of all effort all striving. All movement. Adopting a don't know mind, a not-knowing mind is the gateway to samadhi."

Hence I understood fully why I had to go into hibernation for 14 years in the past, dropping all my home puja to deities and visits to temples. Dropping all my readings of religious literature and Satsang with colleagues. Recently I was made to drop all the puja and rituals I picked up and even yoga except for certain practices that would bring us to the next phase of going within. "Practices and techniques are like stepping stones. You will remain in the pattern as a robotic repetitive state." Hence we understand why Agathiyar made us drop them when we came to a certain state of competency.  

"Be still without hope because hope would be based on some idea and would be keeping the energy flowing into the conditioned mind. Having hope brings projections into the future" and with it comes frustrations or disappointments if it does not materialize. "Accepting that we don't know even what to hope for" is the answer to beat frustration at not achieving it later. The guru brings you to the state of humbleness. In humbleness, the mud settles and the lotus emerges. 

"We become free of samskaras by having a complete experience by burning in it." Incomplete experiences induce us to take another birth to see through our desires. Hence we understand why Tavayogi told us not to force others to come to the path. They need to live out their desires and gain the much-needed experiences. Agathiyar who spelled out my karma in my first Nadi reading, telling me that I had flawed in the past and hence taken the present birth carrying with it karma that had yet to be let off and pardoned, came again in my second reading some three years later and told me that all the experiences were given to me as I needed to learn from them. He most graciously pardoned me and humbly added that it was his doing too.  

Those who never turned to look our way or came for a brief time into the path and left seeking what seemingly looks like greener but in reality are fleeting moments of pleasure, are best left alone says Tavayogi. "If we turn away from experiences that are too painful a conditioning or programming takes place where memory imprints are stored in us." The narrator of the movie relates this to leaving an app open on our phones draining our energy. It is best we put it to rest by satisfying the desire or urge. 

It is said that the path of liberation is not about feeling better but about getting better at feeling." Now I understand how the senses that become enhanced make for better absorption of the sights, smell, hearing, touch, and taste. 

I was annoyed how could Agathiyar brush aside the back pain that was killing me for some 3 years. When Ramalinga Adigal too told me to stomach the noise and din in my neighborhood for that shall grant me Gnana, I was again puzzled. I understand now that "Enlightenment is in facing one's greatest pain." 

Fear arises not from the external and the known but in going within into unknown territories. I understood why I had several bouts of fear as I sat alone in solitude. Fear arises in letting go the existing fear arises in facing dead silence. I understand now that "Enlightenment is facing one's greatest fears." 

They broke all the earlier concepts I had built upon with newer thoughts and learnings that arose from newer experiences. I understand now that "Enlightenment is of dropping concepts."

All the reading I picked up was replaced with direct transmission of knowledge from them. I understand now that "Enlightenment is letting go of all our previous knowing." 

They are teaching us to be neutral and unbias. I understand now that "Enlightenment is of dropping the judgments of good or bad."

And finally, I understand that "Enlightenment is about letting go of all the practices done earlier. You must be willing to let go of the practice once it has served its purpose otherwise you will just create an identity around it and a new spiritual self-structure (that replaces our earlier self-structure.)" 

How very true this statement has come to be for us. We see this happen way too often and we are glad that Agathiyar through Tavayogi trashed our hold on things and practices, beliefs and ideas, opinions and thoughts of the many things held in high regard in the religious and spiritual circles and helped bury them. Agathiyar on his part dissolved the assembly associated with AVM and the Siddha puja and ritual; and Amudha Surabhi and charity. If left standing we too would have geared towards creating an identity like others too. 

In doing these thus they are "purifying the human vessel to house divine consciousness." Jnana is said to refer to "to burn it". "It is the burning of defilements of sin or samskaras. It is burning up of identification with the false self. It is burning up the delusion. It is burning up of all preferences out of which the ego construct is made and a release and coming forth of inner energy."

"Silence is the greatest teaching. The purest teaching. The purest teachings are transmitted in silence. One becomes equanimous with what is. Surrender to what is. Attentive to what is." In saying thus the narrator gives an account of Buddha's life. 

"Rather than giving a long satsang or teaching with words, Buddha just let the students sit with a flower for the entire time. Only one student received the transmission. Only one student got it. To receive such a subtle transmission requires a subtle mind." Here the need for us to shift from the gross to the subtler arises. The Siddhas teach just that.

KARMA 2

Dr. VN Jayapalan in his meditation was told about the origin of Agathiyar's temple at Agasthiyampalli. He released an audio Cd of it subsequently. Suren who dropped in on him at his Ashram in Bangalore brought me a copy. This temple is said to be built by the king of the Kubera Naadu who was relieved of his karma which took a form and stood before him as he repeated Agathiyar's name. The irony is that when an old man approached him earlier at his palace and offered to feed him in times of famine, he sent him away. Later his subjects rushed to this man who had pitched a shed on the edge of the king's kingdom and was seen to worship a Muni whom they came to know later was Agathiyar. But the famine drove the king too to him eventually and he was relieved of his karma. This king build the very first temple for Agathiyar in this Kali-yuga we are told.

We are told that when we are ready the guru arrives. The Atma that is veiled draws the curtain and shows itself once an awareness comes within us that we are not in charge of our lives. The "I" that reigned over us and conducted us accordingly, has to surrender to the divine forces. The veil is then drawn aside and we get to know our Atma. The Atma works on removing our karma showing us the means and the way. Karma has to give way to the guru. The Paramatma that took residence in us as the Atma shows us to our guru in the physical form. The guru in turn shows us the Atma. It is as if the guru shows the deity and the deity later shows us to the guru. The Atma in us does the preparatory work to receive the guru. The Atma sets us on a course to know the Paramatma later. 

As long as we are engaged with the world we shall never know the Atma. To know the Atma one has to go within. Hence the reason Agathiyar had us stop all forms of Sariyai and Kriyai. He had us stop puja and charity telling us that others shall come by to continue it. He wanted us to let go of all our activities and go within. Hence I was disturbed and felt helpless when the recent floods hit the homes of many including friends and relatives. I called them though to enquire and keep tabs on the situation. I was in a dilemma. We had served the unfortunate for many years beginning in 2013 till Agathiyar brought an end to it in 2019. We know their pain. When news of close ones and friends tested positive for Covid reached my ears I could not even bring myself to pray for them. When friends called me to pray for their close ones on the brink of death I could not either. This surprised me too since I had advocated the need to pray especially in groups to bring a solution to members' problems in the past. That too stopped when I had stopped asking of the divine long ago. I understood all was his play. I did not want to intervene. I had begun to accept everything that came my way. I encouraged others to accept too. Knowing this even the deity Karupanasamy in speaking to my family complimented me that I was abiding in the words of Agathiyar strictly. If Agathiyar imprisoned me beginning in September of 2019 asking me to go within, Ramalinga Adigal came along and stressed again the need to go within recently. They kept giving reminders.

In going within we encounter our Atma. The Atma reveals our karma. If remedies are meted out in the Nadi to displace it, going on pilgrimages and conducting rituals help soften its effects. In weeping and sobbing it is further diluted by the tears we shed. In reflecting on our karma and when we atone for our mistakes the remaining portion of it is dispersed. Then an emptiness enters us. Silence sets in. In confronting this silence fear sets in. It is frightening believe me. I have had bouts of fear for no reason come over me in the past. It lingers for some time. There is nothing I can do in these moments but to watch restlessly. Writer Balakumaran says in an interview that it is only when we face death that we see our true Self, stripped off the name, academic qualification, career, and position, and we ask ourselves who we are? In moments when what is seen during death is seen while alive, shivers run down the spine,  and fear of death sets in adds Balakumaran Aiya. We come face to face with the Self. When one sees within, it is like watching death. When everything has subsided what is left is dead silence. It is frightening. But then the Siddhas want us to get on with it. They want us to meet our Atma in these moments of silence.

KARMA 1

Just as a bear hibernates when it finds the cold weather set in and food is lacking, several householders in the homes that were served packed food in the past under our charity arm Amudha Surabhi told us that when there is no food they put their children and grandchildren to sleep early, however painful it might be, skipping the need to having to feed them. We were shocked. Then we began to realize that we are blessed if we have food on our table. We saw several others sick and bedridden on our rounds. It made us realize that the greatest gift is that of good health. Then we came across broken families and the stories of turmoil in their homes. This made us realize that it is a blessing to have peace of mind. Blessed are those who have all three. The rest can be earned. 

It hurt me to see my friends and relatives suffer in the past. I was then in my twenties and did not understand why it had to happen. I asked myself why should the very deity they worshipped cause them so much suffering. I could not comprehend nor understand the maths in it. The many spiritual books I read and the many religious talks I heard from visiting holy men who appeared in the temples I frequented, portrayed the divine as being the most compassionate. But it was not happening before me. The reverse was taking place. It looked like God was punishing them, even the closest of his children. Though so many questions cropped up I carried on with my daily worship of the deities in my bachelor home. But soon these questions began to suffocate me. That is when Lord Shiva came to my rescue. He came in a dream and told me to drop all the questions I had for a later time. I did just that. I even stopped all forms of worship be it at home or in the temples. I stopped reading too. 

It was a period of hibernation. Without realizing 14 years went by before Agathiyar knocked on my door through my nephew. My nephew was assigned by his Paramaguru Gopal Pillai to deliver the message from Agathiyar to me. Though my nephew did not reveal the source then, I only came to know many years on when he spoke about that mysterious happening that Saturday afternoon in 2001. I was given the Vasudeva mantra to recite that day, and a painting of Lord Dhakshanmurti to worship several days later. Hence I began the chant and the worship immediately. A new chapter in my life began to unfold. A year later I read the Nadi. Agathiyar spoke to me in the Nadi. He asked me to come to his path. I took up the calling. In revealing my past Agathiyar drew the curtain aside and made me realize that there was such a thing as karma and that our birth and present life was a result of it. I began to dwell further into the subject. I understood why my friends and relatives suffered back then. All my questions were answered. With the coming of Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal as my guru, I began to understand more whenever I sat in his presence as he addressed the many seekers who came with problems. Tavayogi would spell out the reason for all our sufferings as due to our karma to all those who sought to know why they suffered. If they wanted a solution, he would neither advise nor turn to treat them but point them to the Siddhas and their Nadi. He would advocate the worship of the Siddhas and ask them to come to the path. He would never dish out solutions, remedies, or treat and heal others. In later years Tavayogi told me not to touch on others' karma. When I had many seekers shown to my place, some asked me that as they were already worshipping the Siddhas, why hasn't their fate changed for the better? That shook the very basement and foundation of all the promises that I had dished out following in the footsteps of Tavayogi. This brought me to square one knocking me off my seat. And I thought I had understood the workings of karma!

Recently coming to us after his demise, Tavayogi said the same and asked to let it be when I asked him to bring others to the path too. He said, "No, they should come voluntarily." He went on to explain that many Atma came to live out their desires. Hence it would be wrong to intervene. Let them exhaust their worldly desires and after seeking these pleasures they will come to realize the futileness of hanging on to these seemingly fleeting desires and turn their sight on something that is lasting. He defines the former being Sitrinbam and the latter being Perinbam. He added that if the desires are not exhausted by experiencing them they shall come back to haunt them following them as a shadow does. They shall need to live it later or come back to settle it in another birth. He answered my doubt and that of many as to why the Siddhas who are known to turn one's fate around never touch the lives of others. I guess they want to see them live through these sufferings and make an early exit from hell and come to them eventually. But how do we tell them this right in their face? How can we ask them to bear the sorrow and pain much longer? 

Tavayogi told me that life has to be lived and not understood as we shall never understand the maths behind it. The many revelations that I came across in 2011 in Velayudham Karthigeyan Aiya's blog, Siththan Arul that Agathiyar shared with the Nadi reader the late Hanumathdasan Aiya, was indeed an eye-opener. It was a portal to the other world, the world of causes, that engaged us in awe to the many seemingly mystical or the suksma or subtle aspects of present-day events and happenings. In short, we can never comprehend the play. Neither do we have the insight to look beyond the past, present, and future. Just as Kunjali Marakkar in the film "Marakkar" mistakes Anandan as having killed Chinnali from the spot he stood and watched, our perspective of things is limited by our vision, the light source, the angle, and venue we look from. Only the Siddhas see through the play.

PRACTICAL LESSONS ON THE SIDDHA PATH

When I was called to come to the worship of the Siddhas in 2002, I took it up immediately. Agathiyar had me shown the worship by having me perform a simple puja called Nadikku Dhanam. It was a means to say thank you to the custodians of the Nadi, the Siddhas who had taken the trouble to record my life story, or rather the many lives this "Atma" had taken since the beginning. Only one birth was mentioned then, that of a Namboothiri priest in Kerala in the past. Later in my daughter's Nadi reading, it was mentioned that I was with her and my present wife making a living selling fruit in the temple grounds at Papanasam, Tamil Nadu. 

The Nadi reader Sentilkumar led me on this puja that included making offerings to the Nadi and its author the Siddhas besides reciting the long list of names of the Siddhas. As I did not know anything further about them, I began to explore the Siddhas. The first place that came to my mind was the Agathiyar Sanmarga Sangam, in Dengkil, a local affiliate of the main center in Turaiyur, Tamil Nadu. I made friends with Anbarasan, Manivannan, and Jayanthi Ma who briefed me on the many activities of their movement both here and at their main center. I received much literature and bought VCD's of talks of their patron guru Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar. All this information was refreshing but incomprehensible then. I was impressed by the Siddhas and included a visit to Turaiyur in my itinerary. I made my maiden pilgrimage to India the following year. It was basically a visit to the numerous temples listed by Agathiyar to perform my remedies or parikaram.

When I had my first Nadi reading, the Nadi reader had passed me a leaflet from a Thaiveedu Thangarasan M.A. who was sourcing funds to build a temple for Agathiyar in Kallar. I had kept it with me. In 2005, I "chanced" or was it fated to read an advertisement that appeared daily in the Tamil daily. It was regarding the officiating of a Agathiyar Gnana Peedham, a branch of the main in Kallar, at Batu Caves by Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal. Does this ring a bell? It did for me. I looked through my store and collections of cuttings for the leaflet I had received in 2002. I called up the contact number placed in the advert and made arrangements to meet Tavayogi. I met him. Thus started a wonderful journey with Tavayogi on the path of the Siddhas. Then Agathiyar told me the reason he had me travel to India immediately on the heels of Tavayogi a month after he left for India. I was to learn about him from Tavayogi. Tavayogi gave me practical lessons on the path of the Siddhas by bringing me to the many hot spots of the Siddhas and literally hotspot me to their data. I saw the life he lived. I lived his life to a certain extent in the few days I spent with him. I came back enriched. 

I continued my worship of Agathiyar and the Siddhas that was shown by the Nadi reader Sentilkumar. Tavayogi had me begin lighting the Homam, a smaller scale of the Yagna or Yagam in my home. Agathiyar threw in the ritual of conducting libation or abhisegam to him when he came as a bronze statue commissioned by him in my Nadi in 2010. Agathiyar sent many seekers to my home after that. My home became Agathiyar Vanam or Agathiyar's Garden. Agathiyar continued to guide me through the Nadi while I picked up many things from Tavayogi during his subsequent visits to Malaysia in 2007, 2008, 2010, and 2016.

Today after the demise of both my gurus in physical form, Supramania Swami and Tavayogi, Agathiyar, Ramalinga Adigal, Bhogar, Dhanvantrhri, Lord Shiva, Lord Muruga and Godess Ambigai come through others and lead us on. Karupanasamy and Ma Kali too to make their appearances to pay homage to Agathiyar. Supramania Swami and his guru Yogi Ramsuratkumar and Tavayogi came to guide us further too. 

And all this started with having faith in their words; having faith in the Nadi, an instrument of communication between the Siddhas and mankind, and taking up the call to come to their worship. They dealt with the rest. They knew what we deserved without us asking for it. For what would you ask for? Having no previous knowledge about the path, what could you possibly ask for? They had us do puja and rituals, charity and dharma, asana and pranayama, calling us to place concerted efforts and calling for us to have the discipline to see through these practices. All they asked for was our time, which ironically is the time awarded and gifted by them to us to live the life we wanted. They wanted us to divert some time from our daily chores and the unending wants and desires of ours, to do their thing, their tasks, and fulfill their purposes. How many dare to part their time for them? We did, and we saw results. Soon Agathiyar brought us out of these stages of Sariyai, Kriyai, and Yogam and had us sit in silence in Gnanam contemplating now on our thoughts, the deeds, and equally the sins we did. In sitting alone, we came face to face with our Selves. It was frightening to face the silence. It echoed deep within us. Likewise, it was horrible and shameful to face our karma that began to show up. Furthermore, it was tedious to curb or drown the continuous surge and onslaught of our thoughts coming to the fore. We resolved to let it be. In watching them the thoughts shall die a natural dead provided we do not give life to it and move into action. The past karma that comes to haunt us as in suffering, misery, illness, and diseases now is burnt to ash by the thought and reflection on it and in repenting and regretting our actions. 

In promising us that our karma shall be resolved by going on pilgrimages, having us endure treacherous routes and jungle tracks, and climbing up to those mountain tops which itself should tire and exhaust us besides exhausting our karma. Soon they get us to do the Siddha puja and rituals like lighting the homam in our homes, which helps burn further our karma as we sacrifice them in the fire. The puja done shall reduce our karma by invoking the blessings of the divine. When the divine light comes within, the karma that is the darkness in us shall be driven away. In getting us to do charity when we relieve the suffering of others, our karma changes for the better, taking on these merits and dissolving the ill effects of our past actions. Finally, in having us drop all the above and sit alone in retrospection of our past, as the tears stream down our cheeks when we recollect the past deeds and pain and harm we caused to others, the final remaining karma is washed away. We become a clean slate or a clean sheet of paper. In the event, we pass on there shall be no screening of our show before us as we had destroyed our life's movie. The movie is only screened before us if we had not learned our lesson and regretted our actions while living, if we had no time to reflect on our actions and keep doing them repetitively. Tavayogi told me even our past births shall arise before us in these moments of silent contemplation. The karma in these births too shall be exhausted by the realization of the Atma and regretting our actions. Lord Murugan in coming to claim Arunagiri's Atma, consoles him that just as a murder of crows disperses the moment a stone is thrown at them, similarly our karma is dissolved the very moment we regret our actions. He brings Arunagiri to sit in silence. In that moment of silence that stretches for 12 years, his body transforms, shedding any signs of leprosy that he had. His body, life, and soul are renewed. He becomes a saint.

Today as I face noises, smells, irritations, and disturbances from my neighbors that intrude into the private space that I had created sitting alone with Agathiyar, I guess what is left of my karma is taking shape and confronting me this way. I guess I have to submit and surrender to them and live it out without taking any action. Just as all good things do not last, these too shall end someday. 

It is truly wonderful to observe how the Siddhas have been faithful to us in return for our faith in them. First, they called us in for a Nadi reading to expose our karma, the seed that leads to all our miseries and sufferings, obstacles and delays, etc. They educate us on the extent and power of karma. They get us to nullify its effects by engaging us in charity and doing good deeds etc. Furthermore, they get us to do parikaram and remedies that shall build faith further. Once the ground is rid of the weeds, and toiled by our efforts, and fertilized with teachings of Nanneri or good virtues, then they sow their seed within us, provided we become aware and care for it. This seed shall grow into a tree that shall give shade to many others later. This is the tree of Siddhahood.