The journey that started after taking up Agathiyar's call through the reading of the general canto of my Nadi on 14 December 2002 has been very fulfilling and satisfying. As I reflect on the journey some 18 years later, I begin to understand all that has taken place, and those that did not take place, the obstacles placed, the reasons for the delays or shelving of events in its entirety, etc. Heeding his call in the Nadi to come to his path and worship of the Siddhas besides continuing the worship of the other deities, I followed and went with the flow although all this was new to me then or so I thought. I had no idea who they were in the very first place. All I knew then was that the Siddhas had written about each living individual and that we could know about ourselves by reading our Nadi. What I did not know then is that my worship of Agathiyar had begun in a previous birth when my wife and daughter who presently are with me too and I used to offer the fruits we sold to the idol of his on the grounds of the Kutraleshwar temple, before starting the day's sale.
I had no idea about their worship then. But as he had asked that I pick it up, providence provided for me to have the Nadi Guru personally introduce and show me to Siddha worship. I was given a small booklet of the names of the Siddhas to chant and a painting of Agathiyar after the reading and was introduced to the worship of the 131 Siddhas on 19 December 2002. Nadi guru Senthilkumar in a simple ritual known as Naadikku Dhanam or paying homage to the Nadi and its authors, the Siddhas, for revealing about me, recited their names while I submitted flowers to Agathiyar’s portrait. I picked up from there and continued the puja at my home, placing the painting of Agathiyar with my existing pictures of Gods and Goddesses at my altar and the gurus who adorned the wall.
For one who was fully into Sariyai, I was excited and feeling elevated when Agathiyar commissioned me to build a temple for him. My joy was short-lived though for Sivabalan who accompanied us in the reading, revealed that I wasn't special and that Agathiyar had told this to fifty others before. Nevertheless, he encouraged me to do it if I had the financial resources as none took up the tasks. I went into full gear seeking out existing temples where I could have his shrine placed as I thought building one just for him was not permissible and possible at that period in time in 2002. But my request was rejected by the temple chairmen and committees. I soon gave up the idea. Today as I reflect on these rejections I see them as a blessing in disguise. I understood the reason I did not get the space in the existing temples to install Agathiyar through a message from Tavayogi in 2016 when a temple was being relocated to a bigger venue. Talk about adding on the idols of the 18 Siddhas to the existing statue of Agathiyar was going on. When Tavayogi was invited to give his view, he pulled us aside and told us that we should have sole ownership of Agathiyar and not wait upon the temple management and those tasks to open the doors to let us in and perform rituals and puja. Tavayogi told us that the key to the door to Agathiyar's shrine has to be with us and not with others. True to his words we saw obstacles placed between Agathiyar and his devotees later. I am glad that the temple committees rejected my request then. If we had not seen all the rejections and failures in life earlier, we would not be here today, a lot wiser. So any disappointment, rejection, or failures are a blessing for we shall never know what was the reason till later in life.
Besides my parikaaram or remedies for atonement for my past karma that I did on 29 December 2002, that included prayers and lighting the ghee oil at the Murugan temple in Batu Caves, followed by prayers and distribution of food to the devotees to Lord Shiva at the Jalan Gasing Siva temple in Petaling Jaya on 1 Jan 2003, I was asked to perform a pilgrimage to India by Agathiyar. I was to conduct prayers and obligations at Utamar temple, Palur Sani temple, and Thiruanaika temple, all in Trichi according to Karma Parikaara Kaandam. I had to pray at the five elemental temples of Lord Siva, namely Kalahasti temple in Andhra Pradesh, Egambareswarar temple in Kanchipuram, Nadarajah temple in Chidambaram, Thiruanaika temple in Trichi, and Arunachaleswarer temple in Thiruvanamalai as stated in the Gnana Kaandam. I was instructed to go around the sacred hill of Thiruvanamalai during a full moon. I was also instructed to go to Palani Murugan temple. What I did not know then is that I was unknowingly brought to perform my very first annadhanam or an act of feeding by the Siddhas through carrying out and fulfilling these remedies. What I did not know then is that all these pilgrimages to holy spots do remove our karma to a certain extent although it serves its primary purpose in collecting credit and merits and enhancing and enriching our store of good karma.
A group of devotees who were volunteers at the Agathiyar Sanmarga Sangam in Dengkil, an affiliate branch of the parent body run by Thavatiru Rengaraja Desigar in Turaiyur, South India, were at the Siva temple collecting donations for their charity programs. They stopped me at the entrance to this temple as I stepped out to pass me a VCD on the swami’s spiritual discourse. I picked the title "Tavam" as it captivated me and passed them a small token in return. What I did not know then is that I soon saw myself at their premises wanting to know further about the Siddhas. They were very helpful with their resources. I made more purchases of books and talks by Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar on VCD's. But what was lacking at that time was rituals and worship of the Siddhas that I was keen to take up. I looked elsewhere for it. But it was only in vain for I did not get what I was searching for.
Wanting to know more about the Siddhas I searched for books on them in practically all bookstores frequenting them often to check if the proprietors had brought in new titles on the Siddhas. Each town I visited I would scout for a bookshop that sold them. I read much but then I could not understand nor comprehend much either. That is when I took the two tools given to me, Agathiyar's painting and the names of the Siddhas and began a solo journey. What I did not know then is that there is the need to venture and perform worship of the Siddhas personally that brings enlightenment on the subject. We understand better with having the experience. The Siddhas drive us to do things that bring such experiences. They orchestrate the show so that we shall learn something from these experiences. Their divine play is for the purpose of putting on a show on a stage where we as actors would work out our role reacting according to the situation ad hoc. Few follow the script given that is the scriptures and sacred texts and act and live accordingly. Those who submit to them and surrender in all ways turn to adhere to this divine script.
After the first Nadi reading in 2002, Senthilkumar handed me a leaflet informing that his father and he were in the midst of building a temple for Agathiyar in Kallar near Ooty, South India in association with a saint named Taiveedu Thangarasan. I gave him a small token and kept the leaflet with me. What I did not know then was that that piece of paper would initiate me to seek out Tavayogi when he would visit Malaysia in 2005. Drawn to an advertisement in the local Tamil daily that carried a name that was similar to the one in the leaflet, I knocked on the door of the local peedham that was host to him during the visit. He was to be my Guru. I too would have fallen for and got trapped in the ideology, doctrines, and codes of conduct, if Agathiyar did not save the day. Agathiyar who showed me to this peedham to seek advancement in the path, rewrote my Nadi overnight, erasing the previous when I stood before Tavayogi for initiation as directed by him immediately after my second Nadi reading in 2005.
After inviting him to my home for the very first time in 2005, I was elated in having him at my home. I began to thank him graciously for coming over narrating to him that I had never had gurus at my home. But he blasted me instead telling me that I was wound up in Maya and think that he had something to offer hidden within his kavi or clothing. I zipped up after that, as we sent him back to the Peedham that hosted his visit to Malaysia, my heart broken into pieces, not understanding why he hurt me then. I too would have fallen for it, idolizing masters, if Tavayogi did not nip the arising thoughts in the bud. He stopped me from idolizing him but rather showed me to Agathiyar. But the bond was even thicker than blood after that. I began to withstand all the thrashing he gave me not through anger but in very subtle ways, through his choice of words at the appropriate time. He was to lead me on the path and I followed obediently. A wonderful relationship developed between the guru and his student.
Wanting to know more about the Siddhas I searched for books on them in practically all bookstores frequenting them often to check if the proprietors had brought in new titles on the Siddhas. Each town I visited I would scout for a bookshop that sold them. I read much but then I could not understand nor comprehend much either. That is when I took the two tools given to me, Agathiyar's painting and the names of the Siddhas and began a solo journey. What I did not know then is that there is the need to venture and perform worship of the Siddhas personally that brings enlightenment on the subject. We understand better with having the experience. The Siddhas drive us to do things that bring such experiences. They orchestrate the show so that we shall learn something from these experiences. Their divine play is for the purpose of putting on a show on a stage where we as actors would work out our role reacting according to the situation ad hoc. Few follow the script given that is the scriptures and sacred texts and act and live accordingly. Those who submit to them and surrender in all ways turn to adhere to this divine script.
After the first Nadi reading in 2002, Senthilkumar handed me a leaflet informing that his father and he were in the midst of building a temple for Agathiyar in Kallar near Ooty, South India in association with a saint named Taiveedu Thangarasan. I gave him a small token and kept the leaflet with me. What I did not know then was that that piece of paper would initiate me to seek out Tavayogi when he would visit Malaysia in 2005. Drawn to an advertisement in the local Tamil daily that carried a name that was similar to the one in the leaflet, I knocked on the door of the local peedham that was host to him during the visit. He was to be my Guru. I too would have fallen for and got trapped in the ideology, doctrines, and codes of conduct, if Agathiyar did not save the day. Agathiyar who showed me to this peedham to seek advancement in the path, rewrote my Nadi overnight, erasing the previous when I stood before Tavayogi for initiation as directed by him immediately after my second Nadi reading in 2005.
After inviting him to my home for the very first time in 2005, I was elated in having him at my home. I began to thank him graciously for coming over narrating to him that I had never had gurus at my home. But he blasted me instead telling me that I was wound up in Maya and think that he had something to offer hidden within his kavi or clothing. I zipped up after that, as we sent him back to the Peedham that hosted his visit to Malaysia, my heart broken into pieces, not understanding why he hurt me then. I too would have fallen for it, idolizing masters, if Tavayogi did not nip the arising thoughts in the bud. He stopped me from idolizing him but rather showed me to Agathiyar. But the bond was even thicker than blood after that. I began to withstand all the thrashing he gave me not through anger but in very subtle ways, through his choice of words at the appropriate time. He was to lead me on the path and I followed obediently. A wonderful relationship developed between the guru and his student.
When I visited Tavayogi at his Kallar Ashram motivated by his acts of doing charity I volunteered to sponsor food for the natives residing around the ashram. This was the start of my involvement with others in doing charity back in Malaysia. Tavayogi initiated me to start the ritual of lighting the sacred fire or Homam in my home on my own before coming over on his visit to Malaysia later in 2007 and fine-tune the process. Tavayogi taught us numerous Yogasanasa and Pranayama techniques during his visit. I put to practice immediately, working on it diligently. Prior to this, I had spent years learning them from books. He came to perfect it. Agathiyar came in the form of a bronze statue to my home in 2010 and I began performing the ritual of abhishegam or libation. I had stepped into the world of Kriyai or rituals that were the purview of the temple priests. Many years later this practice subsided on its own as I was geared internally to just sit in silence. Words refused to arise from my lips. Songs of praises stopped midway. I just wanted to sit still and quietly. What I did not know then was that unknowingly I was induced to move from external worship to that of internal. I was soon to learn about the other stages on this path, Yogam, and Gnanam.
After 18 years of worship to Agathiyar, Tavayogi, Supramania Swami, Agathiyar, Ramalinga Adigal, and the deities threw aside all protocols and have made themselves accessible to us. What had come to be complicated, confusing, and even made to look unreachable or unattainable over time, the Siddhas came back to guide us out of compassion, making it pretty simple. Both Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal keep telling us that it is possible to reach our destination in this very birth. They sent me to Supramania Swami first to learn about the guru-disciple relationship. Then they sent Tavayogi to lay the groundwork for us. Soon they came to monitor and supervise too, bringing the deities, rishis, munis, and others along with them. They all came to simplify and make it accessible reversing all the rot that has set in into this Marga. The rituals and teachings were kept minimum and simple. They seldom spoke about the results but only gave the techniques and asked that we put in the time and effort. They then came to question us and hear our experiences and only then did they either endorse them or otherwise. While others continue to seek knowledge, boons, gifts, solutions, and answers elsewhere, they moved us to refuse the offers and made us stop the search and look within for the answers. They have brought us to understand that all the answers are within and all we need to do is search within. These answers will be authentic and genuine for it comes from the self that has realized. The Siddhas have brought us from Vedantam to Siddhantam, from theoretical and academic knowledge to practice and live, walk and breathe the path.
The Siddha path is not a doctrine; it is a way of living, having no rules and regulations. Tavayogi broke it all. We shall follow in his path. Today I am happy that Tavayogi broke me of all attachments, not even to the guru so that I shall stand on my own. Both Supramania Swami, my first guru, and Tavayogi my second and last guru, did not have a following. I can proudly say that I was the sole student of the former and besides Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar, one of a few remaining students of Tavayogi, faithful to the latter after many came only to leave and desert him.
Whatever written in this blog is not common law. These are not teachings but a sharing of experiences encountered on one's journey. The intention in sharing is because the author in his initial search had such an appetite and hunger for knowledge and to know about the Siddhas but no information was made available then. It was rather frustrating in the days when I came to worship the Siddhas. Not much was revealed by those who have had an early start on the journey and had come to establish centers for Agathiyar. I sensed that either they were not willing to share or kept what they knew close to their chest and as deeply guarded secrets or were ignorant. There was an air of suspicion in them I sensed as to my motive and intent in coming. Neither did subsequent visits to these places draw me closer to them. People on the path were not willing to part with their experiences and knowledge. They idolized their gurus and masters and never ventured to know more or to become like them. They were comfortable in serving the master and gaining his blessings. Just as in politics, students took ownership of the master and placed protocols and red tape that became barriers or force fields that kept out new seekers. Masters too stayed aloft and never came down to the level of the students to explain in it simple terms.
After 18 years of worship to Agathiyar, Tavayogi, Supramania Swami, Agathiyar, Ramalinga Adigal, and the deities threw aside all protocols and have made themselves accessible to us. What had come to be complicated, confusing, and even made to look unreachable or unattainable over time, the Siddhas came back to guide us out of compassion, making it pretty simple. Both Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal keep telling us that it is possible to reach our destination in this very birth. They sent me to Supramania Swami first to learn about the guru-disciple relationship. Then they sent Tavayogi to lay the groundwork for us. Soon they came to monitor and supervise too, bringing the deities, rishis, munis, and others along with them. They all came to simplify and make it accessible reversing all the rot that has set in into this Marga. The rituals and teachings were kept minimum and simple. They seldom spoke about the results but only gave the techniques and asked that we put in the time and effort. They then came to question us and hear our experiences and only then did they either endorse them or otherwise. While others continue to seek knowledge, boons, gifts, solutions, and answers elsewhere, they moved us to refuse the offers and made us stop the search and look within for the answers. They have brought us to understand that all the answers are within and all we need to do is search within. These answers will be authentic and genuine for it comes from the self that has realized. The Siddhas have brought us from Vedantam to Siddhantam, from theoretical and academic knowledge to practice and live, walk and breathe the path.
The Siddha path is not a doctrine; it is a way of living, having no rules and regulations. Tavayogi broke it all. We shall follow in his path. Today I am happy that Tavayogi broke me of all attachments, not even to the guru so that I shall stand on my own. Both Supramania Swami, my first guru, and Tavayogi my second and last guru, did not have a following. I can proudly say that I was the sole student of the former and besides Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar, one of a few remaining students of Tavayogi, faithful to the latter after many came only to leave and desert him.
Whatever written in this blog is not common law. These are not teachings but a sharing of experiences encountered on one's journey. The intention in sharing is because the author in his initial search had such an appetite and hunger for knowledge and to know about the Siddhas but no information was made available then. It was rather frustrating in the days when I came to worship the Siddhas. Not much was revealed by those who have had an early start on the journey and had come to establish centers for Agathiyar. I sensed that either they were not willing to share or kept what they knew close to their chest and as deeply guarded secrets or were ignorant. There was an air of suspicion in them I sensed as to my motive and intent in coming. Neither did subsequent visits to these places draw me closer to them. People on the path were not willing to part with their experiences and knowledge. They idolized their gurus and masters and never ventured to know more or to become like them. They were comfortable in serving the master and gaining his blessings. Just as in politics, students took ownership of the master and placed protocols and red tape that became barriers or force fields that kept out new seekers. Masters too stayed aloft and never came down to the level of the students to explain in it simple terms.
My intent is not to claim to be a self-made guru. These are not teachings but one's experience garnished with Agathiyar's words and essence. As I sit in prayer a thought or subject comes to mind and I immediately note it for if I leave it for another moment it leaves me for good. Later I sit at my laptop to gather the references in support of the matter. I am always amazed when all the references are laid before me, even the choice of words come dictated. I rush to him and thank him for a wonderful post. Upon publishing the post, I go back to read and reread it. It is information for me too. It is knowledge to me too. Never was there a day where I had to think hard about what to write next. When Suren comes over or calls to have a conversation over the phone he ignites an interesting subject that I would love to write about. Similarly when Mahin calls over and we talk he starts the ball rolling giving me the ammunition to write on something. This is how Agathiyar has been sustaining me and this blog with all these writings. He has told me numerous times to keep writing. I take it as my duty to share the experiences and the learning we go through as we walk with Agathiyar that might ignite others to feed the flame that is ever burning in all of us. It is of no use to see the candle burn completely in giving light to others. It would rather be useful to light numerous candles before it sheds its form.