Continuing Sariyai that involved home puja and temple visits, which I picked up from my family, as a bachelor, it came to an abrupt stop when Lord Siva came to save me from the onslaught of questions I had back then after seeing others suffer, at times in the hands of the deities themselves who were said to be all-loving, compasionate and kind. It did not make sense and drove me crazy. Before I went crazy, the Lord intervened. I dropped all reading, puja, and temple visits. The only moment I took up reading again was when Mr.Segaran from the office, who quit his job to become a monk at Paramahansa Yogananda's Ranchi ashram in 1994, passed Yogananda's "Autobiography of A Yogi", a painting of Lord Siva as a parting gift, and some sound advice to take up whatever new tasks at the office.
The only moment I took up puja was when I was handed the keys to my new house in 1994, and my family and I did the puja on our own, reciting the songs I knew as a child and from my bachelor days.
The moment I stepped back into a temple was when my wife was carrying our second child, and as the 48-day Mandala Puja that followed the Kumbhabhishekam of Lord Muruga's temple in a neighboring housing scheme in 1998, we attended daily.
Slowly but surely, Agathiyar was preparing me to come back to his fold. He had Mr.Sethu from an adjacent block dropped on me during office breaks. As we shared about music, my interest in songs that I listened to as a bachelor was revived. He gave me three cassettes of Ramalinga Adigal's Arutpa, which brought awe and wonder and made me seek the remaining songs and purchase the whole text, all six volumes of the Arutpa.
As we shared about astrology, he introduced me to Dr. Krishnan. My interest in astrology, which I had picked up as a bachelor, was revived as I made frequent visits to him. Dr.Krishnan, who was a Siddha physician too, rekindled my interest in Siddha medicine too. When I once asked if his predictions might not materialize, he answered in the affirmative, citing that if we had curses. Asking him to look into my horoscope to see if I was cursed, he told me astrology cannot determine this. Only the Siddhas could reveal. That was the first time I came to know about the Siddhas and their Nadi. As I knew no Nadi reader and as he did not point me to one, I left it at that.
In 2001, my nephew came by with a message from his Paramaguru Gopal Pillai. A transmission of the Vasudeva mantra took place. I was to chant it. This was to pave the way for me to meet my guru. True enough, R Venu Gopalan, in his book, "The Hidden Mysteries of Kundalini", in writing that "The Vishnu Granthi adds obstructions for the Sadhaka", enlightened me further on this mantra, stating that,
"Continuous practice of meditation on this mantra helps purify the thinking process. The nadis of the heart chakra are cleansed. It balances the heart chakra. It also helps in dissolving all the past karmic deeds for a better future."
The first obstacle was cleared. With the Vishnu Granthi cleared, it paved the way for me to read my Nadi. The calling to see the Nadi came in 2002, when Muralidharan was promptly transferred back to the HQ, and shared his experience in reading the Nadi in 2000. He made an appointment with Sivabalan, who brought in the readers from India in the footsteps of his uncle after his demise.
Agathiyar, who addressed himself as my Moola Guru, addressed me in the Nadi. I came to know about karma, which answered all my questions and doubts I had as a bachelor as to why people suffer. I came to know about my past karma and curses, too. He told me these stood in my way of receiving the benefits of all my puja and yoga practice that I had carried out until then. Agathiyar gave me remedies to offset them through puja, rituals, pilgrimages, and charity. I took up worship of the Siddhas as shown by Nadi reader Sentilkumar, as he conducted the ritual Naadikku Dhanam, or a thanksgiving ritual in appreciation of the Siddhas as directed by Agathiyar in the Nadi. I brought this worship into my home armed with a painting of Agathiyar that I received from Sivabalan and the book of names of Siddhas from Sentilkumar. Subsequently, I completed all my Parikaram or remedies the following year.
The second obstacle was cleared. After carrying out all the remedies, I came to meet my very first guru, in physical form, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai, on my last leg of travel in 2003.
Just as Agathiyar had Gopal Pillai Aiya, who had gone into Samadhi, come through a devotee at the Bhagavathi Amman temple in Penang, to convey the message to my nephew and have him deliver it to me in 2001, in 2005, my neighbor, Augustine, passed me extra copies of the local Tamil daily. I saw a name that I recalled seeing in a leaflet I received from Nadi reader Sentilkumar, who was sourcing funds on behalf of one Thaaiveedu Thangarasan M.A., who was to build a temple for Agathiyar at Kallar. I took the leaflet with me to see him at the Peedham that he had come to officiate. Hence began another wonderful relationship between a seeker and a guru. The day he stepped into my home, taking up my invitation, as I saw he took up the invitations of others too, as I sat in his presence each day after work, in silence and just observing the many who came to see him, he lit a camphor and sang a couple of songs after I conveyed my wife wish for him to hold a prayer in our home. He took some food that we had prepared and prepared to leave for the Peedham. This itself was too good to be true. It was like a dream come true. Seeing him clad in kaavi or the orange robe of a monk, mendicant, and sadhu, I had wondered if he would step into a family home. But he did. What made that day special was that I had never invited any spiritual or religious person into my home until then. He had come. I was overjoyed, and in this state of mind and body, I thanked him from my heart as I sat beside him in the car, with my nephew at the wheel, sending him back to the Peedham. That is when he gave me the blow. He told me I was living in Maya. As if reading my mind, he spoke these words that I thought he was someone, and that I thought that he had something hidden in his attire. He told me that he was a nobody. He told me that he had nothing within him or on him to give. Instead, he told me to hold to Agathiyar. I remained silent all the way to the Peedham, trying to figure out what went wrong or what I said was wrong.
Although those words cut deep into me, wounding me, today I understand why he said that. He severed my hold on him even before it grew and flourished. He wounded my Ego.
But I kept returning and turning up at the Peedham during his time here. He then invited me to his ashram. Agathiyar, too, in another Nadi reading, asked that I visit his ashram. So I returned to India a couple of months after his departure to Kallar. While there, he broke my hold on gems, seeing me wear a gem-studded gold ring on my finger. He had me drop my hold on amulets, as I was wearing the Rasamani or solidified mercury bead, on me. He had me drop any thought of wearing the Rudraksha bead even before it germinated in me. He left me naked before Agathiyar, having me drop all the accessories I had on me. In bringing me to visit heads of ashrams, temples, and other gurus, he severed my hold on other gurus too, leaving me with only Agathiyar. I am glad he did this.
So when Kumarswamy Aiya, patron of Agathiyar Ashram in Anuvavi, asked if I was attending events, I told him that after holding on to Agathiyar, I stopped going places. He commended me, saying the following phrase, "Hold to One, Hold Tight, and Hold Till the End." I saw it as an acknowledgement of the journey I have travelled thus far.