There is a saying that even if God was to give us gifts the priests might object, and just as even if the top management wants to give us a promotion, others might object to it, so too Agathiyar in revealing my Kaanda Nadi told me that karma stood in the way of me gaining the benefits and seeing the results of my efforts in Puja and Yoga back in the past. Thus, Agathiyar had me settle the past scores first, sending me on a pilgrimage both locally and to India to carry out remedies in the form of worship at specific temples, performing rituals, and giving charity. Once the score was settled, he took me under his wings and into his arms and never spoke about karma again. After calling me to their worship, traveling with him and the gurus in physical form, carrying out the rituals and practicing the Asanas and Pranayama techniques that they gave to me, having tested and broken me numerous times, they took me into their fold eventually, after 24 years. I guess there was some unfinished business deal between us that he came to see it through in this lifetime, besides the baggage of karma I brought with me. As Yogi Ramsuratkumar equates the grip of a guru to that of being in the jaws of a King cobra, there is no escape now. I guess this is the reason Agathiyar said that we had known each other for crores of years. It is just that he remembers, and I forgot. He has come to remind me of our bond from the past. He wants to see me become him, hence often apprehending me, telling me to check my anger, for he tells me that he has spent years on me, molding the outer and transforming the inner to rise to higher states of existence. He wants me to share this good news and this bliss with others, too, asking how it is that people still do not see the obvious changes, such as the growth of dark hair in a man of 67 years. What else should I do to convince people, he asks.
I am grateful to him. So how do I return the favor, his kindness, compassion, and love? By giving all these back to others, just as a story is told of Agathiyar giving back all the teachings that came to him from Lord Siva, to Lord Siva himself as Guru Dakshinai, or payment towards one's guru. If Supramania Swami wanted to repay by building a temple for Lord Muruga, a desire that he had cherished for some 40 years, the Lord himself came as a stranger and halted the work before it could even take off. On the other hand, Tavayogi took up Agathiyar's directive to build a temple for him and start an ashram, which the divine saw through. I too was asked to build one for Agathiyar and later for Lord Muruga too. Since I have not moved, Lord Muruga told me that they were testing me and that my home had become their temple. An Australian of Chinese origin who was on her way to take a flight back home stopped by my home when the Grab driver, who was a devotee and friend, told her about AVM. She came out of my prayer room in tears, telling us that Agathiyar stood before her, ceiling height. Jnana Jothiamma, who was visiting us in 2013, saw the Siddhas move in and out of my prayer room while we all slept soundly. Agathiyar, in the Jeeva Nadi reading for a devotee and friend, explained the reason that the ground shook, which only Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar felt as we all sat with Tavayogi to carry out the Homam at AVM in 2016. The Siddhas had come to sit among us at Puja, revealed Agathiyar. We have had numerous similar visitations by the Siddhas and deities coming through devotees, too.
Supramania Swami told me that one has to leave behind the merits gained from austerities, Tavam, and Tapas, too. He passed the merits gained in the forty years of his Tavam to me before he left his mortal body and went into Samadhi. I know that his selfless action cleared all the obstacles in my path and brought me to where I am today. Just as I wrote a will leaving behind my material gains and assets to my family, I too would have to leave behind whatever little merits I gained from the austerities and charity I practiced.